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Full text of "Memoirs of the life of Mrs. Sarah Osborn, who died at Newport, (Rhode-Island), on the second day of August, 1796. In the eighty-third year of her age"

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who died at 


on the 






C A f SKILL : 


AfTfc^. L£:»w: AND 

M. J.Kappcl, Print. Catsk.u^ 



Containing an account of the first thirty years of her Life. 

PART 11. 

Containing a general account of her Life. 


Extracts from her Diary. 


4. The conclusion of her Life, 






Containing an account of the first thirty years of her Life, writ- 
ten by herself; with a brief Introduction, 

Mrs. SARAH OSBORN, was born in London^ 
on February 22, 1714. Her father was Mr. Benja- 
min Haggar^ Her mother was Mrs. Susanna Hag- 
gar, whose maiden name was Guyse. She was sis- 
ter to the Rev. Dr. John Guyse, of London. Mrs. 
Osborn came to America, with her mother, in the 
year 1722, in the ninth year of her age, her father 
having been here for some time before. They liv- 
ed in Boston a short time, and then moved to Freev> 
town, on the east side of Taunton river, near fifty 
miles south of Boston, and above twenty miles from. 
Newport. In the year 1729, they moved to New* 
port on Rhode-Island, where she lived till her de- 

The following is a more particular account of the 
first thirty years of her life, written by herself. 

HAVING been for some years strongly inclined 
to write something of what I can remember of the 
dealings of God with my soul from a child, I now^ 
being about thirty years old, attempt to do it ; hop- 
ing it may consist with the glory of God, at which 
I tiustj through graf.^/.I sMcerely a«n:^,and th^ 


gooil ofni}' own soul, as a mean to stir up cnatllude 
in the niosl ungrateful of all hearts, even mine, to u 
<5loriou8 and compassionate Savior, for all his bene- 
fits towards so vile a monster in sin as I am : And 
for the encouragement of any who may providen- 
tially light on these lines after my decease, to trust 
in the Lord, and never despair of mercy, since one 
.so stubborn and rebellious as I have been, has ob- 
tained it, througli the sovereign riches of free grace. 
But Oh, let all tremble at the thought of abusing a 
Savior so, lest God should say, " Let them alone, 
they fthall never enter into my rest.^' 

Lord, humble me for my base ingratitude^ and 
help me, by affording me the influences and assist- 
ance of thy blessed Spirit, that I may be im][iartial 
in this work, declaring the truth, and nothing but 
llie truth ; and in all that, have a single eye to thy 
glory. O, for Jesus' sake, suffer me not to do 
any thing that will tend to puff up self. O, remove 
oil spiritual pride, and keep me low at the {eei of 
Jesus. Fill me with adoring and admiring thoughto 
of thee, O God the Father, God tlie Son, and God 
the Holy Ghost, who has so wonderfully contrived 
and wrought out my redemption ; and though thou 
hast, through infinite wisdom, hid these things from 
the wise and prudent, ye\ hast revealed them unto 
babes ; and even to me, the most ignorant and vHe 
of all creatures; whose deep rooted enmity against 
thee and thy laws broke out into action, as soon as 
I was capable of any. The first that I can remem- 
ber of actual bip,s, of which I was guilly, was tell- 
ing a lie. And then- that/text of scripture oftc;i 


rang in my ears, " All liars shall have their part 
m the lake which buriieth with fire and brimstone.*' 

I was frequently under \\ie strivings of the Spir- 
it of God, pressing me to forsake sin, and repent 
and perform duties : But sometimes found them 
very burdensome to me; such as praying and say° 
ing many good things, which I was frequently taught. 
Blessed be God for such instructions. Sometimes 
I loved them, and was much affected with them : 
But my corruptions prevailed dreadfully, an angry 
temper stiring in me ; especially when corrected 
by my mother. But I acknowledge, to the glory of 
God, that he preserved such a tenderness of con- 
science in me^ that if at any time my mother con» 
vinced me that she did it because it was her duty, 
and for my sin against God, I could bear it pa- 
tiently j^ and willingly, yea thankfully* 

Thus I continued till I was about seven or eight 
years old ; when^ my father being in New-Eng° 
land, my mother put me to a boarding school, about 
three miles from London, where every thing was 
delightful to me. i was constantly taught things- 
that were religious, and they all became sweet to 
me, so that I verily thought I lived a heaven upon 
oarth, O, how sweet were Sabbaths I And for 
secret prayer, I would not have omitted it for all 
the world ; nay, the sin of omitting it appeared so 
monstrous, and such a dreadful thing, that I dare 
not lie down without it : In this I was doubtless 
governed by a legal spirit. I was frequently much 
enlarged in that duty, and used to weep much when 
confessing my sins, and pleading for the pardon of 


them, aixl for an interest in Christ. The name of 
Christ was sweet to me, and sin appeared more 
hateful. I often used to reprove others, when guil- 
ty of it. But once in particular, 1 remember, when 
1 was at Har(ford, where my grandmother lived, 
and my brother with lier, a little time before we 
ame to New-England, my brother did something 
which I thought was wicked, and I reproved him 
sharply for it ; but was much perplexed, after I 
had done it, with these words of scripture, *' Thou 
hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own 
eye ; and then slialt thou see clearly to cast out the 
mote out of thy brother^s eye." This frighted me 
exceedingly. I thought I was a vile hypocrite^ 
and should never dare to reprove any body again. 
And, I suppose, a hypocrite I was. But at last 
I told my grandmother of it, who encouraged me to 
go on, telling me it was my duty so to do ; and if 
i was faithful, God would bless me, and love me. 

So I continued for a while, as I thought, to de- 
light in the ways of holiness. But alas! alas! how 
soon was it over! iMy goodness was like the morn- 
ing cloud and the early dew, which soon passeth 
away ; for when I was in my ninth year my father 
sent for my mother and me to come to New-Eng- 
land to him. While on board the ship 1 lost my 
good impressions, and grew vile, so that I could 
(hen play upon the Sabbath. But was convinced 
of that sin by an accident which befcl me ; or raJh- 
er what was ordered by infinite wisdom for that 
end. For as I was busy in boiling something for 
my amusement, 1 fell into the lire with my riglii 


hand, and burnt it all over ; which I presently 
thought came justly upon me for playing on the 
Sabbath day : And I was ashamed and sorry I had 
done so. 

But after this I do not remember any pajticular 
conviction for some years ; but was changeable and 
inconstant, sometimes quite careless, and then more 
diligent in the performance of prayer. I had always 
as I thought, a great love for those who I believed 
» were good people, especially ministers. My veiy 
heart would leap with joy, when I could see, or 
come near enough to touch them. 1 mention this 
as a childish notion^ that I took such pleasure in 
touching them. I used to go secretly behind them 
for that purpose. I thought I could do any thing in 
my power to serve them. 

About two years and an half after we came to 
Boston, my parents moved to Freetown, and I with 
ihem. And when I was about thirteen years old, 
my mother went from thence to Newport on Rhode- 
Island, and went to visit Mr. Clap, who gave her a 
little book of spiritual songs for me, and desired her 
to give it to me, and tell me that it came from one 
ivho was a hearty well wisher to my soul. These 
words immediately seized me, and filled me with 
shame to think that one whom I never knew should 
take such care of my precious soul, while I was so 
careless myself. And from that minute I thouglit 
I had a grateful love for Mr. Clap, and longed to 
sit under his niinlstry. I was then for some time 
under strong convictions ; had such a sense of the 
hardness of my heart, that I often thought it was 


iaiposslble for me to be sufficiently aTrakened by 
any ordinary means ; and prayed that God would 
do any thing with me, though ever so terrible, so 
that I might be driven from my evil courses, and 
aimed to God. Some change I tliought must be 
wrought in me, or I should never get to Heaven ; 
bnt after what manner, I knew not. However, I 
resolved to persist in the way of duty, as I called 
It, and to forsake my sins, and lead a new life. 
But, fool that I was, I made resolutions in my own 
strength, and built upon my own works ; and so soon 
fell again. O, amazing grace, that God should spare 
such a wretch as me, such an abuser of mercy ? 

After this I found myself dead, and to have no 
heart, as I thought, to pray, nor any sweetness in 
it, when I did. Then, O how I longed for the re- 
turn of the spirit of God, imagining he was with- 
drawn from me. Sometimes I did agonize in pray- 
er, ami plead with God that he wouhl return to me 
by his spirit once more. But was often answered 
by these words, " My spirit shall not always 
strive with man." Then I would l)eg, and promise 
that if God would try me this once, I would never 
grieve or resist his spirit again. O, wretch that I 
was! thus to lie to the glorious God, who was then 
striving with me, to bring me to his son ; for I did, 
/ did quench his motions, and soon forgot my pro- 
miaes. O, deceitful and dreadfully wicked heart I 
who can know it ? Lord, I am amazed at thy pa- 
tience that I am out of hell. 

Sometime afler this, conlrar^ to my parents com- 
mands, I got IqIo a canoe to paddle about in the 


liver,* and could not get on shore again. It being 
in the night, though the moon shined bright, I ex- 
pected no other but to be drowned. Once I thought 
to get out, and pull the canoe to t'he shore; but 
tried first if I could reach the bottom with my 
paddle: And finding I could not, durst not venture. 
Then I could sec no probability of escaping deaths 
So I kneeled down and prayed, and all my former 
convictions revived : And the sin of disobedience 
lo my parents especially appeared odious. I 
thought it was just that God should bring me into 
this distress for this sin ; and with great vehemence 
and self abhorrence confessed my sins, with their 
aggravations before God, pleading for an interest in 
the blood of Christ, and for pardon for his sake, for 
that, and all my other sins. And while I was pray- 
ing, I felt a secret joy, verily believing thaft I was 
forgiven, and that Christ had loved me with an 
everlasting love, and that I should be happy with 
him, and longed for the time. I was immediately 
resigned, as I thought, to the will of God, quite will- 
ing to die, and willing to .V/e, begging that God 
would dispose of me as most consisted with his 
glory. And after I had thus resigned myself, as I 
thought, soul and body into the hands of God, to do 
with me as seemed good to him, 1 was as calm and 
serene in the temper of my mind, as ever in my life. 
But at length I bethought myself, that self pre- 
servation was a great duty, and therefore I ought 
lo try to get on shore. So I hallowed as loud as 

* Their house stood by Taunton river, -wliich was navigaHe. 


I could fo tlie noiirhhoiiis, who wilh much diMcnl- 
iy were made (o hear, and came to ine, some hours 
after. There was not another canoe within two 
or three miles; for I had been driven by the tide 
some miles, first up and then down the river. 

How it would have been with my soul, if God had 
iaken me out of the world at that time, he only 
knows. Some christians have thought, a saving 
change was then wrought, and that I should have 
been happy. 

After this, T was more diligent in pursuing, as I 
thought, the ways of holincbs in the way God had 
appointed; and more watchful against sin. My life 
was pleasant and sweet. I had great enlargements 
in duties. But at length grew cold again. O un- 
grateful soul!' to forget such a remarkable deliver- 
ance from death. 

The next winter I was as wonderfully preserved. 
"The weatjicr being exceedingcold, ilie ilverwasfro- 
zen, so that people, horses and teams went over on 
the ice. But Avhlle it was hard and slippery, I durst 
not venture on it, fur fear of falling. But after a 
great thaw, so that (he ice lookeil quite black, I, 
contrary to my parents' orders again, tliey being 
from home, went rpiite over to tlie other side, which 
was a mile. But the tide was rising, so I could not 
get on shore: And when I looked round mc, I could 
see nothing but great holes as large as houses, or 
larger, some of them. There was no way for me, 
but to go straight back again; which I did. But 
the water was almost over shoes all the way; and 
the ice it seemed to me, bent every btep 1 took 

MRS* BARAH 09D0RN'. 13 

And when I got back, the water was so risen, that 
I was much beset to get on shore : And it was in 
(he dusk of the evening. But at last, with much 
difficulty, I found a strip of ice, as narrow as a 
bridge, which reached the shore, by which I got 
to land. But when I had got off, and saw the im- 
minent danger to which I had exposed myself, by 
my folly and presumption, it made me tremble ex- 
ceedingly. I presently thought again, hoAv just 
God would have been, if I had been drowned for 
my disobedience to my parents ; and wondered at 
his patience in sparing me : But do not remember, 
that I felt any abiding impressions ; so great was my 
woful stupidity : Though I think I kept on pray- 
ing, &c. As to the river, the wind rose presently, 
and blew very hard from the south, so that it, with 
the tide, broke it up, that before bed time there was 
not a piece of ice of any bigness within sight of our 
house, which stood close by the river. I am amaz- 
ed, when I consider how wonderfully God preserv- 
ed me, a poor sinful worm, so unworthy of the least 

The next March, we removed to Dighton,* where 
we lived one year. I remember but one awakening 
in that time ; and that was by hearing of the death 
of one of my former associates in Freetown, a young 
girl, about my age. 

Then I was again astonished at the patience dd 
God, in sparing me alive and out of hell. Til put 
renewed my resolutions to lead anew lifpirom vani- 

,d so resisted 
* A town on the other side of Taun\jg|^ hadst thoa 



Mload of that, in the spring we moved to Rhode-Isl- 
anil, where I soon got into company, and was full 
of vanit}-. But my conscience would not let me 
be easy. 

After some sore trials and temptations, I was 
more comfortable, and had a great desire, I thought, 
to forsake all si??, and to comply with every com- 
manded dut}'. I longed to join to the church ; 
but thought I was unworthy. I thought I thirsted 
for communion with God in the ordinance of the 
Lord's Supper, and used to think, if 1 came to that.^ 
it would certainly be a restraint upon me, so that I 
should not dare to sin as others did. And when I 
stayed to see the ordinance administered, I used 
to think I could give all this world, I were fit to at- 
tend it. My spirit would even sink within me for 
the longings 1 had. Sometimes I should weep so 
that I could not conceal it. One Sabbath, I went 
to hear 3Ir. Clap preach at his own house, where I 
inclined to go constantly; but my parents went to 
the other meeting, and were not pleased 1 should 
rro from them : So I went but seUlom. But at this 
time there was a girl of about fourteen years old 
baptised, which so affected me that I could hardly 
refrain from crying out in the meeting, when I 
thought how I had broken the covenant engage- 
ments, which my parents had made with God, in 
° My behalf, in my infancy, and so long abused so 
'^t a privilege, as being a child of the covenant : 
S > • *- ^ ^,|j(^ jjj^^l ,^Q^ jjjjj g^j much done for her, 

^ come to desire it herself! I saw, as I 

, . a beauty in her, that I loved her en- 

the ice It seemt 


iirely, and wished to be as good as I thought she 
was. I made new resohitions to live answerable 
to the mercies I had received : But being made 
in my own strength I soon fell again. I thought I 
trusted in God ; and used frequently, in times of 
trial, to go and pour out my complaints to him, 
thinking he was my only support. But I dare not 
now be positive, or really conchidc, that I knew 
tvhat it was to put my trust in God ; for my con- 
duct after this seems so inconsistent with grace, 
that I dare not say I had one spark of it then ; but 
rather think I was only under a common work of the 
Spirit: Though some times I think I had true grace, 
though very weak. God only knows how it was. 

that he would enable me now to give diligence to 
make my calling and election sure, that I may not 
be deceived in a matter of so great importance. But 
to go on. After this (O that with deep humility 
of soul, with sorrow and shame, I could speak of it) 

1 relapsed again, and was full of vanity, i kept 
company with a young man, something against my 
parent's will. But that was owing to false reports 
raised of him ; for at first they liked him. I made 
resolutions, thatj after I was married, I vfould lead 
a new life, flattering myself that then I should not 
have the hindrances which I now had. I used bit- 
terly to reflect upon myself, when I had given my- 
self liberty to be merry ; for though I appeared 
outwardly so, I had no real pleasure : But still put 
off repentance, or an entire breaking off from vani- 
ty, till a more convenient season ; and so resisted 
the Spirit of God, O Lord, how just hadst thoit 


been, if thou Iiadst left nic enlirely to my^iclf ! 
And if thou hadsl, nothing would have been too bad 
for such a vile wretch as I to have committed. 
But blessed be God, who withheld me from such 
sins as wonlil have brouiiht me to open justice, and 
( xposed myself and family to shame and disgrace. 
In process of lime, I was married to Mr. Samuel 
Wiicatun, being in my eiirhtcnith year, October 21, 
ir31, and went with my husband, the next winter, 
to see his friends in the country ; where I stayed 
almost five niojilhs; and was almo.^l all the time un- 
der strong convictions. Oh, how I did sweat and 
tremble for fear my convictions should wear off 
again, and plead with God to set home strong con- 
victions, and never, never sutfer them to cease, till 
they ended in a sound and saving conversion ; till 
1 knew and was sure that I had a saving interest 
in Jesus Christ, and was freely forgiven for his 
sake ! And this was the substance of my frecjuent 
prayers ever after, when I could pray at all with 
earnestness ; that I might never re«t more, till 1 
was sure my peace was made with God. 

From this time I had a hope again, ul tijnes, 
that Christ was mine. But it was some years after 
before it pleased God to answer it fully, fjy givMig 
me an assurance of it. But then I longed again for 
tiie ordinance of the Lord's Supper, though some- 
times shocked by that awful text, " He who eateth 
and drinkcth unworthily, eateth and drinketh dam- 
nation to himself.'* But resolved al last, if I lived 
to get home, I would venture in obedience to the 
commandment of Christ ; and throw myself info 


the arms of mercy. I longed to commemorate the^ 
death and sufferings of a crucified Jesus. I thought 
nothing should tempt me to delay any longer. But 
oh my sinful soul, must I yet add to the number of 
thy backslidings ! Could not the time past suffice, 
that thou hadst provoked a compassionate God ! 
Was it not enough, and more than enough, that 
thou hadst rebelled so long against a glorious 
Christ, and grieved his blessed Spirit ! But must 
I go on again, after such awakenings as these, which 
one would have thought impossible! But, oh de» 
ceitful heart, thou didst, thou didst ! Lord, I 
blush and am ashamed, when I remember my noto- 
rious ingratitude. O break this heart of flint, dear- 
est Lord, that it may melt into tears of contrition r 
And never suffer me to forgive myself, because 
thou hast forgiven me. 

After I came home, I met with much affliction 
in many respects. It seemed to me th^t the whole 
world were in arms against me, I thought I was 
the most despised creature living upon earth. I 
used to pray to God in secret to relieve me ; but 
did not, as I ought, see his hand in permitting it so 
to be, as a just puriigbment for my vile sins ; And 
therefore was not humbled under it as I ought; but 
let nature rise, and acted very imprudently, in ma 
ny respects. I was then with child, and often la- 
mented that I was like to bring a chi^d into such a, 
world of sorrow : But sometimes found a disposi= 
tion to dedicate my babe to God, while in the womb ; 
and did so, at all seasons of secret prayer > And, 
after it was born, my husband being at sea^ I c^uld 


not rest till I had solemnly iriven it iip to God in 
baptism. And I ihouc;ht that I did indeed give up 
both myself and it to God. 

I met with many trials in my lying in, it being an 
extreme cold season. My child was born on Octo- 
ber 27, 1732. The next spring, my husband re- 
turned home ; but went to sea again, and died 
abroad in November, 1733. I was then in my 
twentieth year. The news of my liusband's death 
came to me on the firs! of the next April. And I 
was prepared tlie evening before to receive it, by 
being uncommonly exercised in my mind about spir- 
itual things : And that text in Hebrews was contin- 
ually in my thoughts, *' How shall we escape, if 
we neglect so great salvation?" This put me up- 
on pleading with God, that I might not be found 
among the neglecters of it. I went to bed in a 
house all alone, my child being at my father's. 
And about eleven or twelve o'clock at night was 
awaked to hear the heavy tidings. But God ap- 
peared wonderfully for my support. I saw his 
hand, and was enabled to submit with patience to 
his will. I daily looked round me, to see how 
much heavier the hand of God was laid on some 
others, than it was on me, where they were left with 
a large number of children, and much involved in 
debt. And I had but one to maintain ; and, though 
poor, yel not involved. Others, I saw, as well as 
myself, had their friends snatched from them by 
sudden accidents. The consideration of these 
thing*?, together with the thoughts of what I de- 
served, ^tilled me so, that though the loss of my 


companion, whom I dearly loved, was great ; yet 
the veins of mercy, which I saw running througli 
all my afflictions, were so great likewise, that with 
Job, I could say, " The Lord gave, and the Lord 
hath taken away, and blessed be the name of the 
Lord." I had then the promises of the widow's 
God to plead, and seemed to cast myself more im- 
mediately upon his care, verily believing, as I 
thought, he would provide for me, with my father- 
less babe ; for whom I often pleaded for covenant 
blessings, since he had been cast upon God from 
the womb. 

O, how much comfort do those parents lose, who 
never gave their children up to God in baptism in 
their infancy! And how sad for children them» 
selves to be deprived of the privilege of pleading 
with God for covenant blessings ! My being dedi- 
cated to God in my infancy always put an argu- 
ment into my mouth, to beg of God that I might not 
cut myself off, since I was a child of the covenant, 
and from a child given to him in baptism. But, to 
return : 

As before this affliction every one seemed to be 
enemies to me, so from that time, all became friends » 
My parents treated me very tenderly ; ami God in- 
clined every one who saw me to be kind to me. 
My brother was come into New-England : And 
being a single man, we went to house-keeping to- 
gether. But in three months after he married, and 
I soon found it would not do to live as before ; and 
began to be thoughtful how I should do. I could 
see no way in which I could get a living. All doors 


aecrned to be nhnt. But I verily believed that 
God would point out a way for me. And accord- 
ingly, the very day I came to a resolution to move 
as soon as I could, a strani^er to my case, who kept 
a school a little way off, came to me, and told me 
that she only waited for a fair wind to go to Caro- 
lina ; and, if it would suit me, I sliould have her 
chamber and scholars ; which I joyfully accepted. 
Thus the widow's- God remarkably provided for 
me. This was on November 19, 1734. I was 
then placed in a family, who discovered a great deal 
of affection for me ; and in all respects used me as 
tenderly as if I had been a near relation. 

It pleased God the next May to lay his afflicting 
hand on me, by a sharp humour, which broke out 
in my hands, so that, for three months, every finger 
I had was wrapped up in plasters ; and I could 
help myself but very little, and was under the doc- 
tor's hands. In (he fall I was taken with violent 
fits, and was (jiiite deprived of sense by them five 
days. I Avas blistered almost all over by the doc- 
tor ; and my hands and arms were all raw, from my 
fingers' ends, up above my elbows, attended with 
a hizh fever. But all my friends were exceeding- 
ly kind to me, and those in the house took care of 
me, and of my cJiildren too; so that my 8c4iool 
was not broken up, till I w as able to take care of it 
njysflf again. But the sliarp humour continued 
very violent, at times, for some years : And still 
continues at some seasons. But, in all this time of 
ilhicss, God wonderfully provided for me, 1 want- 


ed for none of the comforts of life: Neither was I 
cast down; for his mercy held me up. 

The instances of the remarkable hand of God in 
his providence, in ordering my temporal affairs, are 
innumerable. But, oh vile wretch ! after all this I 
grew slack again, and got into a cold, lifeless frame. 
As I grew better in bodily health, my soul grew 
sick. I daily laid up a stock for repentance. But, 
through rich grace, I was again convinced of my 
stupidity, and began to be more diligent in attend^ 
ing on the means of grace. But I found I could 
not profit by the word preached : Nothing reached 
my heart ; all seemed but skin deep : And the 
more I went to meeting, the more I found it so. 
Then I began to think I must take some other 

Not long after I went to hear Mr. Clap ; who told 
me the very secrets of my heart in his sermon, as 
plain as I could have told them to him, and indeed 
more so. His sermon was very terrible to me. My 
sins, from my cradle, were ranked in order before 
my eyes, and they appeared dreadful. I saw the 
depravity of my nature ; and how I was exposed to 
the infinite justice of an angry God. All my for- 
mer convictions were brought to my remembrance. 
I saw how I had stifled the motions of the blessed 
Spirit of God, and resisted all the kind invitations of 
a compassionate Saviour. I was heart-sick of all 
my works. And as it had b^n often suggested to 
me, I believe from Satan, that it Avas time enough 
for me to repent hereafter, it was now strongly im- 
pressed on my mind, that it was now too late for 

22. MEMams of 


me to find mercy. Once I rruc;ht have had a ; 
Christ ; but now my day was past. And it was 

snggestcd lliat I had commit (ed the unpardonable i 

sin ; because I had sinned against light and knowl- J 

edge, even apcainst the convictions of my own con- , 

science. This I knew I had done ; and there- ' 

fore believed 1 ha»l committed that sin which could ' 

uevcr be foririven. * 

In this distress, I went to my Bible ; but could 

Snd-nothing but terror there. My whole attention \ 

was turned to such passages as the following: ] 
" After thy hardness and impenitent heart, treasur- 

est up wrath to thyself against the day of wrath, \ 

and revelation of the rigliteous judgment of God, i 

who will render to every man according to hia j 

deeds. All liars shall have their part in the lake ■ 

which burneth with fire and brimstone. Depart i 

from me, ye ciiised, into everlasting fire, prepared ■ 

for the devil and his angels. Consider this, ye ^ 

that forget God, lest I tear you in pieces, and there ^ 
be none to deliver. He that beinij often reproved, 

hardencth his neck, shall suddenly be destroyed, i 
and that without remedy. Ye have set at nought 

nay coun»sel, and would none of my reproof; I also ^ 

will laugh at your calamity, anil mock when your j 
fear cometh. It is a fearful thing to fall into the 

h:inils of the living Gocl. Who among us can dwell ' 
wiih everlasting burnings!" All Ihcse, and many 

more such terrible passages of scripture, I found, j 

wlirncver 1 opened the Bible. My eyes were j 

0|>rn fo nothing che, and not one word of comfort , 
couhl 1 find. And if 1 ihoui^ht of complying with 

MRS. SARAH 09B0RN'. 23 

my commanded duty, I seemed to be frowned away 
by these words. " What hast thou to do lo take 
my covenant into thy moulh?" Oh, the distress and 
anguish of soul I then felt, neither my tongue nor 
pen can express, when I was brought to believe 
there was no mercy for such a monster in sin as I 
was, and expected every moment Ihat hell would 
open its mouth and swallow me up, amazed that God 
had kept me out so long ! 

When Satan, and my wicked heart, had prevail- 
ed so far as to make me despair of the mercy of 
God, and verily to believe hell w^ould be my por- 
tion, I was tempted to try to get the easiest room 
there ; and, to that end, to keep myself as igno- 
rant as I could; it being suggested to my mind, 
that the servant who knew not his Lord's will 
would be beaten with few stripes ; while he who 
knew it, and did it not, would be beaten with many 
stripes : And as my time was over for doing his 
will, I had better leave off reading, praying or hear- 
ing the word preached any more ; for I should fare 
better, if 1 did. And oh, vile wretch as I was, I 
yielded in some measure to the subtle adversary of 
my soul and salvation. O, astonishing grace, that 
•God did not strike me down into hell the very 
moment I thought to do so! God had been just if 
he had done so, though I must have weltered under 
the scalding drops of his wrath forever and ever. 

But, O ! what shall I say, or how, with gratitude 
enough, express the wonderful goodness of that 
God, who preserved me, even when I w^as, in my 
own apprehension, upon the very brink of hell, 

1'4 MEMOing OF 

weltering in my Moot! ; when no eye pified nic, 
and no created arm could save me : Even then 
did lie spread his skirt over me, and said to me, 
Live. After I had been near a week in this dis- 
tre-;s, my very soul racked witli fear of what I must 
undergo to all eternity, those words, ** Depart 
from 77je," soundinir in my ears, and I uttering the 
languac^e of hell, " There is no hope ! There is no 
help ! The door of mercy is shut against me for- 
ever V* All at once, I was alarmed with these 
thoughts, which seemed to be conveyed to my mind 
in the following words : " AVho has told you, that 
your day of grace is over ? Are not the doors of 
the meeting-house open ? Cannot you hear the of- 
fers of salvation ? Have you not your Bible to read ? 
And you may pray : Therefore, you see your ex- 
ternal day of grace is not over. And how do you 
know but you may yet obtain mercy ? It is the 
devil who has suggested all this to you ; and he is 
a liar from the beginning." I was then convinced 
that it was the devil who had been tempting me to 
despair of the mercy of God, Aviiich I did not per- 
ceive before, but verily thought wliat he sugscested 
tome was true, viz: That there was no hope for 

During the time of this distress, Avhich was from 
vSaturday night to the next Saturday night, I slept 
no more than just to keep me alive. And when I 
tlid sleep, I was fdled with terrors. It was the 
' ime with my necessary food; I thought myself 
bo unworthy of the least mercy, that I knew not 
how to eat. I found that expression of Solomon to 


be true, " The spirit of a man will sustain his in- 
firmity : but a ^vounded spirit who can bear ?" 
For sure i am that no affliction or pain of body 
whatever, is to be compared with what I then un- 
derwent. Oh how terrible must it be for those 
poor souls who are on a death bed, to have such 
hard work to do ! I have often thought if I had 
not been in bodily health, I could not have lived 
through it. But, blessed be God, it was when I 
was as well in body, as I have been for many years ■, 
which has been a comfort to me on all accounts ; 
and particularly because sick bed repentance too 
frequently wears off. But to proceed : 

After I saw that I was tempted by Satan to des- 
pair, and knowing that he v/as a liar, I began, for 
a few minutes, to have some glimmering of hope 
that it might possibly be, that Christ would receive 
me, because he had spared me hitherto, on this side 
(he grave, and out of hell. Who knov/s, thought I, 
but I may yet be a child of God. Immediately upon 
these thoughts, I was furiously assaulted with new 
temptations, by Satan I believe, not to flatter myself 
with the thought that I should be a child of God ; 
for I was not elected, and therefore could not be sav- 
ed. Besides, God did not leave his children to be 
tempted by him, as I had been. I might be sure, if I 
was one of God's chosen, he would not have suffered 
me to be tempted so ; but I belonged to Satan, and 
he was sure of me. And I, like a fool, yielded to 
these suggestions, and at once castoff my hope again, 
verily believing it was impossible that I could ev- 
er be a child of God. Now I was brought to the 


greatest extremity, and plunged into as tlocp an ag- 
ony as ever. I saw Fnyself utterly lost without a 
Christ. I thought I could have sufiered all the 
torments in the world for an interest in Christ. If 
I could have purchased him by doing any thing, 
though ever so hard, I should then have thought it 
nothing. But oh, base, proud, unboric\ing heart ! 
I could not take him freely, upon his own terms ; 
because, tliough I had no doubt that he was able 
to save me ; yet I couKl not see him willing to re- 
ceive so vile a wretch. In this dreadful agony, I 
opened my Bible, and the first words I cast my eye 
upon Arere these : 1 Cor. x. '13. *' There hath no 
temptation taken you, but such as is common to 
man : But God is faithful, who will not suffer you 
to be tempted above that you are able ; but will, 
with the temptation, also make a way for your es- 
cape, that yc may be able to bear it." These 
w ords were accompanied with those powerful influ- 
enced of the spirit of God, whicii excited in me a 
sense of the excellence, glory and truth of God, 
and I had a pleasing confidence and rest in the di- 
vine failhfidness, and embraced the promises in 
tliese words. As it is not possible for me to ex- 
press the greatness of the distress, In which I was 
before ; so it is as much impossible for me to make 
anyone sensible (jf the joy, with which I was in- 
stantly fdied by tiiis gracious promise ; except 
those wlio experimenlally know what it is ; for God 
was pleased, at that moment, to give me faith to lay 
bold on i(. O, liow did il fill my heart and mouth 
T\ith praises, and my eyes with floods of tears ! I 


was humbled to the dust, and amazed, as I para- 
phrased upon every branch of the text. It sur- 
prised, and comforted me too, to find that there had 
no temptation taken me, but such as is common to 
man, when but a few minutes before I had been 
thinking that none had ever been tempted as I was. 
But as I perused the other part, viz. That God 
was faithful, and would not suffer me to be tempted 
above that I was able : but would with the tempta- 
tion, make a way for me to escape, that I might be 
able to bear it ; my transport of joy was so great, 
that it was more than my poor feeble frame v/as able 
to sustain ; for my nature even fainted with exces- 
sive joy. Then I saw Chriat not only able, but 
willing to receive me ; and could freely trust my 
soul in his hands, 

O, liow was that scripture verified, which says, 
" By grace are ye saved, through faith ; and that 
not of yourselves, it is the gift of God^ Sure I 
am, I can never boast ; for it was as much imipossl- 
ble for me of myself to believe, as it was to create 
a new world, owing to the criminal blindness and 
obstinacy of my heart, which could not be subdu- 
ed by any thing short of infinite power. Neither 
could any power, less than that which raised Jesus 
from the dead, cause me to venture upon Christ, 
and accept him upon his own terms. 

Now my Bible appeared quite different from what 
it did but just before. I could find cordials in great 
numbers of texts of scripture ; and all, as well as 
that just mentioned, looked to me as if I had never 
read them before. I think I did not sleep any that 


nicrht ; hut contlnucil plaining Goil. The next day ■ 

I went to meeting : And it bt;ing sacrament day, I j 

stayed to see the ordinance administered. But O, ■ 

what a condition I was in, when I viewed the dear ] 

chihhen of God sitting with the Redeemer at his ] 

tabic ! By faith I saw a crucified Saviour pouring ^ 

out his precious blood to redeem iiis people from \ 

their sins. And believin*^ that I, through grace, ; 

was one of them, O, how did my heart melf, and my ! 

eyes flow with tears, when I thought I saw my . 

dearest Lord in his bitter aj^ony in the garden : \ 

And then crowned with thorns, bufTetted and beat- i 

n ; and at last nailed to an accursed tree : And < 

all to free me from the torments I had so lately 

dreaded ! It caused (ne bitterly to reflect upon m}'- j 

self, and cry out, " IMy sin*, my sins, O Lord, i 

ht^ve been the procuring cause of thy bitter suffer- ' 

nigs !" Oh, h.ow odious did my sins appear then ! j 

And especially the monstrous sins of ingratitude 

and unbelief, which I had been guilty of, in abu- \ 

sing so long the kirul invitations of a blecdin^r, ex- | 

liirins Jesus:. Oh ! when I considered how often . 

und how long he had stood knocking ; but could j 

have no entrance into my hardened heart, I was ; 

: .-tonished at myself, that i could possibly be so : 

cruel ; and astonished at free grace and redeeming , 

love, that I was spared to see tliat happy day. O i 

then I begged that (he everlasting doors of my soul i 

might be lifted up, that the King of glory might ' 

enter in and take full possession. O, how gladly ; 

did I embrace a Saviour upon his own terms, as my ■ 

Prophet, Priest and King ! He appeared lovely, j 


the chief among ten thousands, and was ten thous- 
and times welcome to me. And I was enabled, 
through grace, to own the covenant, and give up 
myself in an everlasting covenant, never to be for- 
gotten, resolving, God's grace assisting me, to com- 
ply with every command of my dear Saviour. And 
these words loudly sounding in my ears, " This do 
in remembrance of mey^ adoring my dear Redeem- 
er for his infinite goodness in appointing such a glo- 
rious ordinance for the nourishment of his dear 
children, in which they might have intimate com- 
munion with him, I promised, God enabling to keep 
it, that I never would omit that duty. (And I nev- 
er did.)^ In this condition I remained during the 
time of the administration of the ordinance, filled 
with such a mixture of joy and grief, that I was not 
able to restrain myself, but was obliged to get dowe 

* The critical reader will probably observe a defect in this 
relation, and that it is expire ssed in language, which appears 
too selfish. Mrs. Osborn was sensible of this defect when she 
re-viewed it, and wrote in the margin a note to the following 
purpose. '' The language here used was common among 
christians, at that time, in relating their religious experiences, 
which now appears to Tne improper and defective. If I were 
not conscious of views of the excellence and glory of the di^ 
vine character, and did not distinctly remember exercises of 
a higher and better kind, than are here expressed, I should 
doubt of their being genuine.'* 

They who were acquainted v/ith her manner of convcrsa- 
llon on religious subjects, her consequent writings, and her 
conduct, had the most satisfactory evidence, that hcrrfciigior 
was not of the selfish kind ; but that it consisted most esscn^ 
•'.ially in seeking the glory of God, and benevolence ^.o mer: 

fitz ne-„$ on her Diary, of March 6, 1^63. 


on the floor, and lean on the bench, for I could nei- 
ther stand nor sit ; but, being in a pew in the galle- 
ry, alone, my condition was not discovered by any, 
as I had no desire it should ; for I strove to conceal 
it as much as possible. 

Thus, throui^h rich unlimited grace, was I 
brought to lay down my arms of rebellion, which I 
saw I had held as long as I could. Blessed be 
God, that I was then compelled to come in, and list 
under the banner of Christ. Sure I am, whatever 
others may boast of a free will, I have none of my 
own, but to do evil ; for I resisted to the last mo- 
ment. O my God ! I adore thy sovereign power, 
nhich made me willing in the day of it. If ever 
^here was a monument of mercy, sure I am one. 
O, go let me remain forever and ever, for Jesus' 

The next day I went to see Mr. Clap, with an 
intent to acquaint him wilh my desire to join the 
church, these words, " TUis do ifi remembrance of 
?r," still sounding in my ears. But I appeared so 
iile in my own eyes, that I knew not how to ask 
the privilege of him. But when I came, after 
some usual questions concerning my welfare, he 
asked me when I had been to sec him before. I 
answered, I had not for a long time. Then he ask- 
ed me the reason of it. I dare not now make any 
formal excuses a"^ usual ; but burst out into tears, 
ajid told him, I had been too wicked. He no soon- 
CT pv»fccived what my condition was, but like a ten- 
der father to a little child, bid me not grieve, if that 
was the rea^/jn ; ' Avas welcome to hJm non' : And 


he would do all he could to help me forward. And 
after some more conversation, contrary to my ex- 
pectation, he asked me if I did not desire to join 
the church? I said, that was indeed part of my 
business. I had met with many hinderances, and 
particularly that awful ie-s.t of scripture, " He that 
eateth and drinketh unworthily, eateth and drinketh 
damnation to himself," had made me afraid to ap- 
proach the Lord's table. But now resolving, 
through grace, to rely upon Christ alone for assis- 
tance and acceptance, renouncing all my own 
righteousness, believing it to be a positive com- 
manded duty, I dare not omit it once more, if I 
might be received. Upon this he told me he 
should inquire into my character. This I told 
him I expected; but could tell him more of myself, 
than any could say of me, having been, through 
restraining grace, kept from open and scandalous 
sins. Then he said I had great cause to be thank- 
ful. He bid me come to him, as often as I had a 
desire, if it was morning, noon or night, and I should 
be always welcome. And he lent me a book, en- 
titled, '' But they seek a better country, even an 
heavenly." I was so delighted with it, that I sat 
up all night to read it two or three times over. 

I visited Mr. Clap very often ; and he as often 
expressed his willingness to do me good. And 
once in particular, after he had done so, he lifted 
up his hands, giving me his blessing, and said, 
" You see I am willing to do you all the good I 
can J and if such a poor, sJiiful creature as I am, is 


willinE; to tlo so, think v,\\h yourself, how much 
more willing your glorious Lord is to receive you.'* 
These words having so much reason in tliem, 
filled me with joy unspeakable. I hardly knew 
how to get home. I saw Christ willing, and I through 
grace, made willing. I could utter no other lan- 
guage but, •* Come in. Lord Jesus, take full pos- 
session ; I will come to thee, thou ait mine, and I 
am thine. Even so. Father ; for so it seemed good 
in thy sight.*' I immediately retired when I got 
liome, to give vent to my feelings. But O, what a 
rapture was I in, when I renewed my solemn en- 
gagements to be the Lord's ! Enabled, I trust, by 
grace, sincerely to take the Lord Jehovah for my 
covenant God ; the Lord Jesus to be my Prophet, 
Priest and King; the Holy Ghost for my comfort- 
er, guide and sanctifier ; Ihe scriptures for my rule 
to walk by : Giving up myself, soul and body, all 
my faculties and members, as instruments of right- 
eousness. O, how I could sing of redeeming love 
Mu\ free grace ! surely my heart reached forth in 
burning desires after the blessed Jesus. O, how 
was I ravished with his love ! And when examin- 
ing myself, thrice putting tlie question to my soul, 
which Christ put to Prtei , tell me, O my soul, lov- 
«:sl thou the Lord Jesus ? How ilid my heart melt, 
md my eyes flow with tears, in appealing to him ! 
Lord, thou knowest all things, thou knowcst that I 
love thee. And when enquiring into the cause of 
this love which I felt, and from whence it flowed, it 
slill overcame me more, because I knew I was 
brought to love him, by the powerful grace oi 


Christ, who was before, an enemy to him. This 
caused me to loathe myself, and cry out, Lord, 
what a traitor have I been, and yet thou hast free- 
ly loved me ! O, why me. Lord ! \V hy am I not 
fn hell ! Why among the living to praise the Lord ! 
There can be no reason, but (his ; where my sins 
have abounded, thy grace has much more abound- 
ed. O, amazing grace ! Hast thou snatched me 
as a brand out of the burnino; ! O, hast thou ran- 
somed my soul from destruction, and delivered me 
from my own lusts, and out of the clutches of a 
cruel tyrant, who had so long enslaved me, and 
tyranised over me in misery ! O, then how sweet 
was a Saviour ! I could heartily subscribe to those 
words of scripture, *' Unto you who believe he is 
precious. The chief among ten thousand, alto- 
gether lovely." 

Thus I continued from day to day, in such ec- 
stacies of joy, thirsting for full sanctification, and 
more intimate communion with God ; daily asking 
what I should render to him for all his benefits to 
such an hell deserving sinner ; earnestly begging 
that God would find out some way for me, that I 
might be made instrumental in advancing his king- 
dom and interest in the world. O^how I dreaded 
being an unprofitable servant. The employment I 
still followed seemed to encourage me to hope God 
intended to make use of me for the instruction of 
little ones ; which caused me often to bless God 
for placing me in that calling. And though I know 
that in every thing I offend, and in all come short 
of God's glory ; so that every performance has 


Tieed of wasliins: in the blood of Christ ; yet it is ] 
a comfort to me, to this day, thaf I was enabled by ' 
grace to labour with the little souls, then commit- j 
ted to my charge ; l)ut desire to be humbled that i 
I (lid no more. O, that 1 had been more faithful ! ] 
Surely I longed that all the world, but especially; 
those dear to me by the bonds of nature or friend-' 
ship, might be convinced of sin, and come to a glo- ■ 
rious Christ. I thought I could even spend and 
be spent for thcra. I thought I could travail ia| 
birth till Christ was formed in them. And when 
I saw any giving thetiiselvcs a liberty to sin, I- 
could not, at some times, refrain from rcprovingj 
them. Some would tell me I was turned fool, and"; 
distracted, when I said I had been a vile sinner, for; 
every body knew 1 had been a sober woman all my" 
days ; and yet I used to do such things too, as 
well as they: And what was the matter now .^*. 
Sometimes thej^ would say, *' This fit will be over, 
quickl}'," But all such answers as these, of wliicli"^ 
I had a great many, would serve to humble me yet\ 
more, and put me upon pleading for persevering^ 
grace, that I might never bring dishonor upon the! 
name of Cod. And indeed, all the trials I met' 
with, wliicli were various, had, through the abound-' 
jng goodness of Gud, this effect, to quicken me yet' 
7jwrc. \ 

But Satan had still a desire to sift me as wheat. ' 
lie assaulted me daily ; but those words of the 
blessed Jesus were frcfjuently applied for my sup-^ 
port, " I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail^ 

not." One night in particular, when watching with' 



a dear friend, who was sick, Satan assaulted me in 
as furious a manner, seemingly, as though he had 
appeared in bodily shape, though with my bodily 
eyes I saw nothing. I believe the combat lasted, 
at least, two hours, as fierce as though I had talked 
with him face to face. He again ranked all my 
sins before my eyes, telling me it was impossible, 
notwithstanding my great hopes, for me ever to be 
saved. He Avas still sure of me, and would not let 
me go. I should surely turn back again, and worse 
than ever. It is impossible to relate the tenth part 
of the fiery darts he flung at me. But I was com- 
posed, not in the least daunted ; but could prove 
him a liar in every thing he suggested, by scrip- 
ture, which flowed into my mind, as though I had 
learned it all by heart. Never had I such a varie- 
ty of scripture texts at my command in all my life, 
either before, or since. There was nothing he 
could allege against me, but if I knew it was true, I 
immediately subscribed to it ; and then flew to the 
particular properties of the blood of Christ, which 
1 found sufficient for me. Thus I overcame him 
by the blood of the Lamb ; and was left, in the is- 
sue, filled with the consolations of the blessed Spir- 
U ; triumphing over Satan; blessing and praising God 
for delivering me out of the hand of this cruel ty- 
rant ; adoring the lovely Jesus, And thus I spent 
the remainder of that night. O, how sweet it was 
to me ! I longed for more strength to praise and 
love ; and even to be dissolved, and to be with 

Thus I continued for some time, rejoicing and 


resolving, by as-^isiing; grace, to press forward. ' 
and by all means to make my calling and election i 
sure. Then I wrote my experience to be conunu- i 
nicated to the Cliiirch ; an<l I was admitted, Feb- \ 
ruary 6, 1737, to partake of that lioly ordinance of , 
the Lord's Supper. But it is impossible for me to 
express the ecslacy of joy I was in, when I saw j 
myself there, who was by nature a child of Avrath, ! 
an heir of hell, and by practice a rebel against 
Ciod, a rosister of his grace, a piercer ©f the love- j 
ly Jesus, unworthy of the crumbs that fall; yeiy \ 
through free grace, compelled to come in, and par- i 
take of children's bread. It was indeed sweet to ; 
me to feed by faith on the broken body of my dear- ' 
est Lord. Surely it did humble me to the dust, ^ 
and filled me with self abhorrence, as I meditated ^ 
on his sufferings and death, and knew my sins to i 
be the procuring cause. But when I came to take , 
the cup, and by failh to apply the precious proper- - 
ties of llie blood of Christ to my soul, the veil of < 
\iiibelief seemed to drop off, and I was forced to 
-cry out, *' My Lord, and my God," when I beheld ; 
the hole in his side, and the prints of the nails. 1 
And I could not bul, in the words of Peter, appeal i 
to him, Lord, thou knowest all things, thou know- ^ 
ot that I love Ihee." O then I was admitted, with ■ 
the beloved disciple, to lean on his breast ! O, as- I 
tonishing grace, and unspeakable joy, to see God , 
1 econciled to me, in and through him ; and he bid- i 
liing me welcome to his table ! The Holy Spirit, \ 
by his powerful influences, applied all this for my \ 
-trong consolation. O. what a feast is this, when 


InHniate communion with the glorious God is thus 
obtained ! When strong covenant engagements 
with him are renewed ; I being assured that he was 
my God, and giving myself, body and soul, to liim 
forever, and rejoicing in him as my only portion 
forever more. Surely, I thought, I could never 
enough adore the lovely Jesus for appointing such 
an ordinance as this. 

But I cease to say any more of this ; for it is im- 
possible for me to describe the thousandth part of 
what I then felt. O, that I could always live as one 
who had thus been on the mount with God ! The 
next morning I was as much refreshed by medita- 
ting on the S2d Psalm, from the first verse, to the 
end of the 5th. This caused me yei more to adore 
distinguishing grace, and even to be swallowed up 
with love to the immaculate Lamb ; and resolve 
more and more, with full purpose of heart to cleave 
to the Lord. The frequent language of my soul 
was this : *' Whom have I in heaven but thee ? 
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides 

I daily renewed my covenant engagements with 
God : But that they might be more inviolably 
kept, I resolved to write them. And accordingly 
began to do it ; and went on comfortably, till I 
came to write these words, " That I would leave 
lose, and deny all that was dear to me, when it 
stood in competition with God, even life itself, if he 
should please to call for it, rather than to forsake 
liim and his ways." Then Satan beset me and fu- 
riously assaulted me. He suggested to me that I 


was now lying to God : For I had nothing in me, 
that would stand by me, when an hour of trial 
should come ; but, willi the stony ground hearers, I 
>voultl fall away. This gave me a dreadful shock 
at first, and caused me to stop a while, to plead , 
with God for a discovery of my state : That he ! 
would search me and try me, and see if there were ; 
any wicked way in me : And grant me real and ■ 
persevering grace. And in answer to my peti- ; 
tions, the following portion of God's word was pow- ; 
erfully set home to my heart, *^ My grace is suffi- . 
cient for thee." And then my heart was filled with \ 
joy and praises, firmly believing he was faithful who j 
had promised, and therefore would perform it. So j 
I proceeded to write with more fixed resolution I 
than before. ] 

But again Satan with great fury assaulted me, i 
and told me, my hope would surely perish ; and I \ 
should turn back, and be worse than ever, and i 
brought to shame ; and ranked iu order my sins of ' 
youth. But I immediately opened my Bible, be- 
ing dreadfully sliocked with fear lest it should be i 
Fo. And the first lines 1 cast my eyes upon were | 
in Isaiah liv. 4, &c. ** Fear not ; for thou shah \ 
not be ashamed : Neither be tliou confounded, for ■ 
thou shalt not be put to sliame : For thou shalt ' 
forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remem- j 
bcr the reproach of thy widowhood any more. For ■ 
thy Maker Is thine husband, the Lord of hosts is ] 
his name, and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Is- ; 
rael, the God of the whole earth shall he be called, i 
For the Lord bath called Ihee as a woman forsak- 


en and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when 
thou wast refused, saith thy God. For a small 
moment have I forsaken thee ; but with great mer- 
cies Avill I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my 
face from thee, for a moment ; but with everlasting 
kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord 
thy Redeemer. For this is as the waters of Noah 
unto me. For as I have sworn that the waters of 
Noah should no more go over the earth ; so have 
I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor 
rebuke thee. For the mountains shall depart, and 
the hills be removed ; but my kindness shall not 
depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my 
peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy 
on thee." These gracious promises were so adapt- 
ed to every particular of my circumstances, and 
applied by the Spirit of God, with such great pow- 
er, that they strengthened me exceedingly. 

But O, when I had finished writing my covenant, 
which was on the 26th of March, 1737, and came 
to spread it before God, and with prayers and tears 
to deliver it to him as my own act and deed, it ver^ 
ily seemed to me that all tJie heavens rang with ac- 
clamations of joy, that such a prodigal as I was re- 
turned to my God and Father > And my joy was 
so great, that my bodily strength failed, and I was, 
for some time, as one whose soul was ready to 
break loose, and wing away into the bosom of my 
God. O, how w^elcome a m.essenger would death 
then have been to me ! But my great petition was, 
that I might with patience wait my appointed time^ 
and glorify God upon earth. 



After I had so Rolemnly delivered my solemn , 
covenant engagements to GoiJ, under hand and seal, \ 
T went on my way rrjoicin;::^ ; this being the Ian- ] 
riiac:e of my soul, *' AVlio sliall separate me from 
the love of (jod ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or i 
persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or < 
sword ? No. I am persuaded, that neither life, i 
nor death, nor angels, nor principalities, nor pow- ' 
era, nor things present, nor things io come, nor i 
height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be \ 
able to separate me from the love of God wiiich is ' 
in Christ Jesus my Lord." And I am astonished, [ 
when I remember the amazing condescension of my 
God ! lie granted me near access to the throne \ 
of Ilia grace continually : And in almost every ! 
thing for which I earnestly prayed, 1 was remarka- ' 
bl}' answereil ; and so surprisingly, at some times, 
that I was afraid to think it was so. 

Once in particular, in that same month of March, ] 
as 1 was asleep in the bed, early in the morning, I i 
wafe awaked with the most terrible wind that I ever : 
knew. It inmiediately tore off both my windows, 
and carried them into the street. I rose directly, > 
and looked out. I think i never saw the heavens : 
and the water look so dreadfully before : And the ^ 
wind blew exceeding hard, so that it appeared that 
all the vessels in the harbor would soon be broken '< 
to pieces. I thought of those poor souls who were j 
exposed to the fury of the storm ; and my heart 
was filled willi tender pity and compassion for 
them. ] retired for secrecy, into the garret. Af- 
ter 1 got there, I expected every moment that the 


roof would be ripped off and blown away. But I 
was very earnest with God to abate the violence of 
the storm, and to have compassion on the poor souls 
in distress. And while I continued pleading with 
God, I had an affecting view and sense of the sufS- 
ciency of one word of Christ to do it. It was only 
for him to say, " Peace, be still," and the winds 
and sea would immediately obey him. And after 
i had some time thus wrestled with God in prayer, 
I went down. I had been so earnestly engaged, 
that I had not perceived any abatement of the 
storm ; but looking again out of the window in my 
chamber, I was surprised above measure. The 
sea looked as calm and pleasant to me, as if there 
had been no storm. I immediately retired again? 
and returned thanks for it, as a remarkable answer 
of prayer. But have often heard since, that it was 
a piece of pride and presumption for me to think it 
so. However, this I know, God is both the hearer 
and answerer of prayer, for Jesus' sake. 

I could not avoid, when there was opportunity 
for it, expressing my love and thankfulness to God, 
for snatching me as a brand out of the burning ;: 
And when I did this once*to my mother, with tears 
of joy running down my cheeks, she said to me, 
" Ah, child, you will not always find your Idve 
thus flaming to the blessed Jesus. After a while 
you will be more cool again.** But I hastily an- 
swered, too much like Peter, It was impossible 1 
could be such a monster for ingratitude. But she 
told me, she did not mean that I should in reality 
love him less, but compared the first espousah of 

a 2 


a soul to Christ, with that of a husband and wife,, 
wliirh was gc^nerally attended with more fondness 
and joy, than afterwards, though the love might be 
the same, or stronger. 

I continued to go on my way rejoicing for some 
time, without knowing what it was to be deserted 
one hour together, or entirely to lose sensible com- 
munion with God in any duty or special ordinance, 
or ever to lie down without God ; or to awake with- 
out some sweet and refresliing portion of the word 
of God in my thoughts. My very sleep was filled 
with pleasant thoughts of divine things. Surely I 
enjoyed some foretaste of heaven at this season. 

These were happy days. — But now how shall I 
speak ! Oh ih:{\ I may do it with a heart truly bro- 
ken for my sins ! After a!) this, I began to grow 
more conformed to the world. Things which, when 
I was thus lively, appeared insipid, and indeed odi- 
ous to me, began to grow more tolerable, and by de- 
grees, in a measure, pleasant. And depraved na~ 
hire and Satan together pleaded for them thus, 
" T})at there was a time for all things ; and singing 
and dancing now and then, with a particular friend, 
was an innocent diversion^ Who did I see, besides 
utyself, so precise and strict ? Other christians 
allowed themselves in such things, who, 1 had rea- 
son to think, were far superior to me in grace ; es- 
pecially one with whom I was very intimate. Sure, 
if it was si?y, she would not allow herself in it. I]t 
w«s for extiaorc'inary christians, such as ministers, 
and oIIhms who were eminent for piety, to avoid 
Uie practice of such things, and not £';r me.' "Who^ 


did f think I was, that I should pretend to out-do 
other christians ? They could talk of worldly- 
things. What ailed me V* Thus the devil and 
carnal reasoning argued me out of a great part of 
my resolutions for strict godliness ; and, in short, 
made me, in a sort, believe that it was only pride 
and hypocrisy, and to be seen of men, that had ev- 
er made me pretend to it. 

Thus I sunk by degrees lower and lower, till I 
had at last almost lost all sense of my former expe= 
riences. I had only the bare remembrance of them, 
and they seemed like dreams or delusion, at some 
times. At others again, I had some revivals. I 
still constantly attended the means of grace, and 
Sabbaths were sometimes very sweet to me. At 
times I had access to the throne of grace, and ob- 
tained some communion with God, and resolved to 
be more circumspect, and renewed my covenant 
engagements with God. But I knew I was a dread- 
ful backslider, and had dealt treacherously with 
God, and sometimes dare not, with any boldness^ . 
look up to him ; guilt would stop my mouth. At 
other times gracious invitations to backsliders to re- 
turn would revive me. Thus I continued, for a. 
great while, sometimes revived, and sometimes 
sunk, ajid dejected. 

In September 1740, God in mercy sent his dear 
servant Whitefield here, which in some measure 
stirred me up. But when Mr. Tennent came soon 
after, it pleased God to bless his preaching so to 
mie, that it roused me. But I was all the winter af- 
ter exercised witli dreadful doubts and fears about 


my state. I questioned t!ie truth of all I had ex- 
perienreil, and feared I had never yet passed 
through the pangs of the new birth, or ever had 
one ppark of grace. And what confirmed this to 
me, my dear aged pastor, Mr. Clap, frequently 
preached, that they who had real ^race, had ^row- 
ing grace. This used to make me tremble, be- 
cause I could not perceive any growth; but thought 
I rather went back, and grew worse. Thus I was 
covered over with thick clouds for months togeth- 
er. Oh, the dreadful fruits of backsliding ! At 
last, I applied to Mr. Clap, and begged of him, that 
if he knew of any tiling which I had left undone, by 
wliat I had told him, or wrote for my admission in- 
to the church, he would let mc know it, that the 
mistake might be rectified beibre it was too late. 
I was indeed possessed with the thought, that he 
saw so clearly into my state, that he knew I was a 
hypocrite, though I did not till then. I told him of 
/his. But he said, he never thought so ; and put 
me upon renewing covenant engagements with God, 
and giving myself up to him then ; and perhaps I 
should find I had done so before. This 1 endeav- 
ored to do, and did get some relief; but was not 
yet satisfied. The tokens of a wofid backslider 
were upon me. I had forsaken my first love, and 
Go<l justly deserted me. Sometimes that text 
would refresh me, *' Return, ye backsliding chil- 
dren, and I will heal your backslidings.*'* 3Iy 
heart would answer, *• Behold I come unto thee ; 
for thou art the Lord riiV God." And sometimes 
ihat pasooge, *' I, even I am h^j that fc-lottcth out 


thy transgressions, and as a cloud thy sins : Return 
unto me ; for I have redeemed thee.'* But yet all 
this time I could not get clear of doubts ; but 
thought such dreadful formality and hypocrisy, as 
I perceived to be in my heart, could not consist 
with grace. I labored along thus all the winter, 
unresolved how the case stood between God and 
my soul: And an uncomfortable, dreadful lif?f it was. 
At some times I was so covered with darkness, that 
I seemed to be sure I had not one spark of grace : 
At other times afraid of ingratitude, afraid to deny 
what God had done for my soul. Oh, these were 
the dreadful fruits of blaeksliding, and losing my 
first love ! The Lord in mercy preserve me, that I 
may never do so any more ! 

I continued thus till' March, 1741. And then it 
pleased God to return Mr. Tennent to us again, and 
he preached twenty-one sermons here. But while 
he was here, I was more than ever distressed. I 
had lost the sensible manifestations of Christ's love. 
I had no more but a bare remembrance of some 
things, which I had experienced ; and yet I was 
afraid to draw up a conclusion, one way or the oth- 
er. I applied to Mr. Tennent, and he discoursed 
very suitably with me. But still I was not quiet, 
but exceedingly distressed. 

I had some light and refreshment under his 
preaching the next day; but my darkness returned 
again, and I sunk very low. I was so afraid of 
presumption, that I dare not conclude my state was 
good. And he struck directly at those things, for 
which I had so foolishly and wickedly pleaded 


christian example, such as singing songs, dancing, 
and foolish jesting, which is not convenient. He 
aaid, he would not saj there was no such thing 
as a dancing christian, but he had a very mean 
opinion of such as could bear to spend their time 
so, when it is so short, and tlic work for eternity so 
great. Tlien, and not till then, was I fully convinc- 
ed whal prodigal wasters of precious time such 
things were. And, through grace, I have abhorred 
them all ever since. And to the glory of God be 
it spoken : for it is only from Lis sovereign wonder- 
ful goodness to me. 

I am indeed now astonished when I think how 1 
myself, or any other christian, who has once tasted 
one moment^s sweet communion with God, can have 
any relish for such vanities as singing and dancing, 
^c. O, how much greater is the pleasure which 
is to be enjoyed in the exercise of religious duties, 
than any such thing can afford ! Not only so; but I 
am amazed to think how I could possibly want such 
things to pass away time : For I now find the pre- 
cious moments fly so fast, and my work so great, 
that I am often hard beset to know how to spend 
my tifne as God requires, between the immediate 
exercises of religion, public, private and secret, and 
the calling, in which God has placed me. I know 
the same God, who has bid me hear, and pray, and 
search the scriptures, has bid nie work ; and both 
in their place is my duty. Aiul I find it very dif- 
ficult to yield a uniform obedience ; to give to God, 
what he requires for himself, and to the worlds 
what is required as a duty, and no more. Beside* 


all this, my heart is so perverse, that I have enough 
to do to watch against pride, sloth, wanderings, for- 
mali<y, hypocrisy, and the temptations of Satan, 
who is always ready to disquiet me. All these, I 
find, are employment enough to take up all my 
time, without those former recreations. If I am 
cheerful, a song of Zion is more sweet and refresh- 
ing to me, than all the vain songs in the world ever 
were, or can be. And sure I am, whatever any 
may plead, that there is a time for all things, God 
never yet allowed time for sin, 

O Lord, humble me for the bad example I have 
set, since I called myself a Christian; and forbid 
that any should ever again be able to plead my ex- 
ample for vanity. And oh, that ail who name the 
name of Christ, may be enabled to depart from in- 
iquity, and abstain from all appearance of evil ! 
And if we pretend to be in Christ, oh that we may 
walk even as he walked ! For I am persuaded, that 
the careless walk of professing christians, lulls more 
consciences asleep, when the devil, and flesh and 
blood set in to plead their example, than the vices 
of all the world besides, who make no profession. 
And oh, what a dreadful thing for christians to be 
the means of ruining precious and immortal souls, 
and diminishing that kingdom and interest, which 
they should be forever engaged to promote ; and 
promote his kingdom and interest, against which 
they should always proclaim open war ! Oh dread- 
ful indeed ! that Christ should be so wounded in 
the house of his friends ! Lord, make me yet more 
circumspect, for Jesus' sake. But to proceed : 


I gtill continued in very dark and melancholy cir- 
cumstancea, between hope and fear, afraid to con- 
clude one way or the other. And havins; no op- 
portunity to speak with IMr. Tennent again, I wrote 
to him as well as I could, briefly relating what I 
had experienced, and begged of him to try it by 
scripture rules, and judge of it accordingly, and 
give me his opinion : that 1 might not sin by deny- 
ing the grace of God, if I had it ; iwr speak peace 
to my soul, if God did not. To which he returned 
the following answer : 

" My dear Friend, 

" I like your experiences well. They seem to 
me io be scriptural and encouraging ; and I think 
you may humbly take comfort for them, and give 
God the glory of his pure grace. They who have 
been so humbled and distressed for sin, as to be 
divorced from the love and practice of it; 
and have been by tjie Spirit of God made willing 
to embrace the Redeemer deliberately, unreserved- 
ly, and resolutely^ upon his own terms, have a sure 
interest in the great ^^alvalion. Jolm i. 1*2. To as 
many as received him, to them gave he power to 
become the sons of God, even to them that believe 
on his name. And whatever involuntary defects 
they are guilty of, they shall not break the everlast- 
ing covenant betweeji God and their souls. Though 
they have played the harlot with many lovers ; yet 
hey may return to their first husband. Though 
God may hide his face for a little nmment, yet with 
everlasting loving kindness ^'H ^•♦' r'^turn. Though 


they be sometimes easily beset with sin; yet he, 
who was the author, will be the finisher of their 
faith. I add no more but love, and remain, your 
real friend, G. T." 

March 22, 1741. 

I have transcribed this letter, that, if Providence 
should ever cast these lines into the hands of any 
in like circumstances, it may, if the Lord will, have 
the same happy effect on them, as, by the blessing 
of God, it had on me ; which was this — The letter 
itself was exceeding sweet and refreshing ; but the 
precious texts of scripture, which were quoted, 
y^ere so powerfully set home on my mind, that they 
scattered all my clouds immediately, and I was as 
one restored from the grave. Then with life and 
courage I again renewed my written covenant en- 
gagements with God, and became more lively and 
zealous for God than ever. O the amazing good- 
ness of God to me ! I have heard of some christians 
who never recover such backslidings all their days. 
But I have not since lost my evidences of grace. 
Though I have been sometimes under desertion, yet 
I could frequently say, " Why art thou cast down, 
O my soul, and why art thou disquieted within me? 
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him, who is the 
light of my countenance, and my God." 

After I was thus revived, my longings to be made 
useful in the world returned, and I earnestly plead- 
ed with God that he would not suffer me to live any 
longer an unprofitable servant ; but would point out 
some wayj in which I might be useful ; And tliat I 


niiglit now be as exemplary for piety, as I had been \ 

for folly. And it pleased God so to order it, that ; 
I had room to hope my petitions were both heard, 
and in a measure answered. For soon after this a 

iiiuiibcr of young women, who were awakened to a ; 

concern for their souls, came to me, and desired my j 

advice and assistance, and proposed to join in a so- \ 

riety, provided I would take the care of them. To ! 

which, I trust with a sense of my own unworthiness, i 

1 joyfully consented. And much sweetness we ' 

enjoyed in these meetings. (And blessed be God, > 

they are yet kept up.) ' 

About this time it pleased God to lay his afflict- 1 

ing hand upon me hy the removal of my only brother ; 

by death. As to the loss of his person, I found I ; 

i:ould quietly submit, and say, "The Tjord gave, ] 

and he has taken away, and blessed be the name of j 

ihe Lord." But I had a sinful curiosity to know ! 

Jiow it was with his precious soul: And being tilled ! 

with fear about it, 1 was very much dejected. But ; 

1 knew my curiosity was sinful. And 1 pleaded ' 
earnestly with God, that he would not suffer me to 

attempt to pry into the secrets of his will ; but give ' 

me a (juict submission. I continued wrestling with { 

God for resignation to his will, till about two o'clock I 

in the morning, and then I went to bed, still begging I 

ihat I miglit never spend another day unresigned. | 

And just about break of day I awaked with the , 

following words wtrongly impressed on my mind, j 

" Secret things belong unto God, but those which , 

are revealed belong unto us. The will of God is ; 

done, (hi ivill of God is done.'^ These words qui- : 


eled me, so that I arose as cheerful, composed and 
thankful, as if I had met with no affliction at all, and 
I think more so ; and never did from that hour, nor 
could mourn as I had done. This I considered as 
a remarkable answer to prayer. 

After this my business failed, and I found I could 
not keep my room where I lived ; and which way 
to turn, I knew not. But was persuaded God would 
point out some way forme. I had several offers to 
go into the country to keep school in credible fam- 
ilies, where I had a prospect of wanting for nothing 
of the necessaries of this life. But I could not bear 
the thought of going from the means of grace, and 
other precious privileges, which I then enjoyed. 
And the society of young women often entreated 
me not to leave them. I had double ties every 
way, and knew not what to do. But I was not dis- 
tressed, believing God would provide for me. Ac- 
cordingly he did so ; though by an afflictive dis- 
pensation. It pleased him to remove a dear friend 
by death, with whom I was very intimate. Her 
husband was a very sober good sort of a man, and 
wanted me to keep his shop for my board, and wadi 
for myself. This oflfer suited me very well ; for 
hereby I was not likely to be deprived of any of 
my religious privileges. So, on the first day of 
July, I went there to live, and indeed had much 
comfort. Dear Mr. Clap met with the society at 
his house twice every week, which I constantly at- 
tended ; and religion seemed to be the chief busi- 
ness of my life. Had much comfort in all the da- 
ties of religion, public, private, and secret : And 


had as much lime to spend in them as 1 could i 
desire. I 

About this time I had tlie offer of a second mar- »! 
i iao;*', with one who apprared to be a real christian, j 
(and I could not think of bein^; unequally yoked ; 
with one who was not such.) I took the matter in- ] 
to serious consideration. I foresaw there were dif- i 
ficullies which I must unavoidably onconnler ; and | 
many duties would be incumlient on me, to which I ; 
had been a stranger : Particular!}', in my being a ( 
mother in-law to three sons, which my proposed ' 
liusband had by a first wife. But, after weighing * 
all circumstances, as well as I could, in my mind, \ 
and earnest prayer, which God enabled me to con- ■ 
linue in for some time, I concluded it was the will ; 
of God, that I should accept of the offer, and ac- \ 
cordingly was married to Mr. Henry Obborn, on i 
jhe fifth day of May, 1742. 

The next July after I was married, I went with 1 
an intimate friend, to little Compton, on purpose to 
join in a fast which was appointed tliere, to implore ' 
the outpouring of the Spirit of God on that place ; | 
which was attended with much solemnity. The i 
next day, wliich was tlie 2\)\h day of the month, my i 
friend and I were riding to a private religious meet- ' 
ing, and my horse stumblod and threw me over liis ^ 
head. My stomach came first to the ground ; and | 
yet was, comparatively, but little hurt ; and close j 
by the spot where my Ii'^ad came was a large rock, 1 
which must, in all probability, have ended my days, ■ 
if I had fallen upon it. This gave me a sense of 3 
the goodness of God in preeerving we. I got safe 




to the house to which I proposed to go. Anil in 
the evening Mr. Tyler preached a sermon, which 
greatly affected the people, who were under con- 
cern before. But they, with much difficulty, kept 
silence, till the sermon and prayer were ended ; 
and then cried out in vehement agonies, lamenting 
their lost condition without a Saviour, and plcadin^^ 
with God to have mercy on them, and give them 
an interest in Christ. At this time I had an awfu! 
sense of the state of the damned, who were crying 
out under their torments ; but past remedy. 

Then a number of young women with myself, 
withdrew into a chamber, in order to form a reli- 
gious society. Where we spent some time in pray* 
ing, reading, conversing and singing. At the same 
time a company of young men were engaged in 
another room in the same exercises. We happen- 
ed to sing in both rooms at the same time. The 
melody was very sweet, and gave me lively appre- 
hensions of the glorioles employment, and blessed 
enjoyment of the saints in the New-Jerusalem 5 
and filled my soul with adoring thoughts of God. 

But in my return to the place where I lodged, it 
being late in the niglit, we were overtaken in the 
most awful storm of thunder and lightning that I 
ever heard or saw. During the terrible claps of 
thunder my horse stood trembling ; and as soon as 
they ceased, ran with full speed. I was then filled 
with a greater sense of the awfulness and majesty of 
a God, than I had ever experienced before ; and 
more realizing thoughts of the solemnity of the last 
day. I did not imagine that was the lime ; but 
. e2 


thought it a great resemblance of it. And I ex- 
pected every moment to be called to appear be- 
fore my Judge, either by the thunder and lightning, 
or a fall from my horse. This put me upon exam- 
ining myself, to see where the foundation of my 
liope was laid ; and whether I had real grace, and 
a sure interest in Christ that he might then be my 
advocate. J earnestly pleaded that this might be 
my very case. Upon strict search, I found such 
evidences as kept me from all fears of hell. 
Though I did not then feel the manifestations of 
the love of God, as at some other times ; yet I 
found Christ was my only refuge. But just after 
the last iiard clap of thunder, my horse turning 
suddenly round a corner, threw me oflf backward. 
My right temple came first to the ground. As I 
fell, I committed my spirit into the bands of my 
Saviour expecting death : But was wonderfully 
preserved ; so that I was but little hurt. Thu3 
God shewed me, in this day^nd night of large ex- 
perience, what he could do witk me, in a way of 
judgment and what for me in a way of mercy, 
in preserving me, when in imminent danger of 
death. Lord, for thine own name's sake, write 
:i law of gratitude in my heart for this, with all my 
other mercies. O, Lord, what am I, the chief of 
sinners, that thou art thus mindful of me ! 

Soon after this, we fell into disagreeable and dif- 
ficult worldly circumstances, with respect to living 
and paying the debts we owed. My greatest con- 
cern wa«, wifh respect to the latter, lest we should 
!iol be able to do justice, and so wrong our credit- 


01*3, and bring dishonor on God, and our profession. 
Under this pressure and distress, I was relieved 
and supported by the following words of Scripture, 
*' Let your conversation be without covetousness ; 
and be content with such things as ye have ; for 
he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake 
Ihee.'* I lived cheerfully, upon this promise, for a 
considerable time. And God ordered things so 
that our creditors were paid to their satisfaction. 

I have often thought God has so ordered it 
throughout my days hitherto, that I should be in an 
afflicted, low condition, as to worldly circumstances, 
and inclined the hearts of others to relieve me in 
all my distresses, on purpose to suppress that pride 
of my nature, which doubtless would have been act- 
ed out greatly to his dishonor, had I enjoyed health 
and had prosperity, so as to live independent of 
others. I will therefore think it best for me ; for 
the tenderness of my friends to me, has always had 
a tendency to humble me greatly, and cause me to 
admire the goodness of God to me, that while others 
were daily complaining, that the rich have many 
friends ; but the poor is despised by his neighbor, 
I could never say I had not as much love and re- 
spect shewed me, as if I possessed great riches, and 
that by the rich as well as the poor. So that, on the 
account of my poverty, I never was despised.'* 

* Mrs.Osborn appears to have possessed from her youth, z 
high taste for a genteel independent waj of living : And conse- 
quently a proportionable aversion to that poverty and dependence 
■which would reduce her to the lower walks of life. God was 
pleased to order things so in his providence respecting' her, as 


And now I have, according to my desire, commit- 
ted some of llie many thousands of my experiences 
to wrifina. And I will c;ive my reasons for doing it. 
The first motive, as I mentioned in the intrudiiction, 
was, that I might be excited to praise and glorify 
that God who has wrought such wonders for me. 
And tlirough the influence of his blessed Spirit, 
moving me thereto, it has had this effect, in some 
measure, throughout the time of my writing it. The 
Lord grant I may continue so all my dajs ; and then 
my first great end will be answered. Secondly, 

I hav^ always reaped much benefit myself, by 
readijig the lives and experiences of others. Some- 
times they have been blessed to convince me of sin 
— Sometimes, to scatter doubts — And sometimes to 
raise my affections into a flame. When expressions 
have been warm, they have put me upon imitating 
them as well as I could, by breathing out my soul in 
like manner. And though I fall ever so short of 
the excellencies with whicli others have been en- 

mosl enbrtuully to cross and mortih' this strong propensity; 
%vliicli was the occasion of much pain, hard slrujj^plcs and sore 
conflicts, until she was hr )ught to a settled and abiding submis- 
Bion, and constant acquiescence in the will of God, in orderiag 
riud iixing her outward circumstances ; in consequence of which 
she enjoyed great and constant calmness and serenity of mind 
the last twenty years of lier life, when she was brought to such 
poverty as to have nothing of her own on which she could live, 
and was wlwiliy dojiendcnt on others for (hiily support ; and yet 
wanted nothing, in a happy contentment with her lot, and such 
things as slie had ; giving thanks to God for his constant and 
wonderful goodness to her ; aad really, in the highest and best 
sense, possessing oil things. 


dowed ; yet I know all things are possible with God. 
He can bless a word from the weakest, meanest, and 
iinworthiest of all creatures, even me. If a word 
in these lines ever prove useful to one soul, after 
my decease, it will be ten thousand times more than 
I deserve from the hands of a bountiful God : Ta 
him alone be all the glory. It is his glory, I trust, 
through rich grace, at which I sincerely aim. And 
if it does not consist with that, to have these lines 
seen by any, either before or after my decease, I 
heartily desire, so far as I can possibly fathom that 
unfathomable deep, my own deceitful heart, and 
know it, that they may be all buried in oblivion. 
Surely, I had rather my name, and all belonging to 
me, should be forgotten among men, than remember- 
ed to the dishonor of my God. I am an ignorant 
short sighted creature : But God knows what will 
be for the best. To himl commit it, praying that,, 
in his allwise providence, it may be disposed of as 
he sees meet. 

N.B. Finished writing this^ Dec, 18, 1743, irir 
the 30th year of my age. 


Containing a General Account of iicr Life. 

1 HE parents of Mrs. Osborn were never in afflu- 
ent worldly circumstances ; and had little or nothing 
to give to her when she married : And perhaps did 
not give her all the assistance which they were able 
to do, as they were not pleased with her marrying 
to the person whom she chose. He was young, 
and used the sea, and had nothing beforehand, and 
died in the second voyage after he was married, 
and she was left a poor widow with one young child 
before she was twenty years old. She continued a 
widow more than eight years. In which time she 
did no more than just support herself and son, by 
her industry, in keeping a small school part of the 
tifue; wliich business she was, at length, obliged to 
relinquish, by sickness, in w}ii( h she needed and 
)iad the assistance of some of her kind friends. — 
Thus she contimied a poor widow, till she married 
the second time, in the twenty-ninth year of her age. 
Her second husband was in some trade and busi- 
ness when she married him ; but soon appeared to 
owe to his creditors more than he was able to pay. 
Tlicy gave up all they had, and their creditors were 
paid, so that they were all made easy, and gave 
them a discharge. From that time he did but little 
or no business, by reason of bodily disorders, and 
other infirmities. At the .same time jie had child- 


Ten who were poor, and wanted assistance. In these 
circumstances, Mrs. Osborn began to keep school 
again in May, 1744. In which business she contin- 
ued about thirty years, till her eyesight and bodily 
strength failed, so that she was obliged to give it 
lip. She was, during this whole time, attended 
with bodily weakness, pains and infirmities ; her 
constitution being greatly injured by taking mercu- 
ry in an improper manner and degree, which was 
prescribed by her physician when afflicted with the 
distressing disorder, which she mentions in the ac- 
count she has given of he • life, the weakening and 
painful effects of which attended her to the day of 
her death. Under these disorders, which were at 
times very distressing, she persevered in her busi- 
ness, which in her circumstances required a dili- 
gence, circumspection and resolution, which have 
been equalled by few or none, until she lost her 
sight and strength, to such a degree as obhged her 
lo desist. 

For this space of about thirty years she presided 
in a school, which was most of the time so large 
that she was obliged to employ assistants. The 
whole number of children in her school amounted 
sometimes to seventy or more, some of whom, at 
times eight or ten, she boarded. 

But, having a considerable family of her own to 
maintain, and other dependents which slie thought 
it her duty to help, and the price for schooling and 
boarding being low, she, through this whole time, 
was not able to lay up any thing ; but was reduced 
to great straits and <lifficulties ; and at the end of 


the year she frequently found herself in the rear, 
rather than to have gained any overplus or slock 
for the next; this kept her in a constant state of 
peculiar trial, and temptation to wordly solicitude 
and anxiety, which required an uncommon degree 
of faith and piety to surmount. And sometimes, 
under the darkest appearances, her faith would so 
far fail that she would sink into gloom and dejec- 
tion, especially in the former part of this time. But 
she evidently made advances in her faith and cheer- 
ful resignation to the divine will, and happy content- 
ment with the allotments of Divine Providence, 
while her trials and worldly straits, continued as 
great as ever: So that she appeared, at length, to 
have got the victory over the world to an uncom- 
mon degree, and to have enjoyed a calm, sweet re- 
signation and contentment in her worldly circum- 
stances, which was the source of high religious en- 
joyment, in the constant and strong exercise of that 
piety, by which she enjoyed God as her only and 
eternal portion. This appears from her diary; and 
was especially manifest to her intimate friends, after 
she was obliged to give up all business, and was 
wholly dependent on her friends for support ; of 
which a more particular account may be given, be- 
fore these memoirs aretinished. 

Mrs. Osborn began to keep school the second 
time, as has beon observed, in the month of May, 
1744, in the thirty-first year of her age. With re- 
spect to which some things are noted in her diary, 
ivhich may be properly transcribed here. 


<' Satnrdai/, April 28, ir44.— This day I am 
determined, if the Lord will, to enter again into the 
calling of keeping school. Will the Lord in mer 
cy bless my endeavors, and prosper the work ot 
my hands, and overrule this for his own glory, by 
making me instrumental in promoting the good of 
souls. O Lord, if thou wilt again employ me, anu 
make me faithful, my tongue shall sing aloud of thy 
righteousness. Oh, preserve me from making de 
pendence on any thing I can do, either for soul or 
body : But if it may consist with thy will, O blesy 
me in this lawful undertaking. But above all, O 
Lord, go on to resign me to thy will. Not mine> 
but thine be done. Lord, L desire to leave it with 
thee. O undertake for me, and deal graciously 
with me, for thine own sake, as thou usest to do to 
those wlio love thy name. Help me to eye thee 
in all thy dispensations of providence, and be thank- 
ful to thee for every temporal merc}^. Dear Lord, 
order it so, that thine own honor may be secured, 
and thou mayest be gloriiied in me, and it is enough = 
Once more, I beg, to be resigned, and to take ail 
things well at th}^ dear hand. Whether thou smile 
or frown, let me bless and love ; for this is my duty, 
and what thou justly expectest of me. Lord, thou 
art worthy of infinitely more love and praise than I 
am capable of giving : But oh, accept my attempts 
to love and praise, for Jesus' sake alone. In his 
name I come to thee for all blessings, spiritual and 

" Friday moraing, May 4. — At this time mucli 
.straitened in myself to know if it is my duty to 


pray evcninc: nnil morning; in my scliool, if the Lrord 
bless mr >vith one. I am afraid of ostentation, 
afraid of doing any thing to be seen of men. I 
:im afraid of neglecting it, on account of what 
others will Fay or think, lest that should be be- 
ing ashamed of Christ and hi*s ways, in tliis wick- 
ed generation ; and yet, 1 am afraid of bring- 
ing religion initi contempt. O Lord, direct live 
to do, in this case, as will most consist with thy 
glory. For I beseech thee, dear Lord, that thou 
wilt not suffer me to enter into this calling, except 
thou wilt be with me, and bless me in it. Oh, make 
me instrumental of the good of their souls commit- 
ted to my charge, as veil as faithful to their parents 
in instructing them. And if it be thy will that I 
pray with them, as well as for them, oh, strengthen 
me and encourage my heart. Lord, pour out on 
me a spirit of prayer ''•and supplication, that I may 
ask for tilings agreeable to thy blessed will. O 
Lord, I leave this case with thee. I beg thou wilt 
direct me, and suffer nothing but pure aims at thy 
glory, and tlie good of souls, to be the governing 
principle in me. Lord, I am afraid of the reason- 
ings of my own deceitful heart. It easily imposes 
upoUf and deceives me. But, lilessed be thy name, 
it cannot deceive thee. O, do thou search it and 
try it, and discover io me more of its vilencss, that 
1 may never be a fool, trusting to it. Lord, [t is 
thine: Oh, mould it Into thine own likeness, Gil it 
with i]iy grace, and possess it forever. 

*' Tlmrsddf/, Moy 10. — I desire to record it with 
iKuikfuhicss, that God in his providence gave me 


an opportunity last evening to advise with my dear 
aged pastor (Mr. Clap) about praying with my 
scholars. He rejoiced much in the proposal ; and 
advised me, by all means to proceed, and let noth- 
ing discourage me, and fear no scoffs ; for it was 
God's cause, and he who put it into my heart to do 
it, would take care of his own glory* He likewise 
reminded me how highly Christ resented it, when 
his own disciples would have deprived little child- 
ren of privileges. He advised me to be brief and 
plain, and often to mention those words in Mat. vi. 
** Ask, and ye shall receive ; seek, and ye shall 
find ; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." 
And those in Prov. " I love them that love me, and 
those that seek me early shall find me." And to 
make confession of sin, and plead for pardon for 
Christ's sake. Endeavor to follow him in plainness, 
so that the little ones might understand what I 
meant, &c. 

*' As I think I never saw him more joyful, and 
pleased with me, so I know not when I have come 
away more comforted : For my scruples all vanish- 
ed. And now, by assisting grace, I determine to 
proceed, as God shall enable me. Blessed be God, 
that I enjoy so great a privilege as my dear pastor, 
who has thus encouraged my faith, obedience and 
joy ; and helped me in my strait. And now, O my 
God, I am convinced it is my duty to pray with my 
dear children, I fly to thee again for assisting grace. 
Lord, without that it will be only a piece of formal- 
i^ty, and will never prove serviceable to any. I be- 
seech thee, O Lord, pour out on me a spirit o£ 


prayer, and fill me with bowels of compassion to 
poor liUle ones.'* 

Mrs. Osborn not only prayed daily with the chil- 
dren in Iier school; but was constant and careful to 
'.nstruct them in the principles of reli.2;ion, and in 
their duty to God and man ; and at certain times, 
and on particular occasions, seriously addressed 
ihem on the concerns of their soul?, urging their at- 
tention to the Bible, to Jesus Christ, and the way 
of salvation by hirn ; and to give themselves up to 
him, to fear and serve him, &c. Her discourses 
with them on these subjects frequently appeared io 
make impressions on their minds, and greatly to af- 
fect them: And most of the many hundreds who 
were instructed in her school, retained a love and 
esteem for her in the future part of their life, and 
numbers of them, how many cannot be now known, 
have never lost the serious impressions, which they 
received by her instruction and admonitions ; but 
they have issued in their saving conversion to God* 
And we may reasonably consider some of them now 
in heaven with her, as her glory, and joining with 
her in mutual joy. 

She composed and commiiled to writinc; a num- 
ber of particular directions and rules for the child- 
ren in her school, pointing out the decent and prop- 
er manner of their behavior towards lier, and each 
other in school, and when going away and return- 
ing ; at home and abroad; when in the house and 
by the way ; and their manner of speech and be- 
havior towards all with whom they had any connec- 
tion and concern ; which rules were to be often read 


in school. These rules discovered her good judg- 
ment and taste, respecting the propriety and decen- 
cy of conduct of children in all siluations, and to- 
wards superiors, equals and inferiors, in age and 
other circumstances. They might be very useful 
to teachers of schools and to their pupils, were they 
.transcribed ; and were they not too lengthy to be 
inserted here. 

A FEW months after Mrs. Osborn began to keep 
school the second time, her only son, Samue! 
Wheaten, died, being near twelve years old, who 
was an apprentice in the country above twenty 
miles from Newport, and was a promising youth. 
She has recorded some of her exercises under this 
trial, part of which will be here inserted. 

" Friday mornings September 22, 1744. — On 
Thursday afterno'^n, the sixth day of this month, I 
had the sorrowful news that my only son was sick 
unto death. God in his providence provided pre- 
sently for me — My dear Susa Anthony to keep my 
house — a horse for my husband and myself to ride, 
and all other things comfortable* And on my way 
God gave me such a sense of his goodness to me in 
a thousand instances, that instead of sinking under 
my sorrow, my mind was employed in attention tOj 
and blessing God for my mercies. Sometimes, that 
he was not snatched from me in a moment, hy some 
awful accident — That he was not at so great a dis- 
tance, but I might be allowed to go to him, with 
liopes o^ finding him yet alive. And those pi:e= 


cioui promises wliich in the morning hatl supported 
me, still coniinued as a refreshing cordiiil ; even 
these. " Call upon me in the day of trouble, and I 
will hear thee. This poor man cried, and the Lord 
heard him; and saved him out of all his Ironbles.'' 
" On Friday morning we got to Rehoboth, where 
I found my son much swelled with a dropsy, and 
pined to a mere skeleton with the jaundice, scurvy 
and consumption, all combining. He rattled in his 
throat, like a dyln^ person, laboring for every 
breath. He was given over by the doctors and all 
J'riends, who lamented him, and did the best for him 
in their power, as to the body. But alas ! my 
great concern was for that preciou?i jewel, his im- 
mortal soul. I endeavored lo improve every op- 
[)ortunity to discourse with him, and read to him 
such portions of scripture as I thought suitable, 
with passages out of Mr. Allen's Alarm, &c. And 
T was enabled to pray all the day, by ejaculatory 
breathings, and sonip^imes to plead and wrestle 
with God on his behalf: Though alas ! God was 
pleased to hide his dealings with him altogether. 
For I could discern no evidence of a work of grace 
wrought on his soul, for which I did plead from day 
lo day. I did not so much as once, in all his sick- 
ness, pray for his life ; but for some evidence that 
iiis soul might live. And for want of this, I some- 
times seemed io be crushed down, having a sense 
of his doleful case, if not reconciled to God. On 
Thursday, Sept. 1.% the ihiy before he died, I was 
just ready to give up, and sit down discouraged. 
My heart even almost died witli fear of what would 


become of him. But just in this juncture, God in 
his providence ordered it so that I received a letter 
from my dear Susa, which was a cordial to my 
drooping spirits. 

" In his dying moments I had an awful sense of 
his deplorable condition if his naked soul should 
launch into a boundless _eternity, without a God to 
go to. I had also a view and sense of his and my 
utter inability to help ourselves, and utter unwor- 
thiness that God should help us. And with the 
woman of Canaan, 1 cried out, Truth Lord, I am 
as unworthy as a dog! But 1 pleaded for the crumbs 
that fell, one of which would be sufficient for me 
and mine. I had a clear discovery of the fulness 
and sufficiency of Christ to make satisfaction. I 
pleaded that he would have mercy, as on the thief 
on the cross, then at the eleventh hour ; apply but 
one drop of his precious blood, and it was enough. 
Thus I was enabled to fill my mouth with argu- 
ments, and in bitter agony of soul I wrestled with 
God for mercy for him. Surely the pangs I then 
endured for his soul far exceeded those that brought 
him into the world. But as soon as the soul had 
taken its flight, I was eased of my burden. I immedi- 
ately cast myself, and my burden too, on God. I 
adored him as a sovereign God, and blessed his 
name ; for he had given, and it was he who had 
taken. Surely he was better to me than ten sons* 

" I then arose from my dead child, and was qui- 
eted, for the will of God was done, and my work 
was done, as it respected my child. And God was 
pleased to give such evidence of his love, that my 

68 MEM0TR8 or 

mouth was filled with praises. But when I looked 
on the yoim.c people who stood round lamenting 
him, I felt bowels of compassion for them, ami be- 
sought them to take warning, and make their speedy 
flic;ht to the blessed Jesus, before sickness and 
death overtook them. 

*' While friends were puttina; on his (frave 
cloathes, I went out into the field and walked, where, 
with more secrecy and freedom, I could breathe 
out my soul to God. And the sweetness of that 
season I cannot express. God discovered himself 
to be my God, my coveiKint God, my Father, my 
Friend, my only portion and happiness, my sove- 
reign, my all in all, my infinite fountain of all ful- 
ness. And these were some of the breathings of 
my soul after him. *' Lord, I adore thee as my all. 
I rejoice in thee as my only portion. Lord, if 
I have thee, I have enough. Though all the 
streams were cut off; yet the fountain remains; 
I cannot be poor. Whom have I in heaven but 
thee ? And there is none on earth I desiie besides 
tliec. Though my flesh and my heart fail ; yet 
God is tlie strength of my heart and my portion 
forever. Blessed God, thouc^h death separate 
from all things here below, it cannot separate be- 
tween thee and me." O, here I rejoiced again, 
(hose my God again, and again renewed the dedi- 
( ulinii of myself to him, my whole soul and body, 
nilh all I have, am or can do. O, his word com- 
furled, Ills rod comforted me. I saw no frown in 
it : No, but the kind chastisement of my indulgent 
Father. This portion of scripture was very sweet, 


" If ye be without chastisement, whereof all are 
partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. 
For whom the Lord loveth, he chasteneth." There- 
fore I cried out, " I know, O Lord, thy judgments 
are right, and in very faithfulness thou hast afflict- 
ed me." 

" But I must cease. — For such blessed seasons 
are better felt than expressed. I continued so 
composed and comfortable, that I feared those who 
knew not the cause, would think me void of natur- 
al affection : till my taking my last farewell at his 
funeral. And then I found the bonds of natural 
affection very strong ; and I wept much. But as 
I followed to the grave, 1 pleaded thus wjth God^ 
" Lord, I adore the still a& my sovereign. I do 
not repine at thy hand. But, dear Lord, pity me, 
and suffer me to weep under the smart of thy rod ; 
it is my only son.'* Then I thought on Psalm cili. 
" As a father pitieth his children, so the Lord piti- 
eth them that fear him.'* This comforted me. But 
as I inquired again, if my tears were not sinful, and 
the effect of an unresigned will, which I dreaded 
most of air, I was comforted again by reflecting, 
that when Martha and Mary wept for their brother 
Lazarus, the blessed Jesus was not angry, but wept 
with them. O, then I again adored a sympathising 
Saviour, a glorious high priest, who was sensibly 
touched with the feeling of my infirmities. These 
and such like were the exercises of my mind^ 
while following and laying my dust into the grave. 
And ever since I have been kept composed djxd 


*' The TiOrd in Mercy ^rant that I may more and 
more glorifv him in this affliction. O that my sins 
may be more mortified. Lord, grant I may come 
out of this furnace as gold purified and fitted for my 
master's use. If I liave behaved in any measure 
as becomes a chihl of God, and any resignation has 
appeared in me, Lord, it is all owins; to the riches 
of thy glorious and special grace : For hadst not 
Ihou by that compelled me to act otherwise, I 
should haveflew^ in tliy face, murmured, fretted and 
repined at thee ; cast away all my other comforts 
and mercies, and said I liad none left, because thou 
hadst taken one from me. Ijord, these, and more 
than these, would have been the eflfects of my per- 
verse nature. Therefore, not unto me, not unto 
me; but to thy glorious name be all the glory for- 
ever and ever, Amen." 

IN the year 1741, a reli;;ious female society was 
formed under the care of iMrs. Osborn, they having 
chosen her to be their head. Of which she mahes 
mention in her account of her own life, which has 
been transcribed, page 49. This society met foe 
some time, twice every week, viz ; on Tuesday and 
Friday evenings. Afterwards they agreed to meet 
but once a week, on the afternoon of Wednesday 
or Thursday. Mrs. Osborn was continued and 
considered the head of this society from that time 
to her decease, which was above Cidy years ; and 
it Still subsists, and there are above thirty members 


x>f it who are now living. It has consisted of a 
much greater number of members. About thirty 
years ago, above gixty persons were members of it. 
But the war, and other evilswhich have since that 
time taken place, have diminished it. 

This society have met constantly, once every 
week, during tins whole time of above half a cen- 
tury, excepting a few interruptions, by some extra- 
ordinary occurrences. They also have observed 
four whole quarterly days in every year, as days 
of fasting and prayer, confessing their sins, and 
seeking God for spiritual blessings on themselves, 
on the church of Christ and on all nations. They 
also have been wont to spend the afternoon of eve- 
ry first Thursday of each month in prayer togeth- 
er ; and the afternoon of every Saturday before 
the monthly administration of the Lord's Supper. 
They have a box, which stands in the room where 
they meet, into which money is put by each one, 
as she is able and inclined. And at the end of the 
year, or any other time, when they think proper, 
the box is by their consent opened, and the money 
contained in it counted, and generally given for the 
support of the gospel. 

They did agree upon a number of articles and 
rules, which were committed to writing, to be ob- 
served by the society and by each individual, and 
to be signed by every member, and by every one 
who should afterwards be admitted- The sub- 
stance of these is as follows : 

At the weekly meeting of the society, when the 
appointed hour arrives, and a nmuber are conven- 


ed, the ^xorcx^o. <h,\\\ hc^'in hy readiiii; in some 
profitable hook, till all have come in who are ex- 
pected. Then a prayer shall be made by one of 
the members ; and after that, a chapter in the Bi- 
])lc sliall be read, and relictions conversation be at- 
tended to, as time shall allow. The meeting to be 
conclnded by another prayer. Four cpiarterly 
days in the year, in January, April, July and Oc- 
tober, bei^innin-^ on the first day of every January, 
to be observed as days of solemn fasting and pray- 
er. We promise not to ridicule or divulge the 
supposed or apparent infirmities, of any fellow 
member ; but to keep secret all things relating to 
the society, the discovery of which might tend to 
do hurt to the society or any individual. We re- 
solve to be charitably watcliful over each other, to 
advise, caution and admonish, wliere we judge 
there is occasion, and that it may be useful. And 
we promise not to resent ; but kindly and thank- 
fully receive siich friendly advice or reproof from 
any one of our members. We will endea\ or that 
our discourse while together shall be on the serious 
and important subjects of religion : And when sep- 
arate, that our speech and behavior shall be such 
as become chrislians, tliat wc may be holy in all 

If any member commit any scandalous sin, or 
. alk unruly, and after proper reproof continue man- 
ifestly impenitent, slie shall be excluded from us, 
until she give evidence of her repentance. Each 
''all pay her proportion to defray the necessa- 


ry expenses for wood, or any thing else, unless ex 
cused by the society. 

When any person shall manifest to any one of us 
a desire to join the society, it shall be mentioned in 
one of our meetings, that all may have opportunity, 
who desire it, to satisfy themselves, respecting the 
character and conversation of the person offering to 
joijR. And if at the meeting on the next week, 
there be no objection to her being admitted, she 
may apply to the head of the society, who will read 
our articles to her, and if she is willing, and do sign 
them, she shall be considered as a member of the 
society, regularly admitted. 

As to any other matters, which we shall hereafter 
find conducive to the benefit and good regulation of 
our society, we engage to leave to the discretion 
and decision of a major part of us, to whose deter- 
mination we promise quietly to agree and submit. 

This society has evidently been of great advan- 
tage to many if not all the members of it, to the 
church f-nd congregation to which most of the mem- 
bers have belonged, and to the interest of religion 
in general, especially in Newport, by their pray- 
ers, and apparent sincerity and engagedness in re- 
ligion, and exemplary conduct. 

Mrs. Osborn was by unanimous consent the head 
of this society above fifty years^ as has been ob- 
served, even from the first institution of it, to the 
day of her death ; and a great part of the time their 
meetings were attended at her house. And she 
was distinguished in her usefulness in this station 
and capacity,, by her prayers, her conversadon, ad- 

74 ME^roIRs of 

■V ice, judgnirnf, prudence, and example ; by which 
she was a principal medliun of I he lon^ and happy 
existence and union of the society. Her influence 
apparently reached to every member, and her stea- 
dy, prudent zeal, and activity, and her amial)le cha- 
racter, were very much the means of their continu- 
ance and edification. The >»ociety continued to 
meet in the room in which she lived, till her bodily 
infirmities were so increased that she was no longer 
able to sustain their company, and the exercises of 
Ihe meeting. They then witJidrew into another 
room in her house^ where she was tenderly remem- 
bered in their prayers ; and she was present in spir- 
it w^th tliem, and partook largely with them in their 
exercises and enjoyments. 

MRS. OSBORN was esteemed as an eminently 
pious, exemplary christian, by all who knew her. 
And even the irreliL^ious and profane had a degree 
of veneration for her, as a remarkably good woman. 
Few or none have obtaineil this character more 
univei sally than she did, a?nong all sorts of people, 
who knew her or heard of her ; And not many wo- 
men had a more numerous acrpiaintance, or more 
extensive fame. Many educated in her school were 
afterwards settled in distant part-;, and spake in fa- 
vor of her character and school to their friends and 
acquaintance. And as she had a great res'pect for 
the mir)isters of the gospel, she corresponded with 
^omc of them ; and many others visited her, agree- 
able to her inclination and desire, when they came 


lo Newport, as did many other religious persons. 
By this, as well as what has been before mentioned, 
her name and character was spread abroad, as few 
or none who visited her, went away unimpressed in 
her favor, as amiable in her conversation and beha- 
vior, and eminently pious and benevolent. In con- 
versation she appeared remarkably mild, pleasant, 
and cheerful, and discovered a modest, meek, hum- 
ble, tender and benevolent mind, impressed with 
the serious, important and pleasing truths and du- 
ties of Christianity. The law of kindness was in 
her tongue to an uncommon degree. She had a 
strong, habitual aversion to any thing like aspersing 
the character of others, being careful to speak evil 
of none ; and v, hen occasion offered, was disposed 
to say all that could be said with truth in favor of 
the worst. She was often greatly grieved and ren- 
dered very uncomfortable, in companies where slan- 
der and detraction took place, and would endeavor, 
when there was opportunity, to divert the conver- 
sation from topics so disagreeable to her. This 
part of her character, of which the above is an im- 
perfect sketch, rendered her agreeable, and recom- 
mended her to the esteem and affection of all reli- 
gious persons who were acquainted with her, or 
heard a true report of her. And this procured to 
her the general approbation of all, of every de- 
nomination and character, as an eminently good 

IN the years 1766, 1767, there was an uncom- 
mon attention to religion, which turned the thought:-; 

♦ b MEMOIRS Oi- 

of many to Mrs. Osborn. Tlicy repaired to lier as 
:\ known pious, benevolent christian, to whom they 
ronlil liave easy access, that tliey might tnjoy her 
counsel and prajcrs. This was the occasion of 
numbers resorting; to her house. When she saw 
this, and that the number increased, she was at a 
great loss what to do. She trembled with fear that 
if she encourn2;ed their meetini^ at her liouse, it 
would be going beyond her sphere, otlcnd some of 
»ier christian friends, and give occasion to some not 
Iricndly to religion, to speak evil of her and of reli- 
gion, and so do much more hurt than good. On the 
other hand, she was afraid to discourage them, and 
refu-e to let them come to her and m.eet at her 
house, when under apparent concern about Iheir 
souls, lest, by this, their attention and concern 
should abate and cease. She advised with her 
rhristian friends, and some ministers; and upon 
I heir advising her to encourage them nnd attend to 
them, she granted tliem liberty to come, and ap- 
pointed particular times for their coming. The 
poor Blacks appeared more gen(frally concerned 
and engaged than others. They agreed to meet at 
^Irs. Obborn's on the evening of the Sabbath. She 
admitted them, on condition that they should be- 
have orderly in coming and retiring, and always 
break up seasonably, and that those who were not 
free should not come without the consent of their 
masters, and that they should not make any ac- 
knowledgement to her by al templing any compen- 
sation by presents, or any other way ; declaring 
that "he would not receive any thing of this kind 


from them. On these conditions they convened in 
great numbers, commonly to the amount of sixty ot 
eighty, and sometimes more. Mrs. Osborn, find- 
ing their attention was so much to her, was greatly 
cautious, fearing to go beyond her line, as a wouian, 
in endeavoring to promote their instruction and reli- 
gious impressions for the good of their souls. She 
used to select passages of scripture, which she 
thought would be most useful to them, and from 
other religious books, and read them to them: 
And when she had opportunity, she would in- 
vite some christian man to pray with them. She 
took opportunity to converse with individuals, and 
sometimes would give a word of advice to them all. 
And where she could, she obtained some minister 
to preach to them, and converse with them ; the 
pastor of the church, to which she belonged, not 
being able to attend. 

These meetings continued a year or more, and 
were the means of the apparent reformation of ma= 
ay, and of the hopeful conversion of a number.* 

* Among Mrhom were two in particular, who were slaves, biijc 
some years after joined to buy a ticket in a lottery, and drew a 
prize, by which they both obtained their liberty. Their names 
were Bristol Yamma, and John Quamine. As they wera- 
men of good natural abilities, and appeared truly pious, and 
retained the knowledge of the language of the nation from 
whence they were taken on the gold coa&t, it was thought, 
proper to attempt to fit tl'.cJTi to be missionaries, to endeavor to 
spread tJie gospel among the heathen Africans^ their brcilu-en^ 
for which they appeai-ed greaily desirous. To promote tins 
design a considerable collection of money was made in New- 
England. And the Society in Scotland for propagating ehris- 
:-!! knowledge, sent money over, which was laid out oc them 

. >; MEMOIRS or 

This parliculiu' rcspecling the blacks will be con- 
chided by inserting here some of her exercises on 
this occasion, found in lier diary. 

to fit them for the proposed mission. But when Ihcy were 
judg-od lo be tit to enter on the mission, the war between Great. 
Britain and America came on, which put a stop to tlie design. 
And before the war was over the latter died -, and the former 
not lonpr after tell into an ill state ot heallh, and died also. 
Toljn Qjiamino was brought from Africa when he was a boy. 
He said his father was one of the chief men at Anamabo, and 
tl\at he sent him by the captain of a Guineaman to America, 
\obe put to sciiool and instructed in the learning of tliis coun- 
try ; which the captain engaged to do : But, contrary to his 
promise, he sold him a slave for lite. After his freedom was 
obtJuned, and he was preparing to go to Africa, a letter was 
'jrritten to a black missionarv at Cape Coast Cns'.lc, informing 
him of the proi>o.sal of sending him with liis companion mis- 
sionaries to Africa : And relating the substance of the story 
^vhich Jo!m Qjiamine told of his father, and the reasoi\ of his 
being sent to America ; and desiring him to make inquiry rcs« 
pecting the fact, and inform what he should learn conceding it 
The following is an extract of his answer : — 

'« CafK Coast Castle, August 30, 1773. 

•< It is with great pleasure and satisfaction I ac- 
quaint you, that my inquiries atter the friemU and relations of 
that gentleman, have not been fruitless. The minute account 
which he has given }ou of his family and kindred Is just : For 
by inquiring, have found his father's name to be the same as 
mentioned in your letter ; who has been dead many year^. 
His mother's name answers your description ; who is still alive ; 
and whom I have had the pleasure of seeing. But the bowels 
of maternal affection, in truth do I declare, appear to year.^ 
ai.d greatly agitate her, with tears of joy, like that of JacobV, 
"wrlicn he heard that his beloved son Joseph was yet alive. The 
^oy it kindled on the occasion, the expectation of seeing once 
ifiore tJie fruit of her loins, before she, with her grey heirs go 

'he ^ave, tills Iicr withcc«Ucics resembling Jacob's, who, in 


"Lord^s Day Evenings Nov. 23, 1766.— About 
eighty-six below, and fourteen above ; an hundred 
in all, here this night : The Lord command a 
blessing for Christ^s sake. O for divine influence ! 
O thou dove of heaven, descend. . I am waiting for 
influence from heaven. Lord, except thou dost 
take the work into thine own hand, all will cjme to 

raptures, breaks forth, and says. It is enough ! My son is yet 
alive ! I hope, through God's blessing to see him before I die. 
His uncle's name is the same which you mention. In short, 
every circumstance agrees vi'ith the description given me in 
your letter. His uncle, or some great personage of his family, 
who now possesses his father's estate, desires with importu- 
nity that I would earnestly petition you, for his returning to 
his nntive country as soon as possible ; and promises that noth- 
ing shall be wanting conducive to make him, and all about him 
happy, and live satisfactorily among his own kindred. The 
family unanimously desire me to express to you all the thanks 
they are able to return for your paternal care and affection ex- 
pressed towards him." 

It may here be added, that the way to this proposed mission, 
yet lies open, and the importance of it, and the encourage- 
ment to it, are as great as ever. All that is wanted is money, 
exertion, and missionaries to undertake it. There are reli' 
gious blacks to be found who understand the knguage of the 
nations in those parts, who might be improved if properly en- 
couraged. And if they were brought to embrace Christianity, 
and to be civilized, it would put a stop to the slave trade and 
render them happy. And it would open a door for a trade 
which would be for the temporal interest of both Americans and 
Africans. As attention, to sending the gospel to the heathen, 
appears to be now spreading and increasing in America, it is 
hoped that the eyes of many will be opened, to see the peculiar 
obligations they are under to attempt to send the gospel to the 
Africans, whom we have injured and abused so greatly, even 
more than any other people under heaven ; it being the best 
^md the only compensation we can make. 


nothing ; <hc poor impotents will either grow wea- 
ry of the means, and turn away from them : Or, if 
they still lie by the pool, they will i^row worse and 
worse. None can help them in; nor can any one, 
of himself, obtain liealing. O, dear Redeemer, 
come and make them whole, for tliine own honor 
and glory's sake ; not for /nine. Jf they should 
all turn back and I should be reproached, Whatia 
my name, to thy glory, and their salvation ? I 
would have no self in pleading, that thou wilt crown 
my poor labors with success; but a single eye to thy 
glory. O that thou wilt order every step I take, 
and guide me by thine eye, and employ me just as 
thou wilt, only glorify thyself, and still serve thy- 
self of me. Here am I, Lord. Use me as thou 
wilt ; only preserve thine own honor, and it is 

'' 3Ionday morning, Jan. 20, 1767. — It snow- 
ed yesterday, and I was not well ; yd in the even- 
ing I was more strong and lively ; anil I trust God 
did help me to converse to the edification of the 
poor, ilear souls. O Lord, seal instruction. Own 
thy worthless notliing, and the glory shall be, it 
ivill be, thine forever. The house was full, no 
weather stops them. The Lord bless them ! Lord, 
teach me what thou wilt have me to do. Let me 
be influenced by divine teaching alone, and not by 
Satan, or indwelling corruption. I want none of 
tlx^lr influence or teaching. 3Iake me quick to dis- 
• ♦ rn wlial is from thee, and what is not. And O 
God, I pray thee, make the path of duty straight 
nnd plain in this matter, And either spirit me to 


the work, and enable me fo do it judiciously, in 
such a manner as will stand the test, or else to lay- 
it aside, and do nothing at all. Lord", may I ap- 
prove myself to thee in all I do in this matter, and 
have a conscience void of offence towards God, 
and towards man. I commit this cause to thee. 
I would be influenced by thy word. I have chos- 
en it as my rule to walk by." 

Not only Blacks ; but numbers of other people 
met at Mrs. Osboni's in this time. A number of 
young men used to meet on the same evening with 
the blacks in a different apartment ; fof prayer, 
reading and religious conversation. And on Mon- 
day evening, a number of young women from nine 
to twenty years old, often above forty or iifty, met 
together at her house, to enjoy her prayers and in- 
structions. Mrs. Osborn at first was in doubt a- 
bout the propriety and expediency of praying with 
them. But after maturely considering the matter, 
and seeking direction, she concluded it was her du- 
ty, and accordingly practised it, and read to them, 
and gave them that instruction and advice, which 
she thought proper and important. And they ap- 
peared so attentive, and at times some of them were 
so impressed and affected, that she was encoura- 
ged to proceed. On Tuesday evening a large 
number of boys met in her room for a considerable 
time to receive her instruction and blessing. Wed- 
nesday evening was devoted lo the stated weekly 
meeting of the society of women. On Thursday or 
Saturday, or both, she catechised the children of 
her school, when a number of children who did not 


bolon<5 to licr scliool often attended to receive in- 
struction from lier and liear her ]irayers. On Fri- 
day evening a number of heads of families used to 
meet at her house for prayer and relii^ious conver- 
sation ; so that every week some hundreds of per-* 
jsons met at Iier house for religious purposes. Thi« 
gave constant employ to IMrs. Osborn, and called 
lip her att€^ntion, and strong and constant exercises 
of mind, while she, at the same time, presided in a 
large school of children. Some of her exercises 
respecting her house being thus crowded with peo- 
ple for religious purposes, were as follows, taken 
from her diary : 

" Tuesday mornino;, Jan. '27 y 1767. — O my 
Lord and my God, appear for my help now, as 
thou hast appeared for my help heretofore. Fain 
would I raise a tribute of hum])Ie praise and thanks- 
giving for thy condescension and grace lo me in the 
year past ; for the Lord himself has vouchsafed (o 
be my protection from errors and confusions, amidst 
tlie throng he has gathered round me. To thee be 
all the glory forever. In July last the number had 
amounted to three litmdrcd souls. And now the 
Lord has increased it to five hundred and twenty- 
five, who have statedly resorted here. And yet 
vo evil has followed, tlu3Ugh my fears have often 
>»een alarmed, wilh respect to the Lord's day even- 
inis ; yet all is quiet and every company more se- 
riously composed and settled, in steadily pursuing 
after knov. ledge. Blessed be (lod, who indulges 
nic wilii IVefjucnt tidings of Blacks and little ones- 
being more concerned, and getting alone to pray. 


O that the Lord, in his infinite wisdom, will carry 
on his own glorious work, in his own gradual way^ 
which he has chosen ; and confound all the wisdom 
of the wise. We have been lotting upon great and 
extraordinary impressions upon souls here,;and by 
great and extraordinary means ; but God will take 
his own way, and use what clay and spittle he plea- 
ses to open blind eyes, and cause the walls to fall, 
by what ram's horns he pleases. Amen. Let the 
most despicable worm upon earth be employed for 
God, that the glory may evidently be his own.'* 

" Tuesday, June 2, 1767. — Blessed be God, 
who gave me opportunity to converse with forty- 
two young girls last evening. The Lord seal v.'hat 
was said and read for instruction ; and hear my 
poor cries for converting grace. O have mercy 
on these souls ! Lord, secure them for thine own : 
O take the prey from the mighty. Snatch them 
as brands out of the burning, I pray thee. Thanks 
be to God for the solemnity, assistance and refresh- 
ments of the last evening. O help me still to hope 
in thy mercy, under all discouragements, thou faith- 
ful, merciful God.'* 

From the year 1770, to the time of the British 
taking possession of Newport, the church, both male 
and female, used to hold their monthly meetings at 
her house ; as this was peculiarly agreeable to her, 
and she lived in a convenient room. And there 
was a weekly meeting at her house of a number of 
professors for prayer ; which continued most of 
the time during the war. Thus her house was in- 
deed, and in an eminent sense, A house of prayer^ 


Extracts from her Diary. 

Thursday, June 21, 1744. 

1 ESTERDAY very much overcome in God'ij 
Jioiise, at the solemn ordination of the Rev. Mr- 
Heljer. My heart was then filled with joy and 
praises; and God exciled and enabled me to breathe 
out my soul in vehement cries to him for all need- 
fjil c;race, for his servant, and for his church. Re- 
joiced niucli \o think I was once more to enjoin the 
glorious feast, instituted by my Redeemer. I long- 
ed to render a tribute of jiraisc, and even to be 
swallowed up witli praises all my life long, because 
God had so graciously given me the desire of my 
heart. But, alas ! how short lived are my praises. 
All this day, with bodily indisposition and my own 
ilecHning heart, I have been as water heated, re- 
turning to my former coldness again. O! it makes 

Icrnily iilorious, that prai>es shall never cease. 

Sabbalh day, June 'lA. — This morning, through 

(he goodness of God, to the satisfaction and comfort 

of my soul, I was engaged in the work of self ex- 

jminaljon, X^^ see how the case stood between God 

ii! my Koul, and found cause to bless him, that, by 
•lis grace, " I am what I am." Some time after 
Mial I was again overcome with a sen.=e of the amaz- 

ig goodness of God to me, in giving me such a dear 
i'astor, :iDd attempted to adore and praise him with 


all my powers engaged. This was a sweet season, 
for my heart was warmed. I went to the house of 
God, but was too cool there. In the intermission 
season I trust I was serious, but not lively. But 
this afternoon, blessed be God, I was filled with 
joy, grief, love, prayer, and praises, God's word 
being powerfully set home. I was enlarged, in 
pleading for grace and strength to be bestowed on 
my dear young Pastor ; that, though of himself he 
is insufficient for his great and difficult work ; yet, 
his sufficiency being of God, he might be made suc- 

Sabbath noon, July 1.5. — ^^Bless the Lord, O my 
soul, and forget not all his benefits. I have been 
to the table of the Lord, and he brought me into 
his banqueting house, and his banner over me was 
love. I sat under his shadow with great delight, 
and his fruit was sweet to my tasle. My soul said, 
It is good for me to be here. I was enabled, with 
all my powers engaged, to renew my dedication of 
myself to God, and rejoice in my choice of him. 
I was, in a measure, brought to behold his C;!ory in 
the perfections of his nature. I was enabled to 
wrestle with him for victory over my sins, and to 
be made more holy. These seemed to be my chief 
errands ; and as I was pleading that promise, 
** They that have clean hands shall grow stronger 
and stronger," this promise seemed to be whisper- 
ed, I will strengthen thee, I will uphold thee by the 
right hand of my righteousness ; and sin shall not 
have dominion over thee.* 

* From Mrs. 0.sborn*s manner of expression here, end in a 
number of other places, s^me may suspect ihat she thoug-ht 


S6 MEMOIRS oi;* 

In time of partaking of (he element of bread, my 
Jieart seemed to be most broken for sin : When 
feeding upon his broken Ijody, I was filled wilh as- 
tonishment, and made to cry out, " Lord, why me! 
Why hast thou given thyself for me!" His blood 
was sweet to me, as it was shed for Ihe remission of 
pins. At last I broke out in a rapture, " 1 found 
the pearl of greatest price, my heart doth sing for 
joy.'* I longed to get still nearer, while I seemed 
to be resting and leaning on my beloved. Surely 
I did find him whom my soul loveth. O astonish- 
ing, all-conquering grace! O happy earnest of more 
near and intimate communion ! O what a feast is 

promises were ma^le to her by some particular, immediate re- 
vclation, or divine impulse, by which she was assured that they 
were then applied to her, which would be a liijjh degree of 
enthusiasm. The truth appears to be this : She had a fixed be- 
lief and confidence, that she was a believer in Jesus Christ, and 
(onscquently interested in all the promises contained in the 
covenant of grace, and in the whole wortl of God, whether 
made to the church collectively, or to individuals, as the ser- 
vants of God, or christians. Tliereforc, when her mind was 
q-iickened and turned to some promise, or any number of pro- 
xnises in the word of God ; and influenced to a svron^ belief 
and affecting sense of the good things contained in them, and 
of the truth, reality, and excellence of them, she considered 
them as made or belonging to her ; And could not then doubt 
of it, as the evidence that she was a real christian would be 
clear and irresistible to her own mind, in propcrlion to lier 
lively view and sense of Christ, and the good thinj^^s contained 
in tjje promises. In this way she considered the promises to 
be applied to her by the Spirit of God, as he was the avithorof 
'.hat sj)iritual sense and discerning, by which the promises were 
brought into her view, and she was led with strong faith and 
afTcction to embrace them. And this every christian has a 
".arran* todo. See Heb.xiii. 5 compared wi^i Josh. i. 5. 


ihis ! O blessed Saviour, for appointing such an or- 
dinance ! O my soul, bless God, for bringing me lo 
partake thereof. Thanks be to God, for such gra- 
cious smiles upon his Church to-day : That thou 
hast restored this former privilege. Thanks be to 
God, for his presence with his poor, helpless, ne- 
cessitous worm. Thanks be to God, for Jesus 

Sabbath noon, August 26,-— I desire to bless 
thee, my God, for the word of thy grace I have 
been favored with. O Lord, help me to wrestle 
with thee for the ministers of thine everlasting gos- 
pel. O Lord, let thy word run and be glorified, 

grant, that thy labourers may, by spreading the 
gospel net, catch great numbers of souls. O send 
forth thy light, and thy truth, into the dark corners 
of the earth ! 

Monday morning, August 27. — I desire with 
unfeigned lips to praise the name of my God, for 
he did meet with me in his house, in the afternoon, 
and gave me the same compassionate look he gave 
his Peter ; which, in one moment, dissolved me in= 
to penitential tears. I bless thee, dear Lord, that 

1 heard the difference between a legal, and an evan- 
gelical repentance, and that at the same time I dar- 
ed appeal to thee, that it was thy dear, thy sweet 
look, that pierced my heart, and caused mine eyes 
to flow. O, that look is v/orth more than a millioiit 
of worlds ! O sweet Jesus ! I adore thee as a God 
of infinite power, because thou hast looked such a 
rebel heart as mine into repentance. O Lord I I 
abhor myself, because I have sinned against mrh 

3d lilEMOIRS OF 

ilear love and c^rncc. Oh ! it is more limn enoiisi,!i 
that thine enemies dishonor thee : But that I should 
do it \r* intolerable ingratitude ! O dear Jesus ! still 
look me into deeper repentanee. Look me into 
faith. Look me into flaming love and zeal. Look 
me into constant and universal obedience to all thj 
just, holy, good commands. A look will do all 
this. Do but look, dear Lord, Satan shall flee be- 
fore thee : EN ery rebel lust shall quit the field : 
Unbelief, pride, hypocrisy, self confidence. If 
thou wilt work only by a look, nciie shall let. On- 
ly look, and every grace shall at once, be up and 
doing, all upon the wing to execute thy commands, 
and to embrace thee. — O my soul, what mean these 
trembling fears at one time and another, that one or 
other of thy lusts will prove thy ruin, when only a 
look of Christ c?n conquer them alK O look un*o 
iiim by faith, for ail supplies of grace and strength : 
He will look upon thee and help thee. 

O Lord, bless thine handmaid, who has listed un- 
der thy banner. O make her faithful unto death. 
Lord, let the covenant staad ratified and confirmed 
in heaven. O be with her of a truth, throughout her 
warfare, and make her valiant for the truth at all 
limes. O fill her precious soul with the gifts and 
graces of thy blessed Spirit, and make her an orni- 
nient to lier profession all Iier days. I bless thee, 
O Lord, that I have been permitted to see one ad- 
ilitiou more made to thy church. O add daily to 
it, of such as shall be saved. O majie this vine 
flourish, and build up the walls of thy Jerusalem. 
Wednesday eveniiigi October '3, — Blessed l^e 


God, I have been kept, for the most part of this 
week, in a cheerful lively fiame, depending on 
God for every thing needful for soul and body. 
Yesterday morning, in an especial manner, I had ac- 
cess to the throne of f^race, had my niontli filled 
with arguments, and did, I trust, in the arms of faith 
and prayer, carry my children to Jesus for spiritual 
blessings: — Rejoiced in him as a glorious conquer - 
or, as able to subdue the stubbornness of their 
wills, as a Levi's and mine. O Lord, in mercj 
overcome them by thy sovereign grace. Lord, 
pity them, and work by whom thou wilt work ; send 
by whom thou wilt send. I will not dare to limit 
the Holy One of Israel, though I should rejoice if 
thou wouldest make poor worthless me, an instru- 
ment to do them good. But if thou deny me suc- 
cess in conversation, yei, for Jesus' sake, forbid 
me not to pray, neither let me be straightened in 
prayer for them ; but help me, O my Go J, to pray 
earnestly for those who will not yet be persuaded 
to pray for themselves. O Lord ; awaken them, 
that they may pray also, and do thou hear, not for 
our sake, but for thine own sake, that the riches of 
thine ov. n grace may be glorfied, admired, and ador- 
ed, to all eternity. 

Tuesday evening, October 30. — I desire to re- 
cord; to the praise and glory of God, that he has 
this day been very gracious to me. In the morn- 
ing, I was enabled to rise early, and dedicate my- 
self anew to him. This afternoon the clouds gath- 
ered blackness, so that it was very dark, and look- 
ed a^yfuliy. I spoke to my children, and d^^sired 


tlienito be silent, which they irnmcdiateU' complied 
with, ami I perceived an unusual soleninity among 
them in general, and presently one of them rose, 
and desired me to pray with them, which I joyfully 
did, and was much aflfccted and enlar<i;eil in plead- 
ing with God, for srace for them, that they mi2;ht 
be brought savingly home now in the days of their 
youth ; and such visible convictions I never saw 
bef»)re in them. There were six, in particular, who 
seemed quite distressed, and wept very much, 
while I was prayinz, and talking to them for nearly 
an hour ; and they continued grave and serious till 
school was done. Tlie Lord in mercy fasten con- 
viction, and never sutler it to cease till it end in a 
sound conversion. O that I might see so much of 
the presence of God every day in awakening my 
little ones. 

Tuesday y January 1, 1745. 
LORD,. I bless thee that thou hast brought nic 
to see the return of another new year's day : AnU 
now, O my God, assist mc, and I will renew *hc ded- 
ication of mvj-elf, soul and body, with all my facul- 
ties and members to thee. Ijord take a fresh, a 
free, a full and evcrlastinj; possession of me ; for I 
protest to thee I am thine own. — Lord, I am thine, 
forever thine, blessed be thy name. I am not only 
St) by creation and preservation, but by Redemp- 
tion too ; yea, and tho'.i art my covenant God. O 
Lord, for this my soul rejoices. O my God, my 


only portion, I protest I renew my choice of thee, 
and rejoice in it more than in all this world, ten 
thousand times over. O my God, now for Jesus* 
sake I beseech thee hear the voice of my supplica- 
tion. Lord, pardon the iniquities of the year 
past : Forgive me, dear Lord, for all my worldly 
mindedness, coldness in religious duties, unprofita- 
bleness under the means of grace, want of love to 
thee and thy children, want of faith, holy zeal and 
courage in thy cause, omission of duties, secret or 
relative. O Lord, my sins are past finding out ; I 
cannot reckon them up in order unto thee. Lord, 
pardon mine iniquities, for they are very great. O 
blessed be thy name, there is forgiveness with thee 
for sins of a crimson die, and she, to whom thoa 
forgavest much, loved much. Therefore, O ray 
God, that I may assuredly know that my sins which 
are many, are forgiven, make me love much. O 
Lord, blow upon the spark of love in my soul, and 
make it flame so vehemently, that many waters 
cannot quench it, neither the floods drown it. 
Lord, if I love much, I shall obey much, for they 
who love thee keep thy commandments. O let 
this grace be in lively exercise all the ensuing year, 
if I live to see it, and bestow on me al) the other 
graces of thy blessed Spirit, for Jesus' sake. 

Monday/ inorning, 3Iay 15. — Last evening I 
went to see the dear Mr. Helyer, who told me a 
few days more would make the turning point. And 
as he earnestly entreated us that were around him, 
whom he called his friends, to pray for him, Lord, 

02 MEMOIR? 01 

I beseech \hee foarli me for what and how I on;5ht 
to pray. O Lord, in the arms of my faith and 
prayti I would brins^ this thy dear sick servant to 
thee, even him wlioin thou lovest, and hc'z. thou 
wilt make his bed now. ^ Lord, ease his pain, by 
dartini; the beams of tliine everlasting love into his 
soul : Now, now Lord, let him begin to reap the 
fruit of all his labor-; of love : Now let him taste 
aud feel that the Lord is gracious. O now, thou 
blessed Jesus, kiss him with the kisses of thy mouth. 
O, if it be thy will, let him triumph over the king 
of terrors. Lord, let his will be swallowed up in 
thine, and grant that he may bear a testimony for 
God in his last breaths. Lord, I bless thee, that 
thou hast scattered his clouds, and that he is pant- 
ing after thee. O suffer not Satan any more to 
darken his evidences. Abba, Father, with thee all 
things are possil>le. Thou canst, if tlion please, 
yet raise him. I leave him in thy merciful hands, 
and hcz thou wilt bow my stubborn will to thine, 
for Jesus' sake. Amen. 

Monday eveninsr, May 27. — This morning it 
pleased the great aud glorious God to take to him- 
self my dear, dear Mr. Ilelyer. O, he is gone 
from me. I shall never more hear any of his pre- 
cious sermons or solemn counsels. O my God, 
preserve me from murmuring .it thine holy hand. 
t desire to bless thy dear name, that thou didst 
lend worthless me so sweet a pastor, so long : And 
now thou hast in infinite wisdom bereaved me of 
my shepherd, I would give myself wliolly to thee, 
thou great bbephcrJ and bishop of souls. O be 


thou my all. Now, Lord, thou hast laid ihy hand 
heavily upon me : Thou hast touched me in a ten- 
der part : Thou hast cut off a stream, from which 
much comfort has flowed to my poor soul : Now, 
my God, appear for me, and refresh my soul with 
streams more immediately from the fountain. Lord, 
sanctify thine hand to me, to his dear consort and 
all relations, to my dear aged Pastor, to the whole 
Church. O let this awful dispensation of thy prov- 
idence awaken secure souls, and quicken the awak- 
ened. O let the fruit of all be to take away sin. 
Lord, I confess thou might justly deprive me of all 
precious means : But pity me, dear Lord, and still 
afford us the means of grace. O give us a Pastor 
after thine own heart. Blessed be thy name, the 
residue of the Spirit is with thee. Lord, I desire 
to trust thee for all future events ; but I beg, Lbe- 
seech thee, bring me nearer to ihy blessed self, bjr 
this great turn in the ^^eel of thy providence. O 
Lord enable me to be, in good earnest, preparing 
to follow himf who through faith and patience is 
gone to inherit the promises » O Lord, hear me ; 
Lord, answer me, for Jesus Christ's sake, in whose 
Hame I beg all, to whom be glory forever. Amen. 
Now, with sorrow of heart, I am again going to 
record the repeated blows of God's hand, in be- 
reaving me, and the mournful church to which I be- 
long, of our dear aged Pastor, the Hev. Mr. Glap, 
who died on Wednesday evening October 30, 1745. 
The Lord in mercy sanctify this rod, and enable U3 
all to see it, and who it is who hath appointed it, and 
with truly resigned, humble souls to say, " TLb 


Lord gave, the Tjord hath taken away : Blessed be 
the name of the Lord.'* liord lielp us to bless 
thee, that thou hast indulged us so long with so em- 
inent a man of God, and O, for tliy mercy's sake, 
pardon our iniquities, and go on still to be gracious 
U} us, and give us another Pastor, after thine own 
heart. Lord, direct thy people in choosing such 
an one as thou wilt delight to bless, and incline the 
heart of thy servant to accept the invitation. O 
keep out all contention, thou God of peace and 
love. L^nite thy church in peace and concord. 
O blessed Jesus, thou great Shepherd and Bishop 
of souls, suffer us not to be scattered as sheep 
without a Shepherd. O preserve us from wolves 
in sheep's cloatliing. O King Jesus, thou great 
head of the church, we trust we are a vine of thine 
own right hand's planting. O delight to build us 
up, and not to pluck us down. Lord help us to 
cast all our care upon thee : But, O pour out upon 
us a spirit of prayer and supplication, (liat in every- 
thing, thereby, with thanksgiving, we may be mak- 
ing known our requests to God, and O hear f6r Je- 
sus' sake. 

On Monday, November 4, the dear and venera- 
ble Mr. Clap was decently interred, attended by a 
numerous throng of people, of all ranks and deno- 
minations. O that all who followed him sorrowful- 
ly to his grave, might joyfidly meet him in the 
morning of the resurrection: And, O my God! 
grant thai I, <liy poor worm, may then see his face 
with joy. Lord, forgive me that I have improved 
his precious counsels and solemn warnings no bet* 


ter. Lord, humble me for this, and at the same 
time accept of praises, that tho« didst make him 
so dear and helpful to me. Thou, Lord, knowest 
how oft thou hast set home thy word, dispensed by 
him, with power irresistible upon my poor soul, 
sometimes to arouse, convince, and awaken me, 
sometimes to strengthen and establish my faith, 
sometimes to encourage me in the way of duty, 
sometimes to remove doubts and fears. Lord, 
thou knowest, also, how sweet it was to me to have 
recourse to hiui in all times of difficulty and trial, 
and how ready he was to afford me his counsels. 
For all these favors, Lord, I would humbly bless 
and adore thee, thou blessed author and bestower 
of them : And since thou, in thine allwise provi- 
dence, hast deprived me of ail these former privi- 
leges, and I can never more in this world have re- 
course to thy servant for any solemn counsels, I 
beseech thee, dear Lord, I beseech thee, that I 
may have more free recourse to thy blessed self. 
O give me access to thy throne, that in every thing, 
by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, J 
may be making known my requests unto thee. O, 
now thou art removing the means and instruments 
by which thou wast wont to convey the graces and 
comforts of thy blessed Spirit to me, O now refresh 
my weary sin sick soul, with streams more immedi- 
ately from the fountain, and guide me by thine un- 
erring counsel. Lord, in thine own time restore 
the means of grace, I beseech thee, and grant I may 


be made meet for heaven, and receive me to g^ory, 
for J Calls' siik-c.* 

• Wliat relates to Mr. Clap's death and funeral is inserted 
here, though he died five months after the decease of Mr. Hel- 
yer, that the whole, which Mrs. Osbom wrote relating to the 
death of Iier two dear and worthy pastors mig-ht be tog-ether. 

Mr. Nathaniel Clap was born at Dorchester near Boston, 
A. D. 1667. He had his public education at Harvard College 
in Cambridj^e. Began to preach at Newport, (R. I.) A. D. 1695, 
and continued a preacher of tiie gospel there to A. D. 1720, 
when he was ordained pastor of the first congregational church 
in Newport. Ke died October 30, 1745, in the 78th year of his 
3ge. He left no funnily, having never been married. 

He was the father of the congregational interest in Newport. 
When he first began to preach there, lie liad but a small num- 
ber ot hearers, who had no house for public worship. His con- 
gregation soon increased in number and respectability. But he 
continued there twenty-five years before a sufficient number 
appeared qualified and disposed to unite in forming into a chris- 
tian church. Yet he lived to see two respectable congrega- 
tions, which rose from this small beginivng, who built two de- 
cent houses for public worship, which continue, and are im- 
proved to this day. 

Mr. Clap was universally respected, as a man of eminent piety. 
Mr. Cullender, who preached his funeral sermon, says, «*The 
main stroke in his character, was his eminent s.\NCTiTYand 
PIETY, and AN ARDEN r DESIRE to promotc the knowledge 
and practice of true godliness in others.'* He was remarkable 
for taking great p.iins to get the attention of cl>ilflren and ser- 
vants ; and to instruct them in those things which were suited 
to pmmote their salvation. 

When the infirmities of old age increased upon him, the 
church and congregation invited Mr. Jonat'ian Htlyer to settle 
colleague with Mr. Clap. He was bom in Boston, April 19, 
1719, and educated at the college in Cambridge. He came to 
Newport, September 11. 1743, and was ordained June 20, 1744. 
But he did nol a year after this. He died of a consump- 
tion, May 27, 1745, aged 27 years. He was a man of fervent 


Sabbath day, July 28. — The week past I have, 
tbroiigh God's goodness, been carried safely to see 

Ely mother, where I saw a letter to her from ^, 

in which he seems to intimate his fears that I am 
much lifted up with spiritual pride, and stand in 
great need of caution from christian friends. Lord 
God Almighty, thou searcher of hearts, thou trier 
of the reins, convince me, I beseech thee, if this be 
the principal I have acted upon, in communicating 
to others thy remarkable, gracious dealings with 
my soul. O Lord, the jealousies of thine own ex- 
perienced children make me jealous too. O search 
me, and try me, and suffer me not to deceive my- 
self. O, is it indeed so ? Have I been practically 
saying to any. Stand by thyself, for I am holier 
than thou ? boasting myself, as though I were 
something of myself T Lord, if this has been the 
case, O convince and humble me, for thou knowest 
I thought I boasted in none but thee. Thou know- 
est I thought it was thy love constrained me thus 
to speak, and declare thy wonderful works. O 
Lord, pity me, for thou knowest how oft conscience 
reproves me for being so ungrateful to thee, so lit- 
tle speaking to thy praise and glory, and I think 
justly too. But, Oh ! how shall I behave ! If I 
speak, I stumble and grieve even thy dear children 
and servants. Lord, direct me, and O hasten the 

piety. His ministry was attended with great satisfaction and 
growing success, and the congregation was greatly increased 
in the short time in which lie lived. — Thus the church and 
congregation w^re bereaved of both of their beloved pastor?, 
in the space of five months ! 



llmc when I sliall firul no more backwardness to 
praise thee, nor fear of giving oflfencc or grieving 
any ; but shall chant forth praises throughout an 
ciKlless eternity. I bless thee, O my God, that 
there is a day of judgment appointed, wherein the 
Jjccrets of all hcarls will be disclosed, and I trust 
it will appear, that the little zeal and gratilude I 
Jiave shown did proceed from right principles, 
througli the infinite riches of tliy grace hi Jesus 
Christ. In the mean time, help me daily to ap- 
prove myself to thee, Avho infallibly knowest my 
iieart, and grant I may be a stuinljling block to 
none in any respect. O quicken me, Lord, in thy 
way for Jesus' sake. 

Friday morningy September 12. — Last evening 
I went to visit my dear Susa, who is sick, and re- 
joices in hope of being sick unto dealh. She tells 
me, that every approach of death is welcome. 
There is nothing that slie has the least desire to 
'Any to see accomplished, except the settlement of 
the church, and (hat she can cheerfully leave with 
its great Head. She thus addressed herself to me : 
Dear Mrs. Osborn, as you love me, I entreat you, 
nay, I charge you, not to be earnest with God for 
my life. Ask it on no other terms than if it is 
most consistent with his glory, and his having some- 
thing for me to do. O pray with submission. O, 
I long for one christian friend, to unite with me in 
pleading with God, to take me to himself, that I 
may be freed from the body of sin and death. 
And now, my God, I desire to commit the case of 
this thy dear child to thcc. O deal with her as 


niciy most consist with thy glory. If thou hast any 
tiling for her to do, that she may still glorify thee 
on earth, O spare her to a miserable world and to 
me, that we may still get good by her. Lord, thou 
knowest how dear thou hast made her to me, by 
the bonds of special grace : Surely our very souls 
have been knit together as one soul, and thou alone 
knowest how great the loss of her will be to me. 
Nevertheless, Father, thy will be done. If it does 
most consist with thy glory, O take her and satisfy 
the desires of her longing soul, and let her be full 
of God. But, O my God, pity me : And if thou 
seest meet to cut off this stream too, O fix my whole 
heart and soul on thy blessed self. O be thou my 
everlasting all, Dear Lord, sanctify thy dealings 
with me, bring me nearer thyself by all, and hear 
every petition thy dear child may put up for me, 
while she lives, for Jesus' sake. 

Thursday evening, Fehruary 12, 1747. 
I HAVE been this evening to see my dear Susa, 
who has been wont to refresh my soul with her 
8weet and edifying conversation ; and, blessed 
be God, has at this time been made an instrument 
to warm my heart. The Lord grant the impres- 
sions may be abiding. I am astonished to find what 
a lively, zealous and active life she lives, to what 
poor worthless I do : What vehement love, and 
strong failh, she is in the daily exercise of: Long- 
ing after God and perfection in holiness, while poor 



I fxrovel in tliis low earth. Lorrl, slir me up io im- 
itate her, wherein she imitates the blessed Jesus. 
O sanctify this conference, I beseech thee. Ijord, 
thy irrace is free, and thou canst as easily bestow 
it on unworthy me, not for my sake, but for thine 
own honor's sake. Lord, piiy and revive me also. 

let thy grace triumph over mine unworthiness, 
and bring me nearer to thy blessed self. O remem- 
ber thy gracious promise, and heal my backslidings, 
for Jesi!s' sake. Amen. 

Sabbath day, 3Iay 3.— This is the third sab- 
batli that I have already been detained from the 
public worship, the first by a great cold, the second 
and last by a course of physic, which confines me 
to the house. O that while I am using means for 
the recovery of my bodily health, my soul may not 
grow more sick. O that an indifference to the 
house and worship of God may not ( ome upon me, 
now I am hindered from going there. Lord, meet 
me, and condescend to commune with me. Hear 
the prayers of thy ministers and people, for those 
necessarily detained, and send me a blessing out of 
thine house. O give me a double portion of thy 
blessed Spirit, that while 1 am denied the use of or- 
dinances, I may enjoy the God of ordinances. Lord, 

1 thank thee for the assistance thou hast this day 
granted me in drawing near to thee. I thank thee, 
for those thirstings after grace I have this day ex- 
perienced. O God, hear and grant those petitions 
fur increase of grace and strength to do thy will. 
Now, Lord, make nie to know assuredly how the 
ciise B lauds between thee and me. If 1 am uot 

MR»< 8ARAR 0S60RN. 101 

grafted into the true vine, the Lord Jesus Christy, 
it is no wonder I do not thrive and flourish. O, if 
this be the case, for Christ's sake convince me, and 
let me be grafted into him, and have real vital union^ 
to him ; and if this be now the case, if I am really- 
united to him by faith, then. Lord, cause me to de- 
rive spiritual strength from him, who is the head 
of influence. Dear Jesus, it has been a long, cold, 
dark winter with me. My graces have been long 
nipt and withering; but O! as it is now spring 
time, and thou art causing the warm beams of the 
sun, and refreshing showers to descend on the earth, 
so that every herb and tree rejoices, and grows,, 
and blossoms, so. Lord, shed abroad the influence 
of thy grace, and I shall yet grow, and bring forth; 
fruit. O, nothing is too hard for thee. Thou canst 
yet cause, that the beautiful lineaments of the Lamb 
of God may be more seen in me day by day. O 
help me, Lord, to lay hold on thy strength, and hold 
out to the end. O let me "run and not be weary^. 
walk and not faint." 

Sabbath evening, February 2^, 1748. 
I AM TiOW within a few hours arrived at the age 
of thirty-four years, and surely I have had experi- 
ence cf the goodness of the Lord, all my life longg 
and especially since I have avouched him to be 
my God. It is now better than eleven years since 
I solemnly gave myself up, in covenant, to him 
and his church ; and notwithstanding all the fear*^ 


;\nd fempfation^ T Juive had fr«^ni the worUl, the flesU 
and tlie devil, yet hitherto the Lord halli lielped 
me, and, blessed he his name, preserved mc from 
falling into any open, scandalous sins, to the dishon- 
or of his dear name and my profession. I will 
therefore hiimhly trust, that he will still keep and 
*' preserve me by his mighty power, through faith 
unto salvation :'^ And, O my God, sufTer me not to 
dishonor tliee by a cold, lifeless conversation ; but 
enable me to " adorn the doctrine of God my Sa- 
viour in all things." O may I so behave myself, 
that all around mc may take knowledge of me, that 
I have indeed been with Jesus. Lord, help me 
io live in the constant exercise of every grace. O 
bring me near to thyself: Give me transforming 
views : Reinslamp thy beautiful image, more and 
)norc, upon my poor soul : Meet me in all duties 
and ordinances, and let me be by tliem fitted to 
meet thee in glory, for Jesus' sake, on whom all 
my iiopes are grounded ; to wliom wilh thee, and 
lliy blessed Spirit, be everlasting praises. Amen. 
June '1. — I have this week been to see my dear, and fomid much cause to rejoice, and bless 
God, who is causing his grace to triumph, and mak- 
ing her more than a con<jueror ihrough hini that has 
loved her, in that he is enabling her to speak as 
highly and honorably of Christ as though she was 
under the most clear discoveries and lively mani- 
festations, which, she assmes me, is not the case. 
The Lord in mercy strengthen her yet more, and 
grant her grand enemy may never get an advantage 
agahi^thcr; and 1 trnst he never shall, since her 

fifRS. SARAH OSBORIf. 103 

dependence is all on the Lord Jesus. And now, 
my God, I have seen what great things thou art en- 
abling thy child to do, while she is flying to, and re- 
lying on Christ by faith : Help me also, in like 
maimer, to make great use of my dear Redeemer. 
Lord Jesus, if thou wilt strengthen me, I can do all 
things too. Oh why, my soul, dost thou so oft sit 
down discouraged, since there is such fulness and 
sufficiency in the glorious Mediator, that great 
Prophet and High Priest, who has undertaken for 
me, that blessed King, under whose banner I am 
listed ; he will ere long set his foot on the neck of 
his enemies. Come, my soul, rouse up, and run 
again in the strength of the Lord Jehovah. Who 
can tell but thou mayest yet be a growing chris- 
tian, notwithstanding all thy vileness. Lord, grant 
it for Jesus' sake. 

June 13. — I would fain write as one who has list- 
ed under the banner of the Lord Jesus, that great 
Captain of our salvation, A^iz. without complaints, 
discouragements and sinking fears. I would fain 
joy and triumph in my great Redeemer, amidst all 
difficulties ; but, alas ! the wheels of the soul are 
so taken off by sin, that I drive on very heavily in 
the road. Nevertheless, this I will say, the fault 
is all my own. There is strength enough in Christ 
for me, if I had but skill, by faith, to derive it from 
him. O how plainly do I see this, " will not come 
to me," as well as " cannot." Lord, subdue this 
will, and all shall be well. I will run to thee, clasp 
thee in the arms of faith, and rejoice in thee, though 
earth and hell wei-e combined against me. Lord 


Jesus, pity II17 rebellions worm, and now, as at the 
firsl, subdue me to thyself. Lord, i beseech thee 
have compussion on me, and pily, pity. Lord, the 
soul that longs for a freedom from sin and for in- 
crease of grace. O grant it for thine own lionor's 
sake, not for mine, be it known unto me. Amen 
and Amen. 

Thursday morning, September 7, 1749. 
O MY God, since, by the permission and con- 
currence of ihy providence, I am determined to set 
out on a journey this morning, I would now fly to 
thee, and besiege the throne of th}^ grace, that I 
may have thy gracious presence with me and my 
dear consort. O Lord, except ihou go with me, 
let me not stir hence. Preserve me in all my ways; 
and O that thou wouldest condescend to draw near 
to me, and incline me to commune with thee while 
freed from the incumbrances of business. O let 
riOt my vain frothy heart, be taken up with trifling 
pleasure?:, neither let me be hewing out broken 
cisterns, while I am pleasing myself with hopes of 
being refreshed by christian conversation. Lord, 
bless this to me, if it be thy will; but enable 
me to fly from all dependence on any thing, but 
Christ Jesus, the heail of all gracious influences- 
Tliither let me 11}' — there rest and bathe my weary 
soul, which has long been at an awful distance. O 
let me enjoy thee in my journey, and that will be a 
thousand times more comfortable than all oilier en- 
joyments can be. O let thy glury, I beseech thee, 


Ir^ exceedingly near my heart, and be the ultimate 
end of all my actions. Lord, thou alone knowest 
what lies before me. I desire to sul3mit myself, 
soul and body, with all my affairs, in life or death, 
to thy care. The Lord bless my friends, to whom 
I am going. The Lord bless all dear to me, whom 
I leave behind ; in special thine handmaids, who 
take care for me. Lord, make things easy and 
comfortable for them. Let not their communion 
with thee be interrupted, but abundantly refresh 
their souls with the incoming of thy blessed Spirit. 
Bless thy servant, my dear Pastor, with the best of 
blessings, with his dear consort and little one. Bless 
all my flock of little ones, and grant that, if I should 
never meet them here again, I may meet them at 
thy right hand in the great and last day. Bless all 
under this roof, Avith spiritual blessings. And hear 
these petitions, and grant them, not for my sake, but 
for Jesus' sake. Amen. 

August 20, 1750. 
I HAVE at this time had the most sweet com- 
munion with God in prayer, that I have experienc- 
ed this long time. God has discovered to me much 
of his perfections, and caused me to rejoice in him, 
as a faithful unchangeable God, my only portion 
and happiness, and in Christ Jesus as a suitable Sa- 
viour, just such an one as I want, O how does the 
sweetness of enjoying God in duty exceed all other 
pleasures, and render them trifling. Surely, com- 
pared with this, they are all very vanity a^d no^tk- 


ing. The Lor'l make me thankful for tlilg golden 
season, and yet preserve me from depending on if, 
for Jesus' sake. 

August 22. — I desire to record, with a truly 
grateful soul, that God has permitted me to draw 
near (o him in prayer, and other duties, every day 
this week. O what shall I render to the Lord for 
all his benefits ? Now let me take the cup of sal- 
vation, and pay unto the Lord my vows. O Lord, 
strengthen me by thy grace, that I may do so, I 
beseech thee, for Jesus' sake, to whom be glory 
forever. Amen. 

Sabbath evening, March 10, 17.51. 
I WOULD now record to the praise of God, 
and for my future encouragement, that I have this 
day been permitted to wait upon God in his house 
and at his table ; and, adored be his name, I was 
not suffered to be altogether barren. No : God 
there enlarged my desires after Christ, and grace. 
1 longed to be made holy, yea, completely so, and 
for the utter destruction of every sin. I dreaded 
returning to the practice of it, but knew I should 
if left to myself. I was enabled to fly to that pro- 
mise which truth itself has made, that he will put 
his fear into his people's hearts, and they shall not 
depart from him. 

Salurdayf August 31. — I have, through the 
goodness of my God, this week been kept for the 
uionI part, in a thoughtful frame, and at sometime*, 
I trust, in the lively cNcrci^c of grace. At ket- 


me, llie Rev. Mr. Vinal treated on the ascension of 
my glorious Redeemer : And O, if I am indeed 
risen with him, let me now in good earnest " set 
my affections on things above, where Christ is." 
Lord, art thou ascended on high, far above, all hea- 
vens, exalted at Ihy Father's right hand, possessed 
of all the glory and majesty of an infinite God, and 
dost thou, notwithstanding, condescend to visit so 
vile and despicable a worm as me, by the influen- 
ces of thy blessed Spirit here ; and more than this, 
art thou gone to prepare a place for me, that I may 
ere long be with thee to behold thy glory ? Amaz- 
ing grace. Infinite stoop ! Well, since infinite 
power is engaged, that same Saviour, who, by the 
virtue and energy of his own Godhead, raised him- 
self from the dead, and ascended up into heaven 
by his power, to take possession for me, will surely 
accomplish what is lacking in me, and by the same 
power carry on the glorious work he has begun in 
my soul. Amen. So come, Lord Jesus. 

I now solemnly renew my choice of thee, in all 
thy offices, with all thy benefits : Yea I would, by 
faith, adopt Three glorious Persons, in one eternal 
Godhead, for mine everlasting portion. O happy 
portion ! Lord, I solemnly declare, I am and will 
be thine for ever and ever. 

Blessed be God, amidst all my declensions and 
failings, as to the performance of duties, I have 
never yet revoked the bargain I made, when I cov- 
enanted with God for him to be mine, and I to be 
his forever. No, no : In this I will rejoice. O 
may this covenant stand ratified and confirmed in 


heaven. Lord, by thy grate assisting, I will be 
for thee, and none other. 


Wednesday evening-^ November 6. — To-morrow 
is set apart for a day of thanksgiving, and as there 
is to be a coHecilon for the poor, 1 have endeavor- 
ed to £jet something for that purpose, but am yet 
altogether disappointed, and know not how to make 
out one iiiUe; but hope Providence will still pro- 
vide for me. 

November 7 . — I desire to bless God, the difficul- 
ty I mentioned last evening is removed, and upon 
a review of the gracious dealings of God with us 
the year past, I fuid I liave ahundant cause to keep 
the day in thanksgiving. Bhish, my soul, at the 
backwardness to this duty tliou hast experienced ! 
Has God preserved us in hcallh al.iiost all the 
year past, so that I never perhaps enjoyed a jear 
of more confir/ned health in my life, or for twenty 
years pas-t, and shall I not be thankful for this great 
meTcy'^. Again, has not God in his Providence 
provided for us a comfortable house, while hundreds 
have been destitute, and knew not where to go? 
Have we not had a sufficiency of fuel to keep us 
warm, while many are fdled with distressing fears of 
a hard winter, and can get no wood to burn .' Have 
we not also bad, all the year past, a sufliclency of 
wholesome food to satisfy our craving appetites, 
wliilc many as good, or better than we, have l)een 
pine hed with hunger ? O my soid, be thankful. 
Bless the Lord, and forget not all his benefits. 

Tuesday evening, December 31, 1731. — Now, 


my God, thou hast brought me to the close of an- 
other year, I beseech thee freely pardon all the 
sins of the year past, with aU the transgressions of 
my whole life. Lord, they are more than the hairs 
of my head in number and cannot be reckoned up. 
They are greatly aggravated. I cannot answer for 
one of a thousand, no, nor for any one of them, 
Shouldest thou be strict to mark iniquity. Lord, 
who could stand ! I fly to the blood of Jesus : O 
let that be applied for my cleansing, and accept mc 
for his sake alone. Lord, it is only in and through 
him I dare approach tliee, and ask for pardon. 
Thou art a consuming fire : But oh ! for his sake 
freely pardon, and bestow on me all the grace and 
.strength I need to carry me safe tlirough all the 
trials I am still to meet with in a world of sin and 
sorrow. Be with me in the ensuing year, I beseech 
thee. And, O gracious God, forbid I should so 
grieve thy blessed Spirit therein, as in the year 
past. O let me not backslide froin thee ; but keep 
me near ; and grant I may indeed sensibly grow in 
grace, and in the knowledge of my Lord and Saviour 
Jesus Christ. Whatever thou deniest me, give 
me this, and all shall be well. 

And O let me be in an actual preparation for 
death, which may come long before the return of 
another year: If so, O let it be a safe and happy 
messenger. O m.ay it put an everlasting period to 
sin and sorrow. Then let me tlnd thou art in deed 
and in truth my covenant God, whom I shall adore 
and praise without weariness, to all C'ernity. 

Lord, I bless thee for all the experiences of thy 


goodness in tlie year past ; and again renew my 
choice of thee, O God, the Father, Son, and Holy- 
Ghost, for my only portion, through time and eter- 
nity : And desire nnfeiirnedly to resiirn my whole 
soul and body to thee forever. Lord, accept of 
me ; for I am, and will, by assisting grace, be for 

thee, and none other. 


Sahbalh evenings Fehnutry 9, 1752. 

AH, LORD, how deceitful do J find my heart 
to be ! How often have 1 thought I desired noth- 
ing more of this worUVs goods, but just daily food 
and raiment ; and wherewith to render to every 
one their due : Yea, I have once and again, told 
tliee so. And thou hast in thy good providence 
granted me all that I asked of thee : Yea, thou hast 
given me io the utmost of what I then desired. 
And now, ere I am aware, I find myself busy in 
providing for futurities ; want to lay up a little for 
//ii8, and a little for that. And from thence, I be- 
gin to want a great deal, to provide for sicjvness and 
old age, and what not ! 

Ijord, I am afraid of this worldly mindedness. 
I know not where it will end. O, I pray thee, sub- 
due it by thy grace, or all my strivings against it 
will be ineffectual. Oh, do I begin to lay up a treas- 
ure here ! tlen I fear my heart will be here also. 
Lurd, I dread being glued down to the things of 
tinu: and sense. I pray thee, give me no unsaiicti- 
fied prosperity ; but sanctify my fancy, and let not 


my vain imaginations carry my heart off from God, 
and bury it in this world. O for some discoveries 
of eternal things, that this vain, empty world, with 
all its enjoyments, may shrink into nothing, com- 
pared with that more durable substance, that one 
thing needful, an interest in the blessed Jesus. 

Lord, I would not ungratefully forget to thank 
thee for the care of thy good providence, in so pro- 
viding the comforts and conveniencies of life for 
me : But, Oh, I deprecate having these as my por- 
tion ! This is not the portion I have chosen. Oh 
no ! but thyself, thy Christ, and the sanctifying 
influences of thy blessed Spirit, that I may be ena- 
bled to live to thy glory here, and to all eternity. 
O grant these desires, give me this portion, I be- 
seech thee, for Jesus' sake. 

November 16, 1752. — A day of public thanks- 
giving. O my soul, adore the matchless grace, and 
adorable sovereignty of God, since thou hast a 
Lope, through grace, that he has enabled thee to 
comply with the terms of salvation. And now re- 
flect, and say if thou hast not cause to be thankful 
for the mercies of the year past. God has preserv- 
ed thee fiom falling into any open, scandalous sins, 
to the dishonor of his dear name. He has also re- 
vived thee again, and again, from low, groveling 
frames ; given thee blessed views of his adorable 
perfections ; especially of his faithfulness in keep- 
ing covenant, and ordering all things so, as should 
tend most to his own glory, and thy best good here : 
And also comfortable prospects of approaching 
death and eternity ! O, how often has he met with 


thee in his sanchiary ; and at his table spoke peace 
and pardon ! O, Mhal a God is this ! Thus to do, 
after so many base declensions and agi^ravated prov- 

oralions ! Bhish, my soul, at thy monstrous in- 

gratiliide, and adore him as a God of infinite mercy 
and faithfiihiess, who will never, never forsake the 
soul once espoused to Jesus Christ by faith ! Lord, 
increase my faith. 

Sabbath evening, March 11, 1753. 

I DESIRE to record, for God's glor}', and for 
my future encouras^ement, that God has carried me 
through the difficulties of my calling the last week, 
with a considerable degree of composure ; and kept 
my thouglits more fixed on his adorable perfections, 
than usual : Gi^ en access to his throne of grace 
several times, and filled my nunith with arguments. 

This day I have not been able to wail on God in 
his house : But God has greatly refreshed my soul 
by discoveries of himself ; causing me to rejoice ; 
to admire and adore him, because he is a Being of 
such spotless purity and holiness. Yea, because 
he is just such an one, as he is, altogether excellent, 
amiable and desirable, foi* him;;elf ; and is his own 
infinite delight, and the doligiit of Angels and 
Saints ; and all his laws arc holy, just and good. 

This discovery made me loathe and abhor my- 
self, because of the shocking contrariety which 
still remains in my depraved, perverse nature, to 
the holy law of God ; and caused me to justify 
liod, though he should forever withhold that grace 


as thou art. Then, Lord, shall I be satisfied, when 
I have the open vision, and full fruition of my God. 

ripen me fast, for Jesus' sake, on whom alone 
all my hopes are grounded. 

Tuesday mornmg',3Iarch 27. — Yesterday morn- , 
ing I was enlarged and refreshed, and found a sweet 
calmness and composure upon my spirits till after- 
noon. But then the children grew so unruly, and 

1 so weary and discomposed, I new not what to do 
with myself. I hoped to be refreshed by retiring ; 
but my spirits were so spent, and confused, that I 
had scarce any sense of any thing, and have felt 
empty ever since. 

Lord, forbid I should ever rest satisfied with the 
bare external performance of duty . No. It is the 
God of ordinances I want to find. Without him, 
all means are empty, and ineffectual to satisfy ths 
cravings of an immortal soul. None but thee, thou 
who alone fillest heaven and earth with thy glory, can 
fill my precious and immortal soul. Therefore, I be- 
seech thee, condescend to visit thy worthless wormj 
by the influences of thy blessed Spirit and grace. 

liord, this were indeed too great a mercy foi» 
such a worthless worm to ask, hadst not thou, for 
the sake of a glorious Mediator, encouraged, yea, 
commanded me to ask : And hast told me, by his 
own mouth, "How much more thou wilt give thy 
Holy Spirit to them who ask him." Yea, thi^ 
Spirit, Christ hath died to purchase. This is X\\3 
Comforter. This is he who is come to guide his 
people into all necessary truth ; to reduce Ihem, 
when they wander; to quicken them, v/hen they 


are dull; to help their infirruitic=», when they know 
not what to pray for as they ouuht : Yea, 
lo make intercession in them, with groanings 
which cannot be uttered : and to fdl them with all 
grace and joy in belioving. This is the Spirit 
whose presence and continual abode with me I 
want ; and without whom I can do nothing. O 
God, srant me this, thongli, of myself, I am vile 
and unworthy, 1 shall be purified and made holy. 
Come, blessed Spirit, take an everlasting posses- 
sion of my whole heart, soul and body. I call 
heaven and earth io witness, that thou art the only 
welcome guest, whatever else may usurp authority 
there ; in thee alone I do rejoice : Therefore abide 
with me for Jesus' sake. 

Wednesday vwrning, 3Iarch 28. — The I^ord 
make me tliankful ! I have botli strength of body, 
and a will given me to rise early, and redeem time 
for retirement. And now, my God, be with me, 
and subdue those wanderings which have crept in- 
to my closet with me. Lord, I wouhl fain iiave 
this place, and every moment spent in it, dedicated 
to thee. It was to get clear of the world, its en- 
tanglements and <liversions, that I sought it. And, 
O sulTer them not \o follow me here, gracious God! 
Blessed Saviour, scourge every buyer and seller 
out of thy temple, even the temple which has been, 
njcain, and again, gi\en up for the Holy Ghost to 
luell in. • 

SahlKttJi daij, April 1. — I ha\e now enjoyed my 
room for retirement one week. And O, has it not 
'^'?cn a sweet v.eek to me! Sure it has: for God 

MRS. SARAH 03B0RN. 113 

he is no way bound to give : But, at the same time 
encouraged to plead earnestly for it for the dear 
Redeemer's sake : And to cast myself at the foot; 
of a sovereign God, to be disposed of, as shall most 
consist with his glory, in life and death: That, if I 
live, I may live to the Lord ; and if I die, I may 
die to the Lord ; that whether I live or die, I may 
be the Lord's forever and ever. Lord, accept the 
surrender, for Jesus' sake. 

Sabbath morning, March 25. — ^This is the first 
time that I hav€ taken my room for retiremento 
And now the ti^eachery of my own heart, and the 
subtilty of Satan perplex me with fears that I shall 
abuse the privilege, by mifeimproving it. And sure 
I am, if God leave me to myself, I shall do so ! 
The Lord enable me strictly to watch over, and be 
jealous of myself, lest I should deceive myself and 
others — But, Lord, I beseech thee, let me not again 
fall to distrusting thy grace. Truth, Lord, v^ithout 
thee I can do nothing. I am not, cf myself, sufS- 
cient for a good thought. But, through Christ 
strengthening me, I can do all things. And hast 
not thou, my covenant God, graciously promised, 
that thou wilt not turn away from doing me good 1 
Lord, except I have thy presence, wherefore am I 
come up hither ? Wherefore didst thou excite in 
me such earnest desires of attaining such a place ? 
For any would do, if I only offer up lively sacrifi- 
ces ; no matter for such great secrecy. But in 
this, I trust, O my God, thou wilt enable me to 
pour out my wliole soul into thy bosom, while no 
mortal eye or ear can discern 


NoT7, Tiord, may the set time be come, whercifi 
riiou Avilt favor thy poor, sinful creature with the 
(jiiit kciiing influences of thy blessed Spirit, and 
pour out on me a spirit of prayer and supplication^ 
(or Jesus' sake, in wliose name I ask for all my mer* 
cies. Whose I am, anti, by assisting grace, will be 
' rever- 

MbTidaij morninocy March *2G. Yesterday 

morning njy room seemed new and strange. And, 
for wise ends, I was shut up, confused and straiten- 
ed : But in the evening had access to the throne of 
grace. And, Lord, I beseech thee, let me at this 
time also. And, O may this place be a Bethel. 
Here let me, with Jacol^, wrestle with thee for the 
blessings I want, namely, increase of all the graces 
of thy blessed Spirit, knowledge, faith, evangelical 
repentance ; yea, and liumility, that dear and love- 
ly grace : And for a spiiit of prayer to be poured 
«ut on me. Lord, let me be no longer dufub be- 
fore thy throne, since prayer is the very breath and 
♦jfe of the ncAV creature. Lord, all thy works 
juaise thee. And shall I alone be silent, while the 
angelic hosts and saints adore ! O let me, even me 
ai-:o bear my part. And Lord accept my feeble 
attempts, though I cannot praise as glorified angels 
md saints do ; nor as thou art worthy to be praised 
and adored ; for tliou dost infinitely exceed all 
praise and adoration, thou al'ogether lovely. One 
II three glorious persons. O Lord, let me gaze oi» 
tljy j)erfoclions, till I am transformed into the same 
image. O blessed be thy name, I shall be like 
thee, when in one everlasting day I shall see thee 


has condescended to own me, and afforded me his 
assistance every day. O what a mercy this ! that 
I, who have so long been, in a manner, dumb before 
the throne of grace, all confusion and wandering, 
should again have my mouth opened, and filled with 
arguments ; my soul held up, and strengthened to 
wrestle with God. O, go on, gracious God, yet 
more and more to discover thyself to me, in and 
through the dear Mediator. O let me behold thy 
adorable perfections, till I am swallowed up in ad- 
miration, and transformed into the same image. O, 
fill me as full as this clay vessel can hold ; and when 
it can hold no more. Lord, let it break, that my 
soul may wing away, as a bird let out of its cage ; 
awake in thy likeness, and be satisfied. 

And O, why am I thus rejoicing in hope of the 
glory of God, to be revealed to me, in the face of 
Jesus Christ ! Lord, this must be resolved into thy 
adorable sovereignty : Even so Father ; for so it 
seemed good in thy sight. For I utterly disclaim 
all worth or worthiness in me ; yea, I am altogether 
unworthy of all the mercy and truth thou hast al- 
ready shown to thine handmaid. It is only because 
thou wilt have mercy on whom thou wilt have mer- 
cy, that, by thy grace, I am what I am. 

And, Lord, since grace is thus absolutely free 
and sovereign, and increase of grace is attainable 
for those who have the principle, who are believ- 
ers in Jesus Christ ; and perseverance to the end 
is certain, I fly to thee, in the name of Jesus, and 
renew my request for increase of grace, and perse- 
verance too. For thou hast said, For these thing.3 


Ihoii wilt be Miqulred of, to tlo them for me. O 
Lord, I cannot let thee go without this blessing : 
For never did a poor worldlint: more earnestly covet 
riches, than I do grace to do thy will. Lord, grant 
me this, and thyself, and it is enough. Let me 
have the portion I have chosen, and I will leave the 
worldling to his. O Lord, hear for Jesus' sake. 

Tuesdni/ morning, May 1.0. — On Saturday even- 
ing, Sabbath morning and evening, and yesterday 
morning, I have been much refreshed in writing on 
death and judgment. I find, by examination, still 
good ground to Iiope, througli riches of grace, that 
the great Judge of quick and dead is, in very deed, 
my everlasting friend ; and therefore never will dis- 
own me; never will say, I know you not, depart 
from me : But, on the contrary, will say, Come ye 
blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepar- 
ed for you before the foundation of the world : For 
I have paid the ransom for you ; I have redeemed 
you with the price of my precious blood. I ef- 
fectually called you in time, and enabled you by 
faith to embrace me, on my own terms. I made 
you sincere, from the day I called you, though you 
were then very imperfect. 

You was then sanctified but in part. You groan- 
ed under a body of sin and death, which caused 
you to wander from me, wound your own soul, and 
grieve my blessed Spirit. But I kept tliee by the 
bonds of the everlasting covenant, and by my 
mighty power, through faith unto salvation. And, 
for my sake all thy poor imperfect performances.. 

MRS. SARAH OSBOR!?. ' 119 

and sincere endeavors to serve me were accepted, 
I pitied and succoured thee then. I had a feeling 
of thy infirmities. I remembered thy frame, that 
thou wast but dust. I heard all thy groanings, be- 
cause of thy spiritual enemies, thy inbred lusts 
and corruptions, as well as Satan and the world, 
which held thee at a distance from me, when thou 
wast in that vale of tears. I beheld all thy tliirst- 
ings and longings after me and my grace, univer- 
sal obedience and perfection in holiness. It 
was I that excited and strengthened them. I 
encouraged and strengthened thy faith, when thou 
didst cleave to me, and would not let me go. I 
caused thee to delight in me, above all other ob- 
jects. I discovered something of my excellencies 
to thee then, which caused thee to be enamored 
with my beauty ; but thou sawest only through a 
glass darkly. 

But now, behold, the vail is rent from top to bot- 
tom. I will never any more hide my face from 
thee. Come, all thy desires are fulfilled ; all thy 
imperfections are done away ; and, according to 
thy wish, thou art made perfect in holiness. Thou 
shalt never find any more weariness in my service. 
And thou mayest now with open face behold me, 
constantly look on my perfe':;tions, see my glory, 
and the lustre of it shall not confound thee. Come, 
here is the open vision, the full fruition thou didst 
long for. Come, drink in as much of God now, as 
thy finite capacity can hold ; and I will still enlarge 
thy "opacity : Thou shalt pass from glory to glory; 
and be more and more transformed into the same 


iiiiage. Come, drink and swim, and drink again of 
those rivers of pleasure, whi( h flow from the right 
hand of God forevermore. Here is the boundless 
ocean, in which thon mayest dive throiicrhout the 
endless ages of eternity, and thy delights shall be 
forever new. 

Come, search into the wonders of redeeming love 
and grace, which has brought so many of the apos- 
tate sons and daughters of Adam to glory : And 
now, in this everlasting no7v, give to God the glory 
of his sovereign grace. Come, tune thy harp, and 
sound upon the highest string. Shout aloud for 
joy ; for he has given grace and glory too. Here 
is no danger of ostentation or spiritual pride ; or of 
grieving any of the inhabitants of this upper world. 
No, they will all join w ith thee, and each for him- 
self, and on thy behalf, give glory to God, in the 
highest strains. Didst thou long to be thus em- 
ployed? Well, go on forever to praise and adore the 
glorious Three One. Didst thou delight to commune 
with me in providences, as well as in ordinances? 
Well, thou mayest now learn the mysteries of 
them : They shall be unfohled. Unbelief shall no 
more molest thee. Now thou shalt see how by the 
watchful eye of my providence, I preserved thee 
from every danger. -^How I swayed the sceptre in 
righteousness, and caused all things to work togeth- 
er for thy ciood ; even when thou saidst, All these 
tilings are against me ! I never took my eye from 
thee ; nor turned away from doing thee good. Now, 
thou mayest adore forever, on this account also ; 


and see what thou didst, when thou didst commit 
all thy concerns to me, for time and eternity. 

Didst thou delight in the company and commun- 
ion of my ambassadors, and dear children ? Did 
they appear tlie most lovely and agreeable, of all 
the inhabitants of the lower w^orld ? Especially, 
when thou didst discern, through their imperfec- 
tions, as the sun through a cloud, my image, drawn 
in an eminent degree upon their souls. Didst thou 
love them for my sake, whereever Ihou sawest 
them ? Were they, in thy esteem, indeed the ex- 
cellent of the earth ? Well, here thou shalt forev- 
er enjoy the communion of saints : These shall be 
thy companions forever. All their imperfections, 
as well as thine, are done away. They are now 
perfect, and shall never ensnare thee, as even they 
were wont to do. They shall never turn off thy 
eyes from me. No, not the brightest seraph in all 
the heavenly regions, shall ever be able to do it : 
Nor all the glittering robes of glorified saints and 
angels. But thou shalt enjoy me in all these. I 
will forever feast thy soul with communications 
from myself. And if I, wlio am God allsufficient, 
can make thee happy, thou shalt be so y for I will 
be thy portion to eternity. 

And didst thou in time, by faith, commit the 
keeping of thy soul and body into my merciful and 
faithful hands, against this great day ? I excited 
and enabled thee to do it»: And now thou seest the 
effect. Thy expectations from me, shall never be 
disappointed ; neither shalt thou ever be ashamed 
of thy hope, I kept thee by my power, while on 


earth. I kept thee in the hour of death, when Sa- 
tan wouUl gladly have hurled thy soul into the in- 
fernal regions ; but he could not pluck thee out of 
my hands. I sent tliy guardian angels to conduct 
Ihy precious soul to Abraham's bosom. And I 
still took care of thy mouldering dust, while in the 
grave ; not an atom of it is lost. And now, behold ! 
I have raised it a clorions body, fashioned like my 
own. And now the union between soul and body 
shall never be dissolved ; but the dear partners shall 
forever reap together, as they sowed together. Be- 
hold, according to thy faith and hope, I now pre- 
sent them spotless and biameless before the throne 
of God. I have redeemed tliem by my blood. By 
my obedience and death I have satisfied justice, 
and have purchased reconciliation with God. Mer- 
cy and truth have met together; righteousness and 
peace have kissed each other. I have washed 
away all thy pollutions. And now, I give thee 
joy ; and all the host of heaven give thee joy ; 
llicrefore enter thou into the joy of thy Lord. I 
gave thee joy in the day of thy espousals, and in 
frequent after manifestations, as an earnest of this. 
Thou liast had a taste of the same in kind, when I 
revealed myself to tliee on earth ; but the degree 
shall now be greater than thou couldest then ask or 

Sabbath evciiiii'r, J)laij20. — In the week past I 
liave had my thoughts much employed in raeditat- 
inci; on death, judgment, and eternity. SoinetimcE 
1 ha\e seemed so swallow up in them, that I hardly 
knew how to descend to earth again. — Well, ray 

MRS. SARAH 03B0RN. 123 

soul, thou hast had a rich feast now ! Perhaps, a 
taste to strengthen thy faith to thy journey's end. 
Be exceeding thankful for such views of unseen 
and eternal things. Keep the eye of faith still fixed 
upon them, and run with patience the race set be- 
fore thee ; looking and longing for the glorious ap- 
pearance of the great God, even our Lord and Sa- 
viour Jesus Christ. And now, in a special manner, 
watch and pray, lest thou enter into temptation. 
And remember, it is by grace thou standest. O, 
be not high minded, but fear before a holy and sin 
hating God ; for the glorious things thou hast seen> 
by an eye of faith, are not yet accomplished. Re- 
joice in hope of the glory of God, and steadfastly 
believe that in his own time, all these things will be 
revealed ; and therefore march forward in his 
strength towards the joyful period. 

But take heed of boasting, as though thou hadst 
already put off the harness ; for perhaps thou may- 
est be but girding it on. Thou art yet in thy ene- 
mies' country. Snares await thee on every side. 
Thou art not out of the reach of spiritual pride, or 
vain glory : Nor out of the reach of unbelief, which 
may yet raise many black clouds, before thou reach 
the blissful regions. Nor hast thou yet got clear 
of sloth and carnal security .^ Nay, all the lusts of 
the flesh, which now seem to be in some good de- 
gree conquereil, may yet rise up against thee. 
There may yet be sore conflicts in this field of bat- 
tle : And though they shall not finally overcome, 
they may sadly wound thee, and dishonor God. 
Again, my soul, thou art not yet out of the reach of 


Satan, who lias oflen desired to liuve tliee, that he 
might sift thee as wlieat. IVlany a fiery dart may 
lie yet throw at thee, many grievous injections : 
For though the house is built upon the rork Christ 
Jesus; and therefore shall no! fall: Yet t!ie rain 
may descend, the floods come, the winds blow, and 
beat upon it; and tliou hast no reason to expect any 

Therefore, I say again, watch and pray, lest tliou 
enter info temptation. And beware lest self confi- 
dence sliould betray thee; or any of the troubles 
or amusements of a vain world. O take heed of 
hewing out any more broken cisterns ; for they can 
hold no water. Not all the creatures upon earth, 
nor all created things, can ever yield thee, my soul, 
that satisfaction thou liast already found in God, 
tliat spring and fountain of all felicity. Therefore 
turn not to the creature ; but maintain thy resolu- 
tion to remain comfortless, except he comfort thee 
with communications from himself. Let nothing 
less satisfy thee. Thou wast made to glorify and 
enjoy him even here. Thou art not obliged to wait 
till death lias done its work : No, even now thou 
mayest anticipate that joy, if thou art not wanting 
to thyself. 

And I charge Iher, my soul, harbor no distrusts 
of his grace. Kemeni!)rr this has been (hy prevail- 
ing infirmity. Therefore watch iTgainst this thy 
own inirjuity. It is said of Chris! ; that he did not 
many mighty works, in his own country, because of 
Ihcir unbelief. Let this therefore be laid aside; 
and ; and let faith be daily upon tJic scout, sending 


it forth continually to Christ for fresh supplies of 
grace and strength, and all shall be well. For he 
is the head of all graQious influences. He has an 
immense stock to give out, an inexhaustible fulness 
for his poor, needy creatures. And who can tel; 
but he may have yet far greater degrees of grace 
to bestow on thee ? Even strengthening, quicken- 
ing, and sanctifying grace ; for he is thy sanctifica- 
tion as well as redemption. Who can tell but I 
shall be much more conformed to his blessed im- 
age, even here ? Though perfection in holiness is 
not to be obtained in this life ; yet grace is abso- 
lutely free and sovereign. Some have been made 
eminent patterns of piety, though in themselves un- 
worthy, as well as I. Some lights have so shine d, 
that others seeing their good works, have glorified 
their Father who is in Heaven. O my God, un- 
worthy wretch as I am, yet glorify thyself in me 
also. O, fashion me after my great pattern : Make 
me holy, harmless, undefiled, and separate from 

Friday evenings June 1. — Blessed be God, I 
still continue to reap the sweetness of having a place 
convenient for retirement. God is a gracious hear- 
er of prayer ; pours out a spirit of prayer ; 
strengthens and encourages my faith, and importu- 
nity for increase of grace ; discovers more and 
more what a good God he is, the altogether lovely 
one, full of truth and faithfulness, holiness and ma- 
jesty, every way desirable, in himself; and a God 
greatly to be feared, as well as praised. Never did 
I more clearly see the infinite distance between 


God and me, a worm of the diisl ; and his astonish- 
ing condescension in siiffeiinc^ nie to approach him, 
than now : And I never had greater freedom 
throu<i;h a Mediator. 

Saivrdai/ eveuinsr, JuJi/ -28. — Last eveninir srait- 
ened and confused in prayer. This morning wak- 
ed with a sick lieadache ; much out of order every 
way, and my spirits sunk exceedingly. A gloomy 
vail cast over every thing. My school was to be 
all confusion, my spirit of government being lost, 
the children, besure would not profit by mc ; and 
so it would by degrees dwindle awjiy, and come to 
nothing. These, and (he like thinzs, Satan or un- 
lielief took the advantage of my indisposition, to 
suggest. I remark the trial, that I may the more 
see the hand of providence providing, and ordering 
all things well for me, as faith tells me it will. 

O my God, pity me, and help me to break through 
the entanirlements of tliis world. Thou seest that 
of myself I cannot do it. Lord, I thought anxious 
care, and distrust of thy providential care, had been 
a conquered enemy. O have 1 loo confidently be- 
lieved it to be so ! O, forgive me, I pray thee, and 
for thine own honor's sake, subdue this hateful sin. 
Lord, I would fain rely on thee at all times : For I 
do believe (help thou my unbelief) that thou wilt 
do all thiiji;s well for me ; for I am thine own.* 

Subbiitk moiiiingi July '29. — This morning I 

'' In the margin of her <liarv, she inserted llic ibUowing 
■te : April! J, 1760. Time lias shown me Jiow needless 

•-hcst cares and fcitrs verc ; for hitherto the Lord has helped 



bave again been exercised with despondencies, and 
seemed to be sinking into deep waters. Lord, save 
me ! O save me from the prevalence of this sin of 
distrust ! Save me from pulling on me the evils of 
a to-morrow, which may never come. O save me 
from this sin, I beseech thee, for in me it is attend- 
ed with a thousand aggravations ! For I know it is 
in direct contrariety to thy positive command, 
" Take no thought for the morrow." It is contra- 
ry to all my resolutions, and determinations, by 
grace assisting, to commit all my concerns into thy 
faithful hands ; and to cast all my care upon thee. 
Besides, my own experience has ever proved to 
me thou art the God who hast fed me all my life ; 
the God who didst never leave me upon the mount 
of difficulty ; but always appeared and wrought 
deliverance. Thou hast been my tried friend in 
six and seven troubles. And thou hast said, thou 
wilt never leave me nor forsake me. 

Monday morning, July 30. — O with what a 
complete uneasiness am I exercised ! How I dread 
the business of the day ! O, how unequal to the 
work am I ! Lord, help me, and qualify me for the 
business to which thou in thy providence hast call- 
43d me. O give me wisdom from on high. 

Monday evening. — This morning my heart was 
so exceedingly overwhelmed, that I could write no 
more : But betook myself to earnest prayer. And 
O how doth God condescend to my weakness, and 
indulge me ! While pleading with him for strength, 
wisdom, patience, and prudence, this cordial was 
given to encourage me. Thou shalt make thy 


way prosperous, and llioii slialt liavc good success. 
Have not I commanded tliee ? Be strong and of 
good courage ; be not afraid, neither be thou dis- 
mayed ; for the Lord thj God is with thee whith- 
ersoever thou goest.* This has refreslied me all 
the day, and bore my spirits up. Amen. Blessed 
God, be thou with mc, and all is well. If thou 
wilt slrengtlien me, I will not be afraid, however 
great the work is, in which 1 am engaged ; for thou 
hast called me to it once and again. O suppress 
all my unbelieving fears ; and help me at all times 
to trust and rejoice in thee, who art the God of all 
my mercies, for Jesus' sake. 

Mondai/ evenings August 6. — Blessed be God, 
ever since Monday last, when God enabled me to 
pour out my prayers and tears into his bosom, I 
have been relieved of those fears which then op- 
pressed me. O what a God hearing prayer have I 
to go to ! O that every moment of iiyy life may be 
devoted to him .' O my God, grant me fresh sup- 
plies of grace and strength every day. Uphold me 
by thy free Spirit ; for I am a poor, needy, help- 
less worm. And now, my God, let me get near to 
tlie throne of grace. 

Give me the Spirit of adoption. Lord, thou art 
a liberal giver, and upbraidest not. Thou has en- 
couraged my hungering and thirsting after right- 
eousness : Yea, Ihou dost exciie it: And thou hast 
said, They who i\o so shall be filled. Yea, thou hast 
bid inc open my mouth wide, and said thou will fill 
it ; therefore make me yet more importunate. 
Sec note, p.igc 85. 


Lord, I am not suing for riches, pleasures, or 
long life. No, but for sanctifying grace. O, hold 
out. the golden sceptre ; let me touch the top, and 
grant my petition and my request, tliat I may glo- 
rify thee upon earth, as well as in heaven ; that I 
may finish the work thou hast given me to do. 

And O revive sinking, dying religion. Let thy 
kingdom comCy and thy will be done. O hasten 
the blessed time, when Christ Jesus shall be king 
of nations, as he is king of Saints. — 

A precious season after this. The Lord make 
me thankful. 

Sabbath evenings September 23. — Alas ! Alas ! 
Lord, what shall I do ! I am so ignorant, I am as a 
beast before thee. Yea, more brutish than any 
one. 'O foolish and unwise ! thus to keep grov- 
eling among the corruptions of my own heart ; try- 
ing to sound the bottom of that great deep, till I am 
so overwhelmed, that I know not how to look up. 
And as if that was not enough, now I am mourning 
over my natural temper, and complaining of that^ 
as if it was the worst that ever mortal had. Oh, 
is not here a degree of murmuring against that God, 
who in infinite wisdom gave me my constitution, as 
well as my being ; and knows how to overrule my 
passions,, and make them subservient to his glory ? 
O, why cannot I watch, and endeavor to quench 
the fire wlien it is like to kindle, or has broke out ; 
without drowning myself with the water ? What, 
my soul, is become of thy faith and courage ? 
Whither is the great Captain of thy salvation gone 
now, that thou hast no more eye to him ? Must he 


he forgotten ; faillfs mouth be stopped ; and all, 
because nothing more has befallen thee, than what 
thou hast had all thy days ? This bad heart, and 
this bad temper, tjiou hast always had ; and yet 
Jesus hath not despised thee ; but hath pitied and 
succoured thee. He hath had a feeling of all thine 
infirmities. And how many thousand times hath 
lie leaped over these mountains of tJiy sins and in- 
firFuities, and come to thee and embraced thee. 
These did not keep him out at first. No, he was 
gracious, because he would be gracious then. He 
freely loved thee ; and whom he loves, he loves 
to the end. Is God deceived in me ? Is lie a man, 
that he should lie ; or the son of man, that he 
should repent ? Did he not know, even from eter- 
nity, just what I should be in time ? Surely iTe did. 
And yet determined to be gracious to me. And 
why, my soul, art thou now cast down ; and why 
dis(juieted within me ? Hope in God, for I shall 
yet praise him, who is the health of my counte- 
nance, and my God. 

Friday morning, October 26. — Two sudden 
deaths here this week ! The Lord sanctify these 
warnings to all tlie inhabitants of this place. And 
in special to the bereaved relations. O may we all 
watch ! Lord, may the unregenerate be awakened 
out of their spiritual lethargy ; and be brought to 
see how awful it will be, if thou shouldst come, and 
find them sleeping : Sleeping, till they awake in, 
hell. O awful thought ! Lord, be merciful to such 
poor, stupid creatures ; and rouse them by thy 
providences, for thy name's sake, to seek and se- 


cure an Interest in Christ Jesus, that they may be 
prepared for a sudden shock. And O, lei, ihose 
who have, through sovereiy;n grace, obtained an in- 
terest in him, still watch, and endeavor to be in an 
actual preparation, that death may be no surprise 
to them, notwithstanding he is to nature the king 
of terrors. O may he be to such a welcome mes- 
senger, to conduct them to their Father's house. 
Lord, suffer not thy own children to be in bondage 
all their days, through fear of death : But, having 
committed their everlasting concerns into the hands 
ef a glorious Mediator, let them be willing to be 
dissolved, and to be with him. 

But, O my soul, art thou thus actually willing ; 
actually prepared ? Suppose the grim messenger 
should really approach this moment ; wouldst not 
thou then cry out. O spare me a little while ! If 
thou shouldst feel the universal shock, would it not 
make thee fear and tremble too ? O be not high 
minded, but fear. Thou knowest not yet what it 
is to die, though thou dost often endeavor to realise 
it. Art not thou in almost all cases exceeding tim- 
orous and faint hearted ? I know not of such a cow- 
ard as thou art. Why then always so courageous, 
when thou dost meditate on death ? Art thou not 
stupid ? Lord God, thou knowest. But I cannot be 
afraid to die : While thou art with me, I will fear 
no evil : No, not even though I were passing through 
the valley of death. This is the way to my Fa- 
ther's house ; and through it I must pass sooner 
or later, or I can never be perfectly holy ; never 
see his glorious face without a vail ; never but 


Ihroiii^h a £:las5 darkly. O, adored be thy name ! 
I shall ju)t always be kept at this paiiifnl distance; 
but die I shall, so sure as 1 am now ;divr. Lord, I 
bless ihee that thou hast said, Dea(h is youis. I 
gladly take it in the inventory, notwithstanding all 
its ghastly looks, and amazing terrors. Let flesh 
and heart fail ; yet God is the strength of my heart, 
and my portion forever. 

What though my eye strings crack, my blood 
chill, hands, feet and all grow cold, and all nature is 
convulsed and distressed, while the soul is breaking 
loose : Is this to be compared to the body of sin 
and death, under which 1 groan ; but shall then bo 
dtdivercd from, and bid a final adieu to forever ! 
O, transporting thought ! O death, where is thy 
sting ; O grave, where is thy victory ! Thanks be 
to God, who has given me the victory, throi^h Je- 
sus Christ my Lord. Thou art surely welcome to 
me. No fears have I about thee, except my God 
should hide his face : Rut I trust he w ill not leave 
me coniforJless in that hour ; but will come to me, 
and his rod and statT shall comfort me. But let 
him do widi me, even in iJuifj as scenieth good un- 
to him; he will net cast olfmy soi;l, when turned 
out of the body by death ; but receive it to him- 
self, and all shall be well, let the time be when it 
will, or the circumstances be what they may. 
Therefore I will still rejoice, because I shall die. 

Tues(J((y jnornindTy November 6. — Yesterday 
cumbered with many things of real necessity for 
the body, which deprived me of almost all my time 
for retirement. Determined to retire last evening, 


aiul speiid it in solemn thanksgiving to God for the 
preservation of his Church from the first to that 
day : But was prevented. O how many hindran- 
ces are there to keep tlie soul from communing with 
its God in this world of snares ! But stop, my so ill. 
Proceed no farther in complaints, lest thou shouldst 
be found to murmur. Caring for the bod^^ God 
hath made a duty ; and therefore it must be atten- 
ded, as well as caring for the souL True, Ihe one 
yields thee a more substantial pleasure, a sublimer 
joy, than the other : It is good for me to draw near 
to God in sweet retirement : But this is not design- 
ed, my soul, for thy continual rest. No : God 
hath otherwise ordered it, in infinite wisdom. 
Therefore submit with cheerfulness. Be not sel- 
fish always ; but let the glory of God, and a con- 
formity to his will, be the ultimate end of all thy 
actions ; and thou mayest enjoy him in all things, 
even here. And still rejoice, and be comforted, 
O my soul. It cannot be long, at the most, before 
ihou shalt enter into thine eternal rest : And then 
thou niaj'-est drink and be satisfied at the fountaJn- 
head, the Spring of all consolation; Nothing shall 
ever interrupt forever and ever. O astonishing 
grace ! But why is such a wretch as I rejoicing in 
hope of this everlasting enjoyment of the blessed 
God ! Lord, this must be resolved into thy adora- 
ble sovereignty. 

Tuesday evenings November G. — This has, bles- 
sed be God, been a good day to me. A sweet 
calm has posisessed my breast, and a solemn sense 
of things. Was enabled seriously to talk to, and 


instructniy children. Some degree of thoughtful- 
ness appeared in them. The Lord seal instruction, 
and make me instrumental of their good, for Jesus* 
sake. O make me more faithful to them, both for 
soul and body ! 

March 22, 1754. 

THE day before yesterday mornin?, refreshed 
in reading the 15th chapter of John. Rejoiced in 
the blessed union between Christ and my soul. 
Had a lively sense, that witliout him I can do noth- 
ing ; a strong desire of abiding in him, and bearing 
much fruil, to the glory of his sovereign grace. 
Renewed solemnly the dedication of my whole soul 
and body to him ; to be kept by his mighty power, 
and to be bis forever. Thought, if I had ten thous- 
and such precious jewels as my own immortal soul, 
I could freely cast them all into his treasury; there- 
fore my two mites ^hall be accepted, even my soul 
and body ; since this is all I have. 

Sabbath evenintr, March 24, — To-morrow morn- 
ing it will be a year since I was first indulged with 
the privilege of retiring io this dear place for the 
performance of secret duties. And though, in this 
time, I have had many interruptions from within an<i 
without ; yet, bless the Lord, my soul ; for many 
a gracious visit hath he condescen<led to make thee 
here, when no mortal eye hath seen or ear heard. 
Here has God poured out a spirit of prayer; held 
me up to wrestle with him for spiritual blessinscs in 
Christ Jesus ; strengthened my faith, love, repco- 


tan^e, zeal and every grace. Here he has p;lven 
me views of himself and eternal things ; cleared up 
my right to him and thera ; and enabled me to re^ 
new my choice and dedications. O, this has been 
a good year to me ! O my God, continue thy mercy, 
and give me grace to improve this, and all my othe? 
privileges for thy glory, and the good of my pre- 
cious soul, which is thine own forever, for Jesus* 

Thursday morning, April 4. — This is a day set 
apart for public fasting and prayer. O that God 
may spirit his people and his ministers to cry might- 
ily to him this day ! Is not there a loud call in prov- 
idence ? Are there not some places already dis- 
tressed by the blood-thirsty enemy ? And are we 
not also in danger! Surely we are in eminent dan- 
ger ; for our sins expose us to every thing that is 
dreadful. Oh, how great are our abominations ! 
Lord, humble us in the dust before thee this day, 
and hear the cries of thy people : Lord, spare thy 
people, and give not thine heritage to reproach. O 
preserve thine honor* Magnify thy name above all 
the earth. Let not the enemy insultingly say, 
M^here is now your God ! 

O Lord, if even thy patience is tired out, and 
ihoii; wilt bear no longer,, but desolation must come, 
as to temporals ; O pour out thy Spirit Lord. If 
suffering times are coming, O give suffering grace ! 
or who will be able to stand up for thee, against An- 
tichrist and his combined legions ! 

Thursday evening, April 4. — After I wrote this 
morning. God condescended to afford me Ui.e 

136 MEMOins OF 

liiimbling innuences of his Spirit ; e-r.nbleJ me to 
confess my siijs, and the .sins of the nation and land, 
and to bewail tlicm before him ; and to resolve, by 
grace assisting, to throw down every weapon of re- 
bellion, and to be more than ever devoted to him. 
Cried for strengthening grace ; and for sulFering 
grace, if I should live to see suffering times. De- 
precated being ever left to desert Christ, or his 
cause. Begged that I mighf, if it were possible, 
rather suffer ten thousand deaths. O that God, for 
his name's sake, may preserve me ! Solemnly re- 
newed my written covenant, which seventeen years 
ago was solemnly owned before God and his holy 
angels. O blessed be God I lived to see that day ! 
And Iha! he hath not suiVered me to make void that 
covenant. O may it stand ratified and confirmed 
in heaven forever and ever, for the gake of Christ. 
For it is an everlasting covenant, never to he for- 

Lord, hear <he cries of thy people this daj-, I 
beseech thee, and pour out a spirit of supplicalion 
more and more upon thy own children. O may re- 
ligion thrive and flourish ! May the Redeemer's 
kingdom pro-pcr and be advanced. O may all the 
kingdoms of the earth become the kingdom of my 
Lord, and of his Christ ; and may lie reign forever 
and ever. 

Once this day I was interrupted, I think by a 
stratagem of Satan, who threw into my mind, as a 
dart, some things which I took hard of some neigh- 
bors: And wilhal some rcsenln'.enl began io rise. 
But presently this scripture was brought to my 


thoughts, " If ye forgive not men their trespasses 
against jou, neither will your Father, who is in 
heaven, forgive you your trespasses." Upon 
which I soon found not only a disposition to forgive 
them myself; but was enabled to cry to God for 
them, that he also would forgive them all their tres- 
passes against him, and unite them to Christ by a 
living faith. Thus God overruled, and defeated 
Satan in his designs against me^ Blessed be hi^ 
name forever I 

Saturday morning, BIai/25. — O my Lord, when 
shall I ge't near to thee, and unbosom myself to 
thee ! Lord, thou seest wants press hard, I want 
faith, love, humilityj repentance, zeal, knowledge, 
prudence, patience, and increase of every grace ; 
and by faith and prayer i& draw water out of the 
w^ell of salvation, that my weary, thirsty, barren 
soul may be satisfied, and made fat and flourishing 
Lord, I am a stranger on earth : O hide not thy 
face from me, but let me recover spiritual strengthj 
before I go hence, and be here no more. I am c? 
pilgrim and stranger here, travelling to my eternal 
home. O when shall i reach the peaceful regions I 
wl)ere storms and tempests never come ; where I 
shall see thy lovely face forever, and be like a holy 
God ! 

Saturday mornings September 7. — Have all thiit; 
week past labored under bodily indisposition, and 
great dulness in spirituals. The Lord pity, forgive 
and quicken me according io his word. 

Tuesday morning) September 10. — Still in an 
lOiSettied frame. Cannot fix on any thing. Koth- 
m 2 :- 


ing seems spiritual enough. 1 daily waul ; but can- 
not be satisfied. Every thing seems to have lost 
il? life and vigor. My own writings are all insip- 
id ; nor crvH 1 find any body's else, which seem to 
savor of heaven enough : i\o, not even the seraph- 
ic Waffs himself. All is flat and dull. The Bible 

itself does not reach me ! 

O my soul, what a disorder has seized thee now! 
Surely thou art sick ; or thou wouldst not have lost 
tiiy lasfe at this rate. O that God may restore 
thee to appetite and health again speedily, if it be 
his blessed will. O how nearly art thoii allied to 
tliis body ! Because that is disordered, thou art al- 
so. God be meiciful to nie a sinner, and deal with 
me in covenant love and faithfulness, as thine own, 
for Jesus' sake. 

Friday morning, Sepltmbcr 1*2. — I have not yet 
recovered my spiritual taste, and my soul is faint 
and restless. It wants food ; and. Lord, it will 
grow lean from day to day, if thou dost not feed it 
with the bread of life. 

Septctnber 1.0, Sabhctth Dwrnincr. — As I awoke 

' ;-day I was refreshed by these words, "This is 

'.\e day the Ijord hath made, we will rejoice and 

\}C glad in it." And these, " O that I knew where 

\ might find him ! That I might come even to his 

at ! I would order my cause before him, and fill 

ly mouth with arguments." — In reading Rom. vii. 

Iso, the Spirit of God bore witness with my spirit, 

'nt it is my ilaily experience that I do delight in 

lie law of (lod, after the inward man. Notwith- 

-'.^ndinj <he hw in my mcniberSj waiing against 


MRS. SARAH 03B0R!?, 139 

the law of my mind, and bringing me into caplivily 
to the law of sin which is in my members. 

Grace was for a few minutes drawn forth Into 
sensible, lively exercise ; and I appeared to myself 
as. a vessel which had been wind bound, and could 
by no means get forward, while wind and tide were 
against it. But now, as there seemed to be a fa- 
vorable gale, determined to weigh anchor, hoist 
sail, ply my work, and make all speed towards the 
desired haven. 

But, alas ! ere I could get to my closet, to pomr 
out my soul to God there, I seemed becalmed again* 
May I improve every breeze of tiie Spirit, since, 
as the wind he bloweth when and where he listelh* 
The Lord make me thankful, that I have not been 
all the days of my life left destitute of his opera= 

This evening refreshed and strengthened by the 
dear Mediator's prayer, John xvii. whom the Fa= 
ther heareth always ; Yea, and he will fulfil his re- 
quest, though I cannot pray as I ought. O my 
soul, believe and be comforted ; for he will keep 
thee from the evil. He will sanctify thee through 
the truth. He will maintain the union between his 
blessed self, and thee. He will ere long take thee 
to himself, to behold his glory. Amen, blessed 
Jesus ; for I am thine ov^ n forever. 

December 25. — Very stormy this morning. — 
Thunder, lightning, wind, rain, and hail. O bless- 
ed be God for Jesus Christ, that sure refuge from 
every storm. O may every one, who this day pre- 
tends to celebrate his birth, with praise, make their 

140 MEM0IR9 OP 

flight \o him by faith, and find shelter under the 
shadow of his wings, that they may be secured, net 
only from temporal troubles, but from the storm of 
vengeance, which hangs over a guilty world. Lord, 
have compassion on poor, ignorant sinner?, ami re- 
veal thy Son to them. O let them not perish, 
since a glorious Saviour is born, and the glad tidings 
have reached our ears. O let not this place be as 
Chorazin and Bethsalda> but Lord have mercy on 
us, and turn us to thyself. Turn us from the error 
of our ways, from darkness to light, and from the 
power of Satan to God. Loid, pity us a sinful 
people, laden with sins. Truly our iniquities cry 
aloud for vengeance ; but O pour out thy Spirit; 
and not thy fury. Lord, what profit is there in our 
blood ? O masfnify the riches of Ihy sovereign grace, 
by turning tliis people to th^^self. O, wilt thou not 
get to thyself a great name ? Surely thou wilt. The 
glor}' will be all thine own. This people is noted for 
vileness. O may thy power appear. True, O Lord, 
thou standest in no need of us, nor can our conversa- 
tion ad<l to tliine essential jrlory ; but io thy declara- 
tive glory it will. O, of these hearts of stone raise 
up children unto Abraham. O let there be a shaking 
among these dry bones, if it be thy blessed will. 
And, O Lord, revive religion \ti thine own children. 
Here is there not a remnan!, even in this place, bad 
us it is, who are indeed thine own, by regenciT.tion 
and adoption ? O, blessed be God, there is, or we 
had been as Sodom and Gomorrha. Lord, in mer- 
cy pour out on these a Spirit of prayer and suppli- 
cation. O stir up thine own children to greater 


diligence in thy way anJ Arork : O let fhem be 
strengthened, edified, yea sanctified throughout, for 
Jesufj' sake. O Lord, let not thine own children 
live at so low a rate, that tliey cannot be distin- 
guished from the children of the Devil. Lord, I 
lament this before thee, that thou dost receive so 
many cruel wounds in the house of thy friends. O 
let the children of Zion appear so eminent in their 
lives and conversations, that all who know them may 
take knowledge of them, that they have indeed 
been with Jesus ; are indeed united to him ; and do 
indeed enjoy secret, intimate communion with him, 
day by day. Lord, let it be thus, if it be thy 
blessed will. Unveil thy glorious face, discover 
thine adorable perfections to thy children, and they 
will be more transformed into thy lovely image : 
This will make their faces shine, when they partake 
more and more of thy holiness. O let holiness to 
the Lord be stamped upon all their employments 
and enjoyments as christians, easy to be read of 
every one, that glory may redound to thy great 
name. Lord, let it be no longer said of christians, 
professing thy name, here is one worldly minded, 
covetous, cheating ; another drunken ; another 
overcome of his violent passions. Oh that my head 
were waters, and mine eyes a fountain of tears, that 
I could weep day and night for the dishonor done 
to thy name by this. O my God, put forth thine 
hand and slay me this moment, rather than let me 
live to see that dreadful day, when religion shall 
suffer and be a stench in the nostrils of thine ene- 
mies, through my means. O my God, preserve 


nie by thine almighty power, not for my sake, but 
for thine honor's sake. Ijonl, do what thou wilt 
with me, as to tliis worhJ, only make me holy as 
thou art holy. Let me walk as Christ, my great 
pattern walked : Only let my conversation be as 
becomes the gospel of Christ i 

January 1, 1755. 
O BLESSED be God who has brought me to 
Bee the close of the hist, and the beginning of this 
new year in peace. O my soul, how great has 
the mercy of thy God been to thee, the year past. 
How has he fed, clothed, and comforted thee with 
his bounty, given thee a good degree of health and 
strength, and caused every thing, in his providence, 
to work for thine advantage. Surely, truth and 
faithfulness have been written on all his dealings 
with thee. He has blessed thee also in spiritual 
regards ; has granted thee more frequent access to 
his throne, than in years past, and has proved him- 
self a God hearing prayer. He has quickened, and 
encouraged, and strengthened thee in his way ; and 
though thou hast yet reason to be humbled before a 
holy God, because thou art no more conformed io 
his lovely image, yet thou hast reason to rejoice 
that he is daily carrying on his own glorious work 
in thee, in opposition to all thine inbred lusts and 
corruptions, the world and the Devil ; and he will 
perfect the same, for he is a faithful, omnipotent 
God. O my soul, stand amazed at the goodness 
that has recovered thee from backslidings. O, 


Wherefore is it, that the backslider is not filled 
with her own ways ? Why has not God long ago 
said, Let her alone ? Why am I not, from a back- 
slider in reli-ion, now become an apostate ? O, 
whence is it that my God has again condescended 
to return to me, and admit me to draw near to him ? 
yea even took me into his arms, and laid me in his 
bosom, there to rest my weary head ! O my sou!, 
if there be the least spark of gratitude in thee, now 
be faithful to thy God, who has thus remembered 
the day of thine espousals, and would not let thee 
go, notwithstanding all thy provocations, thine un- 
faithful dealings with him. O lie in the dust, and 
adore the faithfulness of a covenant keeping God, 
who has said, he will never leave thee nor forsake 
thee. O amazing grace ! Astonishing love ! O 
Lord, who am I, that thou art still mindful of me, 
and that thou hast brought me hitherto ? O let my 
soul be strengthened. Since Omnipotence and 
Faithfulness have taken me into his hands he will 
not let me go. O my God, bind me ten thousand 
times faster to thyself than ever. From this day 
forward, let me be for thee and none else. O why 
should any other object have any part of my time, 
strength, talents, or thoughts, since all are thine? 
yea, the whole heart is thine. Lord, in the pres- 
ence of thy lioly Angels I solemnly renew the ded- 
ication of it to thee. O, possess it more than ever. 
It is thine own. And let me possess my own God 
more than ever. Lord, whom have 1 in heaven but 
thee ? And thou, who knowest all things, knowest 
that there is nothiiison earth I desire in comparison, 


or competition with thee. O, therefore, whether 
I live or die this year, let me enjov thee, and all is 
T^ ell. Lord, I ask nothing else : This is all my 
salvation, and will be all my joy. If I may but 
possess and glorify thee, all shall }ye well. Keep 
me npon earth, or take me to Heaven : Do with 
me as seemcth thee good : Only glorify thyself, 
and let me have my chosen portion. O let nothing 
steal my heart from God. O blessed Jesus, let no 
separating walls be between us. Break them down: 
Rend every vail. I depend on thee. O appear 
daily on my behalf. 

Sabbath evenin^y Jamiari/ 5. — O Lord, pity 
and pardon thy poor child, under the remains of 
corruption. Lord, help me to mortify the deeds of 
the body, yea to crucify the fltsh with ils affections 
and lusts. Let them he crucified. O let them die 
:i -ure death : Let them ne\cr recover strength ; 
never separate' between my God and me ; never 
break the bond of the everlasling covenant between 
thee and me. Lord, pily. Lord, help. O be not 
angry with me, but subdue my sins, forJesus^ sake. 
Ijord, espouse the cause of thy poor defenceless 
w orm. Behold wliat an host is encompassed against 
me. Loi (1, restrain Satan, or he will be as a roaring 
lion. Help me to overcome the world, or that will 
be too hard for me. O my Saviour, thou hast bid 
nic be of good cheer, since thou hast overcome the 
world. Lord, stand by and strengthen me, and 
then I will be of good cheer ; for I know with thee 
all tilings are possible. Though I am weakness, 
!hoM '.ut ^^.rength. O let me daily sec thee, by an 


eye of faith, and clasp thee In the arms of faith, and 
all shall be well : I will not fear either earth or hell. 

manifest thjself to me, as thou dost not to the 
world. O let me enjoy thee, my life, my light, 
my love. Let me lie on thy breast, or lie at thy 
feet continually. O, by thy grace, I have chosen 
the one thing needful : That better part : Let it 
never be taken from me. O thou omnipotent, 
faithful Jehovah, hold me up in this life, and take 
me to thyself hereafter, for I am ten thousand 
times thine own ; and thine, by thy grace, I will 
be to all eternity. 

February 20. O my God, appear for me, 

and break and humble this haughty stony heart. 
O, thou art, indeed, a holy, just and terrible God; 
and it is astonishing condescension that ever thou 
shouldst admit such an unholy soul as mine in- 
to thy Majesty's presence. O lay me in the 
dust, for I am vile, exceeding vile. Lord, I am 
nothing but wounds, bruises, and putrifying sores ; 
a perfect lump of ingratitude, pride, sloth, unbe- 
lief, hypocrisy, and all manner of abomination. 
The whole head is sick, and the whole heart faint : 

1 blush and am ashamed to look uj), because of my 
non-conformity to thee. O thou, who art of pu- 
rer eyes than to behold sin, canst not but abhor 
these sins that thus pollute, and defile my soul. 
Lord, I bewail them, and long for freedom from 
them. But thou seest how iniquity prevails over 
me. O Lord, be not angry with, but pity thy 
poor helpless worm. Is there not a fountain set 
open, in the blood of thy dear Son, for sin and 



unclcanness ? "\Vliat thougli my sins are of a scar- 
let and crimson die, whtit lliougli thoy have ten 
thousand aggravations, is not tlie hlood of Christ 
sufficient ? Surely it is. O apply it, for tliy name's 
ake, not only to free me from the guilt and punish- 
ment of sin, but from its pollution also. O blessed 
Jesus thou didst die to save thy people from their 
^ius, not in them. O save me, even me, unworthy 
as I am, from mine. O let victorious grace gain a 
fresh oonrpiest over my corruptions, that I may 
crladly hear thy voice, and open my heart to tliee. 
Vnd O come in and sup with me, and I with thee. 
O for union, and more intimate communion with 
ihec. Lord, conform me to thine image. It is ea- 
sy with thee. O grant me some transforming views, 
and bring my soul out of the pit. O Lord, if thou 
dost not uphold me, I shall dishonor thy great name. 
O bind mc to thyself. Let Zion prosper, and bless 
')y ministers, dear Lord, with the richest of thy 
iessings. O take them near thyself. Lord, en- 
( ourage, quicken, and strengthen them, for Jesus* 

J\bniar!/ 21. — Tliis morning the Lord gracious- 

y afforded mc the hund^ling influences of his bless- 

d Spirit. 1 think my heart was in some meab«re 

•roken under a sense of sin. My pride, sloth, in- 

latitude, hypocrisy, and unbelief, appeared odious: 

'lad Bome strength to plead for pardon and victory 

• er them, for Jesus' sake. The Lord hear and 

tnswer. O let me rise by repentance, and renewed 

acts of faith in the dear iMediator ; and O pour 

out on mc a spirit of prayer and supplication, that I 


may pray for thy ministers, and for the prosperity 
of Zion, as well as for mine own soul. Lord, in 
mercy pour out thy spirit now, upon ministers and 
people. In this trying, distressing time, Lord, 
arise for thine honor's sake, and for thy Son's sake. 

Sabbath day, March 2. — Yesterday I v,as inr 
dulged with another opportunity to join with my 
dear, dear friend, Susa Anthony, in prayer for our- 
selves, for ministers, and private christians, the 
prosperity of Zion, in all parts of the v/orld, for di- 
rection in the affairs of life, for sinners, for preser- 
vation from our enemies, or grace to bo faithful if 
they prevail, for all in authority, for our dear rela- 
tions. The Lord be praised for assistance granted, 
and hear and answer for Jesus' sake. 

March 20. — This day being set apart, by our 
society, for fasting and prayer, I determined, by 
grace assisting, to devote the whole day to the ex- 
ercises of religion, in secret as well as in public, and 
if I found I could bear up, without being unflted 
for duty, wholly to abstain from all food or refresh- 

That ie^i seemed to remove my fears about my 
strength failing in the morning, " If je have faith? 
as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say to this 
mountain. Be thou removed." These words, also, 
of Esther, ** I and my maids will fasjt also, and so 
will I go in to the King." And blessed be God, 
he has supported and strengthened me almost to 
the close of the day, and I humbly hope has ena- 
bled me to keep such a fast as he has chosen. Sure- 
ly God has assisted me in confession of sins, both 


mine own, anil (lio^e of our nation, and in my ciiei^ 
for pardon and strength/to mortify, and finally over- 
come, both in his honse, and in secret, and in re- 
newing my cries for iioliness, even an entire con- 
formity to iiis image. God has assisted me, also, 
ill the work of self examination, and shone in on the 
evidences of grace in my soul, assisted me in read- 
ing, in renewing solemn covenant engagements. 
The Lord, lie is God. The Lord Jehovah is my 
God, and I am Iiis forever. I have not been cry- 
ing lo Baal, or any of the idol gods, but to the liv- 
ing God, even to tliat God, who hfts stiled himself a 
God hearing prayer : And he will hear and answer, 
for Jesus* sake. 

O my soiJ, be comforted, for God will carry on 
his own work in thee. lie will subdue thine ini- 
quities here, and ere long take thee to himself: And 
then a dismissal to sin, forever. Amen, Hallelujah. 
Blessed be God for Jesus Christ, the foundation of 
all my liopcs an<l !ov< whos^e I am, and by grace 
will be forever. 

SaturiJaij eveding, April 19. — I have been these 
two days past in very poor, low frames, much bodi- 
ly indisposition, head-ache, great cold, (piite unfit for 
close application to preparatory work for the sacra- 
ment. The Lord pity and pardon for Jesus' sake, 
who has died, the just for tlie unjust. O may I, 
by his blood, be brought cigli unto God. Lord, 
dealnot with me according to my sins, nor reward 
me according io mine iniipiilies, for if thou dost, I 
shall surely profanes thine holy tal)le, and come emp- 
ty away ; > ca, expose myself lo terrible judi^menls. 


Lord, appear for me, unworthy as I am, and prepare 
my unprepared heart. O stir up suitable desires, 
hungar and thirst after communion with thyself. 
Yea, draw forth every sacramental grace into lively 
exercise. O melt this frozen heart. Grant me 
evangelical repentance, that I may look on him 
whom I have pierced, and mourn bitterly as for an 
only son. O humble me to the dust, antl give me 
a sense of pardon, if it be thy blessed will. Let 
faith and love still cling to, and embrace a glorious 
Christ in all his offices ; and O for his sake, Lord, 
grant me discoveries of thine adorable perfections, 
that my soul may be transformed more into thy 
lovely image. O, for some higher degrees of grace. 
Lord, quicken, strengthen and sanctify me through- 
out. O say that I shall grow strong in the 
grace which is in Christ Jesus. Lord, let me not 
always remain a dwarf, a babe in Christ ; but O 
cause me to grew as the lilly, or as the tall cedars 
of Lebanon. May I by faith and love^ mount up 
as on eagle's wings, towards Heaven. O, I am 
weary and heart-sick of these low groveling frames^ 
I long to arise. Lord, draw me near to thyself by 
the influences of thy blessed Spirits O water me 
with the dew of heaven. Refresh my soul with a 
plentiful shower, now in this dry and thirsty land^ 
where no water is. O may the Sun of righteous- 
ness ari*ie with healing in his wings, and siiine into, 
and warm this cold heart. O let every property 
of the blood of Christ be applied to my .poor,, ne- 
cessitous soulo Lord, hear, for his sake, jvlio sbeid 
;liis precious blood on the accursed tree; even hi 

such as me. O iimy I, by this ordinance, be bound 
ten tlion>anil limes faster to thv-elf than ever. O. 
tlioii LHcat Captain of my salvation, go before me 
uhI conquer all my foes : Subdue my stubborn 
will ; yea, subdue me wliolly and forever to thy- 
self. Come, Prince and Saviour, come and reign 
in mo, whose right it is ; and, O Lord, hasten the 
time njion 1 shall enjoy thee, behold thy glory, see, 
ihce as lliou art, when all veils and walls of separa- 
tion sjiall be forever broken down, and I shall gaze, 
adore and praise, as glorified saints, and angels 
do. Then this crazy load shall trouble me no more, 
nor sleep, that devourer of precious time, nor a 
.ain world, that disturber of my peace and engross- 
« r of my thoughts, nor Satan with his fiery darts. 
Sin sliall cease, odious sin shall cease forever. O 
rhat this were the happy moment. It was thou 
that causedst my Lord to bl(3ed and die ; it is thou 
that hast so oHen grieved his blessed Spirit, and hid 
his lovely face from me. God forbid, I should ev- 
er be fiit'nds wil!i iheo, Iialrfid monster ! Lord Je- 
sus, let this enemy be crucified for thy name's sake, 
and all shall be well forever. I will, by thy grace, 
wait with patience mine appointed time. Thy will 
be done on earth as it is in Heaven. 

April 22. — Blessed be God, the Sabbath was a 
weet day to mc. It pleased God graciously to af- 
"ord n»c the influences of his Spirit all the day, and 
in special at his table. My v. Iiole soul was engag- 
ed. 1 think repentance, failh, love, desire, and ev- 
'^ry sarramcnfal grace was in lively exercise. Sin 
tppcared baleful ; its ullcr destruction was vchem- 


ently longed for, and the increase of grace thirsted 
for. Renewed solemn covenant, pleaded that I 
might renew my strength : That sin might now be 
nailed to the accursed tree. Longed for the full 
enjoyment of God ; did believe God would keep me 
by his mighty power here, and at last bring me to 
glory. And he will, my soul, he will. O he is a 
faithful God. The snare is broken, and I am es- 
caped ; broken by a glorious Christ. O blessed 
be God, for Jesus Christ. I longed that every 
soul there might be indeed united to him, and en- 
joy communion with him. I heard that day, also, 
that my poor performance was printed.^ This 
gave me a sense of my viieness, and earnest long- 
ings that God might be glorified thereby. It ap- 
pears another solemn bond and obligation for me to 
lead a holy life. My soul rejoiced in every bond, 
and longed to be bound ten thousand times faster 
than ever. New arguments put into my mouth to 
plead for holiness in heart and life. In the even- 
ing very ill, and so remained ail night, and the day 

*Mrs. Osborn has reference here to a letter, which she 
wrote to a christian female friend ; which came to the sight 
of the Rev. Mr. Prince of Boston ; who applied to the author 
for her consent to the publication of it. She consented, on 
condition that her name should not be inserted. It was ac- 
cordingly published under the following" title : " The nature, 
certainty, and evidence, of true Christianity : In a letter 
from a gentle-woniah in Rhode-Island, to another, her dear 
ii'iend, in great darkness, doubt, and concern of a religious 

This letter, containing 14 or 15 pages octavo, has iiad a 
second and third edition, while she lived ; and is now out of 


after. Rejoiced that God had enabled me to yield 
active obedience before, saw that I was then called 
to passive obedience, and when God might give 
ease, hoped to return to active again. And bless- 
ed be God, he has enabled me so to do with vigor. 
A precious refreshing season at tlie throne of grace 
to-day : A sweet calm ever since. Tlie business 
of the day pleasant. Have enjoyed God in all. 
O my soul, be thankful, and press forward. Let 
«otIiing discourage thee, for thou hast to do with a 
compassionate, faithful God, wlio will secure his 
own honor, and order all things well for thee, who 
art his forever, for Jesus' sake. 

April 30. — After I wrote yesterday, had free- 
dom at the throne of grace : Was, I trust, really 
^^ssisted in pleading with God for his ministers, and 
his cliurclies, that his own glory might be advanc- 
ed. Enabled to leave all events with him, and de- 
termined to acquiesce in his wiil, whatever it might 
be, by the assistance of his Spirit and grace. The 
wisdom of God appeared lovely, which orders all 
things well ; yea, and it is Infinite. O may I ev- 
er submit to it, and to adorable sovereignty. Lord, 
take from me every dei^ree of resistance, all stub- 
)>ornness, sourness, all priile and opinion of mine 
own knowledge. Let oie have no choice in any 
event or afT.iir but what Is first tlilne. O that my 
will were wholly su)»ject, that It might forever har- 
monise wifli the divine will. O thiit there might 
never be another jarring note, no discord, but that 
(iou might be forever glorified in and by me, as by 
tiic an^eb ia heaven. Father, thy wjil be done. 


Amen : Thy will be done on earth as it is in 

May 1. — A golden season at the throne of grace 
after I wrote yesterday. The Lord make me 
thankful. A view by faith of the infinite wisdom, 
mighty power, absolute sovereignty, and astonish- 
ing condescension of the glorious and faithful Jeho- 
Tah. Had some sweet thoughts on the nature of 
true friendship: Pleaded that with Abraham of old 
I might approve myself his faithful friend, by uni- 
versally obeying his will; espousing his cause 
against all that oppose it ; adorning the profession 
I have made by an holy life. Here faith fixed on 
the power of God, to subdue every rebel in me, and 
rejoicing because he can with infinite ease speak 
me into holiness. It is but to say, I will ; be thou 
cleansed : I will ; be thou holy : 1 will ; be thou 
strong, and very courageous, and it shall be. I 
shall hold on my way, renew my strength, and 
mount up towards heaven, for Christ. will keep the 
precious soul committed to his charge, the pur- 
chase of his precious blood. Here with joy I again 
committed it into his faithful hands, and triumphed 
in him as my strong refuge, my rock, my high tow- 
er and sure defence, and have ever since, had 
sweet peace. Those words have been lovely to 
me, " Great peace have they, who love thy law, 
and nothing shall offend them." And these ; 
" Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose 
mind is stayed on thee." 

Enlarged also in the request for ministers and 
christiansj that God may be glorified in them ; And 

1.j4 memoirs of 

1 U'Ur^'v (j.ul v» .11 grant my requests, for he brouglit 
ine into his banqueting house, and I trust did hold 
out the c^oKlen sceptre, and enable me to draw nigh, 
nnd touch the top : His tianner over me was love, 
and he will grant nie all that consists with his glory, 
and I want no more. Mav his will be done on 
eartli, as it is in heaven. Amen and amen. 

Mondai/y May 5. — A\'hen I wrote last evening, I 
f<ecmed only rationally convinced that things were 
well with mc, but did not find the lively exercise c^ 
holy joy till I came to pray. Then I had a pre- 
cious season, a distinct view of my ignorance of 
God, his perfections, and of all divine things : I ap- 
peared as a beast before him. A precious view of 
Chrirt, in his prophetic office, renewed my choice 
of him : In this pleaded my great need of divine 
leaching ; l»elieved he would teach me by his bless- 
ed Spirit, and lead me into all necessary truth. 
Kejoiced in him, as the great and only teacher come 
from heaven." Had also an humbling sense of the 
universal depravity of my nature. The tlirect con- 
trariety to a holy God, and the stubbornness of my 
pcrvcrfe will, my unbelief, pride, slotii, hypocrisy 
of my heart, how awfully guilty, how deeply pol- 
luted. This I bewailed, and that I have been a 
transgressor from the womb, an ungrateful abuser 
of divine mercy. Rul Christ Jesus appeared so 
glorious and lovely in his priestly office, that my 
s«)m1 was transported with joy: His obeilience and 
liis i)!ood ; his glorious resurrection and session at 
his Father's right hand ; his being touched with the 
feeling of my infirmities. My soul flew to him, and 

MRS. 8ARAH OSBOR^", 155 

embraced him, as my great High Priest, my great 
Advocate in the court of heaven : Pleaded for jus- 
tification, a free and full pardon, for his sake alone. 
A view still of ihe great power and tyranny of sin, 
Satan and the world, to draw off my heart from God. 
Renewed my choice of Christ, as my absolute sove- 
reign, my Prince, as well as Saviour : Committed 
my precious soul again into his merciful and faith- 
ful hands. Yea, and he will keep, by his mighty 
power, what I have committed to him, for he is a 
glorious King, and he is my God and King, and I 
will, by his grace, be his loyal subject forever. 

Blay 29. — Since I wrote last have had precious 
seasons of prayer: I trust real communion with 
God, in his glorious attributes ; joyful renewals of 
choice and surrenders of soul. The Lord make 
me thankful. 

Yesterday morning more confused, and so have 
been ever since, by a serious caution given by a 
christian friend, by which I v\ras convinced I had 
been betrayed into too rash a censure of another's 
failings. O will God forgive me, and forbid I should 
ever indulge a censorious spirit. Lord, let me not 
be unmerciful to the failings of others, while I have 
the seeds of every abomination in me, and it is ow- 
ing to sovereign grace alone, that I have not fallen 
into every thing that is dreadful. O my soul be 
humble. Who hath made thee to differ, or what 
hast thou, which thou hast not received ? 

Monday mornings June 9. — O this crazy load, 
this sloth, this sleep. How much of my precious 
iime does it engross. O when shall it once be, that 


every moment shall he devoted to tlie immediate 
ser^i^c of niy God. O blessed he God ! it will be 
so ere long. Wait, my soul, with patience, and 
meanwhile be thankful for the moments thou dost 

Thursday niornhie^y August 7. — WhUe writing 
yesterday had a reali/ins^ sense of the stability of 
the promises, the security of tlie saint while sur- 
rounded by them: Could, in the strength of the 
Lord Jehovah, bid defiance to all the powers of sin 
and hell. Had a precious season at the throne of 
grace in making over all my vast concerns into the 
hands of Christ, pleading that he might fully pos- 
sess me by his Spirit, in every room and faculty of 
my soul. O let all my desires and affections be 
collected and sent, and all my delights lodged a- 
bove in the highest heaven, where Christ Jesus is. 
Lord, so wean me from things below that I may in 
moment be ready to pass over Jordan to meet 

O my God, I have lately seen what the agonies 
of death mean. A shocking sight, indeed, while 
the poor unprepared soul shrinks back and would 
lodge in its crazy cottage ! But go it must, and ap- 
pear before God. I had a deep sense of things, 
while wilh my dying neighbor, and God enabled 
me to send up strong cries to him for the poor soul. 
My spirits were overwhelmed, and my whole frame 
rushed with the weight. But alas! time is fled 
.ujd gone, and the state of the soul is unalterably fixed 
in bonndle«<s eternity. Whether in weal, or woe, 
<iotl knows : 1 determine not. But this 1 know, that 


the will of a just and sovereign God is done, and he is 
glorified, yea, and will be glorified : And maj his will 
be forever done, w^halever becomes of his enemies : 
In their misery, strictly speaking, I do not rejoice ; 
but in God's being glorified I do, and will rejoice. 
Ijet every one, w ho finally loves not the Lord Je- 
sus, be accursed ; yea, let all in me that loves hint 
not, be bitterly accursed. Let all that will not sub- 
mit to the sceptre of his grace be crushed with his 
iron rod ; yea, let him dash them in pieces as a pot- 
ter's vessel. In this, thou, Lord, who knowest all 
things, knowest that I will rejoice. This thou 
Itnowest I have been seeking many years with sup- 
plications and tears. And O remember them, and 
answer them, my God and my King. O brandish 
tliy victorious sword: Make it drunk with the 
heart's blood of thine enemies. O let not an Agag 
escape. O let not one room, nor so much as the 
corner of a room be possessed by these traitors. 
But come, Lord Jesus, come now and possess a 
soul that is thine : Come, Lord, and satisfy it with 
thyself. O let the perpetual voice be there, 
** Christ and his Spirit, Christ and his grace — none 
but Christ, none but Christ." 

O Thou, aUcgethei- lovely One, come and abide 
with me. Lord, either stay with mc, or take me to 
thyself. O I cannot let thee go. What is all this 
world to me ? If thou be absent, thou knowest I 
cannot be comforted. No, by tliy grace, I never 
will : Nothing but mine own portion shall content 
me. O let the blessed union be more and more 
complete day by day. Grant me sensible commun- 


ion \\ith thcc. O manifest thyself to me as thou 
dost not to the world, for thou hast redeemed me 
by thy precious blood, and thou hast by thy Spirit 
applied the purchased redemption. Lord, thou 
knowest I am not of the world, for thou hast called 
me out of the world. I have heard thy voice and 
have followed thee : Yea, and by the assistance of 
thy grace (for wilhout thee I can do nothing) I aAi 
determined to follow thee whithersoeTcr thou goest. 
Wednesday ?7?or« /»£>■, August 27. — By the in- 
tenseness of my thoughts on God and divine things, 
last week, my animal spirits have been much ex- 
ha»isted, and bodily indisposition increased, so that 
I have since been interrupted in my flight heaven- 
ward. But still I have cause to be thankful ; yea, 
to bless, admire and adore the astonishing riches of 
grace ; for I do, through it, walk with (jJoil again. 
O that I could take every backsliding child in the 
whole world by the hand, and lead them back to 
their heavenly Father, since I, who have been a 
backslider, an abuser of the richest grace and dear- 
eai love, am, notwithstanding all, restored. O 
grace! O Truth and F\iitlifulncss ! Surely there is 
no god like my God, forgiving iniquity, transgres- 
sion and sin ; yea, crimson and scarlet sins, big 
with (he greatest ingratitude. O blush, and be as- 
'oni-^hed, ye heavens over my head, thou earth un- 
der my feet : For I have sinned against that light 
and endearing love, that many thousands now in 
hell never did : And yet O how does that precious 
blood plead for me ! O how does it cleanse, pardon 
ind ftODctify. How does it overflow and cover the 


huge rocks and mountains, sin has raised in my soul, 
and triumphs over all, and will speak peace and 
pardon : Will bring home the guilty runaway to 
her God and Father, and cause him to be reconcil- 
ed and smile again. O precious blood ! O precious 
Christ ! O blessed union between Christ and my 

He will do all things well : He will give grace 
and glory : He will carry on his own work to the 
last finishing stroke. Oppose him, world : Oppose 
him, lusts, tyrants and traitors : Oppose him, de- 
vils ! Ye shall not all be able to pluck the soul out 
of his hands. O precious, almighty and faithful 
Saviour ! O ye angels who excel in strength, if pos- 
sible, love him more, praise him more. O, all ye 
Saints on earth, renew your flight to him and love 
him more. O my soul, who hast, of all creatures, 
most reason, love him more and serve him better. 

Friday morning, September 19. — My heart is 
now full of grief because full of folly. My unruly 
tongue dropped many things yesterday which I 
fear will prove a disadvantage. O, when shall I 
cease to vindicate myself to man. Lord, when 
shall this pride, this ostentatious spirit be suppres- 
sed ? O pity and pardon me. Gracious Lord, teach 
me how, as far as in me lies, to live peaceaA^y with 
all men, and to approve myself to God and con- 
science, and let the world judge of me what it will. 
O that I might follow peace with all men, and holi- 
ness, without Avhich no man shall see the Lord. O 
for a meek and quiet spirit ! this is to be Christ-like^ 

Monday mornings October 6, — I I have camse 


to hang my harp upon (he willo\r, for all the day, 
ycsterdar, I was at an awful distance from God : 
IVIy heat ( like a dry, barren wilderness, little in it 
but wanderings. O my lieart was pained last night, 
and wanted to express itself by prayer, but could 
not find freedom of access, till on my bed I sought 
him wliom my soul lovetli, and obtained a little re- 
lief. But now 1 am heart- sick of myself, and of my 
poor lifeless duties. Lord, what arc these dead 
sacrifices to thee, the living God? Are they not 
an abomination in thy sia:ht, O thou holy, holy, 
heart-searching Jehovah ? O thou art infinitely just, 
if thou leave ; e thus to myself, for I have daily 
forfeited all the assistance of thy blessed Spirit. 
But, O take not the forfeiture at my hands. Lord, 
1 am ruined and undone, if thou depart from me. 
I cannot let thee go. O strengthen my faith ! O 
may Omnipotence hold me ! Let not sin triumph 
and vaunt like a Goliah. O lot it not separate be- 
tween my God and me, much loss pluck me out of 
thine hands. O that mine head were waters, and 
mine eyes a fountain of tears, that I could wee{) 
day and ni-j^hf, because of my contrariety to thee. 
Tuesday morning, October 7. — I scarcely know 
now what to make of myself. I am dejected, pain- 
ed at h.y heart. TJiere seems to be a veil of sep- 
aration between God and my soul, but I cannot find 
in particular, what it is. Whether any thing more 
than bodily indisposition be in the way, I cannot 
ttll. 1 know, sin, I daily do; but God keeps me 
watching against temptation, and crying for strength 
''. stand ; and God knows tlie way I take, thouy:h 



i know not the way he takes. He knows I want to 
follow hard after him, and am determined by his 
grace, never to let him go, nor to leave him or his 
ways. He knows I choose any or all the afflictions 
in (his world, rather than be at a distance from 
him, or suffered to sin against hiaio He knows I 
want to serve and love him more, yea, with all my 
heart and soul and strength. He knows I long to 
fly swift as a Seraph, to execute his commandso 
Clod knows that, for his glory, I want as high deg- 
rees of grace as can consist with a mortal state : 
And he knows also, that all my desires are of his 
exciting, for I am not sufficient for one of myseifo 
And why art ihou cast down, O my soul, and why 
art thou disquieted within me ? Hope thou in God, 
for I shall yet praise him^ who is the health of my 
countenance and my God» If, for a small moment, 
he hide his face, he will return. O my soul, sub- 
mit. Do not murmur, but trust in God ; for he is 
the faithful and unchangeable Jehovah : And he 
will have compassion on thee slill, because he will 
have compassion. As he always was, so he al- 
ways will be self-moved, and show mercy for Je- 
sus* sake, for thou art accepted in the belovedo 

Tuesday noon. ^Blessed be God, aftei* I wrote 

was enabled to ease my burdened heart, by pour- 
ing out my soul in prayer to God : he heard my 
cries, and has assisted me in my business, and since 
my cares and concerns, as well as soul, are cast 
upon him, I have been at rest. And now, Lordj 
>^theT keep me from being tempted to sin, or siip= 


port and deliver me when templed. O go with me, 
for Jesus' sake, and }»ind me fast to thyself forever. 

hidlurday morning, Oclobtr 11. — Blessed be 
God, I this morning awaked with him, and have 
been refreshed and delii^hted in some contempla- 
tions on his adorable perfections. But my elevat- 
ed soul has only fluttered as a bird from bough to 
bough, transported one moment with thoughts on 
his wisdom, in another, his holiness, another, his 
sovereignty, his power, his truth and faithfulness, 
and so on. Some sweets from these words, " I 
know that my redeemer livcth ; and though after 
my skin v.orms deslroy this body, yei, in my flesh, 
shall I see God.'* O transporting thought! O glo- 
rious resurrcclion ! Then I shall jiaze to eternity. 
Then I shall drink my fdl. Then I shall be like 
him, for I shall see him as he is. Yea, even at 
death, my soul, thou shalt be admitted : Thou shalt 
have the open vision and full fruition of God, the 
Father, Son and Holy Spirit, while the body se- 
curel}- sleeps in its dusty bed, free as well as thou 
from all discerned evil, free from sin the worst of 
all. Who knows but the joyful period is at hand ? 
Who can tell, but the sand is almost run out. 
Rouse up, my soul, bestir thyself. Improve every 
moment liere for God, and in special this day. Per- 
haps it may be the last. Act as if thou wert sure 
it woidd be so. 

n u/H(xJ«7y 7nornin(r, November 5. — I now re- 
cord, on purpose that I may hereafter see it more 
particularly, llir jiood IkuuI of Providence in order- 
ing all things well for us. For the God who has fed 

MRS. SARAH OSfiOftX, 163 

and clotlied me all my life long will not leave me now 
in any strait, unless by my unbelief I provoke him 
to it. At present, our way is much hedged up. 
We cannot, by our business, obtain wherewith to 
pay for our bread, butter, meat, or any necessary. 
Cannot buy food for so much as one day : Nor can 
we see any prospect of procuring wood for winter% 
Several debts we have unavoidably contracted, lie 
heavy on my spirits, because I know they, to 
whom we owe, want as well as we. 

My soul, remember, " He that believes does not 
make haste.'* If thou art in the way of duty, do- 
ing what lies in thy power, 'tis all that God requires 
of thee. Leave the rest with God to work out in 
his own way and time : He does all things well. 
Thou canst not, by taking thought, add one cubit. 
Come, thou art mighty strong and courageous when 
embarrassments are at a distance. Now, where is 
thy faith ? Now God, in a gentle manner, puts thee 
upon trial ; do not draw back or fear, but cast all 
thy care on him, for he careth for thee. Thou art 
of mor6 worth than many sparrows, are better than 
the ravens, yea, the very hairs of thy head are all 
numbered. God has always appeared, and he will 
appear for thee. Has he not said, I will never leave 
thee, nor forsake thee ? Remember, he that has 
not withheld his Son from thee, will, with him, free- 
ly give thee all things : All things that he sees need- 
ful for thee. Come, my soul, rest securely now 
on the wisdom and care of thy heavenly Father. 
Venture on his power and faithfulness, for it will 
never, never fail. Has he not said, " Though the 

164 ^^EM0IR3 OF 

nioiinfains depjirt, and the hills he removed, yet his 
kliuhiess shall not depart from thee, neither shall 
tlie covenant of his peace be removed from thee ?" 
He will give jjrace and glory, and no good thing 
will he withhold from those who walk uprightly. 

After I wrote, I read part of IMatt. vi. and when 
I came to that command, " Seek first tlie kingdom 
of God and his righteousness, and all these things 
shall he added unto you.'' God excited a vehem- 
ent thirst in my soul after himself, his Christ, and 
increase of strengthening, quickening, and sanctify- 
ing grace ; held up my soul to plead for these as 
my chief good, and I solemnly promised, if he would 
grant me these, and ' ubdue my sins, 1 would be 
content with any tiling anil every thing his provi- 
dence shall allot ; and casting my care on him, my 
soul was at rest, and is so still, blessed be his name. 
In a quarter of an hour after, I had tidings of some 
wood : So soon did God answer my faith and pray- 
er, as to outward things. 

Tliursilaij mornuvj;. — Asbisted in prayer, and 
my faith drawn out into exercise, both for spiritual 
and temporal I'lcssings. A temporal favor receiv- 
ed presently aftty, in which the hand of God ap- 
peared plain. 

Sabbath evening. — Blessed be God, notwith- 
standing all the glooms and distractions that per- 
plexed me, occasioned, I believe, by bodily disor- 
ders, and a malicious mischief making devil, God 
gave ine ^ome nearness of access to his throne in 
the morning, to cry for deliverance, and at his talde 
-uabled me to renew my vows and eiigacements to 


be the Lord's. Held up my soul to wrestle with 
him for strengthening, persevering grace, as well as 
pardon, that the blood of Jesus Christ may cleanse 
me from all sin, the pollution as well as condemna' 
tion. God knows I cannot be satisfied with the be- 
lief of being delivered from condemnation ; but I 
want to be saved from my sins. I want them cru- 
cified and slain. I want this accursed enmity, 
hateful pride, odious unbelief taken away, and God's 
image more and more restored, that I may glorify 
him on earth, and finish the work he has given me 
to do. 

When pleading again for this after I came home, 
and solemnly protesting, if Christ would subdue my 
sins, and strengthen me, I would live more to him 
than ever, I thought the blessed Jesus asked me, 
Believes t thou I am able to do this for thee ? My 
soul replied with tears. Lord, I believe : Help thou 
mine unbelief. I know it is but for thee to speak 
the word, and I shall be holy, I shall be strong and 
very courageous. Then I had strong consolation 
from those blessed promises, My grace shall be suf- 
ficient for thee : I will strengthen thee, I will up- 
hold thee by the right hand of my righteousness. 
I will never leave thee nor forsake thee. Thou shalt 
go from strength to strength, till thou appear before 
God in Zion. O my soul, be strong, be coura- 
geous. God has done, and still will do great things 
for thee. Remember his vows are upon thee. 
Keep close now to the great Captain of thy salva- 
tion, for all power is in his hands ; and if thine ene- 
mies were a million times more and stronger thaji 


lliey are, he would conquer. He will subdue, he 
will sanctify thee, he will not let thee go. He will 
hold tlice fast by his Spirit. O my soul, cling fast 
to him by faith : Clin'!; resolutely ; for he is thine 
o'.vn glorious Christ, thine own Saviour, and he will 
fulfil the desires of thy lonjrino; soul. Sue hard for 
more i^race, nearer union, and more intimate com- 
munion. He has condescended to call thee his 
friend, and he is thine everlasting friend, therefore 
be not strange ; but, with humble reverence and 
confidence, lean on his dear delightful breast, and 
ask him what is his will, with a fi\ed resolution, by 
his grace, to do whatever he commands. 

He is thy glorious Propliet, and he will teach 
thee : Thy glorious Priest forever, and he has and 
will satisfy divine justice for thee: He has and he 
will clothe thee with his own best robe, even his 
spotless righteousness. Thy shame shall never ap- 
pear. Remember he has told thee thou shalt nev- 
er be confounded, or put to shame. He is thy 
sovereign King, and he has made thee willing in 
the day of his power to submit to him. Thou art 
now under his protection. Thine enemies are his 
enemies, and he has told thee that no weapon form- 
ed against thee shall prosper, and every tongue that 
riseth up in judgment against thee thou shalt con- 
demn. This is the heritage of the servants of the 
Lord, and their righteousness is of me, saith the 
Lord. Amen. 

Lord Jesus, into thine hands I commit my spirit, 
whole soul and body, with all my concerns for time 
and ♦•lernitv, for thou art u suitable Saviour, suited 


to all my wants, just such an one as I need. O ac- 
cept nie for thine own sake, and keep what I have 
committed to thy charge. Lord, keep me from the 
evil, for I am thine own, and will be thine forever. 

November 18. — The night past, God has fulfilled 
my desire, that if in my day there should be an 
earthquake, I might be sensible of it, — Being awak- 
ed this niglit, among other thoughts, part of an 
hymn came into my mind with delight. 

«' Wake now, my soul, and humbly hear. 

What thy mild Lord commands ; 
Each Word of his will charm thine ear. 

Each word will guide thine hands." 

See how his sweet and tender care complies with 
our weak minds ! Presently I heard a noise and felt a 
shaking, which I soon perceived to be an earthquake. 
My soul d&rted up to God, in ejaculation, that he 
would sanctify this shock, for the awakening and 
quickening of his people, and also for preservation. 
In the height of the shaking, God graciously, by his 
Spirit, gave me this cordial from his word, " for the 
mountains shall depart, and tlie hills be removed, 
but my kindness shall not depart from thee, nei- 
ther shall the covenant of my peace be removed, 
saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee.*'*= Lord, 
what a pledge was this ! What condescension was 
this, that even while thou wast displaying thy ma- 
jesty and greatness, shaking terribly the earth, that 
then thou shouldst be mindful of me, and my, " It 

* See note, page 85, 


is I ; be not afraid." And aa;ain, *' Be not dismay- 
ed : I am Ihy God." — Tliou wast thus mindful of 
me, vile, sinful, wretched, uns^rateful me, worm of 
the dust, and didst show me that, amidst it all, thou 
art my covenant faithful God. O let me lie in the 
dust, and abhor myself, while, with trembling and 
great joy, I behold thee a great, omnipotent, just, 
sovereign, terrible, holy, and yet gracious, faithful, 
covenant keeping God. A God at peace, even 
with me, for the great Mediator's sake. Wh}^ 
Lord, why was I not trembling and dismayed, be- 
fore thee, because of my great, my heinous sins, 
my aggravated, God provoking sins, sins of a crim- 
son die, sins of which even devils were never guilty ! 

O precious Christ ! O blessed union between 
Ihee and my soul. My ark, my hiding place, my 
rock and sure defence, my refuge from the storm. 
Lord Jesus, in thee I stand complete.* God can 
be just, and yet thejustifier of her who believes in 
Jesus. Lord, let me renew my strength. Now 
sanctify me throughout, in soul, in spirit, in body. 
Now make me like thee, holy as thou art holy. 
Now subdue me more than ever to thyself. { will 
rejoice and praise Ihee. 1 will run the way of tJiy 
commandments, when thou shalt enlarge my heart. 
Draw me : I will run after thee. I will be for thee 
and none other all the days of ni}^ life. 

Friday mornings November 28. — The Lord 
make me thankful, and again I say, my soul, be 
thankful, for he is an unchangeable God, a glorious 
portion. O what has God done for me. In en- 
abliug me to choose him for my all, for time and 


eternity. O happy choice, happy I, since God the 
Father is mine, Christ mine, the Holy Spirit mine, 
all the promises in the word of a faithful God are 
mine, grace mine, glory mine, all things on earth, 
so far as consists with God's glory and my good, 
mine : He has given me all things richly to enjoy ; 
yea, afflictions and temptations are mine for good ; 
even the remains of sin drive me to my God. O 
surely none but God could make this worst of evils 
serviceable ; but, with God all things are possible. 
And, O my soul, rejoice : For, ere long, this worst 
of evils shall be done away. Come, do not sink 
now, because this must be dragged about v;hile 
here ; but look forward into eternity and rejoice, 
for it shall never follow thee there. It is now doing 
its M'orst : It shall then cease forever. Hallelujah, 
Hallelujah, then I shall be like him ; for I shall see 
him as he is. 

January 22, \75Q. 
OF all creatures tliat live, I think I have the 
most reason to be thankful. God is exceedingly 
gracious ; verily his kindness doth not depart from 
me, but increaseth day by day. In temporals, he 
doeth all things well ; smiles on the work of my 
iiands, gives me wherewith to answer all necessary 
demands, and it is enough, if he will but give me a 
Benjamin's portion in himself, I ask no more, I de- 
sire no more ; and adored be his name, I have rea- 
son to hope, I am on the thriving hand in spirituals, 
yea, and shall grow stronger still, for God hath said 


it. I lis bow is set in Ihc rlouds as a token of his 
failhfulness to Noali, and lie liatli, (blessed be his 
name) j^iven me such a token, such a pledge in (hat 
a.v ful moment, when the earth was trembliua" under 
me, asiBhaH'be as my bow, for the eye of my faith 
to fix upon, I trust, tlirough the assistance of hi:j 
own Spiril, to the « iid of my days ; for his kindness 
shall not depart from mc, though tlie mountains de- 
part, and the hills be removed. lie will, in cove- 
nant love and faithfulness, order all things well. 
Let what will come, afflictions, temptations, or what- 
ever, God will overrule all for good, all for his own 
glory, and I will, by his grace, acfpiience, cling to 
him, and trust in him, for he is my own covenant 
God, in and through my dear Redeemer, and I will 
be his forever. 

Feb mar 1/ 6. — 1 have been perplexed in my 
mind, and vexed with myself on account of a strong 
expression in conversation with a particular friend. 
AVc were both speaking of what we experienced of 
the goodness of God to us, I trust with a view to 
his glory: He said he had a refreshing season that: 
morning, &;c. I answered, so had I, and added, I 
had a large draught at the fountain. He modestly 
replied, 1 dare not say so, I had a sip, a taste, 6^c. 
The Lord in mercy grant me prudence, and teach 
me how to speak with proper strength of expres- 
sion, that I may neither withhold the truth to his 
dishonor, nor otfend the cars of any friend, by ex- 
pressing myself in coo liigh terms. But now, let 
me sec, my soul, on what did I ground this ex- 
iire^>ion '* What did I experience that liionii!!:; ' 


Truly it is not easy to tell what, but this I know:, 
God by his Spirit sweetly applied that gracious in- 
vitation, *'If any man thirst let him come unio me 
and drink," then my thoughts imm.ediatcly turned 
upon the object, I was invited to, and t^iat was 
Christ ; next, what was the drink I should partake 
of ; here the fountain opened ! I should drink of 
his communicable perfections, he is a fountain of 
all grace, I might drink in faith, drink in holiness, 
drink in love, drink in humility, patience, yea every 
grace ; drink in conformity to bis image in every 
part, knowledge, courage, prudence, wisdom, joy, 
delight, yea strong consolation. 

My thirst increased, and grew more vehement« 
God did open my mouth wide, and he did fill it< 
My soul was held up by the power of God, as the 
needle by the loadstone, and I did by faith, with 
joy draw water out of these wells of salvation. I 
drank and was satisfied from tiie fulness of my un- 
changeable God, who has loved me with an ever- 
lasting love, and with loving kindness has drawn me. 
I haled sin bitterly, and myself for it. I renewed- 
ly chose my dear invaluable portion, my pearl of 
great price ; my soul exulted, gloried, triumphed 
in her choice, and determined never to let him go, 
whom my soul loved ! I gave up my ail again, and 
again, into his merciful and faithful hands, and I am 
his own ; he will keep what I committed to him, and 
I will cling to him and rejoice in him, for he is truth, 
and faithfulness in the abstract, yea, he is altogeth- 
er lovely ! 

And, although I had but a sip, in comparisan 


with what he is in himself, and with my wants, yet^ 
I had siidi a draup;ht, as crowns and kingdoms could 
neither purchase for, nor from me. 

«• Had I ll.c vorld at my command, 
1^ Aiul the more boundless sea, 
For one blest liour ut thy r';^ht hand, 
I'd rive them both away!* 

Surely the consolations of God, at this season, 
were neilher small nor fev. . My soul was fdled as 
with marrow and fatness, and such a peace lasted 
all the day, as the world can neither give, nor take 

O how good, how gracious is God to me, ar un- 
worthy wretch ! O, when shall I awake in his like- 
ness, then 1 shall be eternally satisfied, then shall I 
shout forth the riches of redeeming love and iirace, 
without fear of this hateful pride ! Till then, may 
God guide me by his imerring Spirit, and prudent 
counsel, and ordain to hi;nself praiie, out of the 
mouih of such a babe, for Jesus' sake. 

Tuesdai; morniugy March 9. — By thinking on 
tlie experience I had hist week, how deeply 1 have 
been sunk under a sense of the intolerable weight 
and burden of sin. My soul has been sore broken, 
vexed, and harassed, by those venomous beasts of 
prey, that have interrupted my communion with 
God, broke in upon me as a flood, and, like Gehazi, 
thrnst me away, even when, in the bitterness of 
my soul, I wanted to lie at the feet of my gracious 
God, and bewail my contrariety to him. 

Jult/ 1. — I liave been reviewing former writings, 
and find, nolwilhstandiiig many, many deficiencies 


in every thing, yet God has kept me reaching after 
greater degrees of grace, and heart holinessr He 
hath enabled me to go from ordinance to ordinance, 
seeking and sowing in tears ; and will he not ena- 
ble me to go from strength to strength ? Will he not 
cause me to return rejoicing, bringing my sheaves 
with me ? Shall I not be able to say, For this 
grace, this holiness 1 sought the Lord, and he heard 
me for Jesus' sake, and hath granted me, this faith, 
this love, this humility, this patience, prudence, 
wisdom, resignation to his will, this zeal for his glo- 
ry, this victory over my pride, unbelief, and every 
traitor in my soul ? Surely he will. He will not 
suffer the serpent always to hiss in my breast ; he 
w^ill not give me a stone ! O ! go on ray soul, and 
still follow hard after God, for he hath begun to de- 
liver, and he will deliver for Christ's sake, though 
thou art unworthy ! O, keep alive thy hope, thy 
strongest trust and confidence, for he will not make 
th^ee ashamed. Thou shalt not be confounded nor 
put to shame ; for Vae Lord hath spoken it ; and 
he is not a man that he should lie, nor the son of 
man, that he should repent. 

Mondaif evenings July 12. — Blessed be God, I 
had access to the throne of grace again this morn- 
ing, and the Lord only knows how sweet it was to 
pour out my whole soul before him, and renew the 
dedication of all to him, and plead, that for his own 
glory I might be sanctified, strengthened, and per- 
severe to the end. 

I trust I did really act faith on the power, all-suffi- 
ciency, and faithfulness of a glorious Saviour ; aiifl 


after leaving all my concerns with him, had sweet 
peace and rest. My soul hath been satisfied as 
with marrow and fatness. Bless (he Lord, O my 
soul, for he is good, for his mercy endurelh forever. 

And will God graciously grant me success this 
week, in my endeavors to settle my worldly busin- 
ess, that my mind may be at liberty to pursue my 
eternal concerns ! Will God, in his providence, en- 
able me to pay all their due, and likewise to do 
something to relieve the aflSicted. If for thy gIo» 
ry, Lord, grant it ; but, however, fit me for disap- 
pointment, resign me to Ihy will, may that be done 
oil earth, as it is in heaven, for Jesus' sake. 

Fridaij evening, ^"'i/ 2'^' — The Lord make me 
truly thankful, for this Iialh been a good day to me. 
God hath carried me comforfably through it. — IVFy 
children liave been more diligent and submissive 
than usual, and I have been composed and diligent. 
God hath ordered all things well. Surely h^ is a 
God, hearing prayer. O my soul, trust in him at 
all times, and give the glory of all that is right, to 
bini, who is the God that performeth all things for 

Friday morning, August 6. — O, thou, whose 
eyes are as a flame of fire, search and iry me ; see 
if there be any guile, any reservation in my heart. 
Am I in league with any one sin ? Lord, thou 
knowest, if I am I know it not. My heart doth not 
accjise me ; but, that is deceitful above all things, 
and I dare not trust it. O, I appeal to thee, glori- 
ous God ! Have I any darling lust? O, convince 
mc of it. Have I any Agag I want concealed ? O, 


dolh not my whole soul consent, when I cry, let all 
be crucified ; O, let them be crucified ? O, let me 
not be deceived through the deceitfulness of sin. 
I tremble at the thought. O, surely if I know 
there is a God against whom I have sinned> if I 
know I have a being, if I know I have a soul, I do 
know it longeth for the utter destruction of sin, eve- 
ry sin, every degree of sin, because it is contrary 
to thee^ Lord, I appeal to thee again ; thou know- 
esi, through thy grace, this is the vehement desire 
of my soul! O, then grant it for Christ's sake. I ask 
in his name alone. I am unworthy ; but he is worthy 
for whose sake I ask. O, deny me not. I fly to 
the golden sceptre. Hast thou not said. Whatso- 
ever I ask in his name, thou wilt give ? Amen, 
amen. Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief; 
for I am thine forever. 

Monday evening. — Blessed be God, he hath 
been with me all the day, of a truth ; hath enabled 
me to be diligent, and aim at faithfulness. Be of 
good cheer, O my soul, for the God that hath 
brought Ihee thus far on tliy journey toward thy 
eternal home, through this dark, this howling wild- 
erness, will still direct, and protect thee. He will 
not fail, nor forsake thee, all the days of thy life ; 
only be thou faithful unto death, and he will give 
thee a crown of life. Hold out, faith and patience, 
a little longer, and the combat will be over forever ! 
Sin, accursed sin, shall no more separate between 
thee and thy God ; never hide his glorious face 
from thee ; never cause thee to grieve him, nor 
wound thyself. O, astonishing! God shall wipe 


away all tears from thine ej es ; all sorrow and sigh- 
ing shall be tlone away ! O, then tlioii shall be 
like him, for tlion shall see him as he is ! Then thou 
shalt be made perfect in holiness ! Then my trans- 
ported soul shall paze to eternity, on the perfec- 
tions of the sacred Three in One ! O Lord, be not 
angry with me, that I have a desire to depart, and 
be with Christ, who is my life, while I also desire 
to sulimit to thy will, and wait tliy time. dO sanc- 
tify me more, that I may glorify thee upon earth, 
and all is well. Tliy will be done : I am thine \ 
do with me what seemeth thee good ! 

Friday morningr, Aiigriist 13. — O Lord my God, 
.rant me some discoveries of thy glorious per- 
fections, some transforming views, some real- 
izing belief of the fulness, the sufficiency there 
is in Christ Jesus, for me, a poor groveling mor- 
tal. Lord, a deep sense of my own vileness 
without tliis, will sink me too low. I cannot 
bear it ; the sight is too shocking. O, let mc now 
turn and see what Christ hath done. He ha!h ful- 
filled the law wliich I have broken ; hath brought 
in an everlasting righteousness, by his perfect obe- 
dience, sutl'erings and death. Justice itself is satis- 
fied ; righteousness and peace have met and embrac- 
ed each other : Yea, and there is a communicative 
fulness in him also, and he hath imparted some grace 
already. Sure, I am not all enmity now, though I 
liave such heart-breaking remains. O, then re- 
store thine image more and more ! Suffer mc not to 
>it down discouraged, as if my case was desperate, 
for (hou ha:il found a remcdv. There is balm in 


Gilcad, there is a glorious Physician there. O, 
then, let me be healed, even me ! 

Saturday evening, August 21. — Surely I am 
the strangest creature upon earth. This morning, 
God condescended to take me near to himself, 
held up my soul by his almighty power to wreslle, 
and plead for conformity to his glorious image ; 
that I might get as near to perfection in holiness, as 
it is possible in a mortal state. Though I was un- 
rrorthy of the least spark of grace, yet I pleaded, 
for Christ's sake, I might have large draughts from 
the full, overflowing fountain ; clear evidences of 
my union to him. I had strong consolation from 
gracious promises : Matthew v. vi. ; Isaiah liv. 
and others. Likewise from God's eternal de- 
crees. For, whom he did foreknow, he did pre- 
destinate to be conformed to the image of his Son. 
As many as were ordained to eternal life believed. 
These were chosen before the foundation of the 
world, through sanctification of the Spirit and be- 
lief of the truth. This is the will of God, even 
your sanctification. Also the mediatorial prayer 
of Christ : Sanctify them through thy truth. From 
the purchase, Redeemer's blood : He died to pur- 
chase to himseif a peculiar people, zealous of good 
works. That hereby God would be glorified, if I 
bear much fruit. O, what shall hinder ? All pow- 
er is in his hands ! Had an affecting sense of these 
things, all the former part of the day. 

My bodily disorders have followed me more vio- 
lently since Thursday, than before. Was very ill 
all Friday night, yesterday and last night; but bless- 


ed be God, not comfortless ; no, adored be his 
name, very far from that, cspet ially last ni^ht, when 
I ))eii;Lin to cherish a lioj>e, thai tliis sickness would 
)je unto death. O joyful prospect of eternity, 
while well assnreil tliaf I liave reposetl my trust in 
a glorious all-sufficient Saviour. I know on whom 
I have believed, and can s^ladly venture through 
llie dark M'.h^v of the shadow of death, and fear no 
evil, for God is with me, Christ with me. I have 
fled to him for refuc^e, and he will keep me. 

My aflfections are very strong towards my dear 
consort, my honored aged mother, my dear christ- 
ian friends, from whom, under God, I have re- 
ceived so much comfort. My heart was raised 
in thankfulness to God for all the comfort, and 
refresliinent lie hath bestowed, on his poor, wea- 
ry, unworthy worm, in her tiresome pilgrimage, 
and for all tlie dear privileges, willi Y;hich he hath 
indulged me ; for ministers, especially my dear pas- 
tor ; for his written word, precious promises, sab- 
balh-, sacraments, and all sanctuary enjoyments ; 
these were all dear, all precious ; but I could glad- 
ly resign them all, for full enjoyment of my pre- 
cious Christ ; can cheerfidly commit my dear con- 
sort, mother, and dear friends, into the merciful and 
faithful hands of God, relying on his care and gra- 
cious providence, which Iialli, and will still provide 
for them : The God who hath fed me all my life ! 

Having taken my farewell of things dear below, I 
seemed to be looking and longing for the joyful pe- 
riod. But, O, if it be the sovereign pleasure of 
•i»y gracious God, to say, Return, I submit. His 


will be done on earth, as it is in heaven ! It is meet 
such a worm should, with patience, wait his time, 
if he hath any thing for me to do, or suffer. If he 
will give me grace, if he will sanctify me more, give 
me more holiness, that I may glorify him upon 
earth, all is well. But I cannot think of remaining 
here, so unlike to God. Lord, sanctify me more, 
for Jesus' sake alone. 

Thursday morninv^, September 22. — I have been 
all this week, and still am, very weak. My dis- 
temper returned, and hath brought me lower than 
before, and have been attended with more pain ; 
but, through divine goodness, not in extremity, and 
God is still raising up friends to supply me with 
any little dainty my stomach -craves, and, with it, 
gives me a sense of his goodness, fills my heart 
with thankfulness to him, and to my friends, and 
this doubles the sweetness. O, my God, this is a 
gentle rod, not according to my iniquities ; yet, let 
it serve a valuable purpose. Sanctify every twig, 
and let my sins be purged away, and make me 
more holy, for Christ's sake. 

Wednesday evenings November 10. — Blessed 
be God, I had a precious season this morning. 
God excited vehement desires after holiness ; drew 
forth faith, love, repentance, resignation to the di- 
vine will, into exercise. I renewed my choice, 
and dedications. I was comforted. Bless the 
Lord, O my soul. 

Sabbath evening, November 14. — Blessed, for- 
ever blessed be my gracious God, for he is good, 
and his mercy eiidureth forever. Yesterday^ and 


Friday evening; also, God took mc near fo himself 
in medication, prayer, and examination ; this morn- 
iui also ; and adored be his nani«% he keeps me in 
his fear, all the «lay loni, habitually so. Blessed 
be his infinite wisdom, love and faithfulness, for all 
the dispensations of his providence; that he, by 
his mercies, hath led me to repentance ; not only 
so, but hath used the rod, to re<luce my wandering 
soul ; breakin-x off my dcpendance on creatures, 
wcanin;5 my afTeclions from thin2;s below, that they 
may be more steadil}^ fixed on himself, and on his 
Christ, his spirit and crace, that these may be all 
in all 1o my sold. What wise and blessed steps 
liath he taken, thou;i;h once atllictive. When in 
my youns; and tender years, my heart was much 
'«et on the husband of my youth, he rent him from 
nie, and likewise bereaved me of almost all that was 
dear to me according to the flesh, whereby he 
broke off niy dependence on those streams for 
comfort, and lod me to the fountain. O, '' liappy 
rod, that bronilit me nearer to my God.'* He 
halh abnndaiilly made up to me, in himself, and in 
his Clirist, the loss of all these. But, alas, still the 
world, its pleasures, profits, and cares, threaten- 
ed to engross and enlantile my aflTections. Infinite 
wisdom saw this, and therefore dashed all my 
Bchemes, disappointed all my hopes and expecta- 
tions, froFii friends and means, thou2;h, blessed be 
his name, he did not leave me wholly destitute. 
By this, throuj^h his grace, he brought me to cast 
my care on himself, and rely more immediately on 
his providence, to provide for me, and mine, ever 


Since. And here I have lived secure, and at rest, 
amidst many ups and downs, frowns and flatteries 
from creatures. The less Reason hath had to 
work upon, the more freely Faith hath cast itself 
upon the faithfulness of God ; and here my expect- 
ations have never been disappointed. God hath 
comforted me, when creitures failed, and proved 
vanity and vexation of spirit. 

But still my foolish heart must needs seek some- 
thing below ; to go out freely after, and hath been 
exceedingly attached to Christian friends. And' 
here, because I hoped I loved for Jesus' sake, I 
have indulged excess ; here have my affections 
twined ; these have been as the apple of my eye, 
or even as my own soul ! In these have I rejoic- 
ed ; from these, my expectations of future com- 
forts have been raised. I was ready to say, Surely 
tfiese will not fail ; but rather than my^lependence 
should be placed on these, and they prove rivals in 
my heart, God will embitter them,, every one, at 
some time or other, even to the breaking of my very 
heart ; I shall find a sore thorn under every one of 
these sweetest roses upon earth. 

And now, blessed be God, I am more than ever 
convinced, that all things under the sun, are vani- 
ty, and nothing but God alone a substantial good. 
Adored be thy name, O my God, for every twig of 
thy rod. Help me now to cease from man, whose 
breath is in his nostrils. Now let me be effectual- 
ly weaned from all the world, and all my hopes, ex- 
pectations, desires, love, ^delight and joys, termin- 
?.te in thee. Yea, let me forever be for thee, and 


for none other ! Lord, llioii hasl won my heart, 
take it to thyself, fill it with thy grace, and possess 
it to eternity. Go on, 1 beseech thee, to rend 
away every rival. 1 stand ilivested of all the 
world ; give it to whom thou pleasest ; give me my 
chosen portion, thyself, thy Spirit and thy grace, 
and I have enough. Here 1 am, do with me what 
seemeth thee good. 

Friday evening, November 19. — Blessed be 
God, an unexpected smile of providence, to-day, 
whereby we have been enabled to pay those debts 
which lay with greatest weight upon my mind, and 
r.lso to purchase an article we wanted. O, my God, 
how good, how bountiful art thou to thy poor un- 
grateful creature ! O, what need have I to perplex 
jnyself, for this, or that, since God thus carcth for 
me. He knowetli all my wants, both for soul and 
body, and v, hen it is the most proper time to sup- 
ply them. O, may I ever rely on divine wisdom 
and faithfulness, casting all my care on him. O, 
may my conversation be without covetousness, and 
I be content with such things as I have, for he hath 
said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee! 

Blessed be God, he hath strengthened me to-day 
in body and mind, brought me comfortably through 
if, and 1 am nearer home than ever ; and wlieu I ar- 
rive there, I shall have done with sin forever, and 
praise forever, be holy forever, be full of God for- 
ever, behold liis glory and be like him, for I shall 
sec him as he is, and be eternally satisfied. O, 
precious Christ, the foundation of my hopes and 
yy^A. 1 aui lliine, and thou art mine, forever. 


Friday evenings December 31. — Blessed, for- 
ever blessed be my ^-acious God, who hath con- 
descended again to indulge me, a poor sinfid worm, 
in spreading my complaints and sorrows before him, 
and for Chdst's sake bowed his ear, supported, en- 
couraged, and comforted me. Yea, and he will 
be gracious still, because he will be gracious. I 
shall still hold on my way ; for he, who was the 
author, will be the finisher of my faith. 

Blessed be his name, that he hath brought me io 
the close of another year, under such comfortable 
circumstances. God hath ordered all things vvcll ; 
and though I have reason to be deeply humbled, 
for my many heart-sins, and imperfections, whereby 
I have dishonored him, and grieved his blessed 
Spirit, yet, adored be his name, he hath not left 
me to fall into any open scandalous si;j. Blessed 
be God, for all the discoveries of heart-sins ; for 
the humbling influences of the blessed Spirit ; for 
all the discoveries of the divine perfections, and the 
fulness of my dear redeemer ; for all the clear and 
satisfying evidences of my union to Christ by faith ; 
for every degree of resignation to the divine will ; 
for every affliction ; for every dispensation of pro- 
vidence ; for all the freedom of access to the 
throne of grace, from time to time ; for all the 
sweetness I have tasted in the written word ; O, 
hath it not been sweeter than honey, or the honey 
eomb ! for all the opportunities I have had in the 
house of God, and at his table ; for all the refresh- 
ments there, and for all the joyful prospects of eter- 
nity ! O Lord, how great is thy goodness ; ho-w 


sweet have been my meditations of thee, in the 
yc'^ pasi ! How sweet tJie«communion I have had 
with tlice in thy providences, and ordinances ! I 
have sinned, but thou hast been kind, beyond ex- 
pression. Lord, I himcnt all tlie ungrateful returns 
I have made thee. O wash away all my sins, in 
the precious blood of Christ ; and although I am 
an unprofitable servant, still look upon me with 
complacency, behold me not in my sins, but accept 
of me for Christ's sake. I fly to his righteousness 
— I have none of my own — this will stand the scru- 
tiny of impartial justice ; it is without a spot, with- 
out a flaw. O clothe thy prodigal with this best 
robe, and let me be justified by that alone. I for- 
ever renounce every thing of my own. 

Saturdai/ evening, January 1, 1757. 
BliESS the Lord, O my soul aiid all that U 
within me bless hrs holy name, and return unto thy 
rest ; for the Lord hath dealt bountifully with thee ! 
Sweet was tlie morning, when God condescended 
to take his pour, feeble, discouraged, needy worm, 
nigh unto himself, humbled mc for sin, and bowed 
his gracious ear to my groans, sighs, and tears. It 
was sweet, renewing my solemn clioice of God, 
Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, for my all, my only 
portion ! Sweet, clinging by faith to him ; Sweet, 
casting my precious and immortal soul upon him, 
for time and for eternity ; relying on his wisdom, 
power, and faithfulness, to keep what 1 have thus 


commlHed to him : Sweet, pleading for grace to 
glorify him in the ensuing year, or as long as it shall 
be his will to continue me in this world, resigning 
lip myself, all I have, am, or can do, solemnly pro- 
testing that I desire nothing, but comformity to his 
image, to glorify and enjoy hinu Let him do whatc 
seemeth him good. 

A sweet peace followed ; and this afternoon a 
precious season, in solemnly renewing my written 
covenant.^ I do, this day, avouch this God, his 
Christ, his Spirit and grace, to be all my salvations 
and all my joy. Now, Lord, I am forever thinco 
O, hold me in thine hand, that no evil befall me, no 
3in defile me. O, come tal^e up thy abode with 
me. Lord, through thy grac€, the everlasting doors 
of my soul stand wide open ; O, come in, my king 
and my God. I cannot, I will not let thee gOo 
Whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none 
on earth, I desire, beside thee ! 

Tuesday/, February 1.- — This morning, a pre- 
cious season at the throne of grace, too great and 
good for language to express ! God*s word was 
sweeter than the honey comb. God inclined me 
to ask for a temporal mercy, in faith, and with sub« 
mission to his will, and he hath this day granted it. 
Surely I need not care for the things of this life, 
for God doth care for me. O may my care ever 
be, to please, love, and obey him forever ! 

Sabbath evening, Febrmiry 6. — Blessed be my 

great and glorious God, for his goodness to me is 

beyond all possible expression. All his ways are 

mercy, truth, and faithfulness ; all his ways are 


186 MEMoins CF 

-pleasantness, and his paths are peace. O, hoit 
Gwecl is the cahn I have enjoyed ever since I wrote 
last. Such a de<;ree of rosifjnation to the divine 
will, sweet content, yea deliij^ht, in all tlie dispensa- 
tions of his providence, as millions of gold could not 
procure. He careth for me indeed, provides eve- 
ry thin;: I really need, and at the moment it is 
wanted. He makes me pray, and believe, for all 
my mercies, before I have them ; takes oflfmy de- 
pendence from second causes, lets me see his hand 
•in the smallest circumstances, and this makes every 
'bin<r sweet. 

Yesterday, it pleased God to unfit me for active 
obedience, by such a sick headache, that I could 
neither rise from my pillow, nor take any food till 
night ; but it was all welcome from my glorious 
fiod, and I heartily cried. Lord, this, or whatever 
else thou pleasest, only take away my sin, only 
make me holy, only glorify tliyself in me, and strike, 
or <lo with inc what seemeth thee good. It is not 
bodily pain, that can make me miserable ; no, if my 
God will but grant me hh gracious presence, I will 
gladly endure all that he will inflict, rather than 
xlwcU at ease, in palaces of plenty, without him. 

This day, also, bodily indisposition has unfited 
me for vigorous, active obedience ; but blessed be 
God, rot for passive- I could not wait upon God 
:n his house, but he hath not left mc comfortless. 
Good (lod .' is this after the manner of men I 
Would men, even the most excellent of all the 
earth, thus trctit an ungratefid rebel, who had cast 
«o many ijidlpriilies, tnd ollendcd him so often? IS'o * 

MRS. flARAH 09B0R1^. 187 

O, how is it, and why is it that thou dost bear to 
take such a wretch into thy bosom, and indulge her 
at this rate, who deserves nothing but to be spurn- 
ed from thy presence ! Lord, I am amazed, O, 
lei me stand and wonder. Surely it is because 
thou art God ! O, the riches of redeeming love and 
grace ! It is because thou hast clothed thy prodigal 
with the best robe, even the righteousness of Christ, 
that thou canst yet look upon me with complacen- 
cy. It is this that hath covered my nakedness, 
that the shame of it may not appear. O, let me 
father die, than ever again grieve thy blessed Spir- 
it, by unbelief, by sloth, by discontent, by pride, 
passion, worldliness, or any sin! . 

Lord Jesus, screen me, be my shield, my rock, 
and my sure defence. Be thou my strength, or I 
shall fall. I shall again dishonor thee, and wound 
my own soul. O, keep me under the shadow of 
thy wing. O let omnipotence hold me, and I shall 
be forever safe. Neither sin, or Satan shall hurt 
or destroy me. Lord Jesus, I again commit my- 
self into thy merciful, powerful, wise and faithful 
hands, and rest secure, for thou v/ilt keep what I 
have committed to thee, and I will, by thy grace, 
keep thy word, and do thy will. I will hold thee 
in the arms of faith and love, and will not let thee 
go. O, abide with me, come possess every room, 
every faculty of my soul, and every member of my 
body, and use me for thyself forever. 

Monday evening j February 7. — Sweet v/as the 
morning, when I awoke with God. His word was 
:sweeter than the honey comb, to my ta^te. I pray- 


ed over every sentence. Believed, rejoiced, and 
becged that God, the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, 
would take up their abode with nie. Saw sin to be 
a bitter evil ; bewailed it as such ; flew to Christ 
for healing ; and with Mary Magdalene could wash 
bis feet with my tears, and wipe them with the hair 
of my head. Promising, by his grace assisting, 
that I will keep his commands, and thereby mani- 
fest my love to him. 

Saturday evening, April 2. — Blessed be God, 
some sweet moments this morning in prayer, and 
have, through divine goodness, been freed from the 
idle imaginations, and foolish forehand contrivances, 
which have so often perplexed me. Have been 
refreshed by tracing back the footsteps of divine 
providence, seeing how infinite wisdom and good- 
ness have brought about every change in my cir- 
cumstances, when most for the glory of God, and 
my good, without any of my help or care. He 
needed it not. When he hath seen me oppressed, 
he hath always appeared for me, and done all things 
well, and will still care for me. Why need I be 
anxious ? What need is there of any change of 
business or circumstance? Now I have a compe- 
tency of the comforts of life, food and raiment, con- 
venient. Friends, yea enemies at peace with me. 

And now, with the fool in the gospel, I must 
needs be for pulling down my barns and building 
larger to bestow my goods. Saying, Soul, take 
thine case ; as if my happiness consisted in these, 
when I know, and am assured it cannot be found in 
worldly jrood. Nothing but God alone can satisfy 

MRS, SARAH 09B0RN. 189 

the soul. Oh how have I committed, two evils, in 
forsaking the Fountain, and hewing out broken cis- 
terns, that can hold no water. Surely Satan hath 
stirred up himself now; but God hath, and will 
make a way for my escape. He will not suffer me 
to be tempted above that I am able to bear. 

Sabbath evenings April 10. — Blessed be God, a 
precious season this morning, in reading, meditation, 
and prayer. Vehement thirst for conformity to 
God, that he would fill me with himself, come and 
take up his abode with me. Renewed my solemn 
choice and dedications, took hold of the promise of 
a glorious Christ, " Ask vv^hat you will, and it shall 
be done unto you ; ask, that your joy may be full." 
This season too sweet to be exprest. Bless the 
Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits. 
This has been, in general, a good day. God hath 
made me thankful, and assisted me in instructing 
my dear little ones^ O, that he would take hold 
of their souls by his special grace. God hath given 
me a sense of his goodness, in bestowing on us the 
warm influences of the sun to-day, made me serious 
in his house, fed me with delicious food, had clear 
evidences of a living faith. 

I have been this evening to see my dear sick 
friend, found her under unusual fears, even fears of 
death, over which she hath for so many years tri- 
umphed. The Lord appear for her ; suffer not 
Satan to distress her. Lord, defeat him, and glo- 
rify thyself; yea thou wilt do it; for the whole 
creation cannot produce an instance of one soul 
ever being made t?shamed, who trusted in thee. 


Blessed V)C tliy name, that thou keepest thy clear 
chihl, hangini; on thee, Biibinitting to thy sovereign 
pleasure. O, hold lier hy thy almii^hfy power, that 
she may not let c;o her hold of thee. Into thy hands 
I commit her ; for thou wilt deal graciously with 
lior ; thou wilt put underneath the everlasting arms 
of (hy mercy. Having loved thy own, thou lovest 
tliem unto the end. 

Friday evetniifj:^ April 22. — O, thou holy, holy, 
lioly. Lord God almic^hty, what a vile, abominable 
creature am I ! who have transgressed every pre- 
cept of the divine law, even from the womb, and 
still do so, notwithstanding all thou hast done for 
my soul. O, wo, ten thousand woes to me, if I 
were to stand before thy awful bar, arrayed in my 
most filthy and polluted garments, (hough the pur- 
est I have ever been capable of making. What 
rags, what dross are they, in thy most pure and 
holy eyes ! With what detestation and abhorrence 
wouldst thou cast me out of thy sight and bar the 
door of heaven against me forever : Yea, and I 
must forever own tliy justice in casting me off 
forever, shmild I attempt (o plead my own 
righteousness, for my justification. But, Lord, I 
renounce every rag ; I tly to my glorious Lord ; 
bin righteousness is sufticicnt to cover my naked 
Boul. O let me be found in this. And now, liord, 
Banrtify me throughout, that I may glorify thee, 
with my body and sj)irit, wliich arc thine, 1 a«k, 
for Christ's sake. 

fjonCs d(tii^ April 21. — Lord, permit me to 
plead tli;it (l](Mi wouldst rnlargL' the faculties of my 


soul, that I may be more capable of entertaining a 
Glorious Trinity. Thou hast said, We will come 
and sup and make our abode with him. Amen. 
So come, Blessed Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, a 
glorious God in three persons, come and fill me with 
thyself; and when I can hold no more on earth, let 
the earthern vessel break, and my soul mount up 
to thee, and drink its fill of the river which flows 
from thee forevermore. 

Wednesday/ mornings May 25. — O, truth and 
faithfulness, that doth never, never fail me ! Let 
me adore, and, with joy and gi-atitude, look over 
the mercies which now surround me ; for God hath 
dispersed every cloud that hung over me ; he has 
provided a horse and money, and every thing ne- 
cessary, at the moment they are wanted to prepare 
for our journey. By extreme weakness of body, 
the path of duty is made quite plain about going, 
since I am not able to attend to my business. All 
is well. God will be with us in our journey, guide 
and protect us, and, if it is most for his glory, re- 
turn us in safety. But if it be his blessed will that 
I come to the end of my long journey, and reach 
my eternal home ; then all shall be well indeed. If 
this be his will, a hearty farewell to my dear Beth- 
el, my minister, my Susa,my other christian friends. 
I hope to see you all in Heaven, bye and bye. O, 
let me pass over Jordan first, and enjoy my Christ 
without sin. 

But stop, my soul; what, this moment? O, 
make not haste ; be not impatient ; the will of my 
sovereign God be done. Lord, I am thine, .wholly 

19^2 MEMOIRS t)F 

thine ; it is enough. Hold me in life, or tate me 
to thyself; do with me what thou plcasest, only 
glorify thyself, ami keep me from the evil. O 
come, and make thy abode with me; tiiis will sweet- 
en all enjoyments to me. O, go with me, or let me 
not stir hence. 

Saturdai/ mornings, June 11. — O Lord, how 
many, and how creat are my defects in every duty. 
How short do I fall in every prayer I make, of the 
fervor and enlari^ement that wants recfuire ; espe- 
cially for sinners, for saints in general, for ministers, 
for magistrates, for our fleets and armies, for those 
who are sufferincc under the raa:e and power of anti- 
christ. Other christians join in concerts for pray- 
er, for the out-pouring of the Spirit ; but I lay still 
as if I had neither part or lot in the matter. O, 
will God keep me, if I live to see the time, to join 
with thy dear ministei*s and people, to plead that 
the Spirit may be poured out from on hiah, and let 
us all, with our prayers, be accepted in the belov- 
ed. And, O let me every day be mindful of these 
tiling-^, when T come before thee, to ask mercy for 
myself. O, let me not forget dear friends, my mo- 
ther, companion, and those committed to my 
charge. Let me not forget the poor and needy, 
tlie fatherless and widow, the afflicted and tempted 
soul. Lord, grant rae bowels of compassion, let me 
consider myself, only as a member of the glorious 
body of which my precious Christ is head, and let 
mp. seek the prosperity of the whole.. O, let thy 
kingdom come, and thy will be done, on earth as it 
is in heaven. Teach me to pray for rains, and 


sunshines, that the earth may yield her increase. 
Thou hast bidden me be careful for nothing ; yet 
thou liast added, in every thing, by prayer and sup- 
plication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be 
made known unto God. O, let me not be inactive 
as a machine ; for thou hast said. Thou wilt be in- 
quired of by the house of Israel to do it for them. 
O, teach me dutj^, and enable me to do it. Enter 
not into judgment with me, for the sins of holy 
things. I fly to the perfect obedience, and precious 
blood of my dear Redeemer. lie obeyed, till jus- 
tice can ask no more ; yet, let me yield a uniform 
obedience, that thou mayest be glorified. 

Thursday evenings July 21 — Sweet freedom at 
the throne of grace to-day. The Lord make me 
thankful, and for Christ's sake, grant my request, for 
my very heart is broken because of my sin. I-iiavc 
been resolving, this day, that from this time for- 
ward, I never will, God helping me, allov/ myself 
in resenting any thing said of me, or done to mc, 
jior pretend to vindicate myself, unless I am well 
satisfied the glory of God calls for it. I will not, 
God helping me, indulge my pride or passion, but 
leave my cause with God, and let him vindicate it. 
Friday evening, August 19. — The Lord make 
me thankful. On Wednesday morning, I had as 
large discoveries of the perfections of God as per- 
haps ever in my life, and humbly hope I really had 
communion with him in his holiness ; rejoiced and 
i^ave thanks at the remembrance of it ; and in his 
sovereignly, justice, truth and faithfulnes?<, infinite 
power, wisdom, and omniprosence. ]My faitf? 


love, Ini'^l aiul confidence, were drawn forth. 1 
dared to appeal to liis omniscience for my sincerity. 
1 felt vile, and weak as a babe, in myself; but in 
Christ, strong as a Goliah ; could, in his strength 
bid defiance to all the hosts of hell. Such a reck, 
>»nch a shield, such a stroug tower, did my Christ 
ippear, that all was well. The first chapter of 
Joshua exceeding sweet. I cannot express the 
sweetness of this feast ; but I know, the exercis- 

> of my ravished soul were so strong that it 
wiecked my body much. — And when, my God, 
shall the clay vessel break, the clog fall oflT, and 
interrupt no more ? O, in thy own time, my gra- 
cious Sovereign, it/will, and I shall drink of those 
livers of pleasure, which fiow at thy right hand for- 
ever ! Mean time, O my Christ, keep me from the 
'Cvil if not from suffering. Thou knowest what 
thou hast determined to call me to. 

Jf'ednesday mo mingy '24. — O, my God, help me 

) remember it is by thy grace I stand. Suffer mc 
not to be high minded, but fear, not with a fear of 
di-<(nist of thee; but, O help me to realize that I 
am as helpless, and defenceless as those of my poor 
brelhren, who liaA e lately fallen into the hands of 
cruel and blood-thirsty Savages ! O my God, if I 
have come out of late combats with some small en- 
sii!;ns of honor, beliold my enemies yet lurk, they 
lie in ambush, and are ready, with more cruelly 
and violence, to fall upon me, than ever, if tliou 
pj-rriiit. O, my glorious Christ, save and defend 

hedmsday evening. Thanks be to God, a 


pleasant day, since God granted me some freedona 
at tlie throne of grace. Sweet dependence on 
Christ for strength to resist, and overcome my 
spiritual enemies. Rejoiced to day, in thinking, that, 
though God has graciously given me some respite 
these few days past, yet I have not capitulated with 
my eneaiies to lay down my arms ; no, I never 
will, Christ strengthening me, to my latest breath. 
If they retreat, I will pursue, and nothing shall sat- 
isfy me, but their utter destruction. I am deter- 
mined, through grace, to give no quarter. I will not 
only stand upon tlie defensive ; but, act oifensively 
also ; and I know the weapons of my warfare are 
not carnal, but spiritual, and mighty, through God, 
to the pulling down strong holds. God will grant 
me his whole armor, the shield of faith, the helmet 
of salvation, and the sword of the spirit, and through 
God I shall do valiantly. Rouse up, my soul, take 
courage, endure hardness as a good soldier ; thou 
wilt soon finish thy course. 31any sands are al- 
ready run, and thou art much nearer thy eternal 
home, than when thou first believed = A few strug- 
gles more, and all will be over forever. Thanks be 
to God for Jesus Christ. 

Saturday evenings September 2. — Blessed bo 
God, a sweet calm resting on God, sine-'" lie has 
enabled me to cast all my care for his Church, on 
the blessed Jesus. The whole body is dear to me, 
and the more it is so, wiih the more quiet I can 
commit it into his hands, and rejoice in lis safely. 
He is so wise, so just, powerful, faithful and unchan ■ 
geable, his love and caie so great, that were they a 


thousand limes clearer, now I could leave all wiii? 
him, contenl. Lord, that thou art Soverei^jn, and 
will do, what thou pleasost with tlie whole world; 
(iiat none can stay thy hand, or say unto thee, 
What doest thou ? Thou art Zion's God and 
Kins, and wilt he 2:lorified in her, and all is well. 

Friilay, Sepltmlyer 30. — Blessed he Cod, receiv- 
ed a debt to-day, and with thi?, paid two. This 
mercy CJod made mc believe for, before I received 
it, and it is sweet. God knows I have no g:reater 
joy, relating to earthly things (except relieving; any 
uf his) than to receive wherewith to pay to others, 
that no one may ever be liiirl by mc. 

Tiicsdai/ morning, October 4. — O, what a con- 
federacy do Satan, rnbclief, and carnal reason, 
keep, to drive me on! of my strong tower, my hid- 
ing place, my rest in God. But wherefore should 
I lienrkcn ! ^Vliat iniquity have I ever found in 
liiy faithful God, to whom 1 have comiuiUed all my 
» oncerns ? Why should I now take the care of 
them ipion myself, and distrust him ? Ilath he less 
wisdom, less power, less love, and faitlifidness, tlian 
he used to have ? No, he is the same yesterday, 
to-day, and forever. AVhat if my shallow reason 
cannot sec which Ava}^ God will provide now, as 
heretofore, is infinite wisdom brought to a stand ? 
Ko, nos he knows what he iuiends to do for mc 
and mine, tuid will, ^till, as he hath ever done, do 
all things wisely and well. This is not the first 
time, by scores, that I, poor short-sighted creature, 
could hce no way ; but God saw, and 1 have lacked 
nothing. 1 will trust the uuchangcable Jehovah, 


and rejoice that my soul, and body, and all my con- 
cerns, for time and eternity, are in his dear and 
faithful hands. Go on, my soul, rejoicing. Why 
should so great a work, as praising my great Crea- 
tor, my bountiful Benefactor, and dear Redeemer 
cease, while I come down (o hearken to these dis- 
turbers of my peace, these enemies to God and me ? 
Lord, help me to stand my ground. In thy strength 
I can do it, and my enemie-s shall be driven back. 
Yea thou v.ilt help me, Ihou wilt favor my rigliteoue 
cause ; it is in defence of thy honor, my God, that 
I am now engaged to fight. O defend and save 
me ; give me the victory over them, and do with 
me what seemeth thee good^ Only let me not 
grieve or distrust thee. I cannot bear this. De- 
liver me from this bitter evil, and i will fear no oth- 
er. O, I have the one thing needful, and it shall 
never be taken from me : There is then no occasion 
of my being careful about many things ; let me sit 
at thy feet, and hear thy gracious words, and let me 
wash thy feet with my tears, and wipe them with 
the hairs of my head ; for thou hast forgiven much; 
O let me love thee much ! Blessed be God, I am 
hi the diligent use of the means he allots me, and 
that is all my God requkes of me ; he wants not 
my anxious cares, for he careth for me, and, by hie 
grace, I will trust in him, and joy in the God of my 
salvation too. 

Tuesday morning, Ociohef 18. — Thanks be ta 
God, a comfortable day yesterday, just as though I 
had come out of a thick fog, or gloomy, thorny wil- 
derness, into clear sunshine, and a plain path. Jui^t 


c\ cniiio: liciit my mind !o l)ii>iiics.s, to settling af- 
fairs : Will Goil grant success, that we may gather 
wlierewith to pay to othcry, and provide so far as 
U necessary the comfort.s of life. O, my God, suf- 
fer me never to live in the neglect of proper means, 
but use all diligence, casting my care on thee. 
Grant me pruilence in every thing ; snifer me never 
to act the part of a miser or covetous person ; nor 
yd sufler me needlessly to squander. But thank- 
fully and cheerfully to use Avhat thon, iu thy provi- 
dtnce, hast provided, and trust thee for future sup- 
})lit'-<. Jjord, grant us wisdom to direct. O let u» 
not uirra'efully hide thy talent in a napkin, mur- 
li'ur, and complain of poveriy, but cheerfully rely 
or> the stores of thy providence, without coveting 
stores of our own. Thou didst never fail us, when 
we were poor, nor were we ever more happy than 
wImp we had nothing laid by ; and why must there 
now be a reserve, why a treasure laid up on earthy 
where rust may corrupt, and thieves break through 
and steal. O may my heart be set on my treasiuc 
that is laid up in heaven; that is worlh lo\ing. 
Coidd that be exhausted, I should be poor indeed! 
Noveinber 20. — It is better to trust in the Lord, 
than to put confidence in princes. Thaiiks be to 
Go<l for all thy past goodness to thy unworthy child. 
I adore thy wisdo.n and goodne^, while I review 
Ihe tbotsteps of thy providence. Thou hast, for 
many years past, committed to my charge a great 
number of children ; and Ijast, by thy grace, ena- 
Itled me to exert myself to do tlicm good. Adored 
be thy name, Uial 1 have the lc^:timony of mvc r 


Bcience ; ll^at it does not reproach me with neglect- 
ing or wronging either the children or their parents. 
Lord, it is by thy grace that I have labored to be 
faithful. O mayest thou have all the glory, while 
I, worthless I, reap the comfort, for Jesus* sake. 

And now, in the year past, thou hast, for wise 
and holy ends, deprived me of that bodily strength 
and vigor, so that I could not exert myself, as be- 
fore. And thou hast, also, in a peaceable, gracious 
manner, lessened my business ; proportioned it to 
my strength ; and made me to acquiesce in thy 
dealings. And, adored be thy name, though 
strength has failed, and business failed, thou dost 
not fail me ; but art opening another door, by which 
thou suppliest our wants. Thou hast provided 
help for me in my family, and art providing where- 
with to maintain her. O Lord, how great is tliy 
goodness to me and mine ! How doth thy bounty 
feed and clothe us ! Though we haA e neiiher 
store-house, nor barn ; jet, the more difficult the 
times grow, the more plentifully thou providest for 
lis. O, for Christ's sake, accept my thankoffering, 
this night ; and let me from this moment, more than 
ever, live, as well as speak thy praises. O my 
God, let my heart glow with gratitude all my days. 
Let me spend the remaining few in prayer and 
praise. Thou hast said. Praise is comely for the- 
iipright. And, Whoso oiTereth praise, gloritieth 
me. O let me glorify thee, and this shall be all 
my salvation, and all my joy. 

Wednesday morning, December 21. — I think 
nothing can more resemble my poor soul, than a 

^00 riTrMoiRs of 

helpless, simple slieep in a ficltl, fiercelT pursued 
bv a c;ree(i} wolf, eager to tear in pieces, and swal- 
low up quick r A bear, bereaved of her whelps, 
espies and pursues (he same prey, and resolves, if 
possible, to possess and destroy it. A roaring li- 
on, also, no less greedy, seeks to devour. They 
all pursue : And what can the poor creature do ! It 
is helpless. Any one of these, should they over- 
take, would destroy in a moment. Would even a 
silly sheep goto meet these enemies, or stand still T 
No, its fears would almost give it wings. How 
swift would it run to some shelter, to its shepherd ! 
And would its shepherd stand and look on, see it in 
this distress, and not screen it ? Would he give it 
lip to those dcvourers, when it is liis particular bu- 
iiicss to guard it from them ; it is committed to his 
care, he is called its keeper ? No, no. 

Neither will my glorious Shepherd give me up 
(o sin, v.'hich like a ravenous wolf, is ever seeking 
to tear my soul in pieces. Nor shall the world, 
greedy as a hear, swallow me up. My Christ has 
bid me be of good courage ; for he has o> ercome 
ihe world. Nor will the Lion of the tribe of Judah 
sufTer Satan, that roaring lion, to devour me. 

O my soul, only act the part that a poor, feeble 
sliccp Vrould do, and thou art safe ; thy glorious 
Shepherd will keep thee. Often has he rescued 
tliec: He has kept thee hitherto. Many a time 
'uist thou feared, because of the fury of these op- 
jjiesHors, as if they were ready to destroy. Btit 
where is the fury of the oppressors ? Hitheifo ihe 
Lord lias helped nic ; and he will not give me up 


now to these hated, dreaded tyrant;^. lie knows I 
have not chosen this world for my portion ; and he 
will not put nie off with a portion here. He will 
give me himself, his Spirit and grace ; because he 
will be faithful. And his kindness shall not depart 
from me, though the mountains depart, and the hills 
be removed. 

Satnrdai/ evening, January 7 ^ 1758, 
I WIIiL, by grace, wait patiently on the Lord; 
for my expectations are from him : And he will 
give me his holy Spirit ; and I will ask, and seek^ 
and knock, till I do obtain the mercy J need ; till 
my glorious King doth appear for my help, and put 
to flight my foes. For he will not suffer them to 
triumph over me. He w^ill not give up his right in 
my precious soul, and suffer this world, sin, and 
Satan to reign there. O my Christ, my precious 
Saviour, any thing but this ; any discipline thy in- 
finite wisdom sees best. Lord, pity me. Thou 
alone knowest Avliat a dreadful heart I have ; and 
thou alone canst make it better. O do it for thine 
own name's sake ; for iliy honor's sake ; for the 
credit of the profession I make of thy holy religion* 
Make me holy. All who know me, know that I 
am thy professed disciple ; then let it appear of a 
truth, that I have been with J-jsus* O lei me bear 
thy image more and more, day by day, that thou 
ma vest be glorified. Lord, make me humble, 
meek, patient, submissive to thy will, prudent, dis- 
creet, holy, harmless, separate fiom sinners. O 



thou knowcst all I need ; anil tlioii haat enough tO' 
bestow. Thou hast a fjill overflowing fountain. 

And with me, remember all dear to me, and all 
thy dear children througlioi't the world ; especial- 
ly the ministers of thy everlasting Go=}pel. Lord, 
liold them near thyself. Let them partake of every 
blessing purchased by thy blood. 

Salurday rnorniuiTy January 21. — O my God, 
when Israel groaned in Egypt, under hard task- 
masters, and cruel bondage, thou didst hear their 
groanings, and didst deliver them with a mighty 
arm. Nevertheless, Israel murmured against thee. 
But if God will indeed look on the affliction of his 
hand-maid, and will deliver me from the cruel bond- 
cisfe, from sin, Satan, and the world, under which, 
i groan, and grant me the grace 1 need. I will 
have no other God but thee. I will worship no gra- 
ven image, nor any likeness of any thing in heaven 
or earth ; but will worr^hip thee in spirit and in 
truth. 1 will not take tJiy name m vain ; but will 
adore thy name, and reverence all thy titles, attri- 
butes, ordinances, vrord and works. I will remem- 
ber the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. It shall be 
ever ray delight : I will spend the whole time in 
public or private exercises of religion ; except so 
much as is to be taken up in the works of necessi- 
ty and mercy. 

And I will cheerfully yield obedience and l)onor 
to parents, and all superiors, according to tiiy bless- 
ed will, i will do nolhing that tendeth to take 
away either my own life, or the life of my neighbor; 
bul, lor iiiy iiluiy, carefully preserve boili. ^')i 


will I break thy seventh command, by unchaste 
thoughts, words, or actions ; but carefully pre- 
serve my own and others' chastity, so far as in me 
lies. Nor will I steal or defraud in any wise; but 
render to all their due. Nor will I bear false wit- 
ness against my neighbor ; but maintain and pro- 
mote truth between man and man, and love my 
neighbor as myself. I will not covet his house, nor 
any thing that is his ; but will be content with such 
things as I have. Never envy or grieve at the 
good of my neighbor ; but promote it. 

Lord, thy commandments are exceeding broad. 
But O the harmony, the beauty, the justice and 
equity of this divine law ! Sureo I delight in it, af- 
ter the inward man. I do esteem it holy, just and 
good. Ah, wo is me that I daily break it ! O w^hen 
shall I cease ! 

Friday evening, January 27. — Reviewing form- 
er writings this evening, I find confident expecta- 
tions expressed, that God will sanctify me more 
and more, for his own glory. O Lord, let me not 
be ashamed of my hope. Let not my enemies 
shout for the victory. Let them not triumph, and 
say. Where is now your God ? Lord, help me ! 
O, for Christ's sake, more heart holiness ; more 
■strength to combat. O teach my hands to war, 
and my fingers to fight. Lord, pity me ! Thou 
knowest I wrestle not only with flesh and blood ; 
but with prijicipalities and powers, with spiiitual 
wickedness. O how lon^, Lord, how long shall ini- 
quitj^ prevail against me. How long shall I transgress 
thy holy, thy precious law. O I cannot bear it ! 


and yet I do it. ljor<l, permit me pas>*ioniitely io 
lon:^ to 1)6 with thee. O U not my glass almost 
I iin out ! O, if not, for Chri>t's sake, more grace to 
^lority thee upon earth. But O, if it might be thy 
will to take me home ! For I shall sin against thee, 
as lonii; as I live in this worKl. O killing; thought ! 
O fatal necessity ! O wherefore shouM I grieve 
thee any longer, my compassionate, merciful, ever- 
Jastincc friend ! 

O let me not do it by impatience. I would be 
impatient with nothing but sin. I would submit to 
thy will in all things : May k he done on earth as 
it is in heaven. Thy time is best ; and thou wilt 
ii,lorify thyself, and that is enough. O may infinite 
wisdom, justice, love and faithfulness ever dispose 
of me, as tbou seest meet. Cast my sins behind 
tliee : Blot them out as a cloud, and view me com- 
plete in my glorious head. Lord, view me in him, 
and thou canst delight in me, pardon and comfort 
nie. O adored be thy name, that thou canst be 
just ; and yet justify her wlio believeth in Jesus ! 

IVednesday mornimr, April 12. — Lord teach 
me the lioly art of Itvinir with thee by the day. O 
help me to realize it, that thou wilt give me, day 
by (^ly, my daily bread. And that is enough. 
"What business have I with months and years 
which I may never live to see ? Wliy this puz- 
zling myself about futurities ^ Why do I thus 
tlinch and fear at the buriien of my school, be- 
cause weak in i)ody ? Cannot (iod strengthen me ' 
Will God lay on me more Ihan he will enable me to 
bear ? O let it suffice that lie hall' <'nd, As thv 


day is, so shall thy strength be. And do I not 
/lifear him saying. Be not dismayed, 1 am ihy God, 
t will help thee, I ^vill strengthen thee, I will uphold 
tliee by the right hand of my righteousness ? Araen. 
Lord, increase my faith. Blush, my soul, and lie 
down in dusf, because of my unbelief. O my God, 
I am no more worthy to be called iliine, because c!; 
my unbelief. O was there ever such a mcnster 
born ! Hath the great Jehovali given me his Son, 
and with him given me all the promises in the new 
and everlasting covenant, both for this life, and that 
wiiich is to come, for my support and stay ? Hath 
he condescended to apply them by his Spirit, time 
after time ? Yea, v/hen the earth was trembling at 
his presence, did he not then pledge his faithfulness, 
end tell me, Though the mountains should depart, 
and the hills be removed ; yet jiis kindness should 
not depart from me? And yet, dare, I distrust 
him V'^ O perfidious wretch ! Blush, ye heavens, 
over my head ; be astoiiishcd thou earth, under my 
leet ! Blush, O my soul ! Lord, pardon, wash 
av.ay my crimson sins in tlie precious blood of Je- 
sii;^. And, O slay (his unbelief, this infidelity. 
How long, O Lord, how long ere thou avenge me 
of this en«my ! 

Tuesdaij mornincr^ June 20. — Ah Lord God ! 
thou seest what a child I am, what a mere babe- 
O communicate strength to me, Ihat I may be able 
to say. When I am weak, then I am strong in the 
Tiord, and in the power of his might. Lord- thou 

* See note, page 85 


hdiHt been wont to qualify thy children and servants 
for the particular calling uhich ihou hast allotted to 
them. O qualify mc also for that calling, thou, in 
thy providence, hast chosen for me. I ask not for 
--.visdom to govern states and kingdoms. Blessed 
he tliy name, thou hast not called me to such a hea- 
:y charge : But for wisdom and grace, sufficient 
or me in the station in which God has set me ; 
That glor}" may redound to thy great name by me, 
jr^ordij' me. O dost thou say It ! Let me hear 
powerfully the charming, soul-satisfying words, 
■ My grace is sufficient for thee, and my strength 
shall be made perfect in thy weakness.'* Amen ! 
Most gladly then will I rejoice even in my infirmi- 
lies, that (he glory of God may rest upon me. 
Fjord,keep me, thy dependent, needy creature, ev- 
ory moment ; keep me in the right way. Let om- 
nipotence hold me, and lead me in right paths. O 
let me be kept by the power of God, through faith, 
-into salvation. O nothing but omnipotence can 
hold me ; for I have a cruel devil without, and a 
traitor within. Lord Jesus, I again make over my 
precious jewel into thy merciful and faithful hands. 
Keep wliat I have cominitteil to thee. Dost thou 
iisk, Belicvcst thou that I am able to do this for 
ihce ? Yea, Lord, I believe; help thou my 

Jiilij 1 1. — Went out yesterday, though but poor- 
ly. Was disappointed by company there ; and 
my fiiend from home. A few minutes refresh- 
ment, after his return, by conversation, though not 
without fear of pride, l>ecause 1 could not join with 


them in expressing an unwillingness to leave this 
world, and fear of death. And thou, Lord, know- 
est that I know not what this means ; aiid, (here- 
fore, cannot in conscience saj I do. But O Ter 
none think of me, above what they ought, on ac- 
count of this ! It is not because I am so good, that 
1 want to die. Oh no ! Were I better, so that I 
could glorify God here, I could be more content to 
stay. But oh! it is because lam so bad, that I 
want to die. It is because I am so unholy, so un- 
like my God here : And I know I never shall be 
like him, till death ; nor see him as he is. 

O Lord, thy will be done. Keep me in life thy 
ow^n time. But oh ! keep me from the evil. Oh 
make me more holy. Lord, if thou wilt, thou canst 
make me clean, 

Tuesday mornings July 25. — I have wounded 
myself BO, by my foolish boasting, detracting tongue, 
that I do not know how to bear with myself! What 
need of all this exposing the failings of others, and 
blowing the trumpet to proclaim my own industry 
and good deeds ! — How completely do I act the 
hypocrite! seek the praise of man, instead of aim- 
ing at the glory of God, and adoring his goodness, 

this hateful self! this abominable pride ! How 
does it taint every thing I do ! O Lord, forgive, 
and wash away these fiUhy stains by the cleansing 
blood of Christ, and be reconciled to me. O be 
not angry with me! I hate and abhor myself. And 

1 pray thee, enable me by thy grace to set a watch 
and guard over ihe door of my lips. O help me 
to keep my tongue as with a bridle, that I speak 

-08 Mi:MOiiis oi 

evil of no one ; for in this, so sure as I do it, sc 
sure I violate the golden rule, the precious, beauti- 
ful rule! for I can never saj-, I would others should 
expose my failings. Alas! What a pitiful Ggure 
should I make, should nij friends do thus hy me! 
How mnnv liofocts in my practice — may they es- 
py ! An.l yet thry cover them all, and love me 
still. O l:jt mc do likewise! Lord Jesus, be tliou 
my ruard ; keep mc froai this evil, or I shall fall 
ngain by the first temptation ; yea, without any 
temptation but my own vile lust*. O could my 
friends but bee the broo<l, the litter of rdthy lusts 
in my heart, how must they abhor me! And yet 
thou, God, sccst me. All r- naked and open to the 
eyes of thy spotless purity. O thou holy, holy 
Lord God, were it not for the complete^ righteous- 
j'.ess of Christ, which thou hast imputed to me, I 
could not look up : Thy purity must be my terror, 
iiut, adored be thy name, on account of tliis, I may 
still rejoice at the remembrance of thy Holiness. I 
know there is no condemnation to them who are in 
Christ Jesus. 

liiit, O why should I remain so unlike to thee, 
lAv God! Why so little of a God-like, Christ-like 
temper in me! O Lord, speedy sanctification, for 
Christ's sake! Lord, increase my faith, love, hu- 
niihfy nnd every oiace ; and let me see thy recon- 
ciled face. O hide not tiiy face from vac ; but 
humble and comfort mc ; for I am th; in 

r hrist JcsuF. 

yl?/ir".^7 2. — Tlianks be to God! A fresh supply 
' esterday. And my debts are, or can be, paid 


(Alt of it. And I have all I ever earnestly ask- 
ed of God: Namely, to be kept free from in- 
volvements. O God, I thank thee that thou art 
still enabling me to render to all their dues. In 
this thou givest me the desire of my heart. I thank 
thee, Lord, that I am not forced to keep the labor- 
ers out of their wages ; but can pay as soon as earn- 
ed. In this thou indulgest me : In this I delight. 

And thou hast taker* away two of my children^ 
in thy own gracious way ; and I acquiesce ; and 
beg, if it may be thy sovereign pleasure, that thou 
wilt provide for me in the way wherein I can be 
faithful: For, Lord, thou knowest my infirmity. It 
is thou who hast deprived me of strength ; and 
thou knowest I am not able to take the care of such 
a number, as heretofore. Will God mercifully 
proportion my business, to my strength and cir- 
cumstances. Lord, infinite wisdom knows how, 
though I do not. O help me to do all thou re- 
quirest of me ;. but no more. Lord, as my day is^ 
30 let my strength be. I entreat, not for my sake; 
hut for Christ's sake, enable me to do my duty in 
every branch of it. And for his sake accept me^ 
and forgive my ignorance, infirmities, follies, thous- 
ands of short comings, and grosser sins. Wash 
them, all away, in the previous blood of Jesus t 
And behold the complete obedience of my dear 
Lord, and in him let me be esteemed complete. 
After bW my desires and endeavors to yield univer- 
sal obedience, I am an unprofitable servant. I falJ 
infinitely short: But he has fulfilled all. thy wi!l> 
Thy law is fulfilled, and made honoi'able teo^'by 

2?0 IUK^;oIR6 op 

him. I{!.*})o]il the union IkIwccm (his CilorioTi."^ 
Christ, autl my precious soul ; ami \\c\v ine, even 
?;ir, wifli approbation, berause he has hiitl down his 
pierio'.:.s life for inc, and I am his. O deliijht in me, 
then, because lam /ii>, and he hiitiue. O grace, 
from the foundation to the topstone ! Amazii>g 
(Trace ! Evm ».(», FiiIm r, for so il seemed good in 
thy siiiht. 

AiK^iKt 19. — O thou, before whom angels bow, 
and ^ ail their face?, who am I, and what am I, that 
ihoii art mindfid of me, a worm of the dust ! And 
pcrrnittest me to run to thee with all my complaints 
and distresses ! Lord, 1 am utterly unworthy of thi^ 
a:rncious privile2;e. But oh, for Christ's sake, still 

);il>le me so to do ; and indulge? me, Lord, with 
Jiy oracious ear to the voice of my supplications.. 
To whom else shall. or can I go ? Human helj? 
fail?. Sense fails. God alone is stedfast and un- 
iHOvable ; God alone unchangeable. And O let 
r,iy fr^lMi be fixed on this unchangeable, able, faith- 

I 'i. it. At what time I am afraid, O help me to 

;iNt in lliee. 

O my glorious Advocate, pray that my fuitli fall 
iiof. O 2;ive me not a stone, a serpent. O give 
me not up to the power of unbelief, anxious cares, 
::nd*ing against thee ; murmuring in my 
^ent f Oh I cannot bear it ! Lord, thou only know- 
-t how far I am influenced by self-love to dread 
'his sin, because it is a tormenting siii. But surely 
'c»ve to thee also makes me dread it. I cannot berj- 
• ilistrust thy faithfulness, to dispute thy wisdom, 

^ '■■ * ♦fiy power; It is odious to nic. Lord. 


thou knowest I would do otherwise at all times. 
Lord, help me ! Adored be lliy name, that my du- 
ty and my happiness are connected. Oh be with 
me through all changes ; yea, choose my changes 
for me, and haslen my great and last change, if it he 
thy holy will ; and then I shall distrust (hee no 
more forever. Oh this body of sin and death ! 
When, Lord, when shall I be free from it! O suC' 
cor and support me all the way. Help me to cast 
my burdens on thee ; and do thou sustain me, be- 
cause Christ has redeemed me ; and I am his and 
thine forever. And I will be thine forever. 

August 20. — Sabbath intermission season. — 
They who come to God must believe that he is, 
and that he is a rewarder of them who diligently 
seek him. Adored be thy name, my gracious God, 
for freedom of access to thy throne this da}'. And 
now. Lord, the seed is sown in tears ; let me reap 
in joy, for Jesus' sake, in whose worthy name I 
come. Lord, hear and answer the prayer I have 
prayed before (hee : And, if it may be thy sove- 
reign pleafjure, answer me speedily, since thou 
knowest it is for grace and strength to glorify thee; 
to enable me to cast all my cares on thee, and to 
acquiesce in all thy will. Lord, hear. It is not 
for this or that circumstance in life, nor for life it- 
self, I beg : But for grace, for conformity to thy 
image and will. Oh do with me what seemeth 
good to thee. Strip me of all dependence on any 
creature and thing on earth, if it be thy pleasure : 
But oh, do not let me murmur against thee, and 
grieve Ihce. I cannot bear it. It pierces me to 

21*2 MEMOiBg ov 

the very soul ! Tliou requirest full contentment 
^vilh my own condition. And, Lord, if thou wilt, 
thou canst give ?nc sweet content and delight in 
thee, let my condition he what it will. Ijet devils 
rage, and ungodly men, who have no own God to 
delight in, complain and murmur under outward 
losses and disappointments : But oh forbid that I 
should do so too. I have a glorious God for my 
portion ; a precious Christ for my inheritance. 
How can I bear discontent ! Lord, by thy grace 
prevent, or, thou knowest, Ihrougli the depravity 
of my nature, and subtilty of Satan, I shall do if, 
unjust, ungratefid and unreasonalilc as it is. Ah 
woful apostacy and contrariety to God ! I bewail 
it. O that I were entirely recovered from it ; that 
I were wholly devoted to God in every faculty of 
'.ly soul ! 

Sabbath evening, August 20. — Thanks bo fa 
God for the refreslmients of this day ; thai I still 
dwell in thy house ; oh may ) ])c still praising thee! 
May I dwell in the house of the Lord forever ! 
And, O gracious God, since I have left my reqnests 
with thee, and all my desires are before thee; let 
nie, with Hannah, be at rest, and my countenance 
be no more sad. Let me not fear always because 
of the oppression of the cneiny ; but comfort me, 
my Ciud : Speak peace, pardon and cleansing to 
me. Thou hast mercifully promised, that they who 
wail on thee, shall renew their strength ; they shall 
mount up as catrles ; they shall run, and not be 
we;ii V ; lliey shall walk, and not faint. Lord, 
9trei)ithen a;e, according to thy word. 


Let me carry much of this Sabbath into the week 
with mc. And as thou hast enabled me, by thy 
Spirit, and grace, to be in some degree fervent in 
spirit this day ; so enable me to be faithful and 
diligent in business, this week, and all my days. 
And, Lord, grant me success, if it be thy blessed 
will. Let me not always labor in vain, and spend 
my strength for nought. Be with thy feeble child, 
though no more worthy to be called (liine, because 
of my sin ; because of my pride ; my unbelief, my 
hypocrisy, my discontents and murmurings against 
God ; and the sins of holy things. For all these I 
blush, and am ashamed to look up. For these I 
judge and condemn myself. But O condemn me 
Bot ! Blot them all out. Wash them all away in 
the precious blood of Christ. 

Thursday mornings August 31. — O, blessed be 
God, who has provided such he!p for me, that both 
my family, and school, are attended to my satisfac- 
tion. Lord keep me diligent both for soul and 
body, I beseech thee. Suffer me not to waste the 
precious moments I may now redeem from family 
cares in idleness ; but may I improve them to valu- 
able purposes. Lord, thou dost all things well. I 
cried to thee, and committed this Case to thee ; and 
thou hast provided suitable help for me. O, help 
me to rejoice in thy goodness, vjhile I do enjoy ; 
but preserve me from placing happiness on this, or 
any enjoyment ; or depending on any thing below 
thyself, my only chosen, happy portion. O, make 
me rejoice in thee for v.iiat thou art m thyself, tiiou 
Ood of infinite perfections, thou God of love, sove- 

reigntj, justice, truth, and faithfulness. Yea, I 
will rejoice in ihy goodness to me too ; for thou 
suppliest all my wants for soul and body ; and art 
bestowing a degree of s'.veet content. O Lord, 
this is thy doing ; for this I will bless thee ; for had 
I all the world without this, I should be miserable. 
And this I can no more attain in myself, than I can 
make all the good things I want. No: It is my 
God who bestows it. To him be all the glory. 

I remark a singular instance wherein God indulg- 
ed me yesterday. A glazier came to mend our 
windows ; and as he taking them down, I 
thought, What shall I do for money to pay tor 
mending them? And, immediately, before he liad 
done taking them down, a child came in, and brought 
me money more than enough to pay him for hi:i 
work. I received it as coming from the hand of 
God, who always rnables me to pay the laborer y 
and rejoiced in it. Yea, and he does all things, 

Saturday mornings September 2, — For two days 
past the pain in my head and eyes has been such 
that I codld not attend to reading, writing, or work, 
with any comfort. My eyes fail exceedingly. O, 
if it be God's sovereign pleasure, strengthen my 
sight again, that I may be able to read^ and write, 
and work. And grant me grace to improve so 
jrreat a mercy as sight to the glory of God, and th(5 
j;ood of my generation. But if it be thy will thai 
it Hhould fail, not my will, but thine be done. Lord, 
thou knowest how to enlighten my .soul, resign my 
will; ond make me happy. Do with me what tho'i 


wilt, only make me holy, that thou mayest be glori- 
fied, and delight to make thine abode with me, and 
it is enough. This, above all other mercies, I beg, 
for the sake of Christ. And he is worthy, in whose 
name I come. And the fountain is full, and grace 
is free. O, let not my unworthiness be any bar in 
the way of my receiving grace upon grace, and 
strength upon strength, since Christ has died ; yea 
ladier ib risen again for my justification. 

IVednesday evenings November 15. — My glori- 
ous, gracious God, I would praise thee with my 
whole heart. O how dost thou indulge me, enable 
me to provide the comforts of life for myself, and 
also to render to all their due ; to do something 
still for the support of thy gospel. I thank thee 
for this privilege. Thou knowest I delight in it. 
And thou art still enabling me to feed the hungry, 
and clothe the naked, blessed be thy name. Go 
on, merciful Father, and for thine own honoris sake, 
add the mercy of a truly humble, grateful soul. 
Lord, thou canst make mine such an one. Thou 
canst preserve me from discontents and murmur- 
ing?, when new straits come on. Oh, never leave 
me more to such ingratitiule ! I dread it, I hate it, 
I deprecate it. Lord, help me at all times to trust 
in thee : prospect, or no prospect. Thou art wor- 
thy to be trusted in the dark, as well as in the light. 
How often hast thou made me ashamed of my vile 
unbelieving fears. And I am no more worthy to be 
thine, because of them. I blush and am ashamed, 
and yet, my God, I am so vile that I shall surely 
do it again, unless thou by thy grace prevent. I 


fly to thee Top protection. O save nio from thi- 
bitlcr cmI, anil do wifji inc, what seemeth thee 
ol: For 1 am thine own forever. 

Sabbath morninfr, November A^3. — Blessed be 
God ! Yesterday niornini^ a precious season at the 
throne of ^race. Sweet freedom for myself, fami- 
ly, dear conswt, christian friend?, ministers ; yea, 
for all the world ; for the outpouring of the Spirit 
upon all flesh; that Christ mii^ht he King of na- 
tions, as he is King of saints. -♦Some sweet relish 
remained the former part of the day. In the after- 
noon gratitude oblige«l me to visit a friend who was 
unwell. Tlie con\ers.itioii turned too much upon 
things nol to edification ; ami it was cliiefly my 
fault. Oh, when shall my words be all with grace, 
reasoned with sh!i ! "When shall all my conversation 

' as becomelh the gospel of Christ ! I lament eve- 
ly word that runs to wasle. Blessed be God, some 
serious turns- And in liie evening refreshed again, 
'»;/ perceiving a young wc.nan with me to be some- 
what though.tful, and concerned ahout her soul, 
'fhe Lord awaken her yet more, if it be thy bless- 

I wii!. O Lord, convince her of her undone state 
by nature, and her absolute need of a Christ, ami 
reveal him to her. Oil, make up to her, in thyself 
and in thy Christ, what thou hast taken from her 
in the creature. Father and mother have forsaken 
her. They arc* dead ami gone. Lord, take her 
up, and adopt her into the number of thy children.* 
Oh, give her a heart to receive Christ, power <e 
become a child of God. Lord, pity her and glori- 
fy (liyself in her. 


Monday morning, March 5, 1759. 

BLESSED be God for the return of another 
birth day in peace. But oh ! may the springs of 
godly sorrow be opened. For, alas! how much 
of this forty-five years has run to waste ! How lit- 
tle have I done for God. True, God stands in no 
need of me : But for his glory I was created. And 
oh, that the time past may suffice for all the pride, 
unbelief and murmurings of my whole life. Lord, 
let them all cease from this moment. And let the 
remaining part of life be all devoted to God. O 
blessed Jesus, I would now make a renewed flight 
to thee, and embrace thee in all thy offices of Pro- 
phet, Priest and King. O teach mo, save me, rule 
and protect me from the only bitter ei il. My only 
request is, that thou wilt conform me to thy image, 
and resign me to thy will in all things, that thou 
mayest be glorified. And do with me, and all I 
have, what seemeth good to thee : only make me 
holy. Entreat me not to leave thee. I cannot let 
thee go without this blessing. I stand in infinite 
need. Thou knowest the power, maligni{y and 
subtilty of my inbred lusts. And thou knoivest I 
cannot stand against these, and the world, and my 
invisible enemies, without thy special grace and 
help. Lord, help me ! 

Friday, May 4. — Once more the house up the 
hill is offered, if at liberty, as expected. The 
Lord overrule for good. Give me wisdom, for 
Christ's sake, so to conduct that there may be no 
room for reflection on myself hereafter, whether 
I<gtay here, or go there. Gracious God, I am thine, 


Help me lo cast all my circs oji tbeo. Birecl all 
my doubtful ways. Order every step. Shall I 
raise my price for schooling ? Do the rules of 
justice demand it? Lord, determine me by thy 
word and spirit. Guide me with thine eye, and 
with thy prudent council. 3Iake me wise as a ser- 
pent, and innocent as a dove. Determine me by thy 
word, my only chosen rule, that rule of righteous- 
ness, which infinite wisdom and goodness has put 
into my hands. JMay the precious, golden rule be 
ever mine. And Oh enlighten and teach me by 
thy Spirit ; for thou knowest I am a poor, dark, 
ii^noranl, sliort-siglited creature. Oil endue me 
with wisdom from above. 3I;ike me wise to know 
m1 to do li)y will, ft)r Jesus' sake. 
And oh, draw me to Jesus more and more. — 
fiord, 1 acknowledge I cannot come, except thou 
draw me. Adored be thy name, that this doc- 
trine does not otfend me. I will not go away, and 
v.ulk no more with thee, because of this ; but glad- 
ly be beholden to thee for thy grace. Lord, bes- 
tow it freely for Christ's sake alone ; for without 
thee, without him, without the blessed Spirit, I can 
do nothing ; But a glorious Trinity strengthening 
me, I can do all things. Yea, I can be con- 
tent with aU things thy wisdom allots. 

Wednesday morninor^ ^I^tjJ ^- — How gracious is 
(J(j«l to me ! A sweet sense he gave me yester- 
• lay all the day, of his wisdom and goodness in 

''lirjging me to such a plunge, such darkness ; 

ind then bringing me first to rely on my faith- 
' Ctod for supplies ; and then causing the day 


to break, and the shadows to flee away. And 
the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. O 
let my heart now be lift up in the ways of the 
Lord. Lord, bring me nearer to thee by every 
step thou takest, for Jesus' sake. And as thou 
dost increase my business, increase my strength 
I pray thee, that I may be faithful to the trust 
reposed in me. Lord, help me. They are 
precious, immortal souls, whom thou hast com- 
mitted to my charge. O God, make me faith- 
ful. O, may I train them up for Christ. Make 
me steady and exemplary. Endue me with wis- 
dom from above, a spirit of government, my gra- 
cious God. And still preserve peace, good or- 
der and harmony in my family, among my little 
ones. I bless thee for assistance granted hith- 
erto, that amidst all, I can so quietly enjoy my 
precious morning moments. And if they must 
in any degree be abridged. Lord, meet me in 
the happy few. Draw forth every grace into ex- 
ercise ; and enable me to embrace and cleave to 
my covenant God, my precious Christ. O 
blessed Spirit, be in me a spirit of prayer and 
supplication. , Let me fall prostrate, and adore 
before the throne of grace. And O my glorious 
Mediator, my Advocate above, perfume every 
petition, every lisp of praise, with thy own mer- 
its, and they will ascend as incense, and be a 
sweet savor before a holy God ; And they shall 
be answered in mercy. O my glorious Shep- 
herd, keep to thyself thy poor, needy, wander 
ing, weak and timorous sheep. I am, through 


grnre, of thine own fold. Let mo hear t]iy 
voire ; for I will follow tliec. O leail me and 
keep mo in right paths ; for I nni thine forever. 

Sabbath cvenirifr^ May 20. — O, tlianks be to 
God ! Sweet was this morning, when God took me 
jiear himself, and granted me communion with hini 
in his faithfulness. Lord God Almight}', I fly to 
Ib.ce for ji;race, wisdom and strength to go through 
the business to which thou art now calling me. I 
have now i^^n in family, and more than sixty in my 
day school. O, how many precious souls hast 
thou committed to my charge ! Lord^ make me 
thankful and faithful. BIcbs the little ones, and let 
them all be trained up for Christ. Forgive all my 
sins, and still triumph, because tljou art a faithful 
(jJod, and I am forever thine. Strengthen me in 
body and soul, and I will be for thee, and none oth- 
er, all the days of my life. 

Monday morning, May 28. — Last week my 
dear husband went to Berkley, in hopes of recov- 
ering his health. The Lord, in his mercy, bless 
the means, if it be his blessed will ; and return }iim 
in his own lime ; and yet spare him to me. And 
oh, may wc glorify God together iicre, and to all 
eternity. And now, in Jus absence, while thou art 
ailing me to take the sole charge of the family, 
Lord, as.siiit me. Preserve me from pride, self 
seeking, ostentation, formality and Jiypocrisy. 
And O, make me lively and fervent in my prayers. 
(ile.^scd Sc^w^i^y without tlice I can do nothing but 
;nock thee. O, send tliy holy Spirit to warm my 
heart from time to fime, (o indite my petitioits, and 

MRS. SARAH 09BORI7. 223 

thou bringing me to the close of this year ! Lord, 

thou hast heard the cries I put up in the beginning 

of it, in choosing my changes, change of help, and 

change of habitation, all quiet and peaceable. 

Thanks be to God for this. O Lord, how great is 

thy goodness ! I am utterly unworthy of all this 

goodness and mercy thou art showing to me, for I 

have murmured, and distrusted thee ; and am no 

more worthy to be called thine. But since thy 

mercy has triumphed over all my unworthiness, I 

fly to thee now, in the name and for the sake of 

Christ, for protection from this hated, hatefulj 

dreaded sin. Lord, screen me for the future, or 

else, unreasonable as it is, I shall fall into it again, 

the first cloud that passes over me. I cannot stand 

against myself. I am as a feather in the wind of 

temptation. Lord, for Jesus' sake increase my 

faith, that thou mayest be glorified in and by me, 

eveu by me, though less than the least of all saints ; 

yet thine own forever. 


Tuesday evening, February 5^17600 
The Lord grant I may from this time reap 
the sweetness of having this dear closet. O 
God, meet and bless me in it, or it will be but 
as a dungeon lo me : But let it be a Bethel. 
Here let me wrestle with God for all the mer- 
cies I want for myself, for sinners, dear friends, 
relatives, and ihe v/hole Israel of God. Here 
may the arniB of faith stretch to embrace an iii' 


finite God, and bold Ihee fast, by the assistance 
of thine own Spirit. Here may God condescend 
to bow his ear io the voice of my supplications. 
O, here may every 2;race be drawn forth into 
lively exercise, and streni^thencd. O, let it be 
in mercy thou haM given me this dear closet. O 
never let me once play the hypocrite in it ; but 
may I be e\er sinrerc and upright in it. And, 
Lord, hold out the golden sceptre : Suffer me io 
touch the top. Grant me my petitions and my 
requests, so far as consisis witJi thy glory. 3Iay 
they all be indicted by thine own Spirit, and per- 
fumed by the merits of Jesus, and then thou wilt 
dcliglit to answer. 

Lord, bless me, and thy other dear handmaids, 
wlio devote one evening in a week to thee to be spent 
in religious exercises. Lord, make us upright. — 
Preserve us from self seeking ; from pride in every 
shape and form. Suffer us neitlierto be too proud 
to pray, lest we should appear weak to others, nor 
yet proud of the assistance thou grantest us. Lord, 
protect, and screen us from this subtle enemy. — 
And may our united cries reach the heavens. — 
IJless our conversation, and every duty, for our mu- 
tual edification. And O, may a little leaven, lea- 
\cn the whole lump. O that there ma} be a gener- 
al revival of religion. 

Tuesday evenings March 4. — The last day of 

my forty-sixth year is now run out, a little more 

timn twenty-three of which I liiivc openly professed 

( lui-i. iiut oil ! how little liave I lived to his glo- 

1 would be humbled that I have made no grea- 


enable me to adapt my language to the capacities 
of the children. Make this path of duty plain be- 
fore me. Preserve me from the zeal of a Jehu. 
And preserve me from being ashamed of thee and 
thy ways, in this crooked and perverse generate n, 
in this time of luke-warmness, and awful declen- 
sions and backsliding. O my Sun and Shield, en- 
lighten, warm and defend me from every chilling 
damp, and blow up the spark of divine love in my 
soul to a most vehement flame. O, let me gro'.v 
stronger and stronger in the grace that is in Christ 

Adored be thy name ! thou didst yesterday 
again hold out the golden sceptre, and said, Ask 
what you will, and it shall be done unto you : For, 
adored be thy name, I do abide in thee, and thy 
words abide in me : I have hid them in my heart, 
that I might not sin against thee. And thou knowest 
my most vehement petitions are, that God may be 
glorified by my bearing much fruit. Thou knowest 
my longings and heart-breakings for thh. Ah, 
thou hast said. If ye love me, keep my command- 
ments ; and fain would I keep them ail : But I 
break them all. And yet, Lord, thou who knowest 
all things, knowest I love thee. O then, grant my 
request, and enable me better to keep thy com- 
mandments. O, how beautiful are they I They 
are holy, just and good. O, how love I thy law ! 
It is my delight. I love thy precepts, as well 
as thy benefits : And yet I break them alL 
Oh wretched one that I am ! Who shall deliver 
me from this body of sin ! When shall death brin,^ 
t 2 

^22 MEMOina ob- 

nie ;i release ! Lord, give nie patience to wait thy 
lime. Biii uli keep rne tlien from the evil here. 
Lord Jesus, keep my soul in thy own gracious 
Iianils ; for it is thine own forever, and I am thine. 

Wedneeday inoniiug, August lb. — A sv.ecl aiid 
solemn sense of what I wrote yesterday. Precious 
season! When the perfections of my clorious God 
appeared so lovely ; sin so odious ; I so weak; and 
yet my soul so precious for Christ's sake, be- 
cause he has redeemed it, God all suflScient to 
keep it from the evil, and make it holy, that he 
may be glorified, the top of all my desires. 

O thou who hast said, Ask what ye will in 
my name, and it shall be granted, give me my pe- 
Jitioa and my request. Let me not grieve thee 
any longer ; but, as thou knowest I love thee, grant 
me grace to keep thy sweet commandments. O let 
nie more and more have this genuine evidence. O 
make me every thing that will please thee. O, as 
ever tliou didst mould a soul into thino own image, 
mould mine into it. As thou didst ever subdue a 
itubborn, rebellious will, and make it all submiss- 
ion ; Lord, bow mine, and resign mine and do with 
me what seemeth good unto tlice : Only subdue me 
to thyself, my King, my Prince and Saviour. O, 
do this, rather than bestow on me health, wealth, 
crowns, and kingdoms. O grant me my petition 
now, for thine own f-ake ; for I am thine forever. 


r* t'liu s<{n,j iuurningy December 2G. — 1 Jiad a 
BWtct, cheerful day yesterday, bless the Lord, O 
my boul. O my God, with how much comfort art 


lev proficiency in the school of Christ in twenty- 
three years ; raid also that the half of my life was, 
as it were, without God in the world. I would al- 
so lament before God all my backslidings from him; 
and that to this day there are such bitter remains of 
contrariety to him : So much of pride, passion un- 
belief, sloth, worldly niindedness, and v.'hat not ! 

But, O my soul, let not thy lamentations end in 
ingratitude ; but bless God for all recoveries from 
declensions ; for all tlie victories thy glorious King 
has given thee over the world, the flesh and the 
devil. That amidst such an ocean of corruptions^ 
such a flood of temptations, the spark of grace is yet 
alive. That God has, notwithstanding all my fears, 
preserved me from all open violations of his law, 
which would have been to the dishonor of his dear 
name. God knows my fears and dread of this. — - 
Adored be his name, that for Lis own sake he has 
hitherto delivered me from all my fears. Where 
is the fury of the oppressor, who has often appear- 
ed as if ready to destroy ? But hitherto the Lord 
has helped me. And I will rejoice and bless him, 
that by his grace I am what I am ; though I am not 
what I long to be ; yet 1 will hope in his mercy^ 
that his grace shall be sufficient for me ; and he 
will complete his begun work in my soul. He will 
not leave it unfinished : Neither earth, sin, nor hell 
shall prevail against me. My jewel, ray all, is in 
safe hands, even in the faithful hands of a glorious 
Christ. And though my sins of heart, and all my 
sins, are against him ; yet his precious blood cleanses 
from all sin. To that I fly this night for pardon and 

•Ji:b MEMOIR.- OF' 

Lord, my day- arc now far advanced. Forty-six 
years passed and gone, never lo be recalled. O 
let the remaining be devoted io thee. Blessed be 
tliy name, it cannot he long before 1 reach my eter- 
nal home. O, help me lo work wliile llic day lasts, 
to fulfil as an hirclins^ my day. All thy works praise 
thee, and thy saints bless thee. Let me also, wlio 
am the work of thy hands, bear my part in this low- 
er world. Thy saints may profit by it. O, let me 
not be an idle spectator, but an active doer of thy 
"will : And cheerfully suflTer and submit to all thy 
will ; and cleave to thee, and speak honorably of 
tliee to all around me, under every dispensation of 
tliy providence, whether merciful or afliictive. I 
would renew my thanks to God this night, for the 
mercies of the year past, spiritual and temporal. — 
Thou hast by tliy abnighty power bowed my will, 
and brought me to cast my care on thee for daily 
bread: And tliou hast provided il continually ; I 
liavc lacked nojiiing. I^ord, still help me lo trust 
in thee, and condile in thy faithfulness for all sup- 
plies of grace as well as of food ; for thou w ilt not 
give me a stone in this respect, any more than in 
the other. Thou knowest I have cried more for 
grace, than for daily bread ; and thou wilt answer, 
because 1 am Christ's, and Christ is thine, audi am 
thine forever. 

Friday Morning, March 28. — For wise and ho- 
ly ends, God permitted me to be disappointed : I 
did not rcreivc that whicli I expected. And which 
way to get wood I know not. Bui (Jod knows wc 
want it and th;it is enouirli. In the utjo of thoae 


means he allots me, I would leave it entirely with 

I have other cares af present, of more importance, 
riz, how I shall get my heart more engaged for God, 
and stripped of pride, and self, and hypocrisy. — 
Lord, pity me in this regard. O my God, supply 
all my need of greater degrees of grace and strength. 
I do stand in infinite need. O for thy presence and 
grace ! Work all my works in me and for me and 
and the work of faith with power. Ah, blessed Je- 
sus, without thee I can do nothing. But am I not 
imited to thee ? Lord, thou knowest what thou hast 
done for my soul. Surely I am not among those 
branches which shall be taken away. O no ! thou 
knowest thou hast espoused me to thyself. Thou 
hast engrafted me into thyself, by regeneration and 
adoption. O then, let me not be a fruitless branch; 
nor suffer me to bring forth sour, bitter, or tasteless 
fruit. O, if the tree lias been made good, let tJie 
fruit be good also. Oh, I bewail before thee that 
it is so unsavory, so little generous and genuine : 
That it is so tainted with mixtures of sm. O thou 
glorious husbandman, purge me by what means thy 
infinite wisdom sees best, so I may but glorify thee 
in deed and in truth, and not seek hateful self. — 
Lord, I hate myself, when I stand in competition 
with thee, and thy glory. Oh, take me out of self, 
in every shape and form. O ye glorious angels, 
and perfected spirits, who can glorify your God 
without any of these sinful mixtures ; if possible, 
exert yourselves yet more. O, adore and bow yet 
lower : And in God's time I will come and bear a 


part with you. — Refrefthiirz thought ! Lord keep 
me every ?trp of tlic way ; for I am fore\er thuie. 

Mondaij evenimr, April '21. — Thanks be to Gotl, 
!io has this clay assi>tc(l me, and brought me 
Hirough the day with courage and cheerfulness.— 
Has added to my family another hoarder. Ijord, 
adopt her into thine own family. Gi\ e me grace and 
prudence to instruct her and all the rest ; and open 
their understandings to receive instruction. O let 
tliere be a foundation of knowledge laid in their ten- 
der hearts, which may never be rased out. O, 
help me lo travail in birth till Christ be found in 

And while tliou art calling me to be so much en- 
gaged for the good of my generation, enricli my own 
soul willi the gifts and graces of thy blessed Spirit ; 
and, for Jesus sake, indulge me with near ami inti- 
mate communion with th}'self in the few precious 
moments I can redee?!i, that thou mayest be glorifi- 
ed in me. Lord, help mc, and 1 will ofTer praise. 
And tliough thou standest in no need of me ; yet 
tliou liast condescended to declare th v.^elf glorified 
by the praises of poor worms of the dust, even here 
upon thy foolstool. O let me bear my part: This 
shall be my greatest joy, to adore and praise thee. 
Am I not akin to the worshiping and adoring hosts 
above? Then let me resemble //tfm; and not the 
iiiurrnuring crew beneath. O let me behave like 
those wilh whom I hope I shall forever dwell ; and 
not like thine enemies, like tliose wiso hate thee, and 
wish in (heir hearts there God. TliOii hast 
called mc by the endearing name of friend, let me 



prove I am so of a (ruth, by keeping all thy com- 
mandments. O let me rejoice in thee, and give 
thanks at the remembrance of thy holiness. 

Friday mornings April 25 — O Lord, thou seest 
my weakness in body as well as mind ; and how my 
vital strength fails and f am sinking under the weight 
of business : And yet the necessities of my family 
oblige me to covet it. Lord, help, and lay no more 
on me, than thou wilt enable me with grace and pa- 
tience to bear to thy glory. O grant me so much 
business — so much sickness — so much health — so 
much poverty, and so much prosperity, as will bring 
me nearest to thyself, and most advance thy decla- 
rative glory ; and no more of either ; Lord, 
no more of any thing, than thou wilt sanctify, I beg^ 
for Jesus' sake : For, except thou sanctify, busi- 
ness will hurry, fatigue, fret and carry off my heart 

from God.-^ Sickness will clog, and utterly unfit 

for duty, secret and social ; and nothing will be at- 
tended to but an impatient complaining of aches, 
and weakness ; an impatient, Jonah like spirit, wish- 
ing rather to die than live. Health will be wan- 
tonly spent in the delighls of sense : I shall sacrile- 
giously waste that precious enjoyment, and rove 
from God among the creatures. Ah woful deprav- 
ity ! Ah bitter remains of enmity and contrariety to 

God, that will abuse every mercy ! Poverty, 

unsanctified, will make me murmur and complain, 
and care, and cark, and quarrel witli the dispensa- 
tions of thy allwise providence. Oh, cutting 
thought ! Thou knowest I shall murmur in ray tent, 
and distrust thee in every thing, and impndentlj' 

'J3l Mt:Mo:;. u: 

charge God foolislily ; and liim^; dossaniv iumi-, 
and unljclim iii;;ly cry, It will never be lieller flian 
now ! I sIkiII dishonor God all the day long. Oh, 
< an I bear il ! Lord, cansl thon, wilt thuu bear it ! 

For Jesns' sake forbid. Prosperity wil! puff'nie 

i]j). Prid.c will ie:ir up ifs venomous head ; and I 
slrall be v:\i\':i\ to ll/is woild, and take up (onlent- 
ipcnt in il, instead of hn in^ up all my good in God. 

liiit, Lord, sanctify, and all these shall work to- 
;;e»*hcr for j^ood, and brinp^ nie nearer thyself. For 
business, I will rejoice an^l Idas.s tiiee ; diligently 
attend, and rely on thee for a blessing, strength and 

success. In sickness, I will submit, and ki«s tlie 

dear hand wliich strikes ihe blow. I v»ill lie down 
JH'.d adcTC and praise, and cry, Thy will be done, 

when I cannal kncLd and wrestle. In liealth, I 

will arise and witJi joy run the ways of thy com- 
mandqjents. I can do all thin,;s, Christ strength- 
ening me. In poverty, I will trust tliee, and 

cling to Ihce. I will acknowledge the least morsel 
of pood to be more than I deserve. And in pros- 
perity, my heart shall be lifted up in the way of the 
r >:d". 

Therefore, O my covenant God, sanctify all to 
inc, and do with me what pleaselh thee. I have no 
choice to make but tliat by which thou wilt be most 
glorified. Lord, any thing, only possess my whole 
soul, suffer no rivals, and it is enough. O keep mc 
Trom the evil ; for I am thine, forever thine. 3Iy 
strong tower, I i]y to thee for protection •)'!• d.y, 
nnd all my days. O let me be safe. 

i^abbnfh riwrninir. April 27. — Now, my («od. 

]\1RS. SARAH OSnOKN". * *232 

bring me again to stand sllll, and sec the salvation 
of God. Thou knowest better than I can tell thee, 
Iiow my way i?^ again liedgcd up, and I'know not 
which way to turn. We are deeply in debt alrea- 
dy, and are obliged daily to plunge deeper, for the 
support of our family. But with thee all things are 
possible. All thy treasures are full, both in provi- 
dence and grace. None of thy stores are exhaust- 
ed. How dnrk did every thing appear a year ago ! 
And yet thou didst to astonishaient overrule, and 
bring me to rejoice in ihy goodness. Tliou liast 
chosen my changes ; change of help, and change 
of habitation ; delivered me fro.n the unreasona- 
ble, in a quiet way ; and thereby taken off m^>.ny 
burdens which then pressed my spirits. And thou 
didst to my surprise provide for the winter, and 
brought me through it triumphing in thy goodness? . 
And now help me to remember, that if my stores 
are empty, thine are not. What have I to do, but 
to cast my care on thee ? Lord, help me, and take 
me near thyself this day. Strengthen my faith, and 
resign my will to thine, whatever it is ; and then do 
with me whatever seemeth good lo thee. 

Tuesday morning. May 13 — Thanks be to God, 
I had my hands filled with business yesterday, and 
was brought through it with a degree of comfort and 
courage. More than sixty children now under my 
care, in this place, where I and others feared i 
should not have business. Lord, I bless ihee, — 
Thou art with me whithersoever I go. O, foi- 
Christ's sake, qualify me, and make me faithful. — 
And a^: thou knowest my poor, weary body will re- 


miirc more resf, J pray thee lot not tlie few moments 
lor secret devotion be sr|iian(lere(i away ; hut grant 
me speedy access. O, meet me immediately. — 
firant me sweet communion, transforming views of 
ihy adorable perfection'*. 

O let me renew my choice and dedications ; for 
(liou art forever mine ; and I am, and will be for- 
ever thine. O make me, as I deliCjht to be wliolly 
devoted to thee in soul and bodj, and it is enough. 
Grant me this, and I asiv for myself no more. O grant 
ii for Christ's sake. Grant it, because he has said, 
Mhatever I ask in his name, thou wilt give. Amen. A- 
nien. It Is enough I am thine. SARAH OSBOR?;. 

Tuesda^l morning November 25. — In casting up 
accounts last night I find wc are indebted to several 
persons ; and now we are contracting more debts 
tor wood and provision. O Lord, help, and in thy 
idlwise providence overrule that these just debts 
niJiy be honestly and timely paid. It i>? not to con- 
• ii!ue on or.r lusts ; but for the ccirifjrlable subsist- 

K-e of onr family, that wc are thus involving. — 
Ijn! d, holp. And enable others to render to us our 
due ; and yet send us business : And make us 
Ihanliful for it, and faithful in it. Business is now 
failing every day. Grant me a llabakuk's faith, 
that thcii^h all should be cut olF, yet I may trust 
and rejoice in thee. O still glorify thyself, and 
grant that all may have their just due. Thou knowest 
ho.v to bring all tliin;j;s (o pass for thine own glorj'. O 
help inelo believe thou will do so in all things concern- 
ing me: And let my heart beat rest inGod,astocark- 

ig taicjt ; and yet, my Goci, preserve uic from a 

MRS. SAllAH 03B0RN. 234 

careless Indolent frame of spirit. Lord keep me 
awake, I beseech thee. O my God, preserve me 
fiom a carnally secure, slothful frame. O, pour 
out a spirit of prayer ; and help me to pray and 
ivaich, and watch and pray, lest I enter into temp- 
tations on the right liand or the left. Dear Jesu?, 
keep me. O keep me by almigiity power. My 
soul is committed to thy kcfeping. Lord I humbly 
expect preservation from thee. I fly to thee, O 
my Shield. Defend me ; ward off every blow that 
sin will strike, and every fiery dart that Satan will 
throw. Thou canst defeat the world in all its 
snares, Vv^hcther to elevate and puff up, or to frown 
and cast down. Lord, all is alike to thee ; nothing 
is too hard for thee, though all too hard for me 
alone. I can overcciiie all through Christ strength- 
enuig me. O thou art my sun to enlighten me, my 
shield to defend me. Help me to rest in thy faith- 
ful word, and suck at this full breast of consolation. 
For the Lord is a sun, and a shield. The Lord 
Yv-ill give grace and glory, and no good thing will he 
withhold from them who walk uprightly. In this 
blessed text all is comprehended my heart can wish, 
O, thanks be to God for the promise of grace, as 
vrell as glory ; Grace to enable me to walk upright- 
ly ; and that no good thing shall be withheld. O, 
let me seize the promise of grace noWy and cheer- 
fully trust for the rest. Lord, give me this part 
now, and I can trust for glory, and all good things. 
Faith can cheerfully wait thy time. Hast thou not 
said. Thou wilt withhold no good thing? Then 
withhold not grace. Give me this in hand now, 
11 2 


Lor<l, lliis moment urciiter ilo^recs, for Jesus* sake. 
Comiminicalc fro.n the full fountain, the head of all 
gracious influences. It will never lje exhausted : 
Fill me to the hrini. Tlieie is an infinite fulness 
for needy creatures. Am 1 not a needy creature? 
Lord, thou knowest I am. Indeed 1 am. O with- 
hold not grace. Let me hear away (he blessing 
now, if it may he thy holy will. O, let me have no 
will but thine. And is not this thy will, even my 
sanctification. O then, let me be lean no longer ; 
but fat and flourishing, for Christ's sake. Then 
thou fhalt be glorified in and by me. Glory shall 
be ascrlbe<l to Father, Son and Holy Ghost ; and 
I will be tiilne now^ and forever. 

J'/ednesdui/ momivg, November 26. — The Lord 
make me thankful ; for I felt what I wrote yester- 
day morning. And God will be gracious still ; he 
will not be strict to mark iniquity against me ; he 
will forgive for Jesus' sake, and give grace and glo- 
ry too : Neither will he v. ithhold any good thing 
from me, since he lias not withheld his Son, his on- 
ly Son. Can I susj)C(;t }iis love and rare of mr, 
when he has not withh.eld his Son from mc ? How 
can I think that he who spared not his own Son ; 
but delivered hirn up for n;(?, will not now with him, 
freely give n\e all thing*, spiritual and temporal .' — 
How can I think tiiat Go<l, who looked on me wlien 
1 was weltering in my blood, altoj,other a lump uf 
nollutlon and enmity, and re.leemed me ; brought 
me out of t)>e house of bondage ; took away my 
filthy (garment**, and clothed Die wish the best robe, 


even the righteousness of Christ ; gave me his Spir- 
it to sanctify me ; and adopted me into his family ; 
gave me a right and title to all the blessings of the 
new and e\erlasting covenant; became my cove- 
nant God ; and has now freely bound himself by 
solemn promises to uphold and strengthen me; will 
now, on account of the bitterly lamented, bewailed, 
hated remains of enmity, contrariety and sinful in- 
firmities, cut me off from the dear blessings I>e lias 
promised, and let me wander from him ? No ; he 
will subdue mine iniquities, and my transgressions,^ 
he will purge them away. He will be gracious, be- 
cause he will be gracious. He will not be strict to 
mark iniquity against m^. O my soul, with filial 
and humble reverence, view God as a gracious Fa- 
ther, and faithful friend, who has said his kindness 
shall not depart from thee ; and not as a severe 
judge, standing ready to take all advantages of thy 
failings and shortcomings in duty. Had God acted 
this part, I had long ago been consumed. Should 
God be iluis strict to mark iniquity, who could 
,«tand ! 

O Lord, strengthen my faith ; for thou wilt for- 
give, for Christ's sake. Therefore let me fear to 
offend or grieve tliee all my days. Thou wilt not 
withhold any good thing from me ; therefore let me 
walk uprightly all my days. O, from this moment 
let me have no will but thine ; nothing in view, but 
how to please and glorify thee here, and in heaven 
to all eternity. 

Thursday morning, November 27, — Blessed be 
God ! A precious morning again yesterday. A 


tleep i-eme of wlial I wrote. And God helped me 
to wrestle lor the bles^siiigs. A comroitable day 
and evening. God smiled in his nrovidenco. We 
received from several who owed. Thanks be to 
God, we have good success in gathering in our har- 
vest. And God will supply all our wants. Does 
tlie husbp.ndiiian expect another crop in Winter? 
?so i;iore can I. Thanks be toGod, whoenaliled nic, 
willi the anf, to improve the summer. And as to 
tiic use of means, as tO the woriil, I have done, and 
do all I can ; what remains but that I now wholly 
depend on God, and believe he will withhold ijo 
good thing from me ! O God cji:d)le me to keep up 
higli and honorable thoughts of thee, believing thou 
wilt be kind and gracious ; believiii:; Uioii wilt give 
grace ; also believing as far us ihe heavens arc 
above the earth, so far are thy tiionghts above my 
thoughts, and thy ways above my ways. Lord, 
preserve me f. oni low mean and unworthy thoughts 
of tjiee. Sutler mc not to li'iiit thee in any wise for 
«onl or body ; for liiy compassion has no bounds. 

Friday mornins^y November 2}]. — Thanks be to 
uod for a cheerful day yesterday. Some ey.ercis- 
p'' of faith and trust. Thanks be lo God for refresh- 
' lit in my waking moments this morning, before 
cares took place, from these wor\ls, " For your 
heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all 
these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God 
and his righteousness, and all these things shall be 
added unto you. Take tlierefore no thought for 
the morrow ; for I he morrow shall take thought for 
the thlniis of itself; Sufficient unto the dav U Ih-^ 


evil thereof." — Lord help me, and I will obey, and 
bless Uiee that thou knowest 1 stand in need of 
these things, and that is enough. Lord help me, 
and I will cheerfully cast all my cares on thee, and 
care for nothing but how I shall best please and 
aerve thee, and my generation, according to thy 
will. Lord help me, and I will cheerfully rely 
on thy grace for this too, to make me faithful unto 
death, as well as to give me a crown of life. O, thou 
wilt be my sun and shield, thou wilt give grace and 
glory ; and no good thing wilt thou withhold froin 
those who walk uprightly : x4.nd thou wilt give grace 
to walk uprightly too. Loro, do all, and all shall 
be well. I can do and be every thing God would 
have me, if God will make me so. With God all 
things are possible : It is possible that my heart 
should be made more holy ; more conformed to the 
image and laws of a holy God. Itjs possible that 
my stubbrrn, refractory will should be made all 
submission, reverence and thankfulness. It is pos- 
sible it should continually bow to the will of Jeho- 
vah In all things without exception ; to adverse as 
well as prosperous dispensations. It is possible for 
it to bow forever to the sceptre of King Jesus. — 
O, so much of this as I may attain here, so much of 
heaven below : For this Is heaven to submit to, 
adore, and please and enjoy God. This is the 
heaven I want ; and as much of it Lord, upon earth 
as may be attained by a poor mortal. Ah, Lord, 
forgive ! Self indeed creeps in. Happy, happy 
indeed shall I be, so far as i attain. And wilt not 
thou also be glorified in this. Lord then glorify 

•J:3l) MEMOIR3 OF 

ihvself. I ask noi happiness, incon>i-*U'm wnii my 
.;lor\ . Nay : 1 cannot l»c liiippy, except ihoii iirt 
! nified ; for in this does my happiness consist. — 
U I atlorc thee that tlicy are insepaial)Iy connected, 
.iinl 1 shall yet l:;1oi ity thee, and be happy too be- 
< ause thon art a faitiiful covenant keeping God. I 
shall yet praise tliee, who art the health of my 
coiinhMKi. e, ruul /nv God ; and I am thine forever. 

Tuesthiij morhini^y December ii. — Lord, help 
low, for Christ's sake, and prevent my placing my 
xpectations on the creature, to dishonor and pro- 
oke theo. Lord, let all my expectations be from 
:hee; and then they cannot be too high. I cannot 
juomise myself too much from a bountiful, faithful 
God. iiut if I promise myself from the creature, all 
uill surely fail. Glorious God, I fly to thee, and de- 
pend on thee to strengthen my faiih and to keep it 
iixed on thee alone, my sun to enlighten, mj shield 
fo defend. Lord, give grace, while thou art with- 
iiolding no good thing. Thou knowcst my treach- 
erous heart ; but hold it fast ; sutTer it to turn to 
'!ie creature no more ; to distrust thee no more, 
in<e thou art dealing thus graciously with me. O 
now set me apart for thyself. Now let me serve 
thee and my generation, according to thy will, with 
\\\Q greatest cheerfulness, diligence and faithfulness. 
(iord, spirit me and (each me what I shall teach my 
Icar little one.^. SuHer me in no wise to neglect 
lieni. While I and my family are fed and warm- 
ed let me be strengthened, and be more and more 
diliujCnt in business, as well as fervent in spirit scrv- 


ing the Lord. And now I come to thee, Holy Fa- 
ther, in the name of Christ, for success. Lord not 
only teach me how to instruct ; but seal instruction. 
Take hold of the heart of every one thou commit- 
iesi to my charge, if it may be thy holy will. In 
the arms of faith I bring them every one to thee. 
Dear Jesus, as thou wouidest not suffer thy disci- 
ples to forbid or rebuke those who brought little 
children to thee ; but didst say, Suffer them to come, 
and forbid thein not ; and didst take them in thy 
arms, and bless theai : So, Lord, rebuke me 
not ; but take mine in thy aniis, and bless them all 
that ever have, or now do belong to me, whether to 
board or school. Let it be for thy glory I beseech, 
that this is the calling thou art choosing for me. — 
I would herein abide with God ; spend and be spent 
for thy glory, and the good of the children. O, let 
gratitude be as oil to the wheels, that they may fly 
swifter round than ever. Yea, vaid thou \vilt help 
me : And I will run tlie ways of thy conimandnieiils, 
when thou shalt enlarge my heart ; for I am, and 
will be thine forever. SARAH OSBORN. 

Sabbath mornings December 7. — Lord, wilt thou 
not draw out my whole heart and soul, and enable 
me to offer it up to thee this day, as a thank offer- 
ing for all the mercies of the year past, and all my 
years. Glorious God, this is all I have to give; 
and this I would fain give up wholly and entirely, 
so as never more to be my own. Lord take my 
heart, soul, spirit, understanding, will, affections, 
memory, desires, and every faculty, every gift or tal- 
ent committed to me. Let all be devoted to thee. 

241 MEMOIRS or 

Of thrown would I give (hce. Take po«isession of 
excry member of my body. Lord, it is all thy own. 
And now say, with the power of a God, *' I will that 
this whole soul and body be set apart for myself. 
I will be glorified in this creature." Amen ! I ask 
no more. This is the utmost of my wishes. Wilt 
thou defend and keep me as the apple of thine ej'e. 
Keep me wholly to thyself. Lord, I am thine, for- 
ever thine : Why should I be for any other ? Why 
.should either sin, Satanor the world engross ? I am 
none of th.eirs. Thou hast redeemed me, O Lord 
God of truth. O behold what tliou hast given for 
my ransom, and thou wilt not withhold any good 
thing from me. Thou wilt give grace ; and so sure 
as thou dost, so sure it shall be improved for thee: 
ajid I will he for thee wholly and forever. I dare 
not proiii!>e thee any thing, on any other condition. 
But, Lord, give grace, and it v. ill strengthen me. — 
I can live humbly and thankfully, resigned to all 
the will of God. And wherefore didst thou redeem 
me, if nol to be for thee, and iione other? Lord, 
grant it ; from this moment grant it ! View me as a 
dear purchasod thing ; purchased at no lower price, 
than the precious blood of thy own Son, thy dear- 
ly beloved Son, the very darling of heaven ; thy 
joy and delight ; and the joy of angels too. View 
me as a dedicated thing, and seize me wholly for 
thyself. Suffer not sin, Satan, or the world, ever 
to Khare with thee. Lord, why should they, when 
I am wholly tliine, forever thino. 



^utardui/ morning, December 13. — I was yes- 
terdaj very poorly all clay. But, blessed be God, 
have had a comfortable night. God has blessed 
means for my relief; pains are abated. I thank 
God, I ivas disposed to acquiesce in the will of my 
heavenly Father, as to my indisposition. Some 
pleasing 3Iay bes, or Who can tell, but this may be 
the beginning of my last sickness ? O, how s'vveet 
Avould it be to realize it : God only knows, while I 
am earnestly looking out for the first intimations of 
a dissolution. And yet would by no means neg- 
lect any thing God has appointed for the preserva- 
tion of life, or health. Let God be glorified in his 
own way and time, and it is enough. Dear Je^,us, 
keep my frame of mind, as well as my soul, in thine 
own hands. I commit this (o thy charge. I can 
no more keep my frame good myself, than I cdn 
keep my soul eternally secure myself. I look to 
thee for a Godlike, Chrisllike temper of mind. — 
Keep me humble ; keep me holy ; keep me watchful, 
prayerful, submissive, thankful, adoring, praising, 
believing, trusting, hoping in, loving and longing af- 
ter thee, and thy v.' ays, and the glory shall be thine 
forever. O keep me in such a frame as much and 
as constantly here belovr, as is consistent vrith a 
mortal state. Sure this is becoming a christian : 
Sure thou wilt be glorified by this. O glorious, in- 
comprehensible Trinity, glorify thyself in me, for 
thy own name's sake ; because the world believes 
thou art my God ; and therefore expects I will be- 
have accordingly* O help me in all respects, that 


glory may rcdouml to Ihy 2;reat name by me, for 
Jesus' sake. 

And let all thy dear children share witli rae in this 
Jiappy, (his glorious privilege of glorifying God. O 
let us join heart and hiuul. O unite us in the sa- 
«:red work. Let a sacred glow of love and gratitude 
10 God and each other c\ er inspire our breasts. — 
|jel the world know the difTerer.ce between those 
wlio have been with Jesus, and those who have 
iiot, by our love and delight in each other, as well 
as love and delight in God. O let Zion prosper. 
Let the Redeemer's kingdom thrive and flourish 
through all the world. My heart shall rejoice, even 
mine. Amen. Hallelujah; it shall in those latter days. 
Truth has said it. The crown shall flourish on his 
royal head, and his saints shall shout aloud for joy. 

January 11, 1761. 
O Ij01\T), who can stand before thy cold ! O 
|>ily the poor and needy : Provide for them out of 
Ihinc intinile stores. Spirit those on whom thou 
hast beslowed this Avorld's good to relieve their 
wanls; as thou dost spirit such to relieve the wants 
of thy poor, unworthy creature ; for V'hich I bless 
thee ; and pray thee to reward my benefactors, i 
trust they do indeed give for Jesus' sake. O let 
them not lose a reward of grace. Of thy free, rich 
grace, Ijord, reward them. And as it is thy sove- 
reign pleasure, that my circumstances call me rath- 
er to receive than give, 1 would cheeifully submil, 
u)d believe it is best of all. Lord, any thing, any 


circumstance in life thou seest best ; so thou wilt 
but make me strong in faith, lead me to, ?ind hold 
me near thyself, and all is well. If my hands may 
not relieve the poor, pour out on me a spirit of pray- 
er for them. O permit me to bring them to thee in 
the arms of faith and prayer, to thy full stores, day 
by day, that f/iese their wants may be supplied. 

And yeif as opportunities offer, and God gives 
leave, let me cheerfully cast in my mites for their 
support. O never let me be unmindful of the poor, 
the sick and languishing, the prisoner and captive, 
the aged, and the tempted soul. O my God, since 
thou hast done so great things for me, 1 pray thee, 
fill me with bowels of compassion, and let the wid- 
ow and fatherless still be the objects of my lender 
concern and care. And may my zeal for the sup- 
port of thy gospel never die. Let me still cheer° 
fully do all I can : And when I can do no more, 
Lord, help me to pray continually that thy gospel 
may be supported, and for the prosperity of Zion ; 
and, O God, hear and answer for Jesus' sake. 

Let God glorify himself; and let him do as seem- 
eth good to him. I have no other choice to make 
this new year, but that God may be glorified in mc 
and mine, and all affairs aiiel things. And yet^ 
while I am thus anxiously careful for nothing, I 
would daily, in every thing, by prayer and thanks- 
giving make known my requests to God. I would 
pray more than ever, from the exalted views, and 
earnest longings that God may be glorified. O, are 
not these motives as strong to make me thirst and 
long and wrestle, as anxious, uisU'essin:^; care? ? O 


God, let me not be freed from them in vain; but 
now may I get up and run with more vigor anil 
cheerfulness than ever the ways of thy command- 
ments, rejoicing in God, and in all the great and 
glorious evenl.s of his providence. 

Saturddij inoniinir^ Januarij 17. — Forever bless- 
ed be God, for all that sweet content and acqui- 
escence it] the divine disposals which 1 feel from 
day to day. This is the Lord's doing. I am sure 
it is. It is God who has heard prayer for Jesus' 
..sake, and has commanded deliverance from the tor- 
menting bins of unbelief, dis(rus(s, anxious cares, 
and murmurings. O, for this, glory shall redound 
to Father, Son and Holy Ghost ; for I could no 
more attain this frame, than I could get a kingdom 
by my own strength. Blessed be God, 1 had rath- 
er have the victory over my inbred lusts, and be 
wholly subdued to the royal sceptre and will of King 
Jesus, than possess crowns and kingdom--. 

O, dear, precious Jesus, do thou but rule me and 
defend me, restrain and coinpier all thine and my 
enemies — fill me with grace, that I may love, adoic 
and proclaim thy glorious name to all around me, 
that thou mayest be glorified ; let me but have the 
presence of my glorious Ki»ig ; I ask no more. I 
wish no more but to be near and like unto thee. 

Tliursdni/ worHin<s, Jtmiuni/ -0. — Blessed be 
God, who did mercifully assist me yesterday morn- 
ing, and humbled and strengthened me by many 
gracious promises; ami helped me all tlie day. — 
And in the evening did, I trust, meet with us in the 
^Icar society ; assisted his dear child to wrestle as a 


Jacob ; and, I trust, engaged all our hearts. And 
will not God answer our united requests, for Jesus* 
sake ? Dear Lord we would plead and rely upon thy 
own gracious promise, that where two or three are 
met in thy name, there thou wilt be in the midst of 
them : And if two or three are agreed to ask any 
thing in thy name, it shall be granted. O Lord, 
were not more of us than that number engaged in 
begging the destruction of sin and increase of grace, 
that thou mayest be glorified — pardon, cleansing 
and strength for time to come? Did we not anew 
commit our precious soiih to thy keeping, dear Je- 
sus ? And wilt thou not keep us from the evil, and 
communicate of thy all glorious, imiiable perfections 
to us, that we may grow more like thee ? O God, 
grant it for thine own name's sake. Lord, grant if, 
and we shall glorify thee ; if thou wilt transform us 
into thine own image, by giving us lively views o^ 
thy perfections. The more we see thee fis thou art, 
the more we shall be like thee. O, let discoveries 
of thyself to us grow clearer and clearer till we are 
perfectly conformed to thine image. Then shall 
we be satisfied, wiien we awake i« thy likeness. 

Thursday morning, Fehruary 12. — O Lord, 
sufTer me to come, and in the arm.s of faith and pray- 
er to bring the sick man, if he be yei a subject of 
prayer. O Lord have mercy on him, and glorify 
the riches of thy sovereign grace. Lord, get to 
thyself a great name ; make this man a monument 
of thy mercy. I am unuorthy to ask, or he to re- 
ceive : But Christ is worthy. He shed his precious 
blood for great sinners. O, give him but hWh w 


Christ, to lay holtl on liim, and God shall be glorifi- 
ed in liis salvation. Lord Jesus, give him a new 
heart. O make him holy, and fit to be a partaker 
of the inheritance of the snints in light. Lord, en- 
able him to commit himself, as 1 would commit him, 
into thy merciful and faithful hands. O let not 
death separate betwixt soul and body, till thou hast 
separated betwixt his soul and his sins. 

Friihiji mornimr, Vihruary 1.3. — I was called 
by providence yesterday to see this sick man, who 
in all probability is at the point of death, and in most 
terrible agonies, bemoaning his past life, and crying 
for mere} . T, said he, was conceived in sin, and 
brought forth in iniquity. I have been inclined to 
sin from a child. I have feared neither God, nor 
Oian, nor any thing else. I, who have been brought 
tjp in a christian land, am ignorant of the way of sal- 
vation. I have had Eternity, Eternit}', Eter- 
nity, sounded in my ears ; but I put far away 
tlie evil day. And now I am launcliing into a 
boundless Eternity, and know not where I am go- 
ing ! Mercy, IMercy, Lord. Oh, this would make 
the stoutest heart to shudder, said ho. Oh, could 
1 but have seen all this before, as I have just now- 
had a glimpse of my eternal damnation ! AVringing 
his hands, he crie<l. Oh, how shall I appear before 
a hoi}', sin hating God, who will search me to the 
quick, even all the secrets of my soul ! — One speak- 
iiif; to him of Jesus. O Jesus ! said he, how sweet 
that word Jesus ! But my sins are of a scarlet die. 
i>lercy. Lord ; mercy in and through Jesus Christ. 

1 ni<'*'f »ir«f nm- A^nv(l ♦.» plr>:4(l ip i»i\- <.\vn lu'ljHlfi 


but Mercy, Lord ! A relation coming in, he said to 
him, O — I am gasping for breath, can but just catch 
it. O, do not let sinners laugh you out of your reli- 
gion. If you do, you will repent of it, when if is 
too late, &c. He earnestly asked the prayers of all 
around him, and thanked all for any advice, or pains 
they had taken with him. 

Saturday morning, February 14. — I went again, 
as soon as I was up yesterday morning, wanting sllll 
to know more of the dealings of God with the pre- 
cious soul of this sick, distressed man. After some 
conversation with him, he said to me, I think I do 
loath sin. I do abhor it, because contrary to a holy 
God. I said — And do you not then see a beauty in 
holiness, and love it for its own sake ? Ah ! said he, 
That I have to look for yet ; I cannot answer you 
there. He was much weaker, and could talk but 
very little all the day and evening. 

Thursday mornings February 19. — Yesterday 
I was comfortable some part of the day, and cam.e 
through the Avhole as well as usual. In the evening 
serious and engaged when telling my friends of the 
society, when met, of the dealings of God with the 

soul of Mr. . And when I came to pray for 

liim, my whole soul was engaged ! He appeared to 
me, as indeed he was, hovering just on the brink of 
Eternity, and ready to launch into it in a moment. 
And God gave me a deep sense of the worth of his 
precious soul ; of his utter inability to help himself. 
Of his utter unworthiness to receive mercy, and 
mine, or ours, earnestly to apply to the throne of 
{^race in his behalf : But pleaded encouragements 


from our being jointly engageil for mercy for him, 
and I trust we really were so tlirous^hoiit the room. 
1 bless God, who gaA c such a number of us oppor- 
tunity to unite, and implore mercy for him, and com- 
mit him into the hand^ of a glorious Christ, to be 
clothed with the all glorious and spotless robe of 
his righteousness ; in which he might lift up his head 
before strict and impartial justice, before the bar of 
a holy God. I could heartily plead the glory of 
God in the salvation of this soul ; and had a lively 
view of the joy in heaven in the presence of the 
blessed angels over this sinner repenting and arriv- 
ing there. And I humbly trust my sensible view 
both of the worth of his soul — his undone state with- 
out Christ — his uuworthiness to receive, or mine to 
inijilore mercy — the fulness and sufficiency of Christ 
for him, as well as for Jerusalem sinners who had 
imbrued tlu ir h muIs in his own precious blood — and 
the glory that would re(!oHud to God, both in hea- 
ven and on earth, in the salvation of this soul — was 
from God ; that those discoveries were from him, 
and the desires were excited by his own Spirit. It 
was he who emboldened me, who am but dust and 
ashes, thus to draw near, and plead with a rit^hteous 
God. And I will hope he has answered the desires 
of his own exciting. 

It was between seven and eight o'clock when we 
were thus united at the Ihrone of grace, more than 
ten in number. And a little before nine dear Susa 
(3Iis8 Anthony) was our mouth, and spread his case 
again bcft)re God with carncslness and importunity. 
And before we broke up wc heard the '»cl! toll for 


Ills death. And I believe i( was Satan who sug- 
gested to me, that mj desires were not excited b}'' 
the Spirit of God ; for he was not then the subject 
of prayer ; and therefore my prayer was lost ; for 
God never assisted any to pray for the dead. It 
gave my spirits a considerable damp : For I verily 
thought that God by his Spirit had held me up to 
wrestle with him, and given me such boldness and 
freedom of access ; and even strong confidence that 
God would hear and answer for Christ*s sake. And 
if he was dead at that very time, I knew not what to 
make of it ! Still I could not help thinking God was 
with me of a truth in that prayer. I therefore went 
down to the house, and inquired, at what time he di- 
ed ? And his sister told me, just at nine. And God 
did help me : And he shall have ail the glory, while 
I rejoice in hope that he is glorified in heaven, for 
the salvation of that soul. And now, my God, lay 
me in the dust. And comfort the near and dear re- 
lations, and all to whom he was dear. And sancti- 
fy it to all this town, and to all v/ho may hear of it. 
Thursday morning, Aj}ril 2. — Thanks be to God 
for increasing the number of our dear society. We 
are now thirty-five in number. Twenty here last 
evening. O that God will for Christ's sake, increase 
our graces. Dear Lord, quicken thy dear children 
and strengthen them ; encourage and comfort them. 
O build us up. Smile upon u=!. Lord, we meet 
together to speak to one another of the Lord. — ■ 
Hearken and hear ; and let us be thine in the day 
when thou makest up thy jewels. O, let this soci- 
ety be a nursery for piety. 


Fritlnif 7)?onu'/Jir, April 17. — Eleven of our so- 
cielj- spent the afternoon here yesterday. I made 
a short attempt to pray. And for a few minutes 
had freedom, while breatliing after perfection of ho- 
liness, and a freedom from every clog and interrup- 
tion to my communion with, and enjoyment of my 
God. Some longings tliat the body might be laid 
to rest, and FJeep it out in the grave, while I, free 
from all sin, sickness or weariness, shall worship, 
enjoy and adore, as glorified saints and angels do. 
However, here I submitted to the divine will, and 
turned my plea for greater degrees of grace and 
strength for us all, that God might be glorified by 
us. These desires, I trust, were excited by God's 
own Spirit, and shall be heard and answered, though 
I was not able to persist. " Think not that ye 
shall be heard for your luuch speaking,'* said my 
dearest Lord. O, let me not limit God, and con- 
fine the blessing to long prayers ; nor yet form ex- 
cuses for short formal prayers. 

Thanks be to God who did assist — to plead and 
'Aiestlc with importunity. She, as the importunate 
widow, followed God with plea upon plea, in the 
Mediator's name. She asked in faith and hope. — 
Her petitions and confessions and pleadings, as well 
as thanksgivings, were, I trust, all excited by the 
blessed Spirit. And God will delight to answer. — 
I oflen think of what I heard 3Ir. Byram say of IVIr. 
Brainerd, when he was telling of iiis wrestling in 
prayer in the wilderness for the conversion of the 
Indians. »' I verily thought," said he, "that the 
dear man would have died upon the spot J' — So it 

MRS. SARAH 0SB0R1J7. 252 

often seems as if she would breathe out her soul in 
prayer. — The Lord be praised ! O, assist her still 
more and more. Would to God all his children were 
such wrestling Jacobs. And now, my God, into 
tliy merciful and faithful hands I commit my soulj 
my body and all my concerns this day. ^ Pardon my 
sin, and assist me for Jesus' sake ; for I am thy own 

Monday mornings October 12. — Lord, make me 
truly thankful. Yesterday was a good day. God 
did solemnize my spirit when in public worship, in 
prayer and in preaching, and singing too. An ex- 
cellent sermon was delivered from Matthew xxviii. 
18. ," And Jesus came and spake unto them say- 
ing, All power is given unto me in heaven and in 
ejirth.*' Blessed Jesus what a sweet discovery waB 
this t^ thy poor disciples, when they were worship- 
ping thee ; but some doubting ; a discovery of thy 
glorious power to forgive all manner of sin and blas- 
phemies ; to vanquish Satan ; subdue our lusts, 
though ever so numerous and strong ; to strengthen 
the believer though ever so weak ; to enable to 
overcome the world, in all i<s cares, pleasures, van- 
ities and frowns ; to resist Satan in all his wiles and 
stratagems ; yea, and overcome him too ; yea, to 
overcome every evil that can beset us in our way. 
O Lord Jesus, then fear flees before us, however 
weak in ourselves, and of ourselves can do nothing, 
yet then are we stronT. O for grealer discoveries 
of this glorious attribute to both saints and sinners. 
Saints shall stand up and rejoice, grow shong and 
adore, because greater is he who is for them, than 

253 ^JF1M0IR^! r>i- 

all wlio arr ncraln^t them ; and none can pluck them 
out of liis hand, or over'hrow his work in liieir souls. 
O discover more and more of thy glorious power, 
blessed Jesns, to me. And let every dear child of 
thine share witJi me. O, rejoice the whole body of 
thy militant church, since ihy power is not limited. 
J^n ; nil power is given unto thee, in heaven and in 
carlh. O let our souls exult anil triumph in our al- 
njizhty Redeemer: and in all our future straits, let 
the eye of our faith be unto thee. When we know 
not what to do, nor how to go forth against this 
;:;reat multitude. O then discover to us that all 
power is given unto thee both in hca^en, and in 

O reviving trulh ! Clirist will accomplish all that 

concerns us, since all power is in his hands. O 

w hat a dear Redeemer is this ? How mighty to sa\'% ! 

AVho is this ? who comes travelling in the greatness 

uf his strength ? A\'ho is this? who for a little time 

was made lower than tlie angels, for us; but is now^ 

exalted far al)o^ e all principalities and powers. O 

let cliistians rejoice in, and sinners tremble before, 

llii> exalted luMleemer, tliis King of glory ; and all 

how to the scepire of his grace; and not provoke 

him to cru^jli with his iron rod. Lord, take hold of 

-inners hearts. Now* show forth and make thy pow- 

' r known, now they are grown stark juad in sin. — 

. ow, Lord, speak with the power of a God, and 

:op them in their mad career. Thou shalt have 

'I the glory. Thy name shall be magnified and 

dored. Angels sliall rejoice ; yes, there shall be 

y in heaven, if tliou will take to thyself thy great 

"Vf 1 rri 'n. 

IklRS. SARAH OSBORir. 254 

jVedntsday morningt October 14. — O Lord, 
Overrule in the affairs of this day, T pray thee. — 
Give me wisdom to direct. O my God, suffer me 
not to cut any duties short through inclination iOj 
or delight in the things of this world, rather than in 
closet duties. Neither suffer me for a pretence to 
make long prayers, or think I shall be heard for 
much speaking, when the necessities of my family, 
and affairs for its support call m.e for the present to 
attend. Dear Jesus, thou ^ho hast all power given 
to thiee both in heaven and on earth, guard me 
against the deceit of my heart, the wiles of Satan, 
^nd the world. And if I have but a moment, help 
me to give thee my heart ; to commit my soul afresh 
into thy glorious and faithful hands; to trust in thee 
for the supply of all my wants, if I cannot stay to 
spread them all before thee ; for thou knowest what 
I want, before 1 ask thee. O, let me stay to tell 
thee, thou knowest I want, above all, increase of 
grace of every kind ; strong faith, a resigned will, 
great humility, and the enjoyment of thy blessed 
self. Let me but glorify thee, and enjoy thee ; and 
let thy dear children share with me, and it is 
enough. Only, let sinners be brought home, that 
thy kingdom may spread far and wide ; and my heart 
shall rejoice, eVen mine. 

Sabbath mornings October 18. — Several chris- 
tian friends visited me yesterday afternoon. And 
1 was engaged in talking about the vices of the 
times, and the need there is of wise virgins awak- 
ing, trimming their lamps, girding up their loins, now 
it is midnight, and preparing to meet our glorious 


Lord. And in liopes of rcfrc^Iiin^ my friends, -I 
rpiul some of my own writings. But I am since 
perplexed. O my everlasting safe<rnard, I fly to 
(hoc for pardon of every decree of self love, pride, 
vain glory, ostentation, or self seeking. O my glo- 
rioMs God, thou knowest how secretly these sins 
uill twist and wind in, when I most desire to glori- 
fy tliee. Lord, save me ! I hate these sins. O 
let them not prevail against me, now I would be all 
for thee, and none' other. O for humility now. — 
Glorious Lord, <i\\e mc such a sight of my own vile- 
ness, as shall keep me low in my own eyes. O let 
me not become all a censurer abroad ; crying out, 
of the vices of the times ; calling to all to see 
my zeal for the Lord of hosts : And neglect 
that corrupt, that bitter fountain that is within me, 
which is perpetually turning me aside. O humili- 
ivy Loid ; humility, for Christ's sake. Not only a 
crying out a-rainsl sin ; but an inward, utter abhor- 
rence and loathing of it, and myself for it. — But oh, 
not discouragement. Lord, guard me here. This 
will v.eakcn my hand*<. I'liere is forgiveness with 
thee ; that thou mayest be feared. Dear Jesus, 
since all power is given to thee, in heaven and in 
earth, keep »ne in the strait path. Let me not turn 
to the right hand, or left. Keep me by thy almigh- 
ty power, through faith unto salvation. And let me 
not grieve thy holy Spirit. My soul is committed 
to thy care : Lord, keep it from the evil. I can- 
not, O, / cannot. Sin will be too hard for me. If 
I turn not afler Absalom, I shall after Adonijah, ex- 
cept thy grace prevent : It is by that alone I shall 


stand ; let me not be high minded, buj; fear. Lord, 
I fly to thee. Behold thy babe, thy weakling, and 
defend me from all the assaults of sin and Satan ; 
and glorify thyself in me. Dear Lord, do use me 
in thy own way ; in my proper station, in the place 
where God has set me, let me glorliy thee. Let me 
never move above my sphere, nor yet slothfully hide 
my Lord's talent in a napkin ; but occupy till thou 
come. O let me gain more, be faithful in a little. 
O let me be found a trusty, faithful servant, working 
faithfully, in my Lord's absence, always ready to 
meet my glorious Lord and Blaster ; lift up my 
head at his first approach, and bid him ten thousand 

Wednesday mornmg, October 21. — On the 21s(; 
of October, thirty years ago, I first entered the mar- 
ried state. O that I could be sure I had then been 
espoused to Jesus Christ I But I cannot, though I 
have sometimes hoped I was. The Lord infallibly 
knows. O, adored be his name, I trust he knows I 
am now his. The foundation of God standeth sure, 
the Lord knoweth who are his. And if I am his 
noiVf let me evidence it to all who know me, by 
keeping his dear commandments, doing justice, lov- 
ing mercy, and walking humbly with God. 

Now let me frequently appear among the Lord's 
people. Now others are crowding together, run- 
ning all risques to attend the devil's entertainments, 
let love to Jesus Christ and each other, excite us 
to meet and visit each other. Let us who fear the 
Lord, speak often one to another ; and in all humil- 
ity give him the glory of his sovereign grace ; <\r 


claie uliat he has done anil is doing for our so\\\s\ 
Let lis show forth his faithfulness, and encourage 
each other to put our trust in him ; for he is a faith- 
ful God, and none ever trus-ed in him, and was put 
to shame. O may the whole of our conversation be 
to speak honorably of God, exalt God and Christ, 
and the operations of his blessed Spirit, and grace ; 
and lay self in llic dust. O let self be debased. — 
O let us never forget a Not I — Not unto me, Not 
ujilo mc ; but to God be glory. Thus let us coai- 
niunioate to each other, and provoke to emulation. 
Tlius let us scatter, and yet increase. Thus let us 
))lcw up (he coals, till we are all a flame of love to 
Jesus Christ and each other. 

Lord, thus bless our dear Society. Thus let r.3 
love as christians ; yes, as primiliie christians, 
who were dear to each other, as their own lives. — 
Let wi begin to live and love, as they do in heaven. 
Let us, while here on earth, abound in piety towards 
God, and charily to men; especially the household 
of faith — Christ's dear sick and poor — Christ's pre- 
cious anibassa<lors. O let us build upon the dear, 
the sure foundation, Christ Jesus, all the good v.orks 
we can do. Let the words of Christ, '* In as much 
as ye did it unto them, ye did it unto mc," be as oil 
to our wheels, to make tJiem run swiftly. 

O may God reward e^ ery kind benefactor he has 
raised to me in every time of distress. May they 
never h)se their reward, thou;^h they did it to oqe 
of the least of thine. Let them hear thee say, dear 
Lord, to their precious souls, even here, "Inasmuch 
as ye did it, ye did it unto-uie." O reward them 


a l]iousand fold into their own bosoms. And may 
gratitude ever glow in my breast to God and to 
them. And as I have freely received, in times of 
my distress, so let me freely give, as God enables, 
and occasion offers. Lord, ever open my hand and 
heart to the sick, poor and needy ; and make me a 
blessing in my day. O, make me extensively use- 
ful, in my family, in my school, in the dear, dear so- 
ciety, and to all around me. O, let the Lord God 
Almighty delight to own me, to use me, to set me 
apart for himself, in secret, in private, and in every 
way my proper station admits. Why do I still live 
below ? If I may not glorify God upon earth ? Why 
not permitted to glorify him in heaven? O God, 
glorify thyself in me somewhere, I beseech ihee, 

Saturday morning, October 24 — 1 have thoughts 
of drawing two bows, at a venture. If it is thy ho- 
ly will that I do it, Lord, direct and assist me for 
Christ's sake, that I may bear my testimony against 
this temple of wickedness, the play house, and be 
instrumental of breaking off thy young servant and 
handmaid from going there ; and also from pursuing 
the vanities of this worldo O Lord, determine me, 
as will be most for thy glory. If I draw, for Christ's 
sake« direct the arrows, cause them so to stick, that 
the wounds may never be healed over till they are 
cleansed and healed by the application of the pre- 
cious blood of Jesus Christ. O let me never be in- 
fluenced by pride to do what does not become me» 
But enable me to take the advantage of all the favor 
thou hast given me, in the eyes of the great ones 
iiere, How know I but it was for this very om^. 
w 2 


thou hast ilone It ? Perliaps il wa«? for such a da} 
as this; anil can I altogether hohl my peace, and 
be c^uiltless! O God, direct and succeed my attempts 
to irlorify thcc, and do good to precious souls. For 
thine own honor's sake appear for me ; l>e on my 
side, while I am attempting to shew myself on tliy 
side. Let mc fear the face of none, if 1 may ap- 
prove myself to thee. And do thou. Lord, bless 
me, even me, and pardon all my sin, and strengthen 
mc yet more in my soul for the sake of Christ alone. 

Thursdai^ morning, November 1*2. — I have had 
some sweet communion with God in his providences, 
admiring his wisdom in timing every thing, and sup- 
plying all my wants to a minute ; enabling mc to 
make timely and honorable payments to those with 
whom we deal ; and to provide comfortably for all 
my dear family. O, how should I be delighted 
with my lot, since God enables me to do justice and 
love mercy ! O that I could walk more humbly with 
my God ; more worthy a ciiild of God, who is so 
indulged ! O my gracious God, forbid that I should 
offend and grieve thee, now thou art so dandling me 
upon the knee of thy kind providence ; freeing me 
from all pinching wants, and from all carking cares. 
Now, if ever, let me get up and run cheerfully; stu- 
dy what I shall render to tl^ Lord for all his bene- 
fits ; and how I shall refresh any of his dear ambas- 
sadors, or any of his poor, or the poor wiilow and 
fatherless, "whether they are his by special grace, 
or not. 

Siilurdai/ mctrriing, November 14. — Thanks be 
to Gf»d. all things go wrll wi»li me now, « to torn- 

. MRS. sarAh osDOR^^ 260 

porals. I have no anxious cares or fears. And 
now, Lord, help ; that whatsoever my hand finds lo 
do, I may do it with all my might. Let me not a- 
biise my freedom, from carking cares and unbeliev- 
ing fears, by being indolent and slothful. O no ! 
now let me get up and run, and lay myself out eve- 
ry way for the glory of my faithful, gracious God, 
and the good of my generation. Now let me pre- 
pare, as God allows me, free will and thank offerings, 
to refresh his ministers, and relieve his poor. O 
that self may be entirely laid aside ; and with a sin- 
gle eye to the glory of God, O may I cast in the 
mites he allows me, be it more or less with cheer- 
fulness and delight. Dearest Lord, I cannot be 
profitable to thee. But as I am through boundless 
grace, thine own, use me in thy service for the good 
of others. And by thy grace, I will rejoice and 
praise thee. And the glory shall be thine forever. 
Thursday , December^. — Thanksgiving day.-^ 
I have been reviewing the particular difficulties i 
recorded last year in the Fall, which seemed then 
to lie before me : And now would record, with a 
heart glowing with gratitude, that God has brought 
me cheerfully through them all. Perhaps I never 
knew a year of fewer straits, or carking cares. Is 
not God, a God hearing prayer ? He is : I am sure 
he is. Is he not a God of infinite faithfulness, love, 
tender compassion, truth, kindnesF^, benevolence, 
and absolute sovereignty ? He is. Have I deserv- 
ed any of this kindness at his gracious and holy 
hands ? No, I have not. I am sure I have not. — 
He is self moved, and bis kindness does not depart 

"261 MEM0IR3 OF 


from mc. And in spite of uU my foes, he is spread- 
ine; my table, and carrying; on his own work in my . 
soul. O, let my soul triumph in my glorious Re- 
deemer to-day, for his rcdeeniinc love to me, and all 
his ; for his covenant faithlulness, in all the dispen- 
sations of his providence to me, and his church, our 
nation and land, and God's church in Germany. 

Lord, fill the liearts of all thy children with hum- 
ble praise this day ; and smell a savor for Christ's 
saVe. And let us gather strength to-day to glorify 
thee all our days. O, let us begin the work of 
heaven this day ; and be made more like the inhabi- 
tants there. 

Thursday mornlnir^ December 31. — Now God 
has graciously brought me 1o the last day of the 
year. And how great has been his mercy to me 
this year! lam still, through his grace, a living 
mominient of his mercy, and a witness of his truth 
and faithfulness. He by his grace enabled me in 
the beginning of this ^oar to commit all my affairs 
into his wise and faithfnl hands. And he has, bless- 
ed lie his name, kept me almost throughout the year 
cJiccrfidly leaving my aflfairs with him. I have Ua- 
ed secinely on the wisdom and care of my heaven- 
ly Father. And he has done all things well. He 
has fed me and mine to the full ; and comforfably 
clothed us too. 1 have not known either j)inching 
wants, or carking cares. I have been enabled to 
make satisfactory payments to those with whom I 
have had dealings ; and io do something towards 
the support of the iiospel, and relief of the necessi- 
'.ous ; And in this God has given me the desires of 


my heart. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget 
not all his benefits. 

O my God, accept my thanksgivings for Jesus* 
sake : And for his sake alone freely pardon all my 
sins, whereby I have abused all these mercies. O 
send not leanness into my soul, I beseech thee ; nor 
suffer unbelief to arise, and suspect thee. Braw 
forth faith into exercise, Lord, and help me to be- 
lieve now for grace to walk uprightly, as well as for 
temporals. O, may my firm trust and confidence 
be fixed on God the ensuing year ; yea, all of it, if 
I may live to see it. O God, let my will be swal- 
lowed up in thine all my remaining days. Thau 
good and gracious God, thou kind benefactor, thou 
dear Saviour, and thou blessed comforter, let the 
time past suffice that I have grieved thee: Yea, 
more than suffice ; let it break my very heart, that I 
have done so. Oh, I would bewail it before God, 
with deep humility and tears of contrition. And 
now, O Lord, sanctify me throughout. Now con- 
form me to thine image. Now let me be for thee, 
and none other all my remaining days. 

And may I, in the diligent use of all appointed 
means> in the path of universal obedience to all thy 
djear commands, confidently rely, wholly and alone, 
on my dear, dear Redeemer's perfect righteousness 
for all acceptance with God. O., in this let me re- 
joice, having no confidence in the flesh : In this let 
me lift up my head. And do thou, my God smile 
upoia^me ;.yea, delight in base, vile, unworthy, un- 
grateful me. And I will run the ways of thy com- 
mandments, when thou shalt enlarge my heart ; for I 
am thine foxever. SARAH OSBORN. 


Nen'-Veai-'s daij. — January 1, 1762. 
THE first duly I seem to he called to this year, 
i^ resii^nation to the divine will ; for the pain and 
confusion of my head is such, thai I seem altogeth- 
er unfit for active ol)etiience. Well, it is the Lord ; 
let him do with me, whatseemeth him good. I am 
Eure I had better submit, and take all well from his 
hands, tlian to struggle, lie stands in no need of 
me : And when active obedience is most pleasing 
to i')im, lie will ^^pi^it me to yield it. I would Iium- 
bly beg for myself, thi>! new year's day, a stronger 
faith and a resigned will ; that I may acquiesce in 
all Ihe wdl of God, without exception in the ensu- 
ing year. Methinks 1- have no choice of circum- 
stances to make, let them be what they will, merci- 
ful, or afflictive ; only that God will glorify himself 
in all, resign me to his wi!! in all. I-iord, it is not a 
careless insensibility I am asking ; but real strong 
faith and a childlike submission, and rejoicing in 
the will of my heavenly Father. Nor would I 
choose even 'Am (though the most delightful, hap- 
py frame on this side heaven) merely from selfish 
views ; but God may be glorified hereby. I woulJ 
not ai^k it, if inconsistent with the glory of God. 
But O my God, will not this be for thy glory ? 
Then for Christ's sake grant it, thi;i new year's day. 
Give me this new year's gift, (hat shall last all the 
year, if 1 live ; even a strong faith, working by 
Jove, and influencing to universal obedience, and 
entire submission to all tlie will of God. Let it be 
what it will, I would object against nothing at all, 
neither life, nor death, sickness^ or poverty, or re- 


proacli. I would have no name, or any interest, or 
comfort this year, bat what is most for the honor 
and glory of God. I would, this day, give up ray- 
self, my whole interest, my all, to be disposed of as 
he pleases. 

Saturday/ morning, January 2. — Bless the Lord, 
O my soul, and forget not all his benefils ! God gra- 
ciously indulged our endeavors, and favored our 
tlesigns of setting apart yesterday for solemn fast- 
iug ; and spirited all that could attend \o come. 
Twenty of the society were together. God merci- 
fully assisted in prayer. We prayed together se- 
ven times. Thanks be to God, we vitve not left to 
be dull, dry, confused, and wandering. No. God 
did pour out a spirit of hurriiliation, and a spirit of 
supplication, and helped our infirmities. And now, 
my glorious God, give us faith to look out foj- an- 
swers of peace for Jesus Christ's sake alone, and 
not for any thing we ever have done, or can do. O, 
be with us this year ! Now, my God, accept my 
sincere desires to be devoted to thy service. Now, 
Lord, take a full and free possession ; and accept 
an entire surrender of my whole self, soul and body 
to thee this year ; for I am thine forever. 


Wednesday morning, January 13. — Thanks be 
to God for his quickening influences yesterday. 
After I began to write, the blessed Spirit helped 
ray infirmities, and taught me what to pray for. 
And methinks this one petition. Let thy grace he 
sufficient, comprehends all I want for myself — for" 
my relatives — for my dearest friends — for the dear 

2oD ME If 01 R8 OF 

Society — for my benefactors — for my dear chil- 
dren in the family and scliool — for tliose w}io resort 
hither for instruction — for tlie poor and needy, the 
sick and dying, the sorrowful and bereaved, the 
prisoners and captives, and those persecuted for 
righteousness sake — the poor deserted, afflicted and 
tempted soul. Lord, for all these, let thy grace be 
sufficient to bear tliem up, and enable them to glo- 
rify thee in their particular circumstances, be they 
-.YJiat they will. O grant this request, for Christ's 
guke, and do with me, and all who can be called 
dear to me by the bonds of friendship, gratitude, 
nature or grace, as secmeth good to thcc. At pre- 
sent I liave no other choice to make for any in all 
this world. 

Now, havrng made this my solemn choice, may 
this be my earnest plea to my dying dr.y. And 
may I never attempt to order or govern the world ; 
or to object against the allwisc Disposer of all 
events; but acquiesce in his dispensations, be they 
what they will, to mc, or to tl:e world. Ah, Lord, 
let thy grace be sufficient for me, and I will behave 
as becomes a child of God ; but olhorwise I can- 
not. Lord, thou knowest I cannot, but shall act 
in direct contrariey to thee, and inconsistent with 
my own choice and surrenders. O, let iJii/ i^race 
he sufficient for 77ir, that I may stand, that I may 
be stedfast and immoveable, always abounding in 
the work of the Lord ; that 1 may be established, 
strengthened, settled. 

Lit th/ spruce be sufficient far 77/f, to speak to 
thy glory ; to hold my peace to thy glory ; to pray 


to ihy glory ; or put it upon others to thy glory. 
Suffer neither selfish pride to prompt me, nor sloth, 
and want of love and zeal to hinder me. Lord, 
pity me. And whilst thou seest me beset behind 
and before, and on every side, let thy grace be suf- 
ficient for me, and then I will be for thee, and none 
other, all the days of my life ; for I am thine for- 

Friday morning, January 15. — My liord and 
iny God, I renew my request, that thy grace may 
>be sufficient for me, to guard me from every tempt- 
ation. Let me neither be stopped from dealing out 
my morsel to any, as I think God in his providence 
calls, or gives me leave to refresh any of thine, any 
of the household of faith. May I, v/ith Job, ever 
be able to say, " I have not eat my morsel alone.'* 
Let thy grace be sufficient to guard me from sound- 
ing a trumpet before me. My God, still indulge 
me with the dear privilege of doing with my right 
hand, without letting my left hand know. 

Wednesday morning, January 27 . — It is with 
peculiar pleasure I now reflect on the exercises of 
my soul in the beginning of the year 1^60, when 
almost all my plea was, that God wouM choose all 
-my changes. O, what have I got by referring my 
choice to God ! How wisely has he chose every 
thing for me ! How worthy is he to be trusted ! 
And when, in the beginning of last year, he ena- 
bled me to give up all that was dear to me, what 
advantage has he taken of my solemn surrenders ? 
Verily, though he has a right to all my comforts, 
to take them all away just when he pleases, wheth- 


er I resi;^n or not, yet he has spared them all, and 
added to the number ; and given me the sweet of 
them, as he daily gives me to see all flowin^^ from 
liis bountiful hand ; that dear, that faithful hand, 
that will give me nothing to hurt me ; from that in- 
finilc wisdom that knows infallibly what is best for 
ine ; from that love, truth and faithfulness, that has 
said, All things shall work together for the good of 
those who love God, of whom I trust I am one. 

And now, my soul, in time of prosperity rejoice 
in God. Now let him have all thy love, all thy 
warm affertions. Set them not on the creature 
comforts he has prescrvcvl and bestowed. No, no ! 
Now may God be all in all. And since he has so 
graciously answered my choice antl resignation, and 
thus filled faith's mouth with blessings ; now, my 
soul, open thy mouth wide, and cling to thy faithful 
God, that his gracfe may be sufficient for thee, for 
the present day, and for every day, and for every 
t hange, God shall see be^^t for ?ne ; an<l for my great 
lud last change. 

My sold, think \hh h) u'ium mv nt-^i m liu- i.ipof 
prosperity. Tliis is not thy rest. Sit not down 
so content, as to make this thy home. Bless God 
for these refreshments in the inn ; but remember 
thou art a pilgrim and a stranger. O, hasten home. 
Sin and Satan arc here still. Thou wilt not long be 
at rest, if they can prevent it. 

Thanks be to God, there is a rest for his people, 

where theif can never, never come. Ah ! gladly 

'voidd I Iravr all my enjoyments below, to be freed 

rom fhfsf. — \\\i\ ] rr?iiin. — Thy time is the best. 


t\ly God, sfill clioose all my chaiiGjes. Infinite 
Avisdom cannot err. Only 2;race sufficient for me 
during ni}' abode here, Lord, and it is enough. — 
And lliou wilt give grace as well as glory. It is 
enough! Lord, I believe, help thou my unbelief. 
I believe thou art able, blessed Jesus, to do tliis fop 
me.^ And since thou hast said. My grace is sufii- 
cient for thee, I will humbly hope. Though I am 
perfect weakness, yet in thee I shall wax stronger 
and stronger. 

Wednesday morning, February S. — I have been 
laid aside almost ever since the Sabbath, with a 
great cold and pain in my head. But blessed be 
God, not dissatisfied. God has been with me in 
the night watches, in my waking hours ; and I have 
contentedly lain by, when he would not have me 
work. And I will as cheerfully get up and work 
and run, when he shall restore bodily strength^ and 
enlarge my heart. 

" Take my yoke upon you, said Christ, and 
learn of me ; for I am meek and lowly in heart ; and 
ye shall find rest to your souls. For my yoke is 
easy, and my burden light. Ye shall have rest in 
sickness, as well as in health. My yoke is easy. 
I require no hard things of you. Nothing more 
than I will give strength of body, anil grace suffi- 
-cient to perform. My burden is light. I do not 
bind heavy burdens upon you. No; I bear your 
burdens, I feel your griefs and infirmities. Only 
rely on me, submit (o my will, and all shall be well. 
Wail in a vray of believing patiently for me, and I 
will return and help thee. I will strengthen thee. 


1 will iiplioM thee. Make no impatient complaintif, 
as tiioii<;h I uere crnel, anil expcc t (o reap where I 
have not sown. Do not represrnt nie, a^se^pcdlng 
ten talents in return, if I comniil but two. No; be 
tliliijent wlien able, be submissive when disablect, 
depending on me alone for all assistance and accep- 
tance ; and my yoke shall never call thee, nor my 
burden press thee down. Thou shall ever find me 
a kind master in life to tlie end of it. INIy grace 
.shall be sufficient for thee. Be Ihou faitliful unto 
death, and I will give tliee a crown of life." Amen. 
Thursday morning, February 11. — Last even- 
ing I heard of the death of my reverend uncle, 
Doctor John Guise. The Lord sanctify it to my 
aged motlier, and to me ; and enable us to follow 
him, who through faith and patience, is gone to in- 
herit the promises. Thanks be to God, for his dis- 
tinccuishing grace to him ; and that ihou didst make 
him so rich a blessing to thy church, and continue 
him so long a faitliful laborer in Xhy vineyard. — 
Thanks be to God for the success thou didst grant 
him ; for the seals of his ministry ; that thou didst 
not suffer him to toil all the night, and catch no- 
thing. Or if he did, yet when at thy command lie 
let down the gospel net again, he caught many, both 
in Hereford and at London too. 

Thanks be to God for that patience and resigna- 
tion to thy divine will, thou didst grant to thy ser- 
vant, under all the afHictive dispensations of 
thy all-wise Pro.ideiice ; when thou didst take 

away the d<*sire of his eyes with a stroke ; 

Mul ^vl"^!j t|M>M Has pleased to take wway tli*^ 


light of his eyes, that he could no more behold the 
light of this world, or objects of sense. That <heii 
thou didst resign his will, cause him cheerfully to 
acquiesce in it ; That then thou didst strengthen 
.the eye of faith to behold invisibles, to behold its 
glorious object. Now faitli is swallowed in open 
vision and full fruition, as I suppose. 

Hail, happy soul, all hail ! I congratulate' thee 
on thy safe arrival to the blissful regions. O, let 
me by faith peep in a little, and view ihee now thou 
hast dropped thy clog of mortality. Now thou be- 
holdest with open face the glory of Jehovah in the 
dear, the lovely face of Jesus Christ, that God- 
Man-Mediator, who died for thee, and said, Father, 
I will that those whom thou hast given me, be with 
me to behold my glory. Ah, hast thou dropped 
the whole body of sin and death ! All hail again! 
What ! Canst thou now worship in the most hum- 
ble, and yet exalted strains, without the least de- 
gree of taint of that abominable thing which God's 
soul hateth ? What ! Made perfect in holiness ! No 
danger of one wrong principle; no pride; no self 
to rise and rob God of his glory ? O happy soul ! 

O, when shall I arrive to this perfection of holi- 
ness : Thou wilt not fear for me there. I shall ne- 
ver damp thee more. My odious pride shall have 
no bemg there. Let me leap for joy, or shout as 
loud as I will the riches of distinguishing, free, rich, 
sovereign grace, thou wilt join me. I shall never 
unstring thy harp, nor tliou mine. O thanks be to 
God, that I am rejoicing in liope of coming to thee, 
to be With thee, and to be with Christ, which is far 
better. ^ 2 


O for grace to make basfe, and finish the work 
God has given me lo do. I wouhl fulfil as a dili- 
gent hireling my day. But, my God, permit mc 
to long for the slhidows of the evening. O, to me 
to live, is Christ ; but to die, unspeakable gain. — 
Tjct not the Lord be angry. Indulge me a little 
here, wliile, through thy grace, my soul breaks for 
tjie lon2;ing it hath for a freedom from sin. Oh 
monster ! And the full enjoyment of thyself. Thou 
knowest I am not groaning under worldly cares. — 
Blessed be thy name, thou hast taken them away. 

And now, O my God, grant mc strong patience, 
and profound submission to the divine will in all 
things ; that I may wait all the days of my appoint- 
ed time, till my great change come. I bless thee, 
that my bounds are set, and I cannot pass them. I 
shall not stay, when my work is done. Lord, it is 
enough ! Thy time is best. Only grace sufficient 
for every moment, and it is enough. I am forever 
thine. Do with me, and all dear to me, as seem- 
eth good to thee, and all is well. 

April 15. — Ah, my Lord and my God, though 
I mourn for sin less than I ought ; yet, blessed be 
thy name, there is such a rooted aversion in my 
soul, to if, that the thought of my beins: freed from 
condemnation, without tlie liope of being freed from 
the pollution of sin, seems not (o satisfy me at all. 
Oh, were it possible I couM carry the monster to 
hciiven with me, it would abate my joy at the pros- 
pe< :t of heaven itself. It would be no heaven to 
me, if there I must still sin against, and grieve my 
Lord. But, thank? be to God, Mirrc 1 shall be free 


indeed. O, I bless thee from my inmost soul for 
(his prospect of a freedom from sin. 

April 18. — Lord, be with me this Sabbath. Call 
off Satan, if it be II17 holy will, Suffer him not to 
suggest a thousand trifles to my foolish heart. Nor 
things of a serious nature neither, which are foreign 
to the present duty. Lord, whence is it, unless 
from him, that I am so much more beset to keep 
my heart fixed on the business of the present mo- 
ment, on thy day, ^aan on any other ? Lord pre- 
serve me. I want to say. My heart is fixed, O God, 
my heart is fixed. Oh, let not Satan cast in rubbish 
to smother the spark of love, as soon as it begins 
to kindle. Oh, let not my foolish heart start aside, 
like a deceitful bow, to-day. O God, engage our 
hearts in prayer, in singing, meditation, examina- 
tion, in ejaculations in thy house and out of it. — 
Lord, discoveries of thyself will do it effectually. 
This will soon attract the hearts of thine. There 
is no one perfection of thy nature, if thou wilt un- 
veil, and show thyself, which will not engage the 
w^hole heart in a moment. It cannot start aside un- 
der discoveries of thyself. If thou wilt show thy 
majesty and greatness, the eye of faith will gaze 
there, till the soul and all things else in its view, 
w^ill shrink into nothing, and it will lie in the dust 
and adore. 

Sabbath morning. May 23. — Lord, how long 
shall Satan and my own heart conspire, on \\ie 
Lord's day in particular, to break, confuse and dis- 
turb my thoughts. Lord, appear for me ; and let 
Satan lose his aim this time, I pray thee. lie is 


frying 1o stir up resenlmenl, because of another's 
inii^ratitudc. Now is the time, my soul, if 1 am a 
chiislian indeed, to do more than others ; now (o 
apply the rule my iclorious Saviour has set before 
nie. I have solemnly declared, that I have taken 
his word for my rule. I am, then, to bless them 
who curse mc ; do good to ihem wiio hate me ; and 
pray for them who despitefully use me, and perse- 
cute me. iMy soul, my trials do not rise so high 
as tliis. All I a/u now called to, is to be kind to 
tlie unthankful, that I may be the child of my Fa- 
tlier who is in heaven, who maketh his sun to rise 
on the evil and tlie good, and sendeth rain on tlie 
jusi anil on the unjust. If I love them who love 
me, what reward have I ? Do not even the publi- 
cans the same ? And if I salute my brethren only, 
what do I more than others ? Do not even the pub- 
licans so ? 

Lord, now, in my degree, let me be perfect as 
my Father who is in heaven is perfect, and triumph 
o^er the ingratitude of any, and all. Now let mc 
cover these infirmities with the mantle of love, and 
leap over tiiem all, to do good to the poor and nee- 
dy, whether they will think it any thing or no. 

Thus may I be accepted of my God. He will not 
throw back my mites as dung in my face, let who 
will do it. 'J'liiis let me be avenged of Satan, and 
my own corrupl heart, and become their conrpicror, 
through thy grace ; and 1 will rejoice and praise 

Antl now, let me, in defiance of Satan, and my 
own vile heart, enjoy a Sabl;tilh of rest to-day. 


Rejoice over me to do me [«ood this day, my Godo 
Let me see the goings of God in his sanctuary this 
day. Assist thy ministers ; liord, assist them, and 
set home thy word with power, upon saints and sin- 
ners. O for a refreshing shower of thy Spirit this 
day ! 

July 2. — Yesterday God permitted tv:enty-one 
of us to meet together, and to keep our solemn 
fast. I was, before it came on, and at the begin- 
ning, all gloom and discouragement : Yet God tri- 
umphed over my unbelief, and gave me kind ac- 
cess, and graciously assisted every one. And now,. 
Lord, for Christ's sake, help us to believe that 
thou art, and that thou art a rewarder of all those 
who diligently seek thee. O, help us to look, and 
long, and wait ; for thou hast said. Those who wait 
on the Lord shall renew their strength. O, for 
Christ*s sake, answer those petitions put up in his 
name for heart holiness, stronger faith, thankfulness 
of heart, a resigned will in all things without reserve. 
O hear in heaven thy dwelling place, forgive and 
do ; for we are thine. Lord, still encourage our 
waiting upon thee. O, encourage us to hope in 
thy mercy. Thou hast never said to the seed of 
Jacob, Seek ye me in vain. Let us find, by kind 
and gracious answers, as well as in the present mo- 
ment, it is ^ood for us to draw near to God. O, \&t 
us with Hannah, have cause to rejoice and say. 
For this humility, this thankfulness of soul, for this, 
strong faith, this love, this heart holi.iess and resig- 
nation we prayed, and the Lord heard us ; not, 
Thi^ is tUe child; but, This is the grace. And 


now wo will give back 1o the Lord ; yea, wc will 
pve back ourselves, and all God bestows, and abide 
in Hie house of the Lord, and minister before him 

:}Ion(Ut}/ worniuo:, Jnhf 12.— I was enciuged 
last week in reading and thinkinn on >lr. Bellafny\s 
Tiieron, Pauliniis, and A.spasio. An answer (o Mr. 
Harvey'3 Dialopies. And heartily do I wish that 
all who are setting; their face towards Zion, could 
and would, divested of all prejudice, for or ajjainst 
either of these authors, weigh Paulinos* strong, 
clear and beautiful arguments. O that I may ever 
love the glorious God for what he is in himself, be- 
cause he is a perfect, glorious Being ; just and holy, 
as well as merciful. O God, 1 beseech thee, show 
me thy glory. Let me with open face behold, as 
in a glas:*, the glory of the Lord, till I be transform- 
ed into the same image. O God, let me ever reach 
above the publican's standard. O, may I love thee 
for thyself, as well as what thou art to me. Lord, 
inspire me with a generous love, I beseech thee, to 
thee and thy righteous law, which is holy, just and 
gcod, though the whole human race had been con- 
demned, and eternally banished from thy glorious 
presence, for transgressing it. Shall tliat beautiful 
transcript of the divine image be esteemed a ly- 
laal ! Severe, hard and cruel, because it requires 
ine to love the Lord my God with all my heart and 
soul, and strength and mind ; and rpy neighbor as 
myself? O God, forbitl. Slay every degree of en- 
mity that rises up against this righteous law, and 
--" :• rr;i( I. C may 1 ever lie in tlie dus-t for nn 


continual deviations from and A'ioialions of thy holy 
law, and acknowledge I deserve eternal damnation 
for every breach of it: While I adore the infinite 
wisdom which has magnified the law and made it 
honorable in the death of the Son of God ; while I 
adore the grace which has said, There is no con- 
demnation to theni who are in Christ Jesus, who 
walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. O, 
may my evidences be ever clear. Let me never 
build upon a persuasion that Christ, grace and par- 
don are mine, without knowing that I have received 
him, and do rest upon him alone ; am conformed 
to his image, in the temper of my mind, and tenor of 
my life. Amidst all my deficiencies, yet I do love 
righteousness, and hate iniquity. Yea, I do delight 
in the law of God after the inner man. I do esteem 
it beautiful, holy, just and good ; yea, good for me. 
I do hate myself for my non-conformity. I do 
loath, judge and condemn myself for this. O thanks 
be to God, that I can, notwithstanding, be cleared 
in an honorable way from the curse of the law ; that 
God can be just, and yet the justifier of her whd 
believes in Jesus. 

Tuesday morning, November 9.— On Friday, 
October 15, I was taken with an ague fit, and ex- 
tremity of pain, and so put to bed. For some 

days I thought it nothing different from what I had 
been used to for many years, only in degree ; as 
ague fits, hot fevers and sweats. But at length I 
was convinced it was of a different kind. This 
presently gave a spring to my hope, that this might 
prove my last sickness. That God was going, in 

277 MEMOins OF 

merer, to set li<s weary pil<iriiii free from tlie intole- 
rable burden of sin, and take me to himself, to be- 
Jiold his irlory. And as my disorders increased, 
niv hope arose to a strong persuasion that I should 
die. And O how did my ea^er soul press forward, 
and bid death ten thousand welcomes ! My God, 
my covenant, faithful God, shone in upon his own 
work in my soul ; gave me clear and substantial 
evidences of my union to Christ by faith. All was 
calm within. I had enough to do to admire the as- 
tonishing goodness of God to me, inwardly and 
outwardly. Mercies flowed in upon me from every 
fjuarter. All that could be thought of that was 
>>nitablc for me was sent me in plenty ; so that I had 
to spare to relieve other sick ones. 

Twelve days I kept my bed, except being just 
I ikeu up to have it made. My dear friends were 
(^ lulcr of me, and tended me night and day. Per- 
haps not less than fifty ofTered to watch. My dear 
Susa tended me every daj'. '^I'he Lord reward her, 
and all the rest of ni}^ dear friends. 

And since this sickness has not, been unto death* 
(be^Jeecll thee Lord, for Jesus Christ's sake aione, 
let it be for the glory of God. And as sure as La- 
zarus was raised from the dead, so sure let me be 
raised by the power of God to newness of life. O 
now let my faith be raised above the fears of sin 
and Satan, and the world, as it has been raised above 
lie fears of death. Now, Lord, liclp me to rely 
<jn the same almij;hty, faitliful, covenant God, with 
v.liorii I ronld gladly have ventured through the 
ddrk vall« y of the shadow of death ; and feared no 


evil, because tliou wast wilh me. O now make me 
.slrong in faith, giving glory to God. Now let me 
come up through this wilderness, leaning upon my 
beloved ; depending on his love, his care, his faith- 
fulness, his all-sufficient grace to uphold and keep 
me, and suffer me neither to flinch nor fear, tliough 
I am perfect weakness ; but, in thy strength, let 
me be as a giant ; gird up my loins, and run with 
patience the race set before me. Now let me en- 
dure hardness as a good soldier of Jesus Christ ; 
and not, as a timorous hare, shrink back. O let 
vehement love be as oil to the wheels ; and let my 
soul be ever as the chariots of Aminadab, swiftly 
moving in the paths of universal obedience. O 
now glorify thyself hi me. Dear Lord, wherefore 
hast thou said to me, Live, if not to thee. O make 
me more humble than ever. Do all for Christ's 
sake, who hast said, « Because I live, ye shall 
live also." 

Sabbath morning, December 20.— O Lord, let 
integrity and uprightness preserve me this day.— 
Let me not act the hypocrite in showing a concern 
to get to thy house, without a real, hearty desire 
to seek thee there, and to worship thee in spirit and 
in truth. O God, an honor is due to thy public 
worship. O let not a carelessness and indifference 
seize me, under pretence of resignation to thy will. 
O blessed Saviour, take care of me, and make me 
just what thou wouldest have me to be. Lord 
thou seest how many snares await me on every side. 
O be my perpetual guard, or I shall some way or 
other dishonor thee ; Yea, I shall do every thin- 


in contrariety to thee. O let a sense of tliesebittev 
remains of in-dwelling sin keep me humble. Siiflfer 
not Satan to teaze me perpetnally. Lord, restrain 
him, and let me have the comfort of that sincerity 
lliou hast put in my heart. And let mc be indeed 
resigned to thee in all thincr'^, without reserve. If 
it be thy holy will to recover my strength before I 
go hence, and be no more here ; that I may go up 
cind dov.n in ray family, ajid witli cheerfulness put 
my hand to help, when its necessities call for it, 
without being overthrown by it ; if it be thy plea- 
sure to give me more vital strength, and to strength- 
en the organs of sight, that I may attend to read- 
ing, meditation, and oilier secret dutiei^, as well as 
the duties of my calling, without being outdone ; 
and if it will please thee to restore my hearing, and 
strengthen nic to walk to thy house as formerly ; — 
Lord, by grace, I will bless thee, and, by grace, im- 
prove all these to thy glory. O let me not despise 
or set so light by such mei'cies as these, "Sis to ne- 
glect to ask with submission for them. O God, pre- 
-•erve me from a presumptuous coveting of symp- 
toms of a dissolution. Let me not provoke thcc to 
lay thy hand heavy on mc, and then leave me to 
see how I can sustain such distressing disorders, 
and linger along without the light of thy counte- 
nance. Lord, tliis thou mayest justly do, if I go 
to ciioosins; for myself. And then. Oh! what fears, 
what doubts, what dishonoring God may follow ; 
rvcn till I pass through the dark valley of the sha- 
dow of death ! O Lord, siiiVcr mc not, by presump- 
tion or unbelief, to tempt thcc to leave me to my- 


self. Nor let me from this moment have any choice 
but to improve every moment of life to thy glory ; 
and leave all with thee as to time and circumstan- 
ces. Lord, I am forever thine. Let me have no 
will but thine, no choice but thine. O for a hum- 
ble resignation of a truth I This becomes a child 
of God at all times ; and nothing can come ami^ss to 
a resigned will. O, this is right, it is fit, it is just, 
it is beautiful ! Lord, for Christ's sake, grant it. 

Thursday evenings January 13, ViQo. 
O LORD, look down upon me in mercy, and for 
Christ's sake freely pardon all my sins. O let me 
not with Moses provoke thee by speaking unadvis- 
edly with my lips. O make me holy in heart, lip, 
and life : And suffer not Satan to distress and wor- 
ry me with his lies ; nor let me imitate him hy ac- 
cusing myself falsely. True, Lord, I do fall in- 
conceivably short of perfection in holiness. But 
thou who knowest all things, dost know this is my 
grief and burden. Could it be, I had rather be per- 
fectly holy, than to have all the world. I do hate 
the remains of hypocrisy, as well as all my other 
sins. I do not want to be deceived, nor to deceive. 
O never let me have a name to live, and be dead. 
O that I could never deviate from thy holy law any 
more. O when shall it once be, that I shall be per- 
fectly conformed to thy image and will ! My heart 
is in thy hand. The work is thine. It is begun, let 
Satan say what he will : O carry it on to perfec- 
tion. Sure thou wilt not leave it unfinished, O 

•J 8 


when wilt tlioii make me perfect! I am Aveary ol« 
sinninir airaifist thee, and yet persist. Oh when shall 
death set mc free ! When sliall I cease to dishonor 
Ihre, and see thee dishonored by otlicrs ! How long 
shall my heart be broken ! How long sliall Jiidap 
betray with a kiss! How often shall I sec thee, bless- 
ed Jesin, crucified afresh and put to opeji shame? 
Womidrd in the house of Ihy professed friends ! 
ITow long shall my sins be as cruel spears, to pierce 
the* to the heart ! 

Oh wliile I grieve for others sins, let me abhor 
my own : For they who have not known thee can- 
rot sin ai so high a rate, as I wlio have. F'or I have 
known thee, and known that thou earnest forth from 
God, and art the very Christ. Flesh and blood 
liath not revealed this to me ; but thy heavenly 
Father. I have not picked this up from the expe- 
riences of others. It is not from the saying of the 
■wojnaii; but I have heard thee myself, and know 
thou art the Christ, in whom I have believed, and 
to whom I have conmiitted my precious soul. O 
let me never go away ; never be confounded ; nev- 
( r be {»iit to shame. O keep me ; hold me fast by 
t!»y almiglily power; by thy word, by tiiy Spirit, 
and grace; by the bomls of the everlasting cove- 
nant. Remember thou hast said. They shall not 
depart from me. Amen, Amen. Then I shall not 
depart. Thy grace shall be sufficient for me, amidst 
ail the thorns in the flesh, and messengers of Satan. 
I am thine forever. SARAH OSBORN. 

Sahhnfh Dai/, March 6.— I am tliy poor, weary 
pil;;rim, Iiord. O if it may consist with thy glory, 


give me a speedy release. But I would not ask it 
if inconsistent with thy glory. Oh no — I would not 
desire to enter into heaven itself, inconsistent with 
thy glory,*' any more than I would ask any enjoy- 
ment upon earth, inconsistent with it. Help me, 
then, from this moment, to leave all to thy consum- 
mate, infinite wisdom, power, love, care, and faith- 
fulness, and have no will but thine. Here I am, do 
with me what seemeth good unto thee, and all is 
'■veil ; for I am thine in Christ Jesus, and thou art 
mine. Amen. Hallelujah ! 

Sabbath y March 13. — My glorious God, raise me 
this day above the temptations and trifling diflScuI- 
ties of time, which are but for a moment. Thou 

* / would not desire to enter into heaven itself^ inconsistent with 
thy glory. This is as strong an expression of disinterested affec- 
tion, subordinating- every interest, in time and eternity, williout 
any condition or reserve, to the glory of God, as can be made.— 
The same disposition is expressed by her in a number of passa- 
ges in her diary; especially under the date of April 24, 176T. 
She there has said that this disposition to desire and seek the 
glory of God, above every thing else, commenced with her first 
devoting herself to God (which are, indeed one and the same, 
thing) and had been ever since the first and chief desire of he? 

This serves to show, that her great attention to her own case 
and interest, spiritual and temporal,- her earnest desires of ho- 
liness, and of the favor and everlasting enjoyment of God, and 
rejoicing in his goodness and love to her, &c so frequently ex- 
pressed in her writings, were not selfish exercises; but really 
proceeded from disinterested love to God, and placing her hap- 
piness in his being glorified : And therefore desiring nothing' 
inconsistent with that, or that might not promote it, thus subor» 
dinating every thing to the glory of God. 

See the note in page 29 of life. 



hast sail), They who wait on lliee shall renew 
their slieniith. O let me this day mount up on the 
winj^s of faith lo Pi.sgah*s top, and lake a view of 
my nlorious, risen, ascended Sa\ iour. He who was 
crucified for my offences, and raised again for my 

Thanks be to God ! Here my lliou2;hts ccrew too 
hig to get vent l)y writing, and were vented by tears. 

I trust God has granted me some sweet commu- 
nion with a once crucified, but now risen and as- 
cended Saviour. My soid has rejoiced in him, and 
that as my forerunner, he has entered there, at the 
Father's riirht hand. He is my advocate there. — 
He is gone to prepare a phice for me ; and will 
come again, and receive me to himself, that where 
he is, there I may be also. O glorious hope ! More 
glorious enjoyment! Lord ripen me fast! And let 
many souls be raised from sin this day, this First 
day, on which thou didst arise. Say to thousands, 
if it be thy will, this tlay, "Because I live, ye shall 
live also.'* O breathe into dead souls spiritual life 
tliis day, and they shall live. Breathe on them. 
Lord, and they shall receive the Holy Ghost in all 
his fjuickening, renewing, sanctifying influences. — 
Blessed Spirit, do thou apply the purchased re- 
demption this day in all the worshiping assemblies of 
thy people. Be witli thy ministers. O teach fhem 
what arrows to choose : and do thou point them to 
the hearts of all. 

li'cfhiesday mornins^, March 30. — I awoke re- 
freshed in the night with that part of the gracious 
covenant betwixt God and his people. ** I will 


put my fear into their hearts; and they shall not 
depart from me." Was enabled to say, Amen ! — 
To rejoice in il, and plead it for my security against 
departing fron» God. O thus put thy fear into my 
heart. I fly to thy shall not, as a greater security 
than ten thousand thousand of my resolves never to 
depart. I am all weakness ; but if thOu sayest I 
shall not, I shall not. O so put thy fear into my 
heart, and f shall not. O blessed security ! Cheer 
lip, my poor soul ! It is the word of Jehovah which 
is gone forth for thy stay and support, under the 
strong propensities of thy vile nature to depart 
from God. O my rock, my strong tower, my sun, 
my shield, defend and save me. I am forever thine. 
Lord, save me from the worst of evils, even a de- 
parting^ from thee by sin. O save me for Christ's 
sake, and for thine honor's sake. 

Tuesday morning, May 17. — My Lord and my 
God, permit me, for Christ's sake, to draw near at 
this time, and renew my request for a sufficiency 
of grace to make me just such an one as thou 
wouldest have me to be. Blake me diligent and 
faithful in my calling, I pray thee ; and in every 
thing glorify thyself by me. Methinks, in the va- 
rious dispensations of providence, my repeated 
dreams of being sunk in water, in tempests, earth- 
quakes, thunder, &c. realising sudden death, being 
bowed to the will of God, and then restored, are 
interpreted : For thus God frequently plunges me; 
and no sooner do things come to an extremity in 
prospect, but God then appears, and so resigns my 
will, that I can choose nothing but what he wills. 


I rhoose his honor and justice should be vindicat- 
ed and c;lorified. I can then rely on his wisdom in 
rlioosinir the best time, and doing all thi;ig3 well. — 
Then the streams of his mercy, flowing from his 
everlastinj]j covenant, love, truth and faithfulness in 
Christ Jesus, are doubly sweet, hifinitely more 
than I deserve ; and ail is well. And when God 
ha* brought me to this temper of mind he speedily 
removes the threatened stroke. lie strikes me not 
a blow in the way I expected. 

This day two months ago, I seemed to be going 
forth without purse or scrip. Poverty stared me 
in the face, and I knew not which way to turn. But 
we have- lacked nothing. God has supplied all our 
wants in unexpected ways. And I do not know 
that we are more reduced now, than we were then. 
O that I could ever rely on infinite wisdom and 
goodness! O that I could always stay till God 
gives the finishinii stroke to any affair, before I pre- 
tend to draw lip any conclusions; for I know not 
now, what he is about to do ; but I shall know here- 
after. Let it suffice that he does all things well. — 
Infinite wisdom cannot err. Love, truth and I'aith- 
fiilness, will never leaAC nor forsake me. Amen. 

Sdhbath evenlncr^ Jvne 12. — i^lessed be God 
for permitting me to wait on thee in t!.y house and 
at thy table ; an*! that thou didst engage my whole 
soul. O now let my strength be renewed. — 
Now h( Ip me to get up and run, and press for- 
wr^rd in I he paths of faitli and hnllness ; since 
llierc I berius'incil my unkindness to my everlasting 
friend; there 1 be\v;ulivl my priu^, my hypocrisy 


and my unbelief ; that I had crucified my Lord ; 
there I pleaded that sin might die ; that I might 
there derive strength from Christ to OAcrcome sin, 
Satan and the world. There I solemnly renewed 
my choice of God the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, 

for my God, my portion in time and eternity. 

There I again chose the word of God for my only 
rule; and cried for strength to obey, that I might 
henceforth evidence my love by universal obe- 

The perfections of Jehovah, the perfection of the 
divine law, once more appeared lovely ; I could 
once more cry, See ye him whom my soul lovetli ? 
Tell him, I am sick of love. Blessed be God, 
that I have once more felt love to the brethren : — 
Once more known, in a degree, what communion 
with saints meaneth : And now, my Lord and my 
God, fulfil the desires of thy own unworthy child, 
which thou didst excite at thy table, while I was 
at thy feet with penitential tears ; yea, with Peter, 
wept bitterly for my unkind ness to thee, while I 
rested my weary head on lliy dear, delightful breast : 
For thou didst, O astonishing grace ! Thou didst 
once more take me near, and hold out the golden 
sceptre. O fulfil the desires of those who fear thee : 
Now let me go on my way rejoicing. Now let my 

countenance, with Hannah's, be no more sad. 

Now let me again sing restoring grace, and adore 
thee for v/hat thou art in thyself, and for what thou 
art to me. G now let me kno^v, and do thou make 
Satan know, I have an almighty friend, who will 
not leave me in his hand, nor suflfer me to be led 

1237 MEM0IH3 OK 

captive by him at his will. O may all his evil in- 
siniKilions, hbsphemies and slanders, whereby he 
has provoked the living dod, and vexed my wea- 
ry soul, from day to day, liirht on his own head, for 
ids malice against thee, while I escape as a bird out 
of tlie hand of the fowler. O thou faithful God, 
make away for my escape, tliat I may perform my 
vows, and run the way of tliy commandmenla with 
dejicht. For 1 am a dedicated thing. Now use mc 
Lord, for lliyself, and glorify thyself in me. 

Sabhalh ereninir^ October 2. — Yesterday God 
permitted a nund^ercf his handmaids to meet here, 
and unite in prayer. It was our solemn fast day ; 
and, blessed be God, he is sldl encouraging us to 
seek him ; did graciously assist us : And has this 
day, beyond all expectation, suddenly and remark- 
ably stren^tliened aie to go up to his house ; and 
permitted me to sit down at his table. An J now the 
>ows of God arc upon me ; now, Lord God AN 
mighty, enable me to wait upon thee ; and let all 
my expectations be from thee. 

Thur.sdai/, October 27. — The last Thursday in 
the month is And now will God graciously 
bring his handmaids here this afternoon, and meet 
with us, and excite in us vehement longings and 
strong cries for thy holy Spirit. O let us so ask, 

tliat we may receive for ourselves and others. 

(iive the holy Spirit to those who ask him this day. 
"^J'his comprehends all other blessings. O come, 
bl«'i«»ed Spirit ; come, and make thy abode with us, 
anil it is enough : \Vc shall be holy then. Then 
T c shall pray and praise ; we shall run and strive ; 


we shall siibmil and love ; we shall believe and re- 
joice, acquiesce and adore. Thy will shall be our 
will ; ihy cause and interesf, ours : And we shall 
grow s(ron?c in all the grace there is in Christ Jesus. 
Blessed Spirit, O come. It is by ihy help alone 
we can usk. O come this day, and make interces- 
sion within us, with groanings which cannot be ut- 
tered. O come, and revive our dear society. 

Lord, come in the midst to-day, and revive our 
drooping souls. O let us find it is good for us to be 
liere, and let us receive lasting benefits, even the 
abode of the blessed Spirit with us. O come, as 
on the day of Pentecost, and fill this room with thy 
glory, and our hearts with thy praise. 

Wednesday morning, March 21, 1764, 
LORD, what a barren figtree am I become ! — • 
Sure thou comest seeking fruit, and findest none : 
And shouldest thou give the commanding word, 
'' Cut it down, why cumbereth it the ground?" 
my dying breath shall, by grace, pronounce thee 
just : For thou hast waited year after year ; but 
still no good fruit to be found on me ! If any is ma- 
terially so, thou knowest it is all so corrupted by 
sin, it is not worthy the name of fruit ; not worthy 
the notice of a holy, holy Lord God. I am asham- 
ed of all that ever I did. I hate my corrupted, 
rotten trash. It is sour, it is bitter, it is filthy. I 
dare not present it, I dare not plead it, that I have 
brought forth such fruit, however fair to the eye of 
man, since thou knowest all is tainted by sin. Lord, 

289 MFMOins OF 

will tliv infinilc paticnrc and lonz hiiflfcriHu; yv\ i^c 
len!;liioned out ? Wilt (hou yrl cause thy servants 
to (Vir about the tree ; and wilt tliou bless divine 
rnltivations ? If not ; if it be thy will, rather cut 
it down than curse it. O say not, *' Let no fruit 
grow on thee henceforward forever." Lord, I de- 
precate standing a withered monument of thy in- 
<?i;:nation ! 

For Christ's sake, and for thy honor's sake, cause 
me to brino; forth the peaceable fruits of righteous- 
ness ; or let me die, and my name perish, and be 
forgotten among men. Why should I live to be a 
reproach to thy name and ways ; or live to deceive 
I he world ? God forbid ! O God, hast thou not 
long ago made this tree good by regeneration ? How 
then comes so much bad fruit to grow on it ? Ts not 
this branch grafted into the true ^ine? Sure it is 
not \o this day growing on its old stock. O then, 
purge i<, that it may bring forth more fruit. O may 
the sap and nourishment derived from Christ, cause 
it yet fo brinft fortli full ripe clusters. I fly to the 
general, gracious proMiisc, that every branch in 
Christ shall be pureed, and shall bring forth more 
fruit. Yea, thou hast said. They shall bring forth 
fruit even to old age, for the manifestation of thy 
faithfulness, to show that the Lord is upright. I 
liavo boasted of this word ; yea, triumphed, tliat 
thus it should be, because thou art my rock, and 
there is no imrighteousness in thee. Lord, let me 
n<vci- be asha ned of my hope ; but take away my 
< oiTupijon ; t'irn auny from my sin and behold it 
not. Let the sin be condemned, and the sinner es- 


cape, by the blood and righteousness of Jesus 
Christ, whose righteousness alone I plead. 

Tuesday mornings March 27. — Lord, in mercy 
strengthen my resolutions, as to self examination, 
and the putting every neglected duty into practice. 
Assist me. Lord, in communing on my bed, and of- 
fering up my morning sacrifice. This I endeavor 
to do ; but O engage my heart more when I ap- 
proach thee. O God, take away formality and hy^ 
pocrisy, and make me all devotion ; and hear and 
answer, for Christ's sake. 

Lord, strengthen my memory to retain thy word, 
read or preached. I have taken it for my rule, let 
me never swerve from thy precepts. Let no com- 
mand of thine be grievous. Set home thy threat- 
enings and promises with power. O humble and 
encourage my poor soul, under all the damps from 
Satan and unbelief. Pardon and cleanse my soul 
by the blood of Jesus, and make Satan yet to know 
I have an almighty friend. O make me more than 
ever to walk within my house with a perfect heart. 
Thanks be to God for any assistance that waj-. — 
Thanks be to God for any assistance in self-denial. 
O God, for Christ's sake, go on to strengthen me 
more and more to this duty, till I have no self, and 
no will but thine. 

Thanks be to God, that I do take care of my 
company. I have no intimates but such as fear 
thee. O join us, when we are together, and when 
apart. Be our constant guest, till we get to the full 
enjoyment of thyself in glory. Lord, I bemoan 
that I am so far from being perfect in relative duties. 


Koririve, O forgive mj short comings ; and accept 
of praises for assistance in tliat way : For I do aim 
at discharging these duties. Accept my endeavors, 
for Christ's sake. 

Ah, my God, hfre 1 find cause of bitter lamenta- 
;ion, that my lieart is no more ascending up to thee 
!>v ejaculation ! My affections no more set on Jesus 
i'iirist, and things above, where Christ sitteth, at 
/he Father's right hand. O blessed Jesus, if I be 
lison witli thee, O then raise my cold affections, 
and set them on thyself. Thou hast bid me do it ; 
but the work must be all thy own. O breathe love 
into my soul day by day ; yea every moment, that 
J may be able to say, and appeal to thy omniscience 
foo. Lord thou knowest all things, thou knowest I 
love thee. Ah, Lord ! thou mayest well put this 
question thrice, Lovest thou me ? Since I have 
been so cold towards thee. O forgive, according 
to the riches of thy boundless mercy and sovereign 
grace, for/ivp mine iiiiquitics ; for ilicy are very 

And now show me clearly. Lord, from day to 
day, what thou wilt have me to do, for the honor 
and glory of thy name. Lord, though (hou need- 
cst me not, yet let me be fruitful in every good 
word and work ; keeping my heart with all dili- 
gence, hating vain thoughts, and loving thy law. — 
O preserve me from the workings of pride and pas- 
sion. O God, humble me for tiiesc. Grant me 
the shield of faith, that resisting the devil, he may 
flee from me. 

O help me to watch and guard my tongue. Mdy 


I avoid all evil speaking, and glorify God with my 
tongue every day, and hour in the day ; endeavor- 
ing to be profitable to all companies, into which God 
shall bring me. 

Lord, rectify the disorders of my appetite, and 
my views in refreshing my body. I bemoan before 
God, that I so often eat and drink with no higher 
view than merely to refresh my body. Lord, re- 
cover me by thy grace from these contracted selfish 
views ; and let me only aim thankfully to refresh a 
servant of Jesus Christ, that God may be glorified 
thereby. O cure my ingratitude, respecting my 
food and sleep ; and now go with me into my calling. 

March 29. — O let divine love once more take 
place in my soul, Lord God Almighty. O breathe 
love into my heart, thou Dove of heaven, that I may 
love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all 
my soul, strength and mind. And teach me how 
in all respects, to love my neighbor as myself. I 
bemoan before God my vvant of love. O for con- 
formity to this perfection of the divine nature ! 

Lord, I am guilty of want of love to thee, and thine ; 
so guilty, I dare not lift up my head. O preserve 
me from defrauding in any wise. Keep me close 
to the rules of strict justice. lict mc never swerve 
from truth, in any dealings with others. O God, 
preserve me, that hypocrisy may never be found in 
my heart. 

March 31. — Lord, I would with sorrow bemcan 
all my short comings and imperfections, respecting 
those to whom thou hast called me to act a mother's 
part. Blessed be thy name, thou hast put som? 


bowels uf compassion in mc, anil hast enabled me, 
acrordinu; to, yea, beyond my al)ility, to relieve 
(liem ; yet thou knowest bow even all I have done 
In this is tainted with rainlin2;^<, witli pride at one 
time, and ui. belief at otliers — Murmuring at second 
causes — Angry resentments — Want of cheerfulness 
and delight, at times : Though, blessed be thy 
name, not always destitute of all that. Bnt all 
these mixturesof sin render even these duties mat- 
ter of shame and blushing. These deeds of chari- 
ty, I dare not plead as good works. No ; these, 
even these, though they may be specious in the 
eyes of man, need washing and cleansing in the 
blood of Jesus. I fly to it, O Lord, for pardon and 
cleansing. I fly to the righteousness of Christ.— 
I f\y from these defiled rags, in point of justifica- 
tion, as from a serpent. 1 will have nothing to do 
with them. But, O, for Christ's sake, take away 
these pollutions. Make me more holy and up- 

Am I a redeemer of precious time? — As to the 
redemption of time, blessed be God, conscience in 
Bomc degree acquits. Every part seems to be some 
way filled up with duty. And one duty seems to 
crowd so fast upon another, that it is hardly possi- 
ble to prevent one interfering with another. And 
yet, even here again I am a guilty creature. In 
the evening, worn out with exercises, it is but little 
I icdcem for secret prayer and examination ; so lit- 
tle, that it is even trifling sometimes. Lord, help 
nic in this regard. Thou knowest my straits, and 
intirmitics of body, aii well as barrenness of soul. 


which so unfit me for these duties. Lord, thou sees!, 
thai except thou dost appear for my help, and quick- 
en me, how utterly incapable I am to perform them. 
I dare not quarrel, as formerly, with that time de- 
vouring sleep, since by this my poor, crazy body, 
is in any measure fitted for duty. Blessed be God 
for so much quiet rest in sleep. May I sleep to 
the glory of God. I think I allow myself no mere 
than that for which necessity calls. But O help 
me to fill up every moment, when awake, with duty. 
Thou art preserving me from needless visits. Lord, 
preserve me from idle discourse also with visitants. 
Lord, help us to improve those moments to thy 
glory, or what business have we to be together ? — 
Or why is the company of each other desired T — 
Lord, help us who call ourselves christians, to de- 
test the very thought of visiting without a view to 
the glory of God, and the good of each other's 
souls. Lord, revive christian conference, and let 
our souls be revived by holy conversation. O bles^ 
sed Jesus, join us, and then our hearts will burn. 
Meet thy dear handmaids this day. Lord. Meet 
and bless them. Help them to keep such a fast a» 
God requires. O strengthen them to pray, and do 
thou hear and answer their requests, for Christ*^ 

Tuesday mornin^y April 3. — What is my end 
in practising the duties of religion ? O Lord, thou 
knowest. I am so dark now that I cannot tell. As 
to fears of hell, thou knowest I am almost, if not 
wholly, without them, whether from faith or stupid- 
ity, I cannot tell ; But it ia certain, I am uQt actii- 


utcd by slavish fears of hell. But I bemoan it be 
fore God, that a legal spirit is so interwoven with 
every thing I do, so that I act rather from fears 
than delijiht. And yet, if I do not deliL:;lit in these 
exercises of religion, I am sure I have no delight at 
all. Sure here is the greatest satisfaction I do take. 
And, upon the wholt, my soul, What arc my fears, 
when I omit or carelessly perform duties ? Answer. 
Tlvey are fears of provoking God to withdraw yet 
more from my soul ; fears of his leaving rae to hard- 
ness of heart, blindness of mind, barrenness of soul ; 
and to fail so far as lo wound his glorious, precious 
name. Sure it is precious to me, let Satan say 
^\lKit he will, or why these fears ? 

iJut why do I not rejoice in going to God's hoiiRe, 
and to his table, as I used to do, esteeming it and 
other duties the choicest privileges of my life ? — 
Answer. Because I do not meet with God in them. 
Coidd I find him whom my soul loveth, 1 should 
soon run to draw water out of these wells of salva- 
tion. O God, never sutler me to slight the means, 
for they are precious means appointed by Christ 
himself. Iltip me then, in the diligent use of all, 
to follow on till I do tind my Lord again, to my un- 
Hpeakable joy and consolation. Blessed Lord, 
thou hast said, I will not loave you comfortless, I 
will come to you. O come, leap over the moun- 
tains of uiy sins, and come away, and my heart 
■hall rejoice, even mine : And 1 shall practice ex- 
amination and every other duty, witii zeal and fer- 
vor, not with mercenary, selfish views. Only un- 
veil 'Uy beautieH, my Lord and my God, I shall re- 


ceive and rest upon (hee alone for salvation, as thou 
art offered in the gospel, f shall more and more 
re'nounce, not only in words and ray judgment, but 
from my inmost soul, all my own filthy rags, and 
rest upon, delight in, and plead thy precious, per- 
fect, spotless righteousness : Yes, I shall again re- 
joice to be nothing, that Christ may be all. O 
come, my Lord, and I shall again adore electing 
love, free, distinguishing grace and mercy. This 
sullen, ungrateful pride shall subside ; these mur- 
murings in my tent ; this unbelief; this atheism ; 
this hypocrisy ; this formality ; this lukewarm 
frame. O come, and my whole soul shall be engag- 
ed for God, and the honor of thy name. O come, 
and make thy abode with me. 

Wednesday, April 4. — How do I behave now, 
with respect to death and judgment? Alas, in a 
stupid manner ! It is but seldom I can bring it near, 
as in times past. Death and eternity seemed al- 
ways, almost at the door. Now death seems to fly 
from me : And being weary of toiling, of tempta- 
tion, sinning and sorrowing, I cast, as it were, a lan- 
guishing look after it ; but despond, expecting yet 
long and wearisome days and years. As to fears 
of death, blessed be God, I am not terrified with 
them. I somehow, look on the day of death, as 
the day of jubilee. But I cannot stretch into eter- 
nity, as heretofore. A negative happiness, a not 
sinning, not conflicting, &c. is all I can attain to. — 
I cannot reach to a Pisgah's view of the full enjoy- 
ment of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. I can- 
not conceive any thing about eithef the enjoyments, 


or employments of the inhabitants above. The 
eye of fjiilh is so dim, it cannot pierce within the 
veil. I cainiot converse with glorified saints and 
angels, as once I conld. I cannot fall prostrate at 
the feet of Jehovah, cast down my crown, and a- 
dore free, <lisfingiiishin^ grace ; I cannot gaze on the 
perfections of a holy, holy Lord God, as once I 
could ; nor conceive how I ever shall. I have not 
a lively sense how it will be far better to depart and 
be with Christ. I cannot get near him; a veil co- 
vers his lovely face ; and therefore my soul is not 
enamored with his beauty, as once it was. O, if he 
could graciously draw aside the veil, before I was 
aware, my sotil would be like the chariots of Amin- 
adab. One glimpse of my Lord and my God, and 
it is done in a moment. 

Jpril Ij. — Am 1 prepared for death and judg- 
ment ' A great question this ! INly soul, do not tri- 
fle in answerin;^. There will be no tritling before 
the judgment seat. Art thou ready to . ppear there, 
and give an account of all the deeds done in the bo- 
dy ? Of all the idle words that I have spoken, and 
of all the vain, vile, unbelieving, proud, iiypocritic- 
al, murmuring, atheistical thoughts, which have 
lodged in my heart ? IMy soid, art thou ready ? — 
Nay, but art thou this moment ready ? Say, Wilt 
thou go to the judgment scat, and there be tried by 
impartial justice ? I know thou wilt. But art thou 
willing, cheerfully willing to go ? Art lliou ready ? 
Say, art thou ready ? Is the gloriou:? ju^^ge thy 
friend, or is he not ? If not, remember thou must 
answer for all thy sins, in thy own person. Oh I 


cannot do that ; for then I am sure I must roar in 
hell forever ! No other sentence awaits me, but, De- 
part, ye accursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for 
the devil and his angels ! I am sure then I must be 
bound hand and foot, and cast into outer darkness, 
where shall be weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth : 
For I am an unprofitable servant. All my rags must 
fall off, and I shall be botli naked and speechless 
before the judgment seat ; a forlorn, odious specta- 
cle to men and angels. Well, how knov»est thou 
this will not be the case ? 

Friday morning, April 6. My soul, to the 

work of examination again. Hov/ knowest thou, 
that thou shalt not stand at Ihe left hand of Christ, 
at the great day ? Where is the foundation of thy 
hope of lifting up thy head with joy, before the bar 
of God ? How wilt thou look him in the face, whom 
thou hast so much abused ? Since in every thing I 
have offended, and in all come short of the glory of 
God ; justice m.ust and will be satisfied. Now thou 
canst trifle with justice, as well as every other at- 
tribute, as though God was altogether such as thy- 
self. But how wilt thou Ao then ? 

Saturday, April T. — My soul, be serious. What 
is the foundation of thy confidence, now so many 
of the evidences of grace are lost, or dim ; sq 
much pollution, yet tainting every thing I do ? 

Answer. This is all that emboldens me to look 
up. Sure God has enabled me to fly out of self, 
into the ark Christ Jesus. When I saw the flood 
of divine vengeance ready to drown my soul in e- 
ternal perdition : When I found no rest for the sola 


of my foot, I flew to Jesus, and he put forth his 
haiiv! and took me in; tOok me into union with him- 
self; became my surety ; appeased the wrath of an 
aniiy God. The flood abated, and he frowned no 
longer ; but spake peace and pardon ; entered into 
covenant with me, and I became his own. Ami 
now, though he make not my house to grow, yet, I 
know he has made wilh me an everlasting covenant, 
ordered in ail things and sure. And in this is all 
my hope and confidence ; for in that day God did 
clothe his returning prodigal with the best robe; — 
even the white and beautiful robe of the righteous- 
ness of Christ. And though, in myself, 1 am all 
deformity, all loathsome, more bo than the most of- 
fensive carrion ; yeA in that I am lovely, beautiful 
and complete. Yes, in Christ I am complete. I 
have (he word of God for it, that I am so. In that, 
I can face death in all its terrors, and lift up my 
head even at the judgment seat. Blessed be God, 
that he has accepted a vicarious satisfaction. O 
blessed be God, for that perfect righteousness, 
wrought out by Christ, and imputed to me, being 
received by faith alone ? 

Thursday morning, June 7. — Lord, overrule 
for thine own glory, both as to servants and child- 
ren.* Let me not take one step, but what shall in- 
deed be for thy glory, and their good. Incline still 

• Tins hr^s reference to the proposal and desire of blnck* 

i.d white children mcciing at licr liousc, for religious excrcis- 

^ .'ind instruction ; of wliicli some account lias been given in 

■e hiutun- of licr life. Here slic rccoids some of ficr own e\« 

^rciiics re*ij«cting it 


farther, or disincline, open a door, or shut it, as (o 
the means, as thou seest best. As to the heart, it is 
thou who openest, and no man can shut it. Lord, 
suffer not Satan to shut it by his insinuations, that 
I am about to train up a company of pharisaical hy- 
pocrites, like myself. O make the path of duty 
plain because of my enemies. Let me not take one 
wrong step. O guide me by thine unerring Spirit, 
and enable me to devote all the strength thou wilt 
give me to tliy service ; come forth and show my- 
self on the Lord's side ; neither afraid of man, nor 
ashamed to own Christ and his ways, before the 
world. O God, be with me. I know I am unwor- 
thy to be employed for thee ; unworthy to be own- 
ed and blessed. And if thou dealest with me ac- 
cording to my deserts, thou wilt fling back all my 
endeavors, as dung in my face; with a Who hath 
required these things at thy hands ? But I ask not 
acceptance or success, in my own name, or for my 
own sake ; but for thy glory, and for Christ's sake, 
revive thy work here. Rhode-Island sinners are 
capable of salvation. 

Lord^s day morning f June 10. — Integrity and 
uprightness, faith, love, zeal and humility, O God, 
for Christ's sake, bestow on me. And if thou wilt 
not permit me to build thee an house, or to build up 
thy cause, as I had thought ; I pray thee, strength- 
en and spirit me to the work, to which thou dost 
call me. Make me faithful : O God, make me faith- 
ful. And if thou wiit, prosper me any way, and en- 
able ^e to give Ihee the glory too, I will bless thee 
f^om tja,e inmost soul. O, if thou wilt but strip me 

JH)1 memoirs ov 

of pr'nlc, and enable me to renounce hateful self- 
ami set the crown on thy glorious head ; then I will 
rejoice indeed. O Lord, grant me humility, and 
never sufTer inc either to he slack in the Lord's 
work, or to run before I am sent. 

Thursdai/ morninir^ Juhj 19. — What a very fool 
I am ! I can tell servants, they are free from cares, 
l)ecau^e it is their masters part to provide, and 
theirs only to do their duty. And is not this the 
very case with me ? Am I not a servant to a better 
master than any earthly one ? A child to a better 
Father than the world affords, let them be as indul- 
gent as they will ? And yet I am caring and fearing. 
Poor, silly mortal ! Lord, forgive, and give me more 
grace, for Ciirist's sake. 

December 9. — God is dealing very graciously 
with me, with respect to temjiorald. We have an 
ample supply from day to day ; a prospect of clos- 
ing the year, with rejoicing in the goodness of God. 
Willi God, all things are not only possible, but infi- 
nilely easy. His grace is suflicicnt for me, to 
make me take deep root downward in humility, and 
grow upward, to the honor and glory of his great 
nume. He can yet glorify himself in nic. He can 
yet clothe me with humility, that dear, that beauti- 
fid garment, which, of all olhers, best becomes a 
( hristian. Lord, I find I am laid in the balance, 
iid found wanting every where. I have not yet 
attained in one point. I thank thee. Lord, that thou 
hast one only begotten and dearly beloved Son, in 
whom thou art ever well pleased.'! thrn!c tl^JB that 
lie is my surety. I thank thee that thoti hist ae* 


icepted of a vicarious satisfaction. O thanks be to 
God for an imputed righteousness, and that in it I 
may yet lift up my head and hope for pardon and 
acceptance with God. O thou holy God, make me 
holy too ; in my measure, perfect, as God is perfect. 
God, be merciful to me a sinner ! Turn thou me, 
and I shall be turned ; for thou art the Lord my 
God, though I am no more worthy to be called 

December 21. — Lord, make me in every respect 
as a little child, in thy lovely eye, and modest be 
fore men. And teach me to show all due respect 
to those who are without, as well as to thy saints. 
And O, may my affections to Jesus Christ, be as 
Mary's precious ointment poured out on his glori- 
ous head, which filled the whole house with itB 
sweet odour. O when shall I be humble in deed 
mid in truth ! O may my affections ever flow from 
a truly broken heart, as out of Mary's alabaster bro- 
ken box. And may penitential tears wash my dear 
Redeemer's feet ; and love divine, love to his holy 
person, and because much is forgiven me, constrain 
me to universal obedience. O for this best, this 
clearest evidence of the sincerity of my love. *' If 
ye love me, keep my commandments." O Lord, 
help. For thine honor's sake, he]*) me to over- 
come all that obstructs, let it be from wiihin, or 
without. O deliver me from sin and Satan, and the 
world ; and make me every thing thou wouldest 
hiwe me to be. And let me be accepted in the 
beloved alone. Yes, tor his sake alone. 

hordes dai/f December 23, O my precioufe 

A A . 


Christ, make nic as a lillle cliild, every way thou 
uouldcst lia\ e me to be so. O make my heart len- 
der, as one who is new born. O may I be easily 
bowed in spiritual tliini^s. IMay I be filled with 
sympathy, wlien I see others in distress ; weep 
with those who weep. And may I ever be easily 
won with kindness. O make and keep my heart 
always tender, with regard to the evil of sin ; apt 
to be alarmed at the appearance of moral evil. O 
preserve me from self confidence in engaging; spir- 
itual enemies. I^ut as a little child flies to its par- 
ents for help, so may I fly to Christ. Make me as 
a little chihl, afraid in the dark, and when far from 
home ; so make me sensible of spiritual dangers, 
jetdous of myself, full of fear, when I cannot see my 
way plain before me ; afraid to be left alone, to be 
at a distance from God. (Proverbs xxviii. 14.) — 
As a little ehild is afr.ud of superiors, apt to dread 
their anger, to tremble at their frowns, and threat- 
iiings, so let me with respect to God. As a little 
iiild approaches his superiors with awe, so may I 
vev approach to God wiih holy awe and rever- 
ence. O God, for Clirisl's sake, preserve me from 
a presumptuous boldness. Let thine excellency 
nrake me afraid, and thy dread fall upon me. Let 
no pretence to childlike freedom and boldness 
prompt me, a poor, sinful worm of tlie dust, to ap- 
[)roacb'God with less fear and reverence than the 
spotless and glorious angels do in heaven, wlio co- 
^ cr their faces before thy throne : Nor with less 
• vcrcncc than Elijah, that great prophet, who had 
^ muc''. \io\y familiarity with God. At a time of 


special nearness, even wlien he conversed with him 
in the mount, he wrapped his face in a mantle. — 
May I ever, with the publican, see my own vileness, 
smite upon my breast and cry, God be merciful to 
me a sinner ! Surely it becomes me, so sinful a 
creature as I am, to approach a holy God (although 
with faith, and without terror) yet with contrition 
and penitent shame and confusion of face. O God, 
deliver me from such a temper as is described be- 
low. For I do believe, as Mr. Edwards says, 
" That nothing can be invented, that is a greater 
absurdity, than a morose, hard, close, high spirlled, 
spiteful, true christian.""^ 

Januarij 4, 1765. 
THANKS be to God, who did appear for oiir 
help on New Year's day. Thirteen or fourteen of 
us met, though one of the severest days for cold, I 
ever knew. Five of us prayed. God assisted ; 
we found access to the throne of grace. Blessed 
be God, who has not j&i rejected us. O let this 
society be still regarded for Christ's sake alone ; — 
because Ave profess to be set apart for his honor and 
glory. Let us stand witnesses to the truth and 
faithfulness of that God, whom we profess to own 
and love, admire and adore, obey and submit to, as 

* Mrs. Osborn notes in the margin, tliat her thoughts and 
exercises, recorded from December 9, to this phice, were 
chiefly excited, she trusts by the Spirit of God, while reading 
President Edwards on Religious Aflections, with which she 
was much pleased, and calls <« A lovely piece." 

305 MF.MOIR9 OF 

o»ir only lord ami riiiliteous f^overeign. Gracious 
God, })eslo\v on us every day, 2;race sufficient for 
the iliiVy 1o our lalcst breath, that we may in the 
end, be more than concjuerors, through liimwhohas 
loved us, and siven himself for us who believe on 
him. And O, let there not be one unbeliever a- 
moncr us ; not one withered monument of thy dis- 
pleasure : But may we staud here as monuments of 
thy distinguishinc:, free, sovereij^n grace ; and to e- 
terni ly, monumental pillars in thy temple. Even 
so Father. 

[N. B. From this last date, January 4, 1705, 
to October 2, 1766, whicli is one year and nine 
montlis, Mrs. Osborn's diary, consisthig of a num- 
ber of volumes, is lost. These were not to be 
fouiul some time before slie died, of which she 
spake to lier friends ; but could not tell wliere, or 
by what means they were gone. — The Editor.] 

Thiirsdaij ?nor/n'«fir, October 2, 1766. 
GOD has again brought us to one of our appoint- 
ed seasons of prayer, O God, say not. Your new 
moons and appointed seasons, my soul hates : But 
for Christ's sake, condescend, this day, to impress 
upon our souls a deep sense of our sins. O that we 
may this day lie in the dust and bewail before God 
all our hypocrisy, all our formality aiul covctous- 
ncss, which is idolatry. Lord, humble us all (his 
day, and make us uprii^ht before thee, and grant 
UH that wisdom which i^ 4rom above. O help U'=i 
notoiilv to confess, but (o forsake sin tliis day. — 


Lord God, pour out thy spirit upon us, a spirit of 
liuniiiiatioii, prayer and supplication. O that thou 
wouldest rend the heavens, and come down, and 
cause all mountains that rise in our way of accesB 
and conformity to thee, to flow down at thy pre- 
sence. O excite our cries for thy church univer- 
sal ; for all Ihe world of sinners ; for thy ministers 
every where ; for our minister and church in parti- 
cular. Lord, have mercy upon us, and yet revive 
us, for Jesus Christ's sake. And let us, thy poor, 
unworthy handmaids, yet rejoice in thy salvation. 

And still permit me to feed thy lambs, and devote 
my whole life to the service of my God. In the 
Beloved let me be accepted : And thus let all thine 
be accepted. O be in the midst of us this day ! 
Say me not nay ; but come and sanctify us through- 
out. O make us holy, as God is holy. 

Saturday morning, November 8. — Lord, I be- 
seech thee, show me yet more and more of my p^^n 

vileness, for the suppression of my vile pride. ^ 

Shew me thy purity, and how far I am from being 
pure in thy sight. Shew me. Lord how everj^ 
thing I do is tainted with sin, all polluted, all defi- 
ciency ; and imperfections mixed every where. — 
Turn to what duty I will, and I find it-there, whe^ 
ther secret duties, public or private, social or rela- 
tive. I have nothing to plead before God : I can- 
not be clean in his sight. I fly from all, to the 
blood and righteousness of Christ ; and there I ivill 
stand and lift up my head, not only at the throne of 
grace, but even at the bar of God. There I can 

A A 2 


look tleall), judpcmen* and loiiii; clernity in the face 
wilhoul r.rnazenient ; yea, willi joy and transport. 

O blessed be Clod for the great, the glorious a- 
(oneuient, made hy tlie precious l)lood of Jesus 
Christ for ail the sins that lia\e attended my holy 
tilings! And for tlie sake of the c;rcal alonement a- 
lone, tliey shall he accepted, yea, meet with re- 
ward of Ecracr, notwithstanding all that Satan can 
say. The Ijord rebuke thee, Satan. I adore the 
grace whicli has enabled me, vile as I am, to feed 
the hungry and clothe the naked, destitute, father- 
less ones — to labor to supj)ort the gospel of Jesus 
Christ ; and to rciresli occasionally his dear minis- 
ter? and children. And I will plead for accepl- 
ain e for his own name's sake : For he has told me, 
A cup of (old water shall be accepted ; and those 
wiio give it in the name of a disciple or a propliet, 
sliall not lose their reward. And 1 will hope in the 
ru|icy and free grace of God for acceptance of my 
poor labors of love, in educating the poor, from 
year to year ; that 1 have been able to say, Silver 
and gold liave I none ; but such as F have give I 
Ihee. And the Lord seal inslruclion, and make 
those I have instructed a godly seed to serve the 
Tjord, and instruiuenls in his hand to piill down Sa- 
tan's kingdo.n ; when I can speak no more. 

The liord rebuke thee, Satan ; for by the grace 
of (iod I am what I am ; not such a useless crea- 
iiire as thou dost insinuate, though defded. Bless- 
ed lic God, for the testimony of my conscience, 
I hat in simpiicily and gotlly sincerity I have had 
'iiy conversation in this world renouncing evil, hat- 


ing covelousness, pride and unbelief; hating mur- 
murings, discontents, distrusts of providence and 
grace ; hating deceit, guile, sloth and hypocrisy ; 
yea, hating and groaning under the whole body of 
sin, and contrariety to God and his holy, precious 
law : And I do deliaht in it, after the inward man, 
and long for conformity to it ; yea, perfect confor- 
mity. And in the righteousness of Christ I am 
complete ; though not in my own ; Town it to be 
imperfect and defiled ; yei in the Beloved 1 am ac- 
cepted : And God helping me^ I will cling there, 
and vi'ith Job, I will hold my integrity, till I die. 
I am not wholly a hypocrite, though tainted with 
hypocrisy. The Lord rebuke thee, Satan, and ia 
his own time deliver me from thee. And he will 
do it : For he has said, I will never leave thee nor 
forsake thee. And he never will. O now let me 
boldly say. The Lord is my helper, and I will not 
fear. O my God, help me ! All my siiulciency is 
of thee. jMake me humble and make me thankful ; 
for I am thine forever. 

Thursdaij morning, January 29, \7Q7 . 
MY God, for Christ's sake, pardon my iniquity, 
my tenaciousness of my own opinion, the stubborn- 
ness of my will, when crossed, my pride. O my 
pride ! O my God, make me indeed willing to be 
nothing, that Christ may be all ; and to become all 
things to all, that I may win some. I pray thee, 
seal a pardon to me. 


The Lord rebuke thee, Satan f My God will 

ft)rLnve nie. If is not wor<h your while to ;j.2:gra- 

v:ile this sin ; for it is not l)eyon<i the reach of the 

blood and righteousness of Christ. I am but a- 

nions tlic chief of sinners, make the worst of me 

yon can; and for such Christ died. In the name 

of Christ, avoid ! And leave me to his mercy and 

boundless grace ; for where sin abounds, 2;race 

much more abounds: And he will crush thy \eno- 

mous head, though thou bruise liis heel, in afllkt- 

inc; his child. Blessed be God, I shall soon be 

made perfect in holiness, and iminediately pass into 

s^lory. My body, being still united to Christ, shall 

rest in its grave until the resurrection. Blessed be 

God, dcatli is near, Satan; and tlicn I shall be out 

of thy reach forever. Thou shalt not make me 

sin ; and then afflict me for sinning, any more. — 

Thou comest down in great wratii now, and art the 

perpetual disturber of my peace, because thou 

kuowest thy time is short. But rejoice not against 

me, O mv enemy ; for though I fall, I shall arise 

and obtain the victory forever, through Jesus Clirist 

my Lord. 

If thou hast foiled me, and caused my feet to 
slip, thou hast not healen me out of the field. I 
have not thrown down my arms against thee. My 
great captain is general and conunander of all the 
hosts in heaven and hell. He c\xn command you 
ail ; and he will defend me, let me be feeble as I 
will. 1)1 Jhe armour he has proviilc<l, I shall stand 
and fizht, ijll I die. I make no capitulation wiih 
thee; for 1 determine, by his grace, to fight (ill I 


die ; iaklng the whole armour of God, and putUng it 
on, that I may be able to stand against the wiles of 
the devil. How will I put it on ? — Why, by faith 
I will put it on, that I may be able to stand in the 
evil day: And having done all, to stand; stand in 
the strength of Christ, and see his salvation ; his 
victories and triumphs over all his enemies. And 
my soul shall rejoice, even mine ; having my loins 
girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate 
of righteousness, and my feet shod with the prepa- 
ration of the gospel of peace : Above all, taking the 
shield of faith, whereby I shall be able to quench 
all the fiery djtrts of the wicked. I will, God help- 
ing me, take the helmet of salvation, and the sword 
of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And by 
the help of his Spirit and grace, will pray always 
with all prayer, and supplication in the Spirit ; 
watching thereunto with all perseverance, and sup- 
plication for all saints, that they also may stand, 
and with me overcome at the last. And through 
God, we shall do valiantly, notwilhsfanding all thy 
vaunting ; for he it is who shall tread down all our 
enemies, and to him shall be all the glory aim] praise 
forever. Yes, at the Redeemer's feet we vejll cast 
down our crowns and palms of victory, and sing 
eternal hallelujahs. Salvation to God and the 
lamb, shall be all our song. 

Wednesday mornings April!, — O most glori- . 

ous God, thou secst my discouragements now. 

And sure I am, all my hopes will be dashed and 
come to nothing at all, and every soul of those 
who meet at my house, will be yet more hardened 


tliroiich the deceitfulness of sin, except tliou dost 
in infinite mercy take hold of tlieir hearts by thy 
Spii it ; I am but addinii; to their condemnation by 
all that I am doinc, making hard liearts harder, and 
})rMid eyes Ijjinder. O Lord, thou kno;vest they 
will, tlirough the malice of Salan, <lisJionor thee 
more than ever; be more averse to the ways and 
pe«)ple of God than ever, except thou dost turn 
them about by Almighty power. Lord, is thy 
hand shortened that it cannot save ? Are even ihe 
cliildren of Rhotie-Island out of the reach of sove- 
rei<ijn grace ? Shall goodly appearances all wear off 
and come to nought ? O that thou wouldest rend 
the heavens, and come down, and cause all moun- 
tains to flow down at thy presence! Thou canst 
stop these poor young creatures, in their mad ca- 
reer. Thou canst rescue them out of the paw of 
the lion of hell. O my Lor<l, O thoii self-sufficient 
being, I know thou sfandest it: need of none of us. 
Thou canst he forever happy, and thy throne forev- 
er spotless, though all Rhode-Island sinners should 
porisli. And I will, by grace, justify thee till I 
<lie, though no one soul should ever be profited 
hy me. 

Cut O my God, if it may consist with thy sove- 
reign pleasure, triumph over all my unworthiness, 
and make me an instrunu nt for good to these pre- 
< ious souls. () ruy God, will not glory redound lo 
Kather, Son, and Holy Ghost, if they shall be cre- 
aloil anew in Christ Jesus? If thine image is rc- 
.-lored, will they not be precious in thy sight ? O 
ti'ifiii who wast ever sclf-aioved to pity man, pity 


Rhode-Island now. I have nothinc; to plead but 
our miseiy, our poverty, and undone state, with- 
out thy sovereign grace and mercy. O thou, who 
spared not thine own Son, but freely delivered 
him up for sinners, yea the chief of sinners, have 
mercy on us, for the sake of Christ alone : For, it 
is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, 
that Christ Jesus died to save sinners, of whom 
we are chief. Hardened sinners, £>:ospel impeni- 
tent s, gospel despisers, old and young, rich and 
poor, bond and free ; Sabbath breakers, and what 
not. Lord, what not ! O let pure mercy plead on 
our behalf. Justice is satisfied in the deatii of tliy 
only, beloved Son, for the chief of sinners : Now 
let mercy plead, because of the full atonement. — 
Oh, because of the full atonement, let me lift up 
my guilty head, and plead for sovereign mercy, and 
boundless grace. O why should we go on harden- 
ed, impenitent and unreclaimed ? O my God, I 
would humbly bless thee, that some, I trust, are 
brought hoaie. O let it be as an earnest of a plen- 
tiful harvest. O get to thyself a great name here. 
Angels will rejoice and adore, and saints will bless 
thee. And thou hast said, Whoso offereth praise 
glorifieth thee. 

Thursday, April23. — It has pleased a righteous, 
holy, and good God, to lay his hand on me from 
Saturday aflernoon ; so that I have been unable to 
attend on either the black people, young women, 
lads, or school. Have kept my chamber from 
Lord's day ; attended with an ague in my face, 
much swoln, a fever, &c. And, blessed be God, 


A sweet ronfent, a resij^ned will ; some little a;llmpse 
o( hope lliat 1 might possibly go home. A sv. eet 
<.ili^faction in a settled belief, that, however poor, 
short-sij:htcd, ignorant mortals may, through frail- 
ly, have set their eyes too much on a worthless 
^vorm, God stands in no need of me. Whatever 
nfmite love and wisdom has devised, infinite power 
<vill eflect. I cannot cause a single word to do good 
to any one ; but God can do liis own work by whom 
t;r will. Blessed be his name, that does not de- 
jM^ul on so slender a thini:^ as my poor, feeble frame. 
1 hough that were dissolved, the Lord yet lives. 
Let this comfort me, and all my dear friends ; and 
.esi-ii us all to thy holy will. 

But, Lord, if it be thy pleasure to continue me 
in life, thy will be done. Then, evenliere do what 
tjiou wilt vrith me : Only glorify thyself in me ; on- 
ly make ihe path of duty plain to me, and I will, 
by grace, go in it. Whether thou dost call me to 
active or passive obedience, thy will be done. If 
the Lord hath no more for me to do, who am I, that 
I should contend? If it be his pleasure, I should 
yet serve him, and my generation according to hia 
wUl, h? will bring me back, restore heallh of body, 
and fortitude of mind, against Satan's wiles. He 
will kindle my love to him and his cause afresh. — 
He will of his ovrn sovcreij^n grace, grant me war- 
iiirr zeal to run the hea\enly road : For he is a 
fai'hful God. And he will clothe mo with that hu- 
miliJy, which shall, of his inlliiite grace, prevent 
ill- '.vork being marrtd in my woi tiiless hands. And 
glory hUull redound to Father, ^on and Holy Ghost, 

MA8. fiARiH OSBORN. iil4 

through tlic thanksgiving.s of many, on my be- 

And now I determine) by grace, cheerfully to go 
forth to the work) to which God shall call mc this 
day and evening, so far as God, with strength of 
body, and assistance of his Spiril, permit. Tliou 
knowesl that without thee I can do riothing. Only 
liclp me. Lord, and I will neither ilinch nor fear ; 
but work till I die. 

Tuesday mornings May 5. — Will God overrule 
for me on tljc morrow,* if I live, and clear my v/ay, 
and make \]\e path of duly plain before ine, as to 
staying at home, or going abroad. I would not be 
fie-t upon gratifying my appetite, nor upon the plea- 
sure in visiting friends. I would take pleasure on- 
ly in glorifying thee, at home or abroad ; in being 
resigned to thy glorious will, and honoring aii thy 
name. O let me but do this, and this shall be my 
darling pleasure. Here I will solace my soul, whe- 
ther sick or well, at home or abroad. Only sUU 
secure my darling, thy honor and glory, and Jt is 
enough. I have no other ciioicc <o iiiake. Indulge 

me then, my God antl Father in Chiist Jesus. 

Look upon the face of thine anointed, and granf .'le 
my ])etition and my request. Consider v;hat it is. 
It is only that thou mayest be glorified in me, in 
every the most minute circumstances in life, as well 
as the greatest. 

Permit me now hu nbly to adore thee wherein 
tliou hast done it, (hou glorious, victorious, trima- 

* Election day. 

B B 


|)lia]it Kinii of Zion, from tlie i\i\y of my espousals, 
amiiUt ten thousaiul inbred Iiisfs, trailers, serpents,- 
vipers, which have lift up tlieir heads and heels a- 
gainst thee, and sought my overthrow'. Yet thou 
hast preserved me, and my darling too, thine own 
honor and glory ; and hast not suffered n.e to wound 
ihat name, which tliou hast from the first, made 
dearer to mc than life. Yea, tliough through weak- 
ness and folly, and a thousand stratagems of Satan, 
I have risked it, y»?t thou hast preserved it. Ten 
ihousand times ten tliousand praises, my God, that 
ihy glory is what it is to thee ; that the cause is 
one, and the interest one. O I humbly bless thee, 
<hal thou didsl fiom tlie first moment in which I 
l^ecame thine, lay thy glory so near my heart, that 
it has ever since indeed been my darling, my de- 
light and joy, amidst ten thousand imperfections, 
and foiling by Satan and the world ; yet here thou 
hast kept me stedfastly determined, through grace, 
through Christ strengthening rne, 2'hat I will leave^ 
lose and dcni/ till that is dear lo me in life ; yea, 
iiud lifi itstlf looj if ever they stand in competi- 
(ion with thy glory. And here I am, after more 
than tliirly _> ears, still determined, by grace, to be 
for thee, and no other to my latest breath, and to all 
eternity. O grant mc strength from heaven to 
perform my vowjs. This is what I want. O strength- 
en mo wilh slrenj;fii in luy soul now, in the day I 
cry to thee. Behold thy worm, thy babe, thy 
weakliiig, and npiiold me by thine almighty arin. 

May 7. — O 1:1 v Lord and my God, preserve me 
from b'.'ing a ccnsurcr abroad, from prying into the 


•secret fallings of others, till my heart gets so wound- 
ed, that I know not what <o do. O that God will 
convince all his dear children, what is right, and 
what is wrong ; and rectify all that is contrary to 

lliy will in Iheni. O root out the monster sin. 

Lord, root it out, for Christ's sake, of my heart, as 
well as theirs. O could any one see the secret ini- 
quity, the secret covetousness, after all my watclr- 
ings and strivings against it, which thou, God, 
knowest, how would they be stumbled, and puzzled 
-to reconcile this with all my renunciations of the 
world, and all that is dear in life. And yet this I 
desire to do, thou, God, seest me. And I do hate 
all that opposes it. Thou knowest my secret groan • 
ings under the oppression of the enemy, which 
none but thou canst fully know. And thou art ac- 
quainted with all tlie secret groans of thy other 
children, which we cannot know. 

O then, let us make no other use of the know- 
ledge of the imperfections of our dear christian 
friends, but to bring them, with our own souls, to 
the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ, and plead for 
them, as well as ourselves, the atonement Christ 
has made ; bring them with our own ignorant souls, 
to him who teaches as man never taught, that eve- 
ry path of duty may be made straight and plain 
before them, as well as us, because of our enemies, 
our infernal enemies, who daily watcli for our halt- 
ing, and glory in our dishonoring God. 

O defeat them. Make them know we have an 
.almighty Friend, who will uphold us, Avho will not 
leave us to be the sport of doviN, and slaves to 

•^ir .MEMOIRS ny 

lust ; (hat v. e have a crloiiots King and Captain oi 
our salvalion, w ho will iji his o\\ n time, set his vic- 
torious foo/ on the hateful necks of our lusls and 
con uptici.s ; ami will l)reak the serpent's head ; and 
afier all, s^lorify hiuiself in us. O do it, dear Re- 
deemer, for a!l thihe, without except ion, as for my 
own soul. And hrinir ns all out from under the 
cloud*, which iinnc^ over our guilty heads: And let 
our ri^^hteousncss yet appear as the noon day, to 
tlie confn=!on of earth and liell, and to the honor 
and crlory of thy great name. O what wilt thou do 
for thy great name, if thy own children go on wound- 
hv^ iL ; and the more they are known, the more 
they are scrupled, whether they do indeed belong 
to thcc or not. Lord help ! Thou Iiast said, " The 
path of the just is as the sliining light, which shin- 
eth more and more to the perfect day." Amen ! — 
O let integrity and uprightness preserve us all our 
diu s ; for we have trusted in tliee. Let us never 
be ashamed. 

JuJij 17. — Blessed be God for refreshing show- 
ers upon the dry and thirsty cartli. And now the 
artillery of heaven is displaying, suppose the ar- 
rov. s of the Alaiighty shoidd drink up my spirits in 
an instant ; say, my sluggish soul, art thou ready 
to appear before Jehovah's awful bar ? Lord God 
thou knowest ; and I pray thee, let mc not be de- 
ceived, if I answer in the affirmative. Let me 
with joy lift up my head, if my redemption from 
^l^ is so near ; if this poor, mean clog, my feeble 
body, will interrupt communion with Cod no more. 
Adieu, my dear companion ! If it be the Lord';* 


will, I bixJ thee a cheerful adieu, till the morning 
of a glorious resurrection. I ask not a moment's 
reprieve, if it be my Lord's will to take me. O, 
if it might be his will to take me, ^nd grant me the 
open vision and full fruition of himself in glory ! 

But, my hasty soul, art thou ready ? Thou pol- 
luted, thou imperfect one, Dost thou know what a 
holy, sin-haling God he is, into whose presence thou 
wouldest hasten ? Whence this confidence of see- 
ing his face with joy ? Art thou ready ? Saj', Art 
thou indeed ready? Do not want to rush rs ahorse 

into the battle. Art thou ready T Alas ! all my 

works are imperfect, and unfinished ; and will re- 
main so, if I should live to the age of Methuselah ; 
Yea, an:l I shall add sin to sin, against my gracious 
God, till death does slop me. Not 1 ill then will 
my sanctification be complete. But Christ has fin- 
ished all the work his Father gave him to do. lie 
said. It is finished I The righteousuess he has 
wrought out is complete, and in him 1 stand com- 
plete. I have fled to it, I have laid hold on it ; — 
God has imputed it, and clolhed me with it ; and 
in it, I will cheerfully venture through death, and 
to the judgment seat : For there Christ will openly 
acknowledge me. I have confessed him before 
men, and he will confess me before his Father, and 
his holy angels. The law and justice of God uUl 
acquit me ; for it is magnified, and fully satisfied ; 
and there is no condemnation to ihem who are in 
Christ Jesus. He is able to keep me from falling, 
should God yet preserve me in this life, and to pre- 
sent me faultless before the throne of God. 

B B 2 

010 MEMOfRS 0> 

lit y soul, rest secure in liiin, whether in life or 
iii deaih. Reach after as threat degrees of confor- 
m'lly to the divine image, and resignation to his 
will, as can !)e attained below ; and hyc and bye 
ilod will take thee. Wait his time, that is the best 
of all. 

Salurrhnj ,,■<>, .tiugy J^tlij 10. — Thanks be to 
God for the refreshment of yesterday morning; and 
last evening, while dear friends were here. Thanks 
t)c to God for the continuance of rain upon the 
thirsty carlli. So water ine this morning, I pray 
tlico, hy thy blessed Spirit. O Lord, since it is 
thy Sovereign pleasure yet lo hold nie in life, I 
would delight to live, because it is thy will : And 
renew my petition for grace to live to thy glory here. 
And by grace, I will wait all the days of my ap- 
poiiiteil time, till my great change come. It is 
rtith submission I ask to depart; but encourage my 
importunity for grace sufficient for my day, I will 
withdraw IJic other request. Though I long to de- 
part and to be with Christ ; yet this I would leave 
wilh infinite wisdom; if it be expeilient for any that 
I abide in the body. But to what ejul should I live, 
if I live a cold, careless sinful life. Lord, how 
shall I glorify Ihee in life, if I remain so extreme 
unholy, so unlike to thee ! Ifl backslide yet more; 
play the harlot yet more: And my love to thee, 
and zeal for thy glory, and the good of j)recious 
immortals grow cold. O my God, shall I not thu« 
dishonor tliee, and harden others hearts against 
'thee I O, as Bure as God is in hearen, and I upon 
earth, PC pure I shall act t)ii?! treacherous part, if 


thou dost not stand by me, strengthen and uphold 
me. O my God, leave me not a moment ; lor ia 
that moment I fall. O help me to lay hold of thy 
strength, and never let thee go, till I do derive from 
that infinite fulness there is in Christ Jesus, grace 
sufficient for every moment of life. 

Monday mornings July 25, 176S. 

THE Lord look in mercy upon me now, every 
way broken by infirmities. None of my pov/ers 
are whole. And I think the imperfections of every 
mortal, that I have seen, disliked, and bemoaned 
before God, now all meet in me- And my greatest 
refreshment seems to arise from the benefits which 
believers receive from Christ at their death. 1 trust 
my eternal All is secure in him. My hopey of a 
speedy dissolution are in sonje degree, increased. 
x\nd in the full atonement and perfect righteousness 
of Christ alone, I lift up my guilty head. And if 
I escape out of time into eternity w^ithout wounding 
or sullying the declarative glory of God, I beg my 
friends will rather set apart a day of thanksgiving, 
than of mourning. Tune your harps, my dear 
souls, and rejoice with me. 

Wednesday morning, July 27 . — I have been 
very poorly, and unfit for every duty. The dis- 
order by w^hich I first lost my strength, followed 
me closely yesterday ; and I begin to be cheered 
wi(h hopes of taking my farewell to life. But may 
Ihe will of God be done. If I cannot be active, 
then let me be passive. Passive obedience will be 


accepted, through Jesus Christ my Lord. And if 
1 <aiinof do his will, let nie suffer it patiently ; and 
all the (lays of my appointed time, wait till my 
crreat chanice come. Only, my Lord and my God, 
keep me from the evil, and sanctify me through the 
Inith : Tliy word is truth. This petition is, and 
Jias heeii upon file. It is put up in the name of Je- 
sus. It is before thee. It is pal in, and was put 
in when kind access was granted ; wlien the golden 
sceptre was held out : I drew nigh, and touched 
the top : And tliou didst tell me, Whatsoever I ask 
in Jesus' name shall be granted. I cannot with- 
draw this petition, Lord, encourage me to rcfiew it, 
and believe tliat as sure as the enemies of Esther 
and her people, were slain ard caused to perish ; 
so sure will Jesus yet triumph over my cruel foes ; 
over my pride, l^liich, as liaman, would bear down 
all before it ; over my unbelief, sloth, sullen ill na- 
ture, ingratitude, covetousness ; and all that now 
press me down and vaunt over me, as a poor, des- 
picable outcast, for whgm, against the prevalcncy 
uf these daring lusts, tliereisno help in God, while 
1 1I\ e in this world. O God, confound their rage ; 
turn Satan back by the way he came : Put a bridle 
in his no^e. Tiiou knowest his blasphemy and 
rage against thee. Let him not pre^ail against me. 
I have trusted in thee ; and thou hast said, I shall 
never be confounded. Overrule for thine own glo- 
ry all that concerns me and mine, and all thine. — 
Make h\n and Satan know we have an almighty 
friend, who will not deliver w^ up to (he will of our 

MRS. BAR All OSBORl^. 322 

enemies ; but as he has glorified liis name in us, 
he will yet glorify it. 

[N. B. Mrs. Osborn wrote several volumes on 
the scriptures ; not as a critical commentator ; but 
in a devotional way, improving the passage upon 
which she meditated in application to herself, and 
rfo as to excite devout thoughts and exercises in ad- 
dressing God, and hearing him speak to her in his 
word. In this way she wrote on the book of Ge- 
nesis, and on the gospels of Matthew, Mark and 
Luke. The following are copied as specimens of 
her writings of this kind, to give an idea of the 
manner in which she meditated and wrote on the 
scriptures, which she found entertaining and profit- 
able to her : Which maj'-, perhaps, excite some c- 
thers to improve the Bible in the same manner, to 
their own advantage.] 

Wednesday mornings October 7, 1767* 
Matthew, xvi. 13, &c. 
MY glorious Lord, dost thou inquire. Whom do 
men say, that T, the Son of man am ? There 

14 indeed various. opinions of thee this day. — 
Some believe thee to be only as a great proph- 

15 et," who did not exist till time began, &c. But 
dost thou ask me, who I think thou art ? Lord, 

16 1 know iliou art Christ, the Son of the living 
God. Yep, from everlasting to everlasting thou 

art God, that great I AM, who art still the same. 
Let me hear thee pionounce (h^ blessing on me ; 


for flesh and blood did not reveal this to nic \ 
17 l)iit thy Fiitlier who is in lioaven, by his Spirit, 
for llio salvation of my poor soul. 
And on thee, as an eternal rock, are all my hope? 
of safety forever built : And I do believe the 
10 i^atcsof licll shall not finally prevail against nic, 
after tcD thousand attempts to overthrow my 
faith, yet this rock is my defence. 
I humbly bless thee for assurance from thy word, 
that what thy Peter and other apostles by their 

19 writinj;s bound on earth, is bound in heaven ; and 
what they have loosed on earth, is loosed in 


Is it thy will that 1 should keep secret the dis- 

20 coveries thou makest to me of thyself? Then 
show it to me clearly. Let me not be at a losa 

to know what is duty In this point : Tliat I may 
neither withhold, nor reveal, contrary to thy blessed 
will ; but always do the thin;;s that please thee, and 
by which thou wilt be glorilied in me, and by oth- 
ers too. 

My dear Redeemer, since thou hast suffered, ac- 
-1 cording to thy word, let me never be offended 

in a crucified Jesus, or any doctrines of his 
-2 cross ; or sufferini^s to be endured for tliy sake. 

Lord, let me never savor the things that be of 
-3 men ; flesh pleasing thinj^s ; and hereby merit 

thy sliarp rebukes : I5ut teach me to acquiesce 
n all the will of God ; all that is brought to pa*3 
'»y the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of 
^io<l, liowever contrary to flesh and blood. Lord, 
teach me effectually, to believe at all times, that m- 


finite wisdom knows best what is most for his own 
glory, and does all things well. 

And in whatever thou art pleased io call me to 

24 self-denial, I pray thee, grant me strength from 
heaven, that in every thing, without reserve, I 

25 may cheerfully take up my cross, and follow 
thee, never attempting to save my life, in a sin- 

26 ful way ; but joyfully lose it, rather than sin a- 
gainst thee, lose thee, and lose my own soul.^— . 

What shall all the world profit me, while bemoaning 
a lost God, a lost Christ, a lost heaven, and a lost 
soul ! Oh, in those circumstances, what would not 
a man give in exchange for his soul ! But alas ! No- 
thing is to be had as an equivalent ; nor will God 
accept of any thing in exchange for the redemption 
of the soul, when the only Saviour he has provid- 
ed for its redemption is denied and rejected : 

For when the Son of man shall come in the 

27 glory of his Father, with his holy angels, to re- 
ward every man according to his works, it wiil 

be forever too late for those out of him to find 

O Lord, set home by thine almighty power, these 
alarming considerations upon my own soul, for 
quickening, I pray thee ; that I may give all dili- 
gence in making my calling and election sure here ; 
and at last have a reward of pure free grace, ac- 
cording to my works ; though not /or Ihem. 

386 MKMoinsi OK 

November ;3, 1767. 
The xwlh Chapter o^ 3hitthew. 
Contents. — Tlie parable of the (en vinriiis^ 1 — 
l.'J. The parable of. Ihe taleiitsy \'i — '31. J de- 
scriplion of ihe datj of jud'^-ment. 
O THOU great searcher of hearts, I fly to thee 
to search and try nie now. I am one of tliese vir- 
gins Mho Iia\ e taken a lamp, ami am come forth 
1 to ihy ordinances, the ways of tliinc own ap- 
pointment, to meet tlie Bridegroom of precious 
'2 souls. Sliow me tlic truth noiv. Am I a wise, 
or am I a foolish one ^ Have I took my lamp 
•) without oil ^ Or have I the oil of iiue grace in 
my vessel with my lamp ? Have 1 my lamp, and 
1 my oil too ? O let me nol live at tlie least uncer- 
tainty. Arouse me out of my spiritual slumber. 
.t And vv i(h me, all professors ; for we all slumber 
..^^ and sleep. 
^ O arouse u:^ before the midnight cry comes, that 

6 we may now arise and trim our lamps, while oil 
is \o be had. Now let us scarcli our lamps, and 

7 see if they are likely, yea, if there is a possibil- 
ity tiiat Ihry will go out. O my Goil, let U3 

not be mistaken, till the day of grace is past. 
It will be in vain to ask wi:<c viriiins for part of 

8 their oil. Poor hearts! Though thou hast, of 
thy boundless grace bestowed a sufficiency on 

9 them, to keep their lamps l)urnin2f, they have 
none to spare : They cannot communicate one 

drop. I fly to thee ; thou hast a sufficiency ; yea, 
an all-sufficiency io till my lamp and vessel up to 
the hrliu. I cannot go forth to meet (hec without it ; 


my lamp will go out, and I shall be left in obscure 
darkness. I cannot go to buy, when I should have 
it to burn : I must have ic now. I know not how 
soon the cry will come, Go ye forth to meet him ; 
and then it will be loo lafe forever. Lord, pity me, 
and Avith me all who profess thee. I beg for others, 
as for my own soul, that we may not be found fool- 
ish virgins at last ; and while we are gone to 

10 buy, thou come, and those who are ready go in 
with thee, and the door be shut. 

O will it be thus with me? Tell me certainly by 

1 1 thy word and spirit. Is it possible I shall come 
at last, with a Lord, Lord open unto me ! And 

12 ilicu answer. Verily I know you not. Many 
have been deceived ; Loi-d, can it he that I 

should be so too! Here I am now. Lord, search 
me and try me, and discover wlial is the truth to 
me also. Dost Ihou liot know laa ? And do I know 
thee ? Speak, Lorti, by Ihy word and Spirit. Say 
to ine, I know thee by name, and will not reject 
thee. I will in no wise cast thee out. 

But O, let not me, nor any of thine, rest se- 

13 cure in past attainments, but all watcli. For 
we know noi the day, nor the hour wherein the 

14 Son of man cometh, to call to an account those 
to whom he has committed his goods. To one 

1.5 five talents, to another two, and to another one, 
to every one according to his ability. Glorious 

18 Lord, I have at least one. I pray thee s:iiTer 
me not to dig in the earth by car king c tres a- 

bout this lower world, and hide iy\y Lord's mo-iey, 

slothfully folding my hands, imagining 1 can do no- 

C c 


tiling^, because I have not strength and ability, of 
my own, basely and iinjirafefully, and falsely 
•2 I accusing thee with being an hard master, reap- 
ing where thou hast not sown, and gathering 
'2o where thou hast not strewed : And so, through 
cowardly fear and unbelief, hide my talent in 
f)ic eartli. 

True, hateful pride is ready to rise and rob God 
•)i" his glory, in every attempt to improve my ta- 
lent. But shall I, to prevent that, run to the otlier 
extreme, and hide my Lord's money ? Is not his 
grace sufficient for me ? O my God, guide, direct 
and protect me, even me. He who had fn e talents 
did improve ; he who liad two, did improve. It 
was by thy grace they did so. Say to me, even 
to me, My grace is sufficient for thee, and I Avill 
endeavor to improve also. O make me wise to 
know in what way I may best improve to thy honor 
and glory; wise to know times and seasons, and in 
what way. God does call me to improve. Art 
thou in thy providence lessening my opportunities 
ij] a social wa\'. Will God now guide and direct 
my pen. Let that be itnproved to the glory of him 
who has committed that talent to me. IMy pen is 
lliine, guide it for tliy own glory. And guide me 
iu the business of instructing little ones. O Lord, 
make me faithful there, to improve the talent thou 
hast committed to my charge ; and bear me up a- 
gainsl all di-icouragements. And make me to im- 
prove my talent for the good of my poor family. — 
O Irt me some way ; ye:», every way improve so, 
by ihy grace, that at last I may be able to lift up 


tny head with joy, and say, Lord, thou dcliveredst 
(o me — and behold, I have gained ! O, of thine in- 
finite grace, assisting me all the while, let me hear 
at last, a Well done, good and faithful servant ; 
and free grace shall forever be my song. 

Thou hast said, Unto him who hath shall be giy- 

29 en, and he shall have abundance. I humblj 
plead for more grace to exercise grace. 

Let me not at last be cast, with the unprofitable 

30 servant, into outer darkness ; where there shall 
be weeping and gnashing of teeth — nor any 

dear tome, by the bonds of nature or friendship. — 
? would beg for all, as for my own soul. Xjo fortii 
with me this day, and \ei my petitions be answered 
for the great Lntercessor's sake alone. Thanks be 
to God for the assistance of his Spirit with his 
word, which is indeed of use to direct us in prayer. 
Prepare me, Lord, for that grand and awful mo- 
ment, w"hen thou who hast taken on thee the 

31 human nature, shall come in thy glory, and all 
the hoJy angels with thee : And thou shalt sit 

32 on thy throne of glory ; and before thee shall 
be gathered all nations ; and thou shalt separate 

i33 them one from another, as a shepherd divideth 
his sheep from the goats. O then let me stand 
34 on thy right hand, aiid not on the left. O then, 
unworthy as I am in myself, \et me, of thy 
boundless, sovereign grace, hear thee bid me come 
— hear thee pronounce me blessed. of thy Father ; 
and called to inherit the kingdom, prepared for 
-thine from before the foundation of the world. WiU 
ihGU then remember, and mercifully arnrpt what 


poor, impf^rfert services f am now, hvthvown 
35 prare, ennlled to do to any of Ihine ? \\ lietlier 

to relieve the hunciry, tliirsty, stransrcr, naked, 
3G sick, or in prison.. Lord, it is so little I can 

do; and that little so jiolhitcd with the dread- 
ful nature of sin, that I dare not plead ?ny thine I 
liave done, or ever can do. Yet make me more 
than ever sii.cere, in aimin^r at doing as to thyself. 
Let love to thee be the motive and springof all my 
actions ; and then I shall never grudge my utmost 
to any of thine. 

O Lord, I beseech thee enlarjre my heart ; for 
J I a»n heart sick of ail I do. I fall so infinitely 

siiorf, that I may well cry out with astonish- 
ment at the thoughts of acceptance. Lord, when 
saw I thee, and did any kind offices to thee or thine ? 
Alas ! my poor, poor, little, little, is not Morthy of 
notice : Yet, wilt thou, of tliy free grace, say tons 

at last, In as much as ye have done it unto one 
40 of the least of these my brethren, ye have done 

it unto me. O amazing condescension and good- 
ness ! And thine shall be the glory forever. Only 
lot me now own and honor tliec more before men, 
than ever 1 have done, and clicerfuUy depend ou 
thy gracious acceptance, and owning me at the 
last day. 

And, Lord, have mercy on those wlio will not 
own thee, or thine, or do as thou hast ccramandcd. 
Bring them into subjection to thyself now, Lest they 

hear the dire anathema, Depart from me ye 
II ( iirsed into everlasting fire, prepared for the 

Devil and his angels. O let not poor souls b'^ 


44 deceived by their ^acts of charity, while they 
proceed from self-love only, or grudge to do for 

45 the relief of thine here, and be discovered by 
thee, and sent away into everlasting punish- 

46 ment ; while the righteous shall go into life e- 

c 2 


Tlie Conclusion of her Life. 

J HE bodily infirmities of 3Trs. Oshorn increased 
so nuicli ; and her ejesight failed lo such a degree 
for above Iwenty years of Ihe last part of her life, 
and her whole bodily frame was so weakened and 
worn out, that she was obliged to give up her 
school, and was not able to do any thing to support 
herself. And as she had nothing laid up to live up- 
on, she was wholly dependent on Divine Providence 
and her friends for daily supplies, during the whole 
of this time ; and was, the greatest part of if, con- 
fined to her room. This was in many respects the 
happiest part of her life. She was free from world- 
ly anxiety and care. She enjoyed a calmness and 
serenity of mind, the attendant of resignation to God, 
and humble trust and confidence in Jiim, contented 
witli the allotments of Divine Provitienco, seeing 
the hand of God in every thing which took place — 
< onstantly thankful to him for the mercies she was 
daily and every hour receiving — full of gratitude 
to those whom God inclined to show kii.dness to 
her — spending the chief of her time and strength in 
devotion, in contemplating the divine j)crfections 
manifested in hi-j works of creation and providence, 

•id in his word — adoring and praising the Father, 


Son, and Holy Ghost, praying to him for the churcli 
and the world ; for her acquaintance, relatione, 
friends, benefactors, and for herself; with constant, 
humble confession of unworthiness, aggravated sins, 
and depravity of heart, making the daily occurren- 
ces respecting herself, and others, the matter of 
prayer and praise. 

She enjoyed an almost unintenupted assurance 
of her interest in the divine favor through Jesus 
Christ, and longed to be perfectly holy. The 
thought of dying was pleasing to her : — And 
when any particular disorder, or pain of body, came 
upon her, which seemed to indicate a speedy disso- 
lution, it would commonly give a spring to her mind 
and excite pleasure and joy. Thus she appeared 
in this last part of her life in a measure to enjoy the 
happy consequence and reward, of the sore trials, 
labors and conflicts, through which she had passed 
in former years. Something of whicli the reader 
has seen in that part of her diary which has been 

Mrs. Osborn often said to her friends in this time, 
that she considered her situation and circumstances 
in life, to be the best for her ; and that she knew of 
none, with whom she could wish to exchange out- 
ward circumstances, were it left to her option.-^- 
She expressed a particular satisfaction in living sen- 
sibly dependent on the providence of God, for dai- 
ly supplies for the body, living with God by the 
day, as she used to express it, having no store of 
her own, and not able to do any thing to supply her 
returning wants, and not knowing how and by whom 


fliev woiiM be supplied, till it was sent in to her, 
coniniojily in ways, and by persons not thought of 
by her. This was suited to excite a constant sense 
of her dependence on God for daily and hourly sup- 
plies, and the exercise of trust in him, and constant 
application to liini, antl acknowledgement and ad- 
miration of his goodness in supplying her wants, 
hi a way an«l at times suited to discover his hand 
and particular care of her and to excite her grati 
tude to Jier friends, and prayers for them, who 
sent or brought to her the things she wanted. 

In this manner she lived more ihan twenty years, 
and often declared to her friends that her-daily wants 
were fully supplied, and that she was never desti- 
tute of the necessaries of life, and commonly had a 
fidness, and often abounded. Her wants were not 
great. She stood in need of daily food, washing, 
candle light, fire wood, and €ome clothing and mo- 
ney to pay the rent of her house, which was five 
dollars every three months. All these wants were 
constantly supplied, while no particular person was 
engaged to do it ; bo that she had none to depend 
upon but God. While the British had possession 
of Rhode-Island in the time of the war, which was 
near three years, the inhabitants of Newport were 
driven to great straights, by tlie scarcity of provis- 
ion, fuel, tkc. and many suffered to a great degree. 
Mrs. Osborn lived in a great degree of quiet, and 
had a constant supply of the necessaries of life ; 
and received no abuse from the British officers or 
soldiers, as most others did. Though a number of 
soldiers were quartered near the house in which she 


lived, none were obtruded on her, as they were on 
others. And as to those who were quartered near 
her ; it was remarked by her and others, that they 
made less disturbance and noise, than they did else- 
where ; and were particularly careful not to do any 
thing on the Sabbath to disturb that frood woman^ 
as they called her. And they took care to avoid 
all profane words when near her. Which she used 
to mention afterwards to her friends, as a remarlca- 
ble instance of the tender care and protection of 

In the 3'ear 177 S, while the British soldiers had 
possession of Newport, Mr. Osborn, her husband, 
died ; and a grand daughter of his, with her Iius- 
band, who lived in lier house, on whom she had 
some dependence for protection and assistance, 
moved into the country, by which she appeared 
more destitute and exposed, than before, being left 

In this time of particular danger and trial, Mrs. 
Mason, a person who gave good evidence that she 
was a real friend to Christ, and to his followers, 
manifested peculiar friendship and generosity to- 
Avards her, b}^ her constant attention to her, and sup- 
plying many of her wants ; and continued her spe- 
cial kindness in ministering to her as long as she 
(Mrs. Mason) lived, which she did till March, 1792. 
Mrs. Orsborn often said, that Mrs. Mason never 
failed her in one instance, as a peculiar friend and 
constant benefactor, to the day of her death. We 
have no reason to doubt that they, both the giver 
and the receiver, are peculiarly happy together now: 


and that the former is rewarded a thousand fold for 
all her kindness to the latter, as a dear disciple of 
Jesus Christ. Others have distinguished them- 
selves in their kindness to IMrs. Osborn in minister- 
ing to her, whom it is improper to mention, as they 
are yet alive. We have the pleasure of being as- 
sured that they, and all who have ministered to her, 
because she hdonged to Christ, will have an ample 
reward at the resurrection of the just. 

There was something peculiar and extraordinary 
in her beino; able punctually to pay tiie rent of her 
Louse in this time, which is worthy of particular 
mention. Siie depended Avholly upon the unsoli- 
cited benefactions of her friends for this, as she did 
for her daily support. And no one was engaged to 
assist her in doing this, or to take any care about it. 
She had therefore no particidar person to look to 
for it, or to make up -duy deficiency by which she 
should be unable to pay what was due at the end 
of each quarter. It was therefore a very precari- 
ous matter, to human appearance, whether, Avhen 
ahe had paid the rejit of one quarter, she should 
ever be able to pay another. She could not con- 
jecture from whence it would come, as she had none 
to look to for it but that God, whose is the world, 
and the fulness thereof. Her intimate friends were 
homelimes concerned for her, when lier quarter was 
near at an end, and she had received but part of 
the five dollars which would be soon due, and 
there was a great scarcity of money, and all ap- 
pearances that she would not be able to pay. — 
AVlieii this was suggested to her, she Mould replj 



Dearly in tlie following words. " I desire to be 
thankful to God, I do not feel in ihe least anxious 
about it. I do not doubt of my having the whole of 
the money at the time in which it will be due, or 
near it. God has given me a constant and earnest 
desire to do justice, and pay when any thing is due. 
This is a just debt, and God has been pleased 
hitherto to gratify me by enabling me to pay, when 
it is due ', and I believe he will still continue to do 
it. Perhaps I shall not live to the end of the quar- 
ter. I shall then leave enough to pay this debt. — 
I desire to leave it with God." She generally had 
the money in her hand by the time it was due, and 
never failed being able to pay with punctuality. — 
She frequently did not receive much, if any part of 
the money, till just before the quarter was ended, 
and knew not from whom, or from whence it would 
come ; yet before the time to pay came, as much as 
was nececessary to answer her end at that time, 
would be brought or sent to her, by persons who 
knew nothing of her present strait. And it was of- 
ten sent by persons who lived at a distance, which 
would come to her just at the time in which it was 
wanted. She had money sent her from Quebec, 
from the West Indies, and from various parts of 
the United States. 

This is related as a remarkable instance of bum- 
ble trust in God, and resignation and acquiescence 
in his will ; and of the tender care and faithfulness 
of God, and loving kindness towards one devoted to 
his service, "and trusting in his promises : And that 
it may serve as an example and encouragement to 


all, to " trust in the Lor(], at all times, anil pour out 
their hearts before him." 

Mrs. Osborn was, in the last twenty years of her 
life, stripped, by dezrces, and deprived of many 
privilc;:yes and enjoyments, whicli to her had been 
very threat and precious. She had esteemed pub- 
lic worship, attendiniT on the preaching of the gos- 
pel and public in.-5titution><, as far more desirable and 
imj)oiiant than all worldly good, in attending on 
which she had great enjoyment. But her bodily 
infirmities were so great and increasing:, that for 
near twenty years she was unai^Ie to attend public 
worship. Her eyes failed her io such a degree, 
that she was obliged to lay by her pen, not being a- 
hle to write any tiling considerable, which she had 
lone before tliis with great pleasure and profit to 
Herself, liavrng written more than fifty volumes, the 
least containing near 100 pages, tlic bigger part a- 
bove 200, and a number iiOO, and more, besides let- 
ters to her friends, and other occasi<>nal writing. — 
The failure of her sight also d<ipri\ed her of the 
pleasuic and piofii o{ read ingr ; eBpeciailj of mul- 
inc; ilie Bible, which she had before daily j>e!used 
with great pleasure and advantage. She had the 
Bible, hideed, read to her daily ; which she con«» 
sidcrcd as an unspeakable favor. But this did not 
c(pia! the privilege of being able to have access to 
it, at all times, and on every particular occasion. — 
Bui she paid such attention to the Bible, read it so 
much, and so treasured it up in her memory, while 
she roidd reati, that she fo.ind great pleasure and 
benefit in being able to recollect so much of it, when 


she was not able to reail ; which she (lequenily 
mentioned to her friends, as malter of thankfulness. 
The religious meetings in the room where she 
lived, which have been mentioned, of the church, 
of the female society, and occasional meetings for 
prayer of a number of professors of religion, which, 
she considered as a great privilege, were continued 
as long as she was able to bear them, partly for her 
sake. But at length her infirmities were so great 
Ihat she was obliged to relinquish this enjoyment. 
And she became so weak that she could not bear 
lengthy visits of her friends, in which slie used to 
take a peculiar pleasure. Her most intimate friends 
could only have short interviev/s with her at difTer- 
ent times. But while she found herself thus de- 
prived of these privileges and her precious enjoy- 
ments, one after another, s'le remained cai'ii and re- 
signed in a sense of her unworthiness of them, and 
desert of infiiiitely greater evils ; and constantly 
expressed her thankfulness for the privileges and 
favors she yet enjoyed ; particidaiiy that God had 
not taken himself from her ; but indulged her with 
such a degree of free access to him, and such en,- 
joyment of him in views of his glorious perfections 
and works, especially his love and grace in the ^]o-« 
rious work of redemption, which more than made up 
for all that was taken from her. She enjoyed the 
almost uninterrupted light of God's countenance, 
and spent most of her time and strength in devo- 
tion, in prayer and praise, in which she had un- 
speakable delight, and a rich foretaste of heaven. 
She used to say, she liad learned to consider and 

D D 


{lold her nearest friends, as well as all worldly en- 
(oyinenls, as a cloak or loose garjiicnl, which she 
was ready to have faken off and laid aside, whenev- 
er there was occasion for if. 

Some years before her death, she said to her 
friends, she thought the time was now come for 
them, and all who knew her, to be quite willing that 
she should leave the world ; for she was become 
useless in all respects, and only a charge and 
burden to those by whom lier bodily wants were 
f^iipplicd. She was told, that all her friends desir- 
ed that her life might be yet continued, if consistent 
with the divine will, as she was far from being use- 
Jess, as we had her prayers for her friends ; for the 
church and congregation to which she belonged ; 
for all the people and churches of Christ, and his 
interest and kingdom in the world, 6i.c. And when 
her acquaintance, and, particularly, the congrega- 
tion of which she was a member, thought of her, as 
being alive in lier room, which probably most of 
them often did, it was attended with an idea and 
feeling, which tended to their good, and which they 
could not have, if she were not in the world. And 
as to those who Fuinistered to her support and com- 
fort, they enjoyed a privilege and satisfaction in it, 
in«:tead of its being an undesirable burden, which 
they could not have, if slie were not here in just 
such circumstances. And they who did this to her, 
because she belonged \o Christ, had opportunity 
hereby to exercise christian charity, and express 
their love to Christ, for all which they would be a- 
bundantly rewartlcd in his eternal kingdom. Her 


reply was to this purpose : "If this be so, and I can 
be in any respect and degree usefnl in my situation 
and circumstances, I am willing lo continue in the 
body ; but to depart and be with Christ is far bet- 
ter. I desire to leave it all with God, and am Avill- 
ing to live or die, just as lie pleases." 

Some months before her decease her disorders of 
body appeared to increase ; her strength failed her 
more and more, and she became dropsical, and was 
at times in great distress for want of breath. She 
considered herself as now soon going ho}ne, as she 
expressed it, and wished for patience to wait till the 
appointed time of her departure should come, and 
to bear whatever bodily distress God was pleased 
io lay upon her. She desired her friends to pray 
for her, that she might have failh and patience to 
the end of life, and, in no respect, conduct so as to 
be a disgi.-ce to the religion which she professed, 
and put her christian friends to shame on her ac- 
count : But that she might glorify God, and speak, 
and conduct worthy of her high and holy calling, 
to her last breath. 

In a sketch of Mrs. Osborn's character, inserted 
in the Theological Magazine, No. 1. Vol. II. is the 
following paragraph, written by one who visited her 
often in her last sickness. 

" As she drew near the close of life, she v/as a 
proof of the strength and hope of the righteous ; 
was an instance of the mysterious example of flour- 
ishing virtue, with the decays of nature : Of satis- 
faction in the prospect of future good, when from 
the world she could derive no pleasure. My phy- 

sii'ian,*' slio said, *' has serionslv intimated, that I 
cannot li\o lone ; hut T am not alarmed. T^nless 
njy heart deceive me, and the Ik art is deceitful a- 
boic all thi)i<T>^\ and desperately wicked ; but un- 
less mine p^rrutli/ decei^ e me, I have no reason to 
he apprelien^ivc for the future slate. It appears 
to !)c tlie will of God tliat I slioidd go hence. I 
ought to submit to hU will, and I do, with cheer- 
fulness. May his will be done." In another sea- 
son, she said, *' The (rials of my situation are great; 
to be in want of breath, is very distressing; pray 
for me, that I may liave palJcnre and resignation : 
I desire liiem above nil (iiincr^. O pray for me that, 
in these last Iiours of my life, I may not cause you 
all to blush that I have professed Christianity." It 
being reiiiarkcd, that God was faithful, and would 
never forsake those who had loved and served him. 
" Yes," she replied, " I know, by exper>jnce, that 
he IS a faithful covenant keeping God, and lie will 
jievcr kave those who love and serve hinr) ; tliough 
v.ilhout his grace I should immediately sink, and 
my R ind be fjjlrd witli darkness and repining." In 
this temper of humility and reliance on God, she 
continued, and gave no sign of impatience, more 
than savin;:, a day or two hefore hor death, when 
fihe lieard the bell toll, tliat somebody had got the 
Ktart of her." 

She continued to sink by degrees, till affcr a dis- 
tressing turn, she appeared nir)ro comfortable, and 
tliey who attended her, helped her to lie down, at 
her desire, Imping she might r;cl some rest and 

lileej». T'lrv" IcO hrv for :i f^w fjiliiii :r>;- Mud \i I'vn 



they returned, Ihey found her breath was gone, and 
she a lifeless corpse ! Thus she left the world, and 
passed that death which she had so often and so 
long desired, calm and serene, without the least per- 
ceivable struggle or groan, and, we doubt not, en- 
tered into that rest to which the righteous go, oa 
the 2d day of August, ITOe, in the 83d year of her 
age. Her funeral was attended on the 4th day of 
August, by an uncommon concourse of people. — 
The corpse was carried into the meeting-house, and 
a funeral sermon was preached, from Ephes. iv. 1« 
/ therefore^ the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you, 
that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye 
are called. 

THESE Memoirs will be concluded hy men- 
tioning a number of particulars of her christian cha- 
racter, in which Mrs. Osborn was eminent, and 
T^^orthy of imitation, which have been in some mea- 
sure brought into view in the foregoing narrative, 
and the extracts from her diary ; and appear in a 
more clear and striking light to those who have pe- 
rused the whole of her writings, or had w particular 
and intimate acquaintance with her. 

She was sensibly and strongly devoted to tiie 
glory of God, and conscientiously sought to honor 
him in all her ways. She was tenderly concerned, 
and careful to do and say nothing which had the 
least perceivable tendency to dishonor him, and 
constantly ivatched against every thing of that kind. 
She desired nothing for herself or others, and that 

313 MEMOlttS OK 

nolhinj^ mizht take placr, but what was consistent 
Avitli the highest display of the divine glory ; and 
it was matter of constant joy to her, that God was 
able and would secure his own honor, and make the 
brightest nianifcstalion of hh own ghiiious perfec- 
tions ; and would sulFer nothing to take place but 
that wliich should be for his glory; and therefore 
would cause even those things and events, which, 
in themselves appeared to have a tendency to the 
contrary, to be the occasion of a mere clear disco- 
very of his most amiable and glorious character. — 
She had an affecting and strong abhorrence of eve- 
ry thing wliich she saw in herself, even all moral 
depravity ; and which appeared in others, as hav- 
ing a tendency to dishonor God. This was a con- 
slant source of grief and trouble to her. By this 
she manifested a high degree of disinterested, bene- 
volent love to God, and was more conformed than 
m()-;t professini; christians appear to be, to that a- 
postolic injunction. *' ^\ hether therefore ye eat 
or drink, or whatsoe^ er } e do, do all to the glory 
of God." 

IJer love to God, and benevolence to mankind 
led lier greatly to desire the prosperity and ad- 
vancement of the interest an 1 kingdom of Christ in 
the world, and the salvation of men. For this she 
prayed, and rejoi( ed when she found others enga- 
ged and united in this, and when there was any ap- 
pearance of the revival of religion, and of the con- 
version of sinners, or heard of any thing of this kind 
in dislant pl.ices. She earnestly sought the salva- 
tion and temporal good of all whom she knew, and 

MRS. SAftAH OSfiORN. 344 

with whom she had any conneclion ; and their cir- 
cumstances, and the events respecting tiiem, wheth- 
er prosperous or adverse, affected her, which con- 
stantly afforded her matter of prayer and praise, 
while she endeavored to conduct towards all, and 
treat them so in all respects as to recommend reli-- 
gion to them, and persuade theai to embrace and 
practice it. 

She practiced secret devotions at stuped times, 
unless prevented by some unavoidable interruption; 
in w^hich she spent consideral^le tiine every ihy, in 
reading the Bible, s'^rious meditation and praj'er, in 
w^hich she had^' especially at times, great enlarge- 
ment and delight. And w^hen she had no sensible 
access to God, she could have but little comfort 
and enjoyment in any thing. Her mind was fre- 
quently and almost constantly exercised in devo- 
tion by pious ejaculations, when in company, or at- 
tending to her daily business. 

She w^as a great friend to family religion, to have 
some portion of the Bible read, and prayer attend- 
ed in the family, in the m.orning and evening ; and 
took care to have all her family present, and that 
they should behave with decency. And when no 
man was present, she thought it her duty to pray 
with her family herself. 

She had a great veneration and love for the chris- 
tian Sabbath, and public v/orship. This was a high 
day with her ; and she commonly had great enjoy- 
ment in attending public prayers?, singing, and hear- 
ing the word preached ; and especially in attend- 
ing the Lord's Supper ; for which she was careful 

l^4C) MEMOIR 8 Oh 

and solemn in preparations, and self-examinaliou. — 
She used to recollect the parlicular Iieads of the 
puljiic dIs(^ourses for her own improveiuenl in her 
retirement, and often cojumilted the/n to writing, 
with her rejections on them. She was careful to 
prepare for the SabbalJi, b}' orderinc; her rafuily af- 
fairs so as not to be led by ihem to intrude upon 
the Sabbath, or be any disturbance to her devo- 
tiojis. And after she was conlincd, and could not 
attend public worship, she took special care not to 
attend to any thing on the day before the Sabbath, 
wliich mi:i;;ht in any respect unfit her for the private 
duties of the Sabballi, wishin*; to reserve all her 
strenjrth of body and mind for the exercises Of that 
hicrh day. And though she could not enjoy bodily 
attendance on public worsliip ; yet in her spirit she 
was present with the worshipping assemblies of 
christians ; especially with that to which she had a 
more particular reltlion, so as to have a pectdiar 
enjoyment in her attending to tliem, and joining with 
fhern in her mental exercises. In this respect she 
rercived greal beneiil by public worship, and doubt- 
less had more benefit and enjoyment frojn it, than 
many, if not the most, received, wlio were allowed 
to attend constantly. She was so incpiisitive to 
know v/hat were the subjects of the public discours- 
es, that she would be informed what they were to 
be, before they were delivered, or soon after, and 
she would attend to them, and so feast upon tlic 
truilis conlained in tliem, that her entertainment and 
protit by thrm appeared far to exceed that which 
most who bcaid llitm in public obtained. 


The followlna; extract of a letter which slie wrote 
to a friend, is inserted here, as an illustration of the 
above. Speaking of her being deprived of the en- 
joyment of public worship, by bodily infirmity, she 
said, " My Lord's days' enjoyments, since my 
confinement, have been better felt than expressed. 
Perhaps my exercises never were liiglicr, when 
worshipping in God's own house, nor even at the 
Redeemer's table : Never felt a dearer union with 
the people of God ; that oneness whicli cannot be 
expressed. Nor had stronger desires excited by 
the Spirit of God for Zion's prosperity ; and the 
destruction of sin and Satan, and advancement of 
Christ's cause and kingdom : Nor stronger desires 
to help my dear minister while he was engaged in 
the Lord's work ; to be permitted to hold up his 
hands, that Amaiek may not prevail, but the work 
of the Lord prosper in his hands. The sweet de- 
light I have in realizing that the dear sheep and 
lambs of Christ's fold are feeding on the gospel 
dainties, is not easily described, I am indeed a 
partaker with them, though absent in body. And 
God so blesseth something repealed to me from the 
sermons, that I retain and feed more on the pre- 
cious truths all the week, than I have been able to 
retain, when I have heard the whole. Thus, be- 
cause akin to the glorious Jesus, I dwell in Goshen 
though not in the King's court, or at his table. — 
And dare I be restless and complain, because I 
cannot go out ? No, no ! The will of the Lord bo 
done. I stand amazed at his gentle dealings with 
nnoh a monster of iniquity '" 


She was not talkative, ye\ affable and pleasant in 
conversation, and when in company with her friends 
and acquaintance, she Iiad an aversion to vain, tri- 
fling conversation. And if at any time it took place, 
slie would generally attempt to divert it to some- 
tliing serious anil profitable. If in any instance she 
nejilected this, and in any degree joined with them, 
and spoke any <hing which on reflection she thought 
to ])c too light and unprofitable, she would with sor- 
rov/ condemn and humble herself before God. Her 
chief enjoyment in company was with her christian 
friends ; and when she was with them and little or 
no religious conversation took place, it would be 
matter of grief, shame and lamentation to her. Few- 
have their tongues so much under a bridle, as she 
had ; yet she often lamented that it was not more 

She had a deep, abiding, and increasing convic- 
tion and sense of the evil of sin, as being enmily a- 
gainst God, and all that is truly good ; and of the 
exceeding depravity and wickedness of her own 
heart, and (tit herself wholly undone and lost, if 
left to herself; that she deserved to be cast off and 
made miserable forever, and that God would be 
most just in casting her into endless destruction ; 
that she dependeil wholly for salvation on the sove- 
reign mercy of Him, who has mercy on whom he 
will have mercy ; that a heart to embrace the gos- 
jiel, and evry degree of right ex^^rcise of heart was 
the gift of (jod, of which she was infinitely nnwor- 
'liy; and that she depended on the same sovereign 
-Trace for the i:ontinuajice in tJie exercise of grace ; 


to he kept fioni falling, and fo be made perfect in 
lioliness. She therefore trnsted in Christ alone as 
}ier redeemer and sanctificr. He was infinitely ho- 
norable, excellent and precious in her sight, on 
whose atonement, merit, righleousness, wisdom and 
power she relied, as every way sufficient for her 
pardon and complete salvation. This is abundant- 
ly expressed in her diary. She felt the power of 
these truths to form her to a v.illing obedience to 
Christ, and earnestly to desire perfect conformity 
to the holy lav.- of God, and his moral image and 
character, knowing that she could not be complete- 
ly happj' til! she awaked in tlie likeness of Christ. 

She highly esteemed those who appeared the 
(rue ministers of the gospel, for their work's sake, 
and was liberal in her contributions for the support 
of public worship and the preaching of the gospel, 
knowing it was ordained by Christ, that they who 
preach the gospel, should live of the gospel. It is 
known that in this matter she Avas willing to her 
pov>'er, and even beyond it ; and that she often gave 
more to this end, than many wealthy persons of the 
same congregation. And she used her influence to 
excite others to contribute. And when she was 
wholly dependent on her friends for a support, and 
unable to attend public worship, if she had more 
given to her than she wanted for her present sup- 
ply and comfort, she would give apart of it for the 
support of the gospel ; and w^ould say, she presum- 
ed her friends who kindly ministered for the sup- 
ply of her wants would be willing that she shoidd 
have the satisfaction of contribuling her two mites 


lor ihc support of the gospel ministry, when she 
havl any (hin:^ to spare. 

Mrs. Osborn had an uncommon concern to do 
justice to all with whom rIic had any dealings, in all 
respects, both in the sight of men, and before God. 
In this she was conscienlious, and constantly exer- 
< iscd herself with great care and circumspection to 
have a conscience void of oiTence towards men, al- 
ways keeping what she called tlie golden rule in her 
view, desiring to do to others, as blie would they 
should do to her. This apponrs in a clear and 
striking light in her diary. 

And she not only did justice, but loved mercy, 
^he gladly embraced every opportunity to relieve 
the wants and distresses of others, when in her pow- 
er, and would often run ventures, and strip herself 
of what she really wiintcd, \o reli :ve others who 
appeared to her to be in greater want. AVhen she 
was dependent on olbers for support, and slie had 
any thiui;: in her hand which she could spaie, she 
took de!ij:ht in relieving the poor in distress, know- 
in j; \h\\\ her benef;ic'ors were v.illiug she should en- 
joy this pleasure, which was much greater to her, 
than to use it for herself. In this way she was al- 
ways laying up a treasure in heaven, and became 
rich towards God. 

Mrs. Osborn was a kind :ind faithful friend. She 
was a true friend to all, even to those who acted an 
uufiieiidly part to lier, and injured her. But her 
heart was united in a peculiar manner and degree 
<o tjio-^e who nppearcfl lo be friends to Christ. — 
Tiiese were her chosen associates and companions, 


ill whom slie ba^l creal ileliLclit. And all herc])ris- 
lian iVieiuls \i\yht pi ice (lie grediest coiiidence in 
her, And use tiie utmost freelo.n without giving of- 
fence ; and trust any secret with her, with the 
greatest safety, witiiout the least fear of being be- 
trayeJ, or tliaf it woil 1 be co nmiiniciteJ to any 
one. She ha 1 a nu aber of inliruate friends, with 
whon she conversed with great oj^enness, freedom 
and pleasure, finding, o.i acquaintance, that she 
could safely rely on their candor, friendship, pru- 
dence and fiilelity. A.nonj; these Miss Susa An- 
thony, whose life has lately been published, was the 
first, and her greatest intimate, wi)o;n she highly es- 
teerneil and loved, as an e.ininenl christian, of un- 
oonmion discerning and ji'dgment ; and whom she 
foinid to be a most faithful, prudent friend, at all 
times. There was a dislinguished and eminently 
chrislim and happy friendship enjoyed and cuiii- 
valed between them, for about fiity years, without 
any interruption, and to their great mutual comfort 
and helpfulness. They were truly, and in a dis- 
tinguished degree, of one heart, and one soul, and 
during ihe whole time love'd each other wi!h a pure 
Jieart, fervently. It is not known or believed that 
there is to be found, or has been in this century 
s.uch a union and happy christian friendship be- 
tween IvvO such eminent christians, for so long a 
time, as took place in this instance. What fervent 
prayers and praises did they pour out before God 
for each other, when separate ! What hearty and 
sweet couiisel did they take together, giving mutual 
advice and assistance, under their various trials, 
E e 


))urdtMis, ilifficiiKics and doiibis, while {hey opened 
their hearts and feelings, in full conGdence in each 
other ! With what fervor, freedom and pleasure, 
did they two join in devotion, by pouring out their 
hearts before God, when they had opportunities ! 
With what high delight and rapture have tiiey met 
among the spirits of the just made perfect, where, 
free from all sin imd sorrow, their long continued 
friendship in this world, is made perfect with an as- 
surance that it will increase in happiness and last 
forever, in the favor and presence of Him, whom 
they love with all their hearts, and is their ever- 
lastini: portion ! Here we are lost, and must wait 
till the curtain of mortality be dropped, to have a 
perfect knowled2;e and enjoyment of that felicity 
and glory of which we have now ideas so dark and 
very imperfect. Blessed are the}' who are not 
slothful, but followers of them, who, through faith 
and patience, now inherit the promises! 

AFTER Mrs. Osborn had laid by her pen for a 
uuml)er of years, throncrh the defect of licr eye- 
siglil, and dcbilily of body auil niiml, her thoughts 
iinaccoitutably turned upon meditating on divine 
ubjects, in verse or rhyme. This increased upon 
Jicr, so that she made verses on a number of sub 
i-^cts; and licr memory retained them, while they 
v.cre not written, so that she could rehearse them 
distinctly, when she pleased ; which she did to some 
of her intimate friends. Thej- were pleased with 
ihrm, not for their elegance and poetry ; for to this 


she made no pretension ; but for the sentiments, as 
expressed by her, and flowing from her hcarl, with- 
ont any speculative study : And some of them were 
wri(ten from her mouth. 

Her mind became mor? and more engaged in this 
way, which she found to be entertaining and profit- 
able to herself. At length she thought of atlempt- 
ing to resume her pen, and write her verses on se- 
veral subjects, though she knew she was not a po- 
et, and had never before attempted any thing of 
the kind. She found herself able to write, beyond 
any thing she, or her friends, had ever expected, 
and wrote so much on a number of subjects, many 
of which she had before composed in her mind, and 
retained in her memory, that, if collected together, 
they would make a considerable volume. 

As this was, in several respects, an extraordinary 
event, and these writings express the devout <ixer- 
cises of her heart, in a manner different from her 
diary, the following is here inserted as a specimen 
of the whole. 


WHAT goodness this, which God extend^ 
To us, who once were not his friends ! 
Compassion had on whom he would. 
Though we did evil as we could^ 


Innnife love ! 'Tis all d'n Ine ; 
God's wisdom forni'd the vast dcsiirn ; 
His power hng kept and broiifilit us in, 
Tluxjugh al! the assaults of hell and sin 

And now we shall forever gaze 
On God, and his perfections praise ; 
AN e shall he IsKe hiiu more and more ; 
Til' Incoinpreliensible adore. 

No haiefnl sin, or weariness, 
Sliall cause us any more distress. 
To do God's will wi<h Seraph's joy. 
Shall ever be our sweel employ. 

Ye dear companions here a( rest, 
^ Willi love sincere in every breast, 
• ' We now will cordially embrace, 
'^■'^thout a blu-jji in any face. 

No more misunderstandings here ; 
No misconstruction now v.c fear; 
No censures hard, those bitter roots, 
AVhich cast out love and blast its fruits. 

No envy now, or solfisliness, 
AVill e'e||ag;ain our souls possess ; 
Benevolence shall sweetly flow : 
^Ve felt loo lit lie when below. 

No prejudice shall make us stand 
Aloof, as in that foreit^n land ; 
Hcc.uisc when there wo could not see, 
We in essentials did agree. 

I\IRS. SARAH 03B0RN. 'i'>^> 

All thei5e have had repeiilance giv'n, 
The true Messiah ownM from heav'n. 
His promises they disrl embrace, 
And now behold his glorious face. 

That very blood by them was spilt, 
Which truly washed away their guilt ; 
Glory to God ! we see the Jew : 
We, Gentiles, do rejoice with you. 

Transporting scene ! All is delight ! 
Throngs numberless are in our sight, 
Of every kindred, tongue and size. 
To overwhelm us with surprise. 

When Christ a thousand years did reign, 
Ten thousands then were born again ; 
Who now, through rich and sovereign grace, 
Are here to fill this holy place. 

Language is pure and all refin'd ; 
Quickly we know each oflier's mind. 
All here is concord ; all at peace ; 
And happiness does still increase. 

These holy angels all have skill 
To know and do Jehovah's will : ^ 

They joy'd at our Redeemer's birth, 
And minister'd to him on earth. 

The Angels, who excel in strength ; 
AVho were our guardians all the length, 
Of the afflictive, tiresome road, 
And bare us safe to this abode. 

339 MEMOIRS, &.C. 

Is this tlie lieav'n of which wc heard! 
Arc these the mansions Christ prepar'il I 
How low have our conceptions been, 
In a blind world of nii^ht and sin. 

O ronie, yet lower let u=i fall, 
Before our God, our all in all. 
Sinc^ praises to the worthy Lamb: 
Ever adoro the great I AM. 

Amen, Hallelujah.